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Author Topic: Which of you has thought to suicide?  (Read 60481 times)

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John B

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #100 on: January 23, 2013, 11:08:13 PM »

Mike, I won't fight with you, and I apologize if I've offended anyone. I've said I don't know for sure if it's Peyronie's, but the Urologist I saw said he can only think it's the start of Peyronie's and sent me away with that, even treating it with vitamins. I've been in some pretty bad pain lately, and can't think of what else it may be, except prostate, but it may very well be Peyronie's.

Many men, according to what I've read on Peyronie's, can have pain for over a year and not bend, nevertheless, it's Peyronie's and the thought of it progressing into deformation is scary. One research I read said the deformity often comes when the pain begins to cease. The pain hasn't stopped for me. And it does seem that I may have narrowed some, at the base, when erect, but very slightly.

I read this information here: http://www.peyronies-disease-help.com/peyroniesprogression.html

And I said I have depression and OCD, which is an anxiety disorder. I don't have Munchausens. I just read what that is and it seems strange.
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MikeSmith0

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #101 on: January 23, 2013, 11:23:45 PM »

Actually, you are demonstrating Munchausens almost exactly - to the point that I thought you could be a troll entirely.  You are going on a long speech about how your life is ruined because of the horrors of Peyronies Disease - meanwhile, you have NO PHYSICAL CHANGES TO YOUR ANATOMY in SIX MONTHS.  The site you quoted says that pain is always SECONDARY to physical changes.  And, it is not always there.   You have pain (allegedly) and this could be anything.  Your urologist is not a Peyronies Disease specialist, and he is wrong.  Pain is NOT SUFFICIENT for a diagnosis of Peyronies Disease - end of story.  It's like me saying I have a rash so I must have Lupus...and then I start posting on lupus boards & complaining how my life is over because I have lupus - all because I have a rash.   Guess what? It doesn't work that way.  Why don't you read a little more about how diseases are diagnosed... You were not given a proper differential diagnosis.... And it CERTAINLY doesn't warrant your suicidal posts about how your life is over.  Nobody in 3 years has posted anything like that because they had pain. 

If you have such severe penile pain from "Peyronies Disease" then why not thank me for giving you a link to one of the the ONLY peer reviewed articles about pain treatment in Peyronies Disease?  I'll tell you why - because you don't even care about this "pain" - you are just a self-obsessed victim playing narcissist with Munchausen's syndrome.  You don't want a cure or treatment because you would rather keep complaining and obsessing about how bad your life is & how much you want to kill yourself.  That's what people with Munchausens do. 

And here's how all diseases in medicine are be diagnosed:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensitivity_and_specificity
You have gotten a false positive because you and/or your doctor are using diagnostic criteria that are inappropriate. 

I'm done w/ this. I never thought I'd see the day where people would fake having Peyronies Disease...or that their "anxiety" from internet websites that they clearly misread led them to want to kill themselves... wow.  Read the Mayo Clinic site or a more reputable site.  And please learn what sensitivity and specificity are.  I'm surprised you don't think you have penile cancer.  Maybe you have nerve damage in your penis? Maybe you have Multiple sclerosis?  I'm sure you'll be able to find some "articles" to support whatever conclusion you want to make insofar as it meets your goal of being able to post your "woe is me" dissertations.
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John B

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #102 on: January 23, 2013, 11:35:06 PM »

Mike, I truly hope you're right about the doctor being wrong.

In my original post here, I was just expressing my state of mind in light of possible major deformation. On that site I linked, it said most deformation occurs at the end of the acute pain phase, I wouldn't even be in that stage final stage yet.

My point was, I've always been depressed and had OCD, also, I lost my mother, and the thought of deformation on top of that would be the straw that broke the camel's back, as it could possibly end my hopes of future wife and child, etc. And telling someone that they have Munchausen's is rude. You're merely harassing people in your bitterness. According to, Dr. Ian Osborn, people with OCD are the least likely people in the world to go psychotic (pages 35-36, The Hidden Epidemic of OCD, Dr. Ian Osborn), and I highly doubt someone with OCD would, in clear conscience, practice Munchausen's behavior, but I could be wrong.

One thing I've been learning from this site, is that bad attitudes and mind sets are perhaps worse than any disease of the body. Anyways, I hope you can show compassion on those who are fearful, as opposed to diagnosing them in ignorance. And, again, I hope you're right about the doctor being wrong.
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MikeSmith0

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #103 on: January 24, 2013, 12:25:43 AM »

Yes John I am extremely bitter.  I got this at a very early age, single, and it has been quite a severe case as well.  I also had very bad pain in year one alongside the increasing deformity.   If I just had pain - I would be throwing a party.

When someone tries to garner sympathy about a disorder that they do not have in internet discussion forums, that is called munchausens.  It is not rude.  It is a definition.  Maybe you don't have it -  I get that your thoughts that you MIGHT have this down the road are what make you think you are justified in posting all of your concerns here, but you are going too far into these suicidal diatribes when you don't even have any deformity.  What MIGHT happen is not what IS happening.  After 6 months, it is unlikely that you will ever have a deformity.

