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Author Topic: Needing advice about talking with my partner  (Read 825 times)

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Shelterme

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Needing advice about talking with my partner
« on: January 30, 2018, 12:31:45 PM »

This is my first post. I am a 63 year old woman who recently began dating a man I believe has Peyronies Disease, though HE doesn’t seem to recognize it or that anything is amiss other than that his age may be affecting his sexual performance. We have tried to have sex three times, all unsuccessful. His penis has a serious curve, an erection cannot be maintained for long, and his penis keeps “slipping out” of me because of it’s shape. Our attempts have left me very sore. The guy does not act like he knows there is a physical problem. This is SUCH a DELICAT topic! I need to discuss with him what I believe is causing our difficulties, but how can I bring this up? How can I tell him about Peyronies? And WHEN? Not during any kind of intimacy, I’m guessing. How in the heck do I tell him that there is “something physically “wrong” that makes almost impossible for us to have sex? I don’t know what do. How to approach things in a gentle, kind, in hurtful manner. I am widowed less than a year and this is the first man I have dated or had sex with since then. I am not sure whether to continue a relationship with this man. I don’t know whether I want to take this on or not. I guess all depends on how he responds to my bringing this all up. Please help me sort this out. I do like this guy. How should I handle things?
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Tsanchez12369

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Re: Needing advice about talking with my partner
« Reply #1 on: January 30, 2018, 01:22:20 PM »

I’m glad you found this forum, there are some women whom I’m sure will share their experience
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popopo

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Re: Needing advice about talking with my partner
« Reply #2 on: January 30, 2018, 01:23:43 PM »

Exactly how does bringing this up change a thing? Other than makeing up for it by going down on you or trying various sex toys there is NO WAY he will be able to fix the curve and chances are he tried to fixed it himself already (most men would take more notice to their own penis than any woman ever would). If you seriously don't want to deal with this you just gotta let him go. If you feel like you can eventually make it work, I'd say go for it. But in the end of the day bringing up the subject won't really help I think since there is no sure way to fix a penis and telling him it's about his penis might wreck him like it did to most men who learn the hard way that their dicks aren't good enough. If there was a way to fix this I and many others wouldn't be here. Especially not at 23 cause I would've had a life..
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popopo

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Re: Needing advice about talking with my partner
« Reply #3 on: January 30, 2018, 01:27:59 PM »

Crazy how such a small piece of your body, barely the size of a steak can influence our love lives so much even at a "riper" age.
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Stabler67

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Re: Needing advice about talking with my partner
« Reply #4 on: January 30, 2018, 01:32:48 PM »

Shelterme

This can be brought up with your partner and yes it is a delicate issue. I will be sending you a PM so we can discuss further

Stabler67
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Oh Boy

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Re: Needing advice about talking with my partner
« Reply #5 on: January 30, 2018, 02:34:07 PM »

Tell him straight up, don't try to sugar coat anything.
In a relationship you need good communication. So talk to him like its not a big problem and make him feel comfortable talking about it.

Open with the line like, "How long has your - been like that"
Say you heard from a family member or you have done some research and you think both of you or we need to see a urologist.
Don't say that it is causing any problem but that they could be some ways to make it better. I wouldn't look towards surgery at his age but xiaflex is good (so I hear).

Best thing you can do also is introduce him to the form. Maybe this will be an out for him. I don't know if you can but you can see if you can delete your post before doing that.
I understand how you feel. the truth of the matter is that its not your problem and you don't have to go through it. I am pleased that you are here making a first move looking for some what a solution.

@popopo
Honestly some men leave women for little things like strechmarks. The fact that she tried a couple times and is looking for a solution is great. Most men wouldn't do such a thing. I know if you put some men in her situation they will get laugh make fun of her and leave (this is a imaginary situation if women had a condition as bad as peyroines).
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betterbend

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Re: Needing advice about talking with my partner
« Reply #6 on: January 30, 2018, 02:41:00 PM »

I think your best bet is to just tell him you want to talk about something.  I would tell him you like him, and want to have a relationship, but that sex because of the curve and the erectile issues is painful.  You should tell him it might be a medical issue that you know about called Peyronies and see if he is aware.  Maybe he he has already seen somebody, or maybe he is in denial himself.  But to make your relationship work he should see a urologist and figure out what is up.  A Peyronies urologist, or sexual medicine specialist, sees this all the time and there are things that can be done if he is motivated.  If you are really into him you could offer to go with him. 

I feel for you as this is a very difficult topic, but he likely knows he has problems, and that he is not performing satisfactorily, but it sounds like you are both ignoring the elephant in the room and if you dont deal with it together, you will both get so frustrated, one of you will break it off (the relationship ... lol) and maybe even use a different reason, but you both know what it is.  He might even feel relieved to be able to talk to you about it.

Ultimately it is his issue, and he has to want to deal with it.  He would be lucky to have a supportive girlfriend while he goes through this, and you both might find your relationship is far better when you are in it together.  IDK, its the best I can tell you on this ....  Good luck
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Shelterme

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Re: Needing advice about talking with my partner
« Reply #7 on: February 02, 2018, 06:46:03 PM »

I brought the subject up as you suggested. He doesn't seem to have had any idea that anything was amiss. He said that he is not mad or anything, but is concerned, and that he will look up Peyronie's and learn about it. He is supposed to come over Saturday night, and says we can talk further then. I am relieved that my thoughts are "out there" but am nervous about what he'll think/say after he's had a chance to read up on Peyronie's. Will he be hurt? Offended? Not interested in seeing me again? So far, he hasn't canceled meeting me on Saturday night. We'll see what happens.
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Stabler67

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Re: Needing advice about talking with my partner
« Reply #8 on: February 02, 2018, 06:52:36 PM »

Its.good you opened the door to this. Good that he knows you are wanting to help. Make him aware of the forum so he can read about this from men that actually live with it rather than learning from textbook theory. Make sure he knows this is an anonymous forum so he can be comfortable posting questions if he wants to.

Stabler67
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LWillisjr

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Re: Needing advice about talking with my partner
« Reply #9 on: February 02, 2018, 08:25:33 PM »

I granted access to Women's only forum.
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Les - 10 yrs Peyronies Disease free
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betterbend

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Re: Needing advice about talking with my partner
« Reply #10 on: February 02, 2018, 09:49:54 PM »

I think it's good you got it out there.  It's understandable that you are worried about his reaction, it's hard to predict how any man will react, as this goes to the core of being a man.  The hope is that he is going to tell you he is making an appt. with a urologist.  However he could react hurt, or angry.  in any case you did the right thing for him and yourself, so no matter what happens, you should be comfortable with what you did.  Good Luck...
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LWillisjr

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Re: Needing advice about talking with my partner
« Reply #11 on: February 08, 2018, 10:14:57 AM »

This is now locked as an introductory topic. Feel free to post in other areas of the forum.
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Les - 10 yrs Peyronies Disease free
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