Understanding the psychological effects of Peyronies

[lostinpeyronies]

Hello. I am new to understanding this disease. My husband was recently diagnosed with Peyronies. To the men experiencing peyronies, please tell me what is going on in your mind. Is there anything I can do to help him? Will the psychological effects ever get better? I try so hard to be understanding but it is emotionally exhausting being around him when he is at a low point in the day. He seems incredibly miserable. Any insight/advice would be greatly appreciated.

[wonderbread1662]

Hi lostinpeyronies,

I can't speak for your husband on how he is feeling. But for me it has left me feeling like my sex and love life is over. I felt so angry and confused on why and how this has happened to me. It seemed like I would be unlovable as I wouldn't be able to give my partner that intimacy that she needs and deserves. I am single right now but if I had a relationship I would be in constant fear that she would leave me for another man or cheat.

He most likely feels completely emasculated in that he is not able to have sex or close to performing in bed like he used to. It's 2015 and we are still not able to cure or treat this condition very well. Most doctors don't know enough about this condition or give you much hope. And frankly don't care because it's not their penis and love life that is being damaged. With no help that is truly effective, it can leave you feeling hopeless and alone.

I do believe that that the mental aspects of it gets better with time like almost everything in life. I have my bad and good days but over all I have gotten better at adapting to my condition. The first few months though I was dangerously depressed and fantasized about suicide often. Luckily though I did not go through with those thoughts (as It got better with time) and I am now riding this out to see what happens. A bit morbid but I figured that I'm going to die someday so why not wait and see on how things turn out. I also have learned more about my condition and see that there is hope. There are many things that he can try to better help this condition. And only a very small percent of peyronies sufferers get that bad to where they cant have sex with their partner. And even then there is surgery that can fix the problem. Sex and love are still a possibility even with this horrible condition.

As for the physical side of things well that can be impossible to know. It might get worse or stay the same. It can even get better. But it is very hard to tell as each case of peyronies is different. What would of helped me in that dark period of my life is to have reassurance from the one that I loved that she wouldn't abandon me or think of me as less of a man. Other than that you can ask him to go see a therapist to talk to someone. A lot of guys have a kind of primitive way in thinking in that we want to be this rock or an alpha male that our woman can always depend on. We or at least I won't feel that if I'm showing any weakness or insecurities that show that I am not that. It's a bit stupid and childish but it is something that a lot of guys and myself struggle with. So it might be wise to have him talk to someone else about it if he is not willing to open up to you about this.

Other than that there is really nothing you can do but be supportive and understanding. It's something that he has to figure out and deal with on his own. Once again he could be feeling something else but that is just how I have felt like towards this.

[Glassglue]

It is one of the most psychologically devastating non-lethal things that can happen to a man. There is a reason many men jokingly refer to their penis as their "mini-me" - it's not really a joke. Having it stop functioning right, or become unsightly is like having their entire self become non-functional or ugly. I'm not sure what the parallel would be for a woman if there even is one. But it is like having your entire identity ripped from you. That's what it feels like to me anyway with only a little exaggeration. And as I've said elsewhere I believe it's not even as much about having someone else love and accept a man despite this problem as it is the man being able to love and accept himself. That is what is needed to make active love with someone. And the fact that the cause is unexplainable and the fix is uncertain adds the significant dimension of helplessness and lack of control as well as the feeling that the universe is just working randomly against you.

So there isn't much you can do really except stick with him as he works it out as best he can. As exhausting as it is for you it is far more so for him. Try to make him feel attractive and desirable as best you can, but don't expect too much response very soon. As far as I can tell it's going to take me quite a while to work through this so I expect others will too.

[james1947]

lostinpeyronies

We have a ladies only board also.
Write a PM to LWillisjr or Christine to get access to the board. You can contact Stabler76 also, she is a lady also, active on the forum.

James