Pain is a secondary symptom.   You are not in a "primary pain-only phase" - this does not really exist.  That commercial website (to sell supplements) is not a good source whatsoever...and your quote "deformation occurs at the end of the acute pain phase" does not exist on that page anywhere & is not really inaccurate.   It says "In LATER scar development there is often, but not always, a progression or worsening of pain and enlargement of the plaque. Pain can be variable."  The first phase of the disorder is deformity WITH POTENTIAL pain.  It is the first year - this is why nobody will operate in the first year.  Then, after 1 year is over, the plaque tends to stop spreading...and in some lucky people - it goes away.  The diagnostic criteria SPECIFIC to Peyronies Disease are penile narrowing, bend, and plaque.  Pain is not SPECIFIC to Peyronie's disease other than in the first few weeks at MOST.  If you have not noticed a change in 6 months, you do not have Peyronies Disease.  Maybe you should see a neurologist if it is nerve pain.  It can be caused by dozens of other things.  A fever doesn't mean I have cancer. 

Here's a more reliable website that 2 top Peyronies Disease docs have contributed to. Yes, it mentions pain - but alongside deformity.  And yes, people notice pain first because most men dont give themselves genital exams for penile plauqes that often.  So, pain will happen first...but usually is due to plaque forming 

Can Peyronie's disease get worse? | Association of Peyronie's Disease Advocates
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dioporcolorisolvo

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #104 on: January 24, 2013, 12:33:45 AM »

Mike, I truly hope you're right about the doctor being wrong.

In my original post here, I was just expressing my state of mind in light of possible major deformation. On that site I linked, it said most deformation occurs at the end of the acute pain phase, I wouldn't even be in that stage final stage yet.

My point was, I've always been depressed and had OCD, also, I lost my mother, and the thought of deformation on top of that would be the straw that broke the camel's back, as it could possibly end my hopes of future wife and child, etc. And telling someone that they have Munchausen's is rude. You're merely harassing people in your bitterness. According to, Dr. Ian Osborn, people with OCD are the least likely people in the world to go psychotic (pages 35-36, The Hidden Epidemic of OCD, Dr. Ian Osborn), and I highly doubt someone with OCD would, in clear conscience, practice Munchausen's behavior, but I could be wrong.

The factors that can lead to depression in this disease are: reduction of size, deformation, strong curvature,Erectile Dysfunction.
You have only pain.
After 6 months you have ONLY pain: keep cool and DON'T DO INFILTRATIONS.
Your situation it doesn't seem problematic.
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John B

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #105 on: January 24, 2013, 12:50:07 AM »

Mike, thank you for the link.

It says:

Quote
Acute (Active) Phase

The first phase can last up to about 18 months and is when most of the changes in the penis occur. Plaques begin to form, causing changes in the shape of the erect penis. As plaques develop, curvature often worsens.

Erections become painful for many men. Early in the acute phase, pain may occur without an erection, caused by inflammation in the area of the developing plaque. Once the scar is formed, pain may be caused by tension on the plaque during erection.

It never says when the deformation will occur. I started getting this pain weakly, in July, and it's getting worse and worse, to the point of feeling like I'll vomit. I can't even adjust my penis without the left side frying in pain. This pain could indicate the formation of scar tissue, which could lead to bending, etc... And like I said, when erect, it looks like I may have a narrowing on the shaft on the right side.

Anyways, I wasn't trying to cause trouble... nor am I looking for sympathy, I was just talking about it because I'm scared.
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james1947

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #106 on: January 24, 2013, 07:12:51 PM »

John

We all need sometimes some sympathy and to reduce our concerns :)
Nothing bad on that. :)

James
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Hawk

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #107 on: January 24, 2013, 09:33:39 PM »


This pain could indicate the formation of scar tissue, which could lead to bending, etc... And like I said, when erect, it looks like I may have a narrowing on the shaft on the right side.

Anyways, I wasn't trying to cause trouble... nor am I looking for sympathy, I was just talking about it because I'm scared.

John, this raises the question: So what is your plan?  To talk about it on a forum and fantasize about disaster?  To say over and over with no medical tests or training: "This one symptom could be Peyronies Disease therefore it must be Peyronies Disease".  There really are only so many ways to say my penis hurts.  Saying it over and over and not pursuing tests and definitive answers does nothing.  You use your energy to debate that you must have Peyronies Disease and to lament the consequences this might have in your life.  As much as you dwell on this you can't even confirm any deformity and we know that isn't because you have not looked closely enough.  The forum is doing you a disservice.  We are here to educate on Peyronies Disease.  Do you have Peyronies Disease?  We are here to support men with Peyronies Disease.  We do not diagnose.  If you put half this energy into getting tests you would have some diagnosis by now.

That is step one.  Lets not waste time on hypotheticals, theories, or fears.  If you really care as much as you say, you will get a diagnosis.  If you don't get serious with step one, we will know you were not serious about this and accordingly, more and more people will not take you seriously.
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John B

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #108 on: January 24, 2013, 09:56:28 PM »

Like I said, I've been scared. The thought of becoming deformed will torment the minds of the weaker, I guess. I'll not bother this forum anymore with my fears and obsessive questioning. Even if it does end up being Peyronie's, I know enough about it by what I've read on this forum.

