37, single, UK, just diagnosed

[londonman]

Hello.

My background:

• 37 year-old guy
• Live solo in Central London
• No kids, mortgage, commitments
• Single - never had a long term relationship but lots of casual ones, usually with girls 10 years younger
• Run my own successful business with dozens of employees
• Good looking, youthful, confident, social, happy
• Mentally strong, always a positive thinker
• Lots of friends
• Loving parents

My Peyronies Disease, objectively:

• Noticed a BB-sized hard lump on top of penis just below the glans a couple of months ago, coupled with painful erections
• Went to GP with self-diagnosis of Peyronies Disease - he said it wasn't Peyronies Disease as no curvature (incidentally I have enormous respect for medical professionals, feel they deserve every penny they earn and feel they can't be expected to get everything right - it's just not possible, they do their best with the information and experience available)
• Couple of weeks ago experienced 30 degree upward curvature overnight, hard lump had spread into less hard larger plaque
• Returned to GP who sent me to private urologist
• Yesterday diagnosed by urologist with Peyronies Disease, aided by photos on mobile phone and an examination - he also noticed plaque building on left hand side of penis
• Penile scan booked for next week with urologist follow-up in a couple of weeks
• Urologist recommends doing nothing until condition has stabilised, at which point surgery is an option
• Urologist says that 30% of patients stabilise, 30% require surgery, 30% get better
• I have no other health issues, aside from recent muscle aches / pins & needles throughout my body - probably unrelated?
• I am fortunate in that I can afford the best treatment, if required - but I'm rapidly realising that money doesn't buy health

My life plan:
I have worked relentlessly for the last 10 years building my business, and made a conscious decision that that was my priority over a family or longer term relationship at that time. These things could follow. It worked - I'm wealthy, happy, motivated, excited, positive. I'm always seen as the pillar of mental strength and positivity amongst my family, friends and employees. My rough idea in the back of my mind was to find a gorgeous girl once my business was sorted - probably 10 years younger than me - maybe have kids and live happily ever after.

Sex:
I have had sex with plenty of girls and I love it. What guy doesn't? In its current state my Peyronies Disease probably wouldn't prohibit sex and I don't look like a complete freak - though further progression would not be appreciated. Upwards curvature follows natural shape of penis, so probably manageable, though I haven't tried sex. New plaque on left of penis is a concern, I don't want it heading off to the left too. Am I going to get ED (whether psychological or physical)? I would definitely have confidence issues with sex right now, which I suspect would affect my ability to perform.

My approach to medicine has always been to avoid at all costs. I NEVER take drugs. If I've got a hangover I'll suffer the consequences - it was my fault in the first place. I don't want antibiotics. I don't want to fill myself with chemicals. Surgery fills me with horror - particularly on my penis. Prosthetics fill me with more horror, it's not happening. A penis pump would destroy the point of sex for me. Prior to Peyronies Disease issues I hadn't seen my GP in 10 years.

Sex - weirdly - mattered far more to me when I was in my twenties, even though I find (/found?) it easier to get girls now I'm in my thirties (confidence + fortunate that I still look 30). My immediate reaction - 24 hours after diagnosis - is that the sex itself would bother me less than the affect that no / freaky sex would have on a relationship. If I had to choose between an amazing girl for keeps OR sex I'd definitely go for the former now. But I need the sex to get the girl.

Relationships:
This matters more. I've never had or particularly wanted a long term relationship. Now I sense that's in jeopardy I want it. I haven't given kids too much thought other than 'one day, maybe - but I've got all the time in the world'. I'm starting to appreciate how 35 year-old girls fear the body clock ticking. The typical human psyche - we want what we can't have. My approach to relationships is generally - after a few drinks - to jump into bed with friends or people I meet, I aim high with gorgeous girls and it's all pretty good. Perhaps this needs to change anyway now that I'm 37 - but I feel that a dramatic change may be forced on me. I can't even imagine broaching the subject of Peyronies Disease if I had was taking a gorgeous 27 year old out for dinner with the hope of sex followed by relationship? It goes absolutely against the grain of my approach to wooing girls - I leap in, I'm confident, I sweep them off their feet, I make them laugh, get them drunk, go to great clubs, look after their friends, pay for everything, we have a great time, it's so fun. I consider myself a gentleman - and I love making girls feel special. Being candid, I love chasing girls.

But Peyronies Disease has created a sense of urgency to find a girl for keeps. I'm no longer invincible. Life is finite. Am I going to have to drop my standards to get a girl who will tolerate my Peyronies Disease (a shocking thing to say, but I'm trying to be honest about what I'm thinking)? Will I get one at all?

Mental health:
What effect is this going to have on my mental health? This is a concern - I'm incredibly positive and (possibly wrongly) dismiss conditions such as depression as mental weakness. Mind over matter is my approach. I feel that as soon as you're diagnosed with a mental condition then it's going to spiral because lots of doctors are going to be telling you you're ill. Everyone wraps you in cotton wool. So you become more ill. Just reading that 30% - 80% of Peyronies Disease sufferers also experience depression makes me more likely to get depressed - it's something I wouldn't have even considered if I hadn't read that I was likely to get depressed, so I'm keen to banish that to the back of my mind. We're in control of our minds - though this is going to be the largest challenge my mind has faced so I need to manage that carefully. The internet tells me that 37 is young to get Peyronies Disease - but rather than thinking 'why me' or 'why so young' I'm instead grateful that I didn't get it at 21 as I'm far stronger now.

How am I going to maintain my positive approach to life - which I'm really proud of? I am extremely busