I DO NOT KNOW WHERE TO START, or IF 'This' is the correct forum place.......

[D. KEN]

I AM BLOODY MAD at having this Disease !!!!,  I have lived in trauma my whole life and one of the Good Things I could do so F*CKIN' WELL, was Make Love and pleasing the women in my life !!  Now don't get me wrong, I am not a great looking guy or can just pick up the phone and make a date.  I get ladies because I can listen, and empathize with Them real well.  They all want me for me as I am, because I appear to understand Them.  My payoff was, Girl Friends, Lovers, Intimacy, and Sex.  It all worked almost close to real well for me.  I was Always So Shy until I met my first wife at 26, I had only been with 5 women probably only once each, and I was mostly too drunk to remember a lot.  It is a wild and weird, and unfair to me story.........and........I had a good life, [ all the hard trauma excluded ], I have been Upper - middle class, Upper - class, and Very poor.  I have seen and done, and been,....so many things that could fill,  'A Bucket List', or Two.  Yet, like all men, I am scared, and I get lonely.  I miss the most = Intimacy, and pleasing women, as a friend, or acquaintance, or lover, or mate.  This disease to me is mentally the straw that broke this camels back.  I did not need this !!!  I am 58 now and pass for 50, and am very intelligent, and clever, and yet this disease is like a virus in my computer-brain.  I am still the great guy to men and ladies, and kids and dogs, but I hide MY LIFE TRAUMA so far behind my blue eyes and dimples.  In my quiet times,  [ like now ], I ponder my situation, and the ONE Item that really take the prize,....is Peyronies !!  I have a rare case from what I have learned.  Picture a corn dog, and pretend the wiener is the penis,.....and the fried coating is,....Peyronies' !!!  All the way to the top in to where it just gets past the Prostate Gland.  All encased in a bell - ended coating.  All the way around.......It has given me such sadness that I wanted to cut it off, or have it made into a vagina or something !!! It has shrunk down to the size of an 8 year old.  I read and I guess I understand that women are generally acceptable to what They go for in the 'Whole package' of a man, and not just the size of his, 'junk'.  My problem is that it really, really seems that most of the women I know of all ages I could have to make great intercourse with.  Pardon the vulgarity, however, I for years had a love of my life, that I 95 percent could never be a couple with.  Anyway, she loved intercourse, and loved me as a terrific friend, and once in a while lover.  I could never please her, but I was learning.  She like to, 'Be plowed like a Saskatchewan wheat field '.  She was a super lady, and I knew her for years, and I loved her so, until I had to pick a fight and break us apart forever, because of Peyronies.  There is of course much background missing, however, the point is, I could not be alive, be the same with her, and have this disease.  Call me insane...sure, what ever, but I feel it would have made me insane.  I am so mad at how I got it and how it had a chance to get to where it is now.  Like I say, I will win the good race of life, but damn it this is so hard [pardon the pun], to have to deal with, and I will go further into this once my fingers get a rest from typing !  I do hope this is worthy of being a post or something....and if not let me know what is up,....okay ?    Thanks,  Ken        

[NeoV]

Ken, I'm damn sorry about this. I promise you will find a way to heal, emotionally in time, and most likely physically to a large degree.

There ARE options, we do get better here. I sympathize with your story, though I'm only 27. I have been through a range of emotions and it's finally getting better and I no longer blame myself for this. I am committed to healing, no matter how small a chance.

Your case does sound unique, so I have to ask; HAVE YOU SEEN A SPECIALIST?!

Do not wait, do not see a regular urologist. See a true specialist, get an ultra sound, get on pentox, get on VED, do it all now.

You are just as insane as we are man, if you save anything at all, be it your relationships.

[james1947]

D. KEN

I understand that your feeling is very down right now, but I will second NeoV, you need to see a Peyronies specialist, better sooner than later.
You need to start treatment as soon as you can instead of just being in sorrow and wait.
It will be helpful if you will write more about your symptoms. Forum members may give you some advice's if they will understand more.  You have written you had shortening, what else?

James

[D. KEN]

In response to james1947,  "......It will be helpful if you will write more about your symptoms."
It has shrunk down to the size of an 8 year old's.  Both in size, and width, and the only difference is pubic hair.
BACKGROUND :   When I was having a decent time one nite, there were factors in major play.
I was on a quite higher than now, 'Nerve Impulse Retardant' Medication,.... 'Gabapentin'.
This was for the pain of a high level from a bulging disc in my cervical spine.
It deadened all nerve endings and so, I took a Cialis, or a Viagra, or Both ? [ It was a, 'Free 3 Way Weekend' ! )
It was not as wild as I thot it would be, but it was still nice.  Anywayyyyyy,....with all the 'Fun' and 'Meds',
I did not even notice any 'accident', and after that it was many months until I lowered the Med dose and started to
feel sensations to a pleasurable degree. Thennnnn.......I noticed sumthin' was wrong in a BIG WAY,(previously,....LoL)
WAS going on with the, Size, and Length, and Appearance.  It had gotten to almost completed the growth around
the circumference, and 75 - 80 % the length of the external part, and it was rather weaker in stability and duration.
Remember, I was still on 'nerve pills',....so that had a large factor, and I just didn't really notice too well something
that I took for granted as always being up for the cause, when I desired a, 'cause'. I was very fond of it.
Why was I fond of it ?......It was nice, and actually quite pleasing to many eyes, and it had sweet sensitivity
that I could control when required.  I have only had sex with good looking ladies, of all ages, and was always pleased
to see them sleeping still in the a.m. when I woke up 1st.  Yes,....I am rerunning pain  inducing memories, etc.....
however this is the 1st. time, I found, 'Others' like Me !!  So, i am venting........I have seen a good Urologist, and
He explained what I had, but was very untrained in, Peyronies, AS Was I.  So, I have sat and suffered, and slowly
having anything intimate / sexual to be erased in my mind, [ yes, I can do it, very well].  
What MUST be understood is that I could get a sex partner fairly easy.
I really enjoyed every moment from the start of it.  It was basically the only really great time for my brain to have.
Like I mentioned before, my life has been traumatic in so many ways and strengths.  Making Sweet Love was my
'Sanity / Happy Memory', that I used, and now to have that gone, I feel like a waste of what could have been,
and what it may have done for someones life.....[ yes, I love behavioural psychology ], all because of an unfelt
injury years ago,.........anyway, if anyone out there can read more from my words, that would be cool to read about.
It is the grieving over a great loss that has gotten root in me and is growing as well as the Peyronies engulfs
more of my total penis.  There is a lot of 'venting' that I trust will give others some thought,
and maybe telling me of a for sure cure....... - Ken          

[james1947]

KEN

You are right that you are between brothers in arms here.
You can vent as you feel that you need to, everyone needs to vent from time to time.
Regarding lost size, you are not alone. I have lost 6.5 cm, got back 1.5 cm with my treatment so I am now on 13 cm (from 18 before Peyronies). I lost also 1/2 of my girth, with my treatment I got back some.
You have to start some treatment. In my opinion, you should start on VED, Pentox, low dose Cialis and Ubiquinol.
You have to invest time and read the forum to understand much as you can about this disease and to decide what kind of treatment you will go for.
Peyronies has no cure, but every day have new treatments popping up, from the establishment and from our forum members.
Be proactive, and you will find the way back, maybe not to where you was, but much better than today you are.

James