This will be my last post. Take it easy, Everyone. Thanks for the info you all do provide, it has helped me.
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Hawk

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #109 on: January 24, 2013, 10:03:23 PM »

Best of luck luck with a diagnosis.  We wish you the best.
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MikeSmith0

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #110 on: January 25, 2013, 05:34:31 AM »

Quote
And like I said, when erect, it looks like I may have a narrowing on the shaft on the right side.

Ok honestly in all your posts I did not see anything about narrowing.  If this is happening, then you might have Peyronies Disease.  Narrowing can happen along with pain in the early stages...though I had narrowing and no pain...but the narrowing was very obvious - it was a dent, like someone ate a cookie & took a bite out of it - it looked ridiculous & anyone could see it clearly.  (Then, lucky me, I got narrowing on the ENTIRE shaft over the next so I no longer looked weird - but I have a pencil dick that also curves).  Also, in my case, you could feel a definite "ridge" of some odd tissue (felt just like a rubber band) below the skin in the first 6 months which later became a hard scar plaque.  THAT was what set the red flags off that this was Peyronies Disease.  The narrowing & the ridge...which (within 3-4 months) turned into a 30 degree curve and continued to narrow and curve after that for about a year.  All of this happened without pain.  If you are not seeing (or feeling) anything very obvious at 6 months, it is unlikely that much is happening.  You might have neuropathy or something like that.  Btw, the pain was never "burning pain" - it was soreness...like if you ejaculate 5 times in 1 day.  You need a differential diagnosis with someone who knows what they are doing.  Like Hawk said - there's no way we can diagnose anyone. 
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user of no names

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #111 on: January 27, 2013, 10:27:53 PM »

Well I have been a lurker more than a contributor for a long time.  I frequent this site quite often as its the best place to find up to date information.  I to struggle with suicidal thoughts as peyronies is one of the issues I deal with.  The thoughts have been more recurrent recently but this is probably from added stress from school and work.  I have had peyronies since I was 14-15 years old during a masturbation accident and again reinjured it at 21.  I also suffer from ocd and depression so you can imagine what peyronies adds to this.  Checking my penis constantly to make sure nothing has changed.  I refuse to buy a gun as I am afraid I will use it on myself.  Everday is a struggle but I am to stubborn to kill myself I guess.  I am not sure what the future holds for me but I can only hope that each day I will improve in some way whether its peyronies or not.  I have been to 5 urologists and the last one being at the mayo clinic.  I guess the Dr moved to chicago so I am going to see Dr Levine in the next few months hoping to get another expert opinion.  Everything we try to do to  manage this awful disease is either unproven science or hoping for some miracle cure.  I am only 32 and haven't had a girlfriend in 10 years.  Maybe stem cells will be the cure some day but by the time this happens i will be retired and enjoying sex on the beach but only in liquid form.  If i ever have kids my first lesson about sex will be that the penis can only bend when flaccid.  The only escape i have is when i sleep but sometimes even the dreams are about it.  Its hard to have confidence in yourself when you know peyronies is always on the back of your mind.  I am not sure where this post is going as I am rambling but needed to get crap out of me head.  I sit trying to do linear algebra but I know my dick isn't linear.  I guess I am better at calculus cause it deals with curved objects like my penis.  How ironic is it that i have peyronies and my last has cock in it.<--Insert joke here as I hear them all day.  The other day at work I was spelling out my last name to a customer on the phone and used banana for the letter b then said cock.  The girl next to me thought it was funny but she has no clue what i look at everday.  I told her it was circumcised as in peeled to feel better about it.  Humor helps keep you grounded I guess.

peyroniesmn
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RoyHobbs

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #112 on: January 29, 2013, 12:30:54 AM »

I think if you take anything from this thread it's that the effects of peyronies affects everyone differently -- both physically and psychologically. At first, I only felt pain with my erections. 4 1/2 mos in I could finally feel a small plaque and pain below the glans (formation of another). But it wasn't until 6 1/2 mos in that I finally saw obvious physical deformities. And then things rapidly declined. I'm 35. I have a near 85 degree bend. I've lost size and girth. Last night I hung out with a beautiful 28 year old girl that I've been seeing and felt terrified about the possibility of sex.

But I won't give up.

Ask me tomorrow and I might feel differently. But knowing that the next day it may change again... I won't give up.
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0x5555

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #113 on: February 14, 2013, 04:05:14 PM »

It's funny, I had much the same progression - injury near the glans, not much pain at first, noticed the bumps, then 6 months later tons of pain and deformity. 

Likewise I'm terrified of sex - so painful!!
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Noway

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #114 on: April 02, 2013, 01:54:42 AM »

Its always helpful to keep yourself occupied with things like work, friend etc while you treat your peyronies disease. It can put you in a really dark place and none of us deserve this.
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petropablo

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #115 on: April 28, 2013, 10:27:34 PM »

I got this disease (plaque) when i was about 15/16 years old. I had Erectile Dysfunction by age 18. I am 32 years old now. I do still have pain in my penis most of the day. I don't think this is gonna end well, I am getting to a point where I dont think that I can deal with it any longer.
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funnyfarm

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #116 on: April 28, 2013, 11:31:17 PM »

I am sorry to hear about this, you have been dealt a difficult situation.  Have you been seen by a specialist ?  We are here to support you Pablo
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james1947

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #117 on: April 29, 2013, 08:20:44 PM »

petropablo

Give us some more details, it will help us to give you some advice.

