Hello! Glad to have found this, but I'm feeling so inadequate.

[TwinAniform]

Hi,

This is obviously my first post and I've just found this forum about 15 minutes ago, but needed to join because it seems like I'm in the right place. I've got a lot of concerns and I don't exactly know what category my questions should go under, so please help me out if any of this doesn't belong here.

I guess I'd like to tell my story a bit. I had a rough 2016. Starting in May my fiancé left me. I don't want to say too much, but it broadsided me. We'd been best friends for 16 years, I'm 32 in 3 weeks, and it always seemed we were so close and happy and then out of nowhere, she just texted me "I'm sorry, bye" and that was it.

I spent the better part of the summer deeply depressed and suicidal, even attempting it once. I was barely functional and I was barely in recovery when in August I noticed changes, a little hard bb sized thing in my penis that was painful. I made an appointment with a urologist and soon found out I had peyronies. It was such a shock, because often I look up diseases online, I guess just out of morbid curiosity. I'd known about peyronies since I was in my early 20's and was always terrified that something like that could happen to me.

I remember leaving the doctors office and the first thing that popped into my head was, "Why couldn't I have been successful in my suicide attempt." Fortunately, I have some really great friends and I reluctantly told them, so they took me out and we drank. We drank to my penis, which was a great way to make me laugh. They've been truly wonderful friends through all of this, my broken engagement, my diagnosis. I really can't thank them enough for being there for me.

Shortly after my urologist got me on a treatment of Verapamil, that cream. He also ran a T test and found that I had stopped producing Testosterone. For some reason, that just decided to break. So, now I also regularly give myself testosterone injections. Prior to doing so, I needed Viagra to get an erection, but now at least I'm capable of getting them on my own.

What started as a bb sized thing has now grown to the point where it's a pebble sized bit of scar tissue on the topside near the base of my penis has progressed to a pebble sized scar on the right side as well. The curvature is fairly minor, but it has caused noticeable depressions in the affected areas. I finished with the cream and the doctor told me to return for him to start another treatment in December, but I've been doing a lot of travelling for work lately and just haven't had time. I plan to go back soon, probably make an appointment this week.

I don't remember some of the treatment options he mentioned, so I don't know what the next step is, but that cream seemed pretty useless.

Where I stand now, I'm faced with a lot of uncertainty. I'm not quite ready to try any relationships again, but I'm really fearful about it. I haven't had sex since before the peyronies and I keep telling myself, maybe I shouldn't bother seeking a relationship in the future. I've had quite a few doctors say, "oh, you can find new ways to enjoy a sex life" or, "women can still be pleased without penetrative sex". I know this! I'm not a teenage boy. It doesn't change the fact that I'm totally fearful of what sex will be like going forward. Can I even enjoy penetrative sex? I seriously doubt that I could without having to be extremely cautious. It's very easy to bend my penis nowadays. It's become a lot less painful from the first days of diagnosis, but that doesn't mean that pain has disappeared. Even just grabbing it wrong can cause a quick jolt of pain. Not only that, but I now suffer from premature ejaculation. I'm not sure if it's the peyronies or the T shots, but sensitivity has gone through the roof. I feel like using my penis for anything is a joke. I know that a future partner and I could find ways to make it work and for me to satisfy her, but I just feel like my penis is now out of the picture.

Not only that, but will it get worse still? Is this just the start?

Well, I'm done with that. I just look forward to being a member of this community. I'm sure that I can learn a lot about peyronies and from others, like you.

Thanks!

[Paolo]

Welcome TwinAniform to our community and sorry to hear your story  

The ending of a 16 Year relationship is going to devastate anyone, it seems you have good friends there for you, which is a real bonus believe me.
Disease has such negative connotations, I wish this condition was called a syndrome, Peyronie's isn't going to kill us, unless we let it! We need to own it, and boss it, we are living in enlightened times regarding this condition and I am sure a 'breakthrough' will come in future, it has to.
This forum has been a God send for me and many others and I am humbled and heartened by some of the s%^t some guys are dealing with, I suppose I am lucky in that my condition is currently stable and mild by comparison.

Please, please put suicide attempts completely out of mind and keep posting and reading post, we all learn from each other which can only benefit us all, meantime try and stay positive and do all you can to relieve stress, too much Cortisol can lead to Adrenal fatigue, which would be a negative.

[popopo]

Hey man I know that feeling and I think we all do. I'm on testosterone too even though I didn't REALLY need it I didn't want to accept borderline low levels and feel and look better now I'm on. I don't care anymore, nobody can see I'm on t shots and ny testicles remained about the same size even when not using hcg and I dont really care about then anyway because who the F~@< even likes balls anyway? Never heard a woman talk about big or small balls so whatever.. I do hate the loss of size and it's something that always remained more sensitive since getting the injury and it'a hard to even stop the progression. I think best th8ng to do is VED traction and pentox. The testosterone is good too. If you do anything like traction or VED take it slow. I found that one mistake can set you back faster than hours of correct use will put you forward. Other than that wr just need to wait, spam doctors with emails and phonecalls to make them know we're not dead.. YET! And search for a possibl3 cure.

[NeoV]

Welcome. I'm both sorry to hear about your fiance leaving you and a bit excited, since if she did leave you that abruptly, it likely means you have some growing to do, and that excites me. Truly!

I went through hell with a relationship too around the time I got the disease. My ex at that time cheated on my while we were living together.

Screw the cream your uro gave you, you need to get going with this. Get on pentox and low dose cialis possibly to prevent fibrosis, try supplements like ALCAR and COQ10 daily, and if you don't want to use the two drugs drink a lot of coffee and take citrulline, which have basically the same effect but naturally. Begin with traction and VED therapy, and start seriously exercising and eating as if you have diabetes. Diabetes diagnosis or not, this disease is closely related to blood sugar issues and appears more in men with the disease. Go crazy on your treatment so long as you are being safe, and tell girls about it! Some of the hottest and smartest girls I ever got together with (and married now) I have told them about my penis straight up within a few minutes of meeting. It really comes down to how you handle your own reality. You can actually tell a girl you have premature ejaculation, and it won't stop her from being attracted to you. Girls don't care what your penis looks like, only that you are okay with what it looks like. You can use this to seriously get better with women, I'm not kidding and this isn't some BS advice. You have no choice but to embrace it, just no other choice.

[TwinAniform]

Thanks for all your thoughts. I'm pretty happy nowadays, just pretty discouraged. I guess I got to get active and seek out what's best for me and my health.

[Paolo]

Thanks for all your thoughts. I'm pretty happy nowadays, just pretty discouraged. I guess I got to get active and seek out what's best for me and my health.

No problem TwinAniform and like the attitude to 'get active', just be super careful and run any protocols with other members firstly