James
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skunkworks

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #118 on: April 30, 2013, 11:21:56 AM »

I got this disease (plaque) when i was about 15/16 years old. I had Erectile Dysfunction by age 18. I am 32 years old now. I do still have pain in my penis most of the day. I don't think this is gonna end well, I am getting to a point where I dont think that I can deal with it any longer.

Which treatments have you tried so far? Can you get functional erections with the help of medication?
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rellisacct

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #119 on: April 30, 2013, 01:11:40 PM »

Pablo,

Have you been to the "Developmental Drugs & Treatments" forum yet? There has been some great progress with PRP & Stem Cell injections. I was also at your point about a month ago when I thought that I would never be able to have a firm erection ever again and was seriously considering going ahead and ending the pain for good. On top of that, my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me about 5 months ago and I was literally ready to pull the trigger and be done with this mental torture. I honestly don't know how she stayed with me that long based on the hell I was going through and also dragging her through.

Three weeks ago I visited an amazing urologist who did some PRP injections into the worst part of my penis and the effect has been nothing short of miraculous. I went from having flaccid erections to having harder, firmer erections in about 24 hours. It was the most unbelievable thing. For the first time in 4 months I had good quality sex with a new girl and things were great. By no means perfect, but still satisfying for both of us.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that there is more hope now than there ever has been, so don't give up. I will make a lengthy post on this soon, but I know personally that there are currently efforts underway to begin experimenting with penile tissue replacement in humans. I don't believe that it has been done yet, and it is still extremely preliminary, but by the end of next year there will have been a corporal tissue replacement performed in a human.
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funnyfarm

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #120 on: April 30, 2013, 03:00:02 PM »

Excellent post Rellis, we need more stories like this !
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Nescio

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #121 on: May 12, 2013, 10:35:42 AM »

[...] I know personally that there are currently efforts underway to begin experimenting with penile tissue replacement in humans. I don't believe that it has been done yet, and it is still extremely preliminary, but by the end of next year there will have been a corporal tissue replacement performed in a human.

rellisacct that sounds promising. Could you tell us where you've heard/read this? Will this be the work of Dr Atala's team?
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rellisacct

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #122 on: May 12, 2013, 10:05:41 PM »

Hey Nescio,

Yes it will be with Dr Atala's team but its still very preliminary. I go to Wake Forest for treatment and I brought it up with the lead urologist researcher there. There is still a ways to go before it becomes mainstream in America thanks mainly to the zombies at the FDA, but theres a good chance that outside of America things will progress much quicker. Anyways, there's a lot more that ill be sharing soon as I go for a follow up in 2 weeks, but there is progress being made and its accelerating faster than ever. We are too close to give up hope now.
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DBNO

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #123 on: February 12, 2014, 09:56:45 PM »

I think of it all the time too. Something as heavy as this I can easily convince myself that I will never ever be in a relationship again. And rightly so, I have absolutely nothing that would keep the interest of a healthy woman desire. I mean let's face it. Women need sex and love sex too. A walk in the park sounds sweet and all, but I'm not the type that falls for the BS that cannot possibly be sustained. Sex to a woman is extremely important. As it was once for me.
Peyronies Disease has left me hopeless as well as helpless. I say helpless because there is no way I can honestly approach a girl I may fancy and pursue her only to blow it in the bedroom.
I got Peyronies Disease Aug 2013 and it has progressed to the point where I can no longer maintain an erection, even for a few seconds. It's like I have no feeling whatsoever. It's thinner and it is shorter which is a drag in of itself!
At first I thought it to be a curse, I've slowly realized that it's just one of many, many unfortunite things nature offers up.
I'm on all the pills, the VED and I have only gotten worse. It's just the way it is I guess.
I do have hope that someday something like a real cure will become relevant, but that is only really a pipe dream I entertain myself with. From what Iv'e read and heard, Doctors and drug companies don't have the interest to cure it. Yea, I think of killing myself every day all the time, who in our shoes wouldn't?...I just don't act out on it and I try to default to a simple place in my mind that's devoid of such needyness.
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Norm

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #124 on: February 12, 2014, 11:16:24 PM »

I know this sounds lame, but there is a lot more to sex than penetration. Women have complained since time began that men are too interested in a slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am. Concentrate on the positive. You can spend a lot more time on foreplay and on pleasuring her. If penetration is all she cares about, then it's a pretty shallow relationship to begin with. You can work at it and make a sensual relationship possible if you want to. And if your treatment results have not been good so far, maybe you just haven't turned the corner yet. You might be worse off had you not done it. The main thing is to not lose hope. Wouldn't you hate to end it all today just to find out in the afterlife that the big news is they found a remedy for Peyronies Disease on the day you left? My point is, keep trying. You have to.
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james1947

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #125 on: February 13, 2014, 12:22:17 AM »

DBNO

You are very wrong regarding that nothing will help.
Even with very bad Erectile Dysfunction have solution, and the solution is an implant.
I don't know how old you are but I am proposing you to read JackP blog.
Penile Implant
I am also proposing you to read the topics regarding penile implant on the forum

James
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ThePerfectMelody

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #126 on: March 02, 2014, 05:44:25 AM »

Dio...

I can't say that I've really considered killing myself over having Peyronie's Disease, but I have-and do- deal with periods of dark depression. I just want you to know that I had a surgical procedure that changed the course of my sex-life for the better. Before, it was hard to penetrate but after the surgery, I am now able to penetrate with no problem! It was a huge weight off my shoulders. I still have some work to do and need to go back and have another problem addressed, but I just want you to know there are doctors out there who know what they are doing and can and WILL help you! Keep trying!

Melody
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clincoln

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #127 on: March 04, 2014, 07:31:06 PM »

My brother killed himself at age 24, as far as I know he had a perfectly functioning dick. The impact on my family was absolute devastation. He certainly transferred his pain to us, and while I forgive him and respect his right to his action, I have to say it's a selfish escape and not one I can see taking.

We'll all be dead forever. We have to find a way to live with this.

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james1947

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #128 on: March 04, 2014, 10:35:36 PM »

clincoln

Thanks for posting your own painful experience in the subject.
Hope it will make some people to rethink this issue.

James
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DBNO

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #129 on: March 05, 2014, 11:23:37 AM »

Idk, it seems like the depressing reality of my situation fluxuates radically, when I think that it's over and all. Has anyone else lost the sensation in their penis where it was most sensitive?
I've only had Peyronies Disease for a few months so I don't kno if it gradually comes back after the acute phase..anyone?
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emasculated

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #130 on: May 01, 2014, 06:12:50 PM »

I was just reading through the beginning of this thread because I was having some feelings of sadness lately..
I looked at some of the participants in the discussion and their last login / active times and it's been years in parts.
I suspect some of the younger guys participating back in 2011 may not be "with us" anymore in another sense... kind of sad.
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Skjaldborg

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #131 on: May 01, 2014, 06:26:15 PM »

I suspect some of the younger guys participating back in 2011 may not be "with us" anymore in another sense... kind of sad.

I think that's rather pessimistic and unfounded. It's much more likely that people move on from the trauma of this disease and learn to deal with it. I'm not saying people always improve, that's not possible, but people do get emotionally stronger over time and better able to handle the emotional stress.

I'm sure it's a relief for younger sufferers to vent and ask for help here and then move on when they get medical help and a support system.

In my case, I am very close to where I was pre-disease. Not perfect, but good enough. I stick around to help others out because the oldbies around here helped me. Not everyone does that, but that's OK.

-Skjald
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james1947

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #132 on: May 01, 2014, 07:09:53 PM »

Two approaches to life:
One pessimistic  :(, one optimistic  :)
I was and will be always optimistic. :)
Try always to see the half full glass :), not the half empty glass :(

James


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inkhorn

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #133 on: May 01, 2014, 08:11:35 PM »

I can say I have not read every reply to this thread, so maybe  I speak out of turn. Life is life, if you commit suicide due to peyronies, you'll commit it over other problems as well. Peyronies,prostate cancer, Erectile Dysfunction, etc etc etc, is not the reason to kill ourselves, but rather our inability to cope with the hand life has dealt us. I have been young and now I am old, character is forged in the furnace of adversity. This malady is just another hurdle in this lower plane we live with. My sincere regards, especially to my younger brethren,who will overcome and find their way. Inkhorn
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UrsusMinor

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #134 on: May 26, 2014, 05:02:55 PM »

I hate it when people post things that begin, "I have a good friend who..." because it is often bogus. But here I go:

I actually do have a friend, who I have known for over forty years, who is a specialist in suicide. He wrote his dissertation on Sucicide and Life-Threatening Illness. Aside from his personal psychology practice, he also works as a late-night counselor on a suicide hot line. (Now there's a fun job at 3 am.)

Anyhow, he believes that suicide as a solution to problems needs to be confronted as a real option so that people can work through the idea and see what it really means. Society, and the mental health profession, generally regard suicide as the ultimate evil, and prevent anyone from even thinking it through.

Most people--(even those who are looking at what MAY be a painful, humiliating death that will cause suffering not only to themselves but to their loved ones, and destroy the family finances)--most people who think it through rationally come to the conclusion that suicide doesn't really make sense--or if it does make sense, it only makes sense when the chips are down, and a hideously painful death is inevitable and imminent.

The problem is that the topic is virtually offlimits to discussion. Even bringing it up can result in legal interventions, massive guilt-trips, forceable drug treatment. We aren't allowed to discuss it. So, I'm totally in favor of people raising the issue and thinking it through. But I think in the case of Peyronie's, it's a bit excessive. 

The people who DO commit suicide are usually in a state of deep self-created drama, and it is often done for dramatic effect...or even accidentally, as part of a big piece of drama.

I think most people who are allowed to think it through come to the conclusion that suicide is an option--but why do it now? Why not wait and see? Hey, you can always do it later!

The only situation I can imagine suicide for myself is unbearable physical pain with no hope of anything but a terminal outcome--and one where I would become so debilitated that I might not be able to kill myself.

But, killing myself because my dick stops working? C'mon, get real. It's really dramatic to talk about, but it's also really whiny adolescent BS. Oh, it was crushing for me to come down with it, and I locked myself in a room and sobbed about it, and even now--I'm still in the early phases--I'm filled with fear about what may happen next. But SUICIDE? Talk about going nuclear. Big solution to a problem, that in the context of huma existance, isn't that, umm, large.

Plus, the story might always change. From some of the reviews of implants, it sounds like in a few years you might be able to buy yourself a better piece of equipment than anyone was born with. In fact, even though mine still works (yeah, it's curved and F^@$!ng hurts, but it's still working so far), I may trade it in on a better model once they become available.

I'm holding out for Rich Corinthian Leather upholstery, computer-controlled fuel injection, and built-in GPS. I'm not going to go killing myself any time soon when the Ferrari of penises might be mine.

I also plan to have a metal detector built into mine, for weekends at the beach.
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welshwales

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #135 on: May 26, 2014, 07:34:52 PM »

Interesting points UrsusMinor. I think it's a matter of perspective. There will be guys who've rarely had health problems, have a high sex drive and feel like their cock defines them as men. Then there are guys who have had life threatening illnesses who know how  it feels to desperately want nothing more than to survive. The first kind are probably more likely to think about the concept of suicide, but when it comes down to stepping off a stool with a rope around their necks their perspective is likely to change.
A family member of mine opted for a full castration when he was diagnosed with testicular cancer. He wanted to live more than anything else. His bargain saved his life. I remember a teenage cousin saying he'd rather die than lose his nuts, but years later he admitted he would have chosen life over his knackers.
Once you've looked death in the face and felt that cold grim possibility of loss of life, and seen the fear and desperation etched upon the faces of your family when they see you in hospital, you'd do almost anything to avoid dying, so you can prolong your time with loved ones.
Peyronie's is a harsh deal, but there are far worse monsters lurking out there!
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emasculated

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #136 on: May 26, 2014, 10:34:54 PM »

I had a bad experience naively talking on a german board too openly about suicide (without tor switched on). Police at my door next day with the transcripts in hand. That was unpleasant! We have a serious problem in this society. We seem to be so scared of death which is totally irrational. The eastern cultures have much healthier outlook! Jean Amery has written very eloquently about this. How come society is all of a sudden sooo concerned about us as soon as we want to do ourselves what comes naturally sooner or later anyway, namely step out of life? Otherwise it doesn't give a damn about us. Limited resources.. you are unemployed, no one gives a crap, you are alone, no one gives a crap. You decide to do yourself a humane service and end your own suffering: they come to the "rescue". And you fall victim to the professional ambition of physicians who want to "save" you. Or get transfered to a psychiatric facility where they pump you full of drugs and basically brainwash you back into "life logic". The humane thing would be: physician finds almost dead person with suicide note. Physicians actually helps him and finishes the job with an easy injection. Same if someone is deadly ill and suffering. Simple injection. Done. There is no ethical dilemma here. Doing otherwise is simply a crime. And you know what I say to grieving family and friends of a suicide? Read the letter again carefully, have some empathy to the situation and be happy for him. Grow up, deal with your own complex surrounding death and let that person have his freedom. I had a friend who did this. He explained carefully his reasons to me in a letter. I am happy for him. Because I'm grown up and got it. He had good reasons. I highly respect him for this step. Anyways, I can't think of anything worse than Peyronies still. It literally robs you of your manhood, destroys it. And there is nothing you can do about it. Sure, you can take a bunch of drugs that make you terribly sick and help a little at best. Or have surgery which transforms the mangled, curved and shrunken member into a straight and tiny member. Even before if you'd asked me. My motto was always: Damage to your brain or genitals --> the end. Because that is just too much psychologically, for me anyway. Maybe brain damage is the only thing worse than this. That would be the only thing that comes to my mind which would be worse. Sorry but that is the plain truth. And I would opt for no treatment in the case of cancer, especially now. This has totally ruined my life. I tried to deal with it somehow and I fail repeatedly. I'm alone and lets face it this is getting worse and a woman will walk if I get to a bad stage where it's shrunken to nothing and I can't maintain an erection. Plain and simple. But that's not even the point. I'M just utterly  unhappy and will never be happy again. I'm not bitter or anything. At least outwardly. I had the most horrible year ever in my life. Even if the disease now completely disappeared I'm scarred for life psychologically. I AM overly sensitive, always been. This has been too much. This is just my 2 cents on the suicide discussion. Take it or leave it!
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james1947

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #137 on: May 26, 2014, 11:22:58 PM »

emasculated

I don't want to argue with you as the argument will never end.
One thing that I would like to say that if you were ready to make an implant, it was changing your life and your life perspective, but don't seems that you are ready for that.
Second is my believing. I believe that God give us life and he is the only one that can take it.
So for me is much easy.
You talk about the far east (living there total of 13 years already) that people are taking the issue much more easy. You are right, but don't forget the main reason is they religion. Knowing that you will reborn again and again, changes the way of thinking.

James
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UrsusMinor

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #138 on: May 27, 2014, 11:58:27 AM »

I'm not bitter or anything. At least outwardly. I had the most horrible year ever in my life. Even if the disease now completely disappeared I'm scarred for life psychologically.

Well, this isn't the worst year of MY life, even from a medical point of view. Back in 1993, I contracted a severe case of encephalitis. I lost most of my motor control. Couldn't walk. Couldn't eat without spilling things all over myself. When I talked I slurred my words like a drunk about to pass out. And couldn't think straight.

I made a full recovery, but it wasn't clear at the time what would happen. Getting it all back was a long, slow road. Took about three years. Let me tell you, that was a lot scarier than this.

When the encephalitis disappeared, it didn't leave me "scarred for life psychologically." It left me thankful for all kinds of things I'd never been thankful for: The ability to go for a walk. The ability to write. The ability to stand on one foot. (I'm better at that than I was before, as intensive power yoga was part of my recovery process.)

So, I find your viewpoint a bit odd. If my Peyronie's completely disappeared, what I would be is profoundly grateful and happy.
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Skjaldborg

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #139 on: September 09, 2014, 12:48:21 AM »

tollundman,

Dealing with Peyronie's is not easy. It is a terrible affliction and you have every right to feel frustrated and angry; we all do. However, you do have control over how much it controls your life. It is not a death sentence for love, sex, and companionship unless you let it.

I have social anxiety and recently started addressing it seriously with therapy and medication. This has helped me come out of my shell. I am also going through a very painful divorce, but I am hanging in there by keeping busy, reducing my alcohol intake and exercising. Sometimes I have to force myself to get out of the house and meet people, but that's what you have to do.

Get out there and live life. In the grand scheme of things, the shape and function of your penis doesn't really matter that much, even in regards to sex. I suggest getting any underlying mental health treatments addressed along with your Peyronie's You can always talk to us here or PM me if you need help. I got Peyronie's at 29, so I know how much it sucks to have this at a young age. Hang in there.

-Skjaldborg
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Cal30

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #140 on: November 22, 2014, 10:12:38 PM »

Just a quick reply to the OP's question: "Which of you has thought to suicide?"

I have, many times, but I find the idea of killing myself even scarier than the thought of living with this condition.

I also think of how it would affect my friends and family if I killed myself, and what it would say about me as a man.

What good would it do, or what encouragement would it be to other men struggling with this disease? How would it help the medical community treat other patients, and how would it help future generations of sufferers deal with this problem?
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ziogwe

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #141 on: May 28, 2015, 02:06:32 PM »

I'm thinking about it right now actually.  If it were the only thing I was dealing with then maybe I wouldn't be.  But I'm dealing with another potentially fatal disease and I just recently got over that over the past few months.  Now there is another incurable disease I have to deal with on top of everything else.  I don't think I could ever go through with it, but I can't help but think if I were dead I wouldn't have to deal with any of this BS anymore.  The longer I stay alive the longer I realize I really hate life.
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Cc

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #142 on: May 28, 2015, 04:15:48 PM »

I know sometimes you can let negative thoughts overwhelm you,  living with cogenital penile curvature for years affected me intensely.  At university i had sex with just random girls i met in the clubs and bars as you do when your a student, girls commented on my penis.  Other real realtionships i had those girls commented on my penis, it made me feel really insecure, i always felt i was inferior as a man, because of a curved penis, face to face ppsitions were difficult and in a realtionship it impeded intimacy..  my realtionships broke down due to ultimately my insecurity with my penis and the manifistations that would surface in the realtionship.  Other girls liked me but i avoided many realtionships because of the bent penis. 

But i knew inside myself something had to be done, i was scared of surgery but i did anyway..  sometimes courage is not about not being scared, its about doing it anyway.  I cant judge your situation but there are treatments out there.  Dont give up...  science is making great leaps in terms of progress.. 

Its easy for others to judge and say your weak etc, but they dont really know, we know, negative thoughts can block the reason, the logical part of our minds dont let that happen, try a different route..  through a new treatment maybe ...   new surgery etc.
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kuaka

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #143 on: May 29, 2015, 10:43:18 AM »

There are many reasons a man might contemplate suicide.  I've been there a time or two myself.  I spent years with an addiction which ultimately may be the actual cause of my current situation, which manifested on the heals of "recovery" from a lifelong heavy masturbation habit.  Contemplating it does not mean you are "weak".  Actually doing it on the other hand...

Shakespeare said it "To be, or not to be.  That is the question.  Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the pangs and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take up arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them."

Such a question is often presented to men, troubled vexatiously as those of us here doubtlessly be.

The saddest thing in the world though would be to give up all hope and take such an irreversible action right before some breakthrough treatment or cure surfaces, or personal discovery of a heretofore untried thing which would work in your specific case.

Chin up and carry on.
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Nemo

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #144 on: May 29, 2015, 02:08:52 PM »

Agreed.  Imagine if one of the men who has seen fairly impressive impressive improvement through Xiaflex had ended his life in say the summer of 2013, right before Xiaflex was approved by the FDA. Would be a true shame. You just never know what the fates will bring if you power through adversity as best you are able.

Nemo
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Stabler

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #145 on: May 30, 2015, 09:54:29 AM »

This thread kept me up most of the night, I had skimmed through it and was just in awe by the few posts that I had read. I got up this morning and I started from the beginning and yes, I read every post.

I am not going to tell you that I know how you feel, I’m a woman, I don’t have a penis or Peyronies, I can’t imagine what it is like for a man to have what he feels like “makes him a man” taken from him or at the very least deformed in his eyes in some way.

I had never even heard of Peyronies until my guy (who is a member) told me he had it, he let me know, he told me, wrote it down so that I could learn about it which by the way I think is something you should all do up front. Now, were those the first words out his mouth?? No, but he was up front about it. I read many posts where members were/are avoiding relationships because they didn’t/don’t know how to approach this condition with women, tell them outright. If they are worth your time, they aren’t going to go running, they will be here in this forum learning about Peyronies Disease, trying to find out how to support and help you through this.

My guy and I are a new couple, I don’t know how long our relationship will last he may hate the way I fry chicken or I may hate the way he doesn’t pick up his socks but I would not walking away because of Peyronies, and for as long as we are together I am going to be here learning and helping him how ever I can. There are SO many other things that could be so much worse in a relationship, I know because I have lived them.

Whether or not you can physically have intercourse with a woman IS NOT what makes you a man, I feel like some members feel this way, it is how you treat her, how you love her and a real woman knows this. If all the woman wants is intercourse then allow her to move on.

As for you gentlemen, if you are in a position that you are unable to get an erection, and your fear is that you won’t be able to get pleasure yourself from a sexual encounter with a woman, there are many things that a woman can to that will can make you feel loved and wanted even if you can’t have an erection. And I don’t have to tell you that your erection is not requirement to please your woman. Keep in mind, your woman can stand by you through this thick and thin but in the end, YOU will have to come to a mental agreement with yourself that your bond, your love, is stronger than.. more than... your penis.

Suicide….. I can tell you that I used to think that people who committed suicide were weak, please notice I said “used to” I had a life changing event that happened in my life 2 years ago that pushed me to the very edge of my mental abilities, and my only thought was “I just want the pain to end” and there were days that I seriously thought that it would be better if it was just over. I struggled to get out of bed every day, but I did, I barely made it to work, but I did, it cost me my health a great deal, but I am here, and the pain is gone. I understand the feeling of wanting the pain to end, my reason was not the same as yours, but I strongly encourage you to get up every day, go to work, and strive for your good health, so that you can be here tomorrow.


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Cc

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #146 on: May 30, 2015, 12:03:27 PM »

Hi Mary

I think its a great reply you posted, however its extremely difficult for a man to feel like a man if he couldnt have intercourse or in my case before (hopefully) surgery disabled in face to face positions.  I guess its how you feel about yourself, even if your partner is supporting you which is great, if its causing enough of a distortion within self this will be ultimately outwardly be projected.  Its nice to hear that you standing behind your man
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Stabler

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #147 on: May 30, 2015, 04:34:19 PM »

I agree Cc,

I cannot possibly put myself in your positions, I guess I just hope that my post helps some of the member realize there are women out here that will stand by you and be there for you if you allow that to happen. The women who wont, aren't worth your time or sorrow. In my opinion  :)
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kuaka

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #148 on: May 30, 2015, 07:07:23 PM »

Mary,

Thank you for a woman's perspective.  I have a woman who is committed to staying with me after 25 years of marriage, in spite of our downs and ups...more downs than anybody should have to put up with.  Our actual physical interaction needs some work though.  I'm up for most anything, but she's pretty much clueless about how to give me pleasure.  That's partly my fault with my SA issues over the years, but I may be stuck because of it...until I can get my body to cooperate anyway.

The hardest part for me is to not withdraw from her.  We have a good intellectual relationship as well, so that helps...but I still feel alone.  Physically being separated due to work doesn't help, but I need this job to keep my daughter alive for now...her medical bills are taking the lion's share of what I can bring in for the time being, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  A visit to the oncologist this next week will tell me if its an oncoming freight train or not.

Kuddos to you for standing by your man.
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Stabler

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Re: Which of you has thought to suicide?
« Reply #149 on: May 30, 2015, 09:04:16 PM »

Kuaka,

I have to say 25 years tells me your woman is a keeper :)

I honestly don't know what we will be in for since this is new to both of us. I think the visit to the Urologist is the first big step because it is one chosen from the list from this forum so at least it is in the right direction. I have printed so much information from this forum I almost have a book but I feel like I need to have it. I want to know all I can.

My guy asked me the other night what I was doing, I told him I was scanning the Peyronies forum, I asked him, does that bother you, am I getting to personal in your business, and he said to me "No, I think its cool that your there, you might catch something I miss" it was a relief to me that he said that because it made me feel like he was comfortable with my wanting to learn about his disease, he wasn't shying away from me about it like I have read so many members in here do.

Kuaka, all I can suggest to you is be open with your woman, while it seems your plate is overflowing with things try and make the time for just the two of you to be together, tell her things that could be pleasing to you and allow her to do them but find some middle ground. It's pleasing to women to be able to please their men, however that may be. it could be something as simple as a back rub or a massage but if you find it pleasurable we will too.  ;D

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Moderator since 2015- Missouri- I work in the medical field and have strong knowledge of insurance and how to obtain coverage for medication and other treatments. Being a woman I do not have Peyronies but you can ask me anything. I am happy to help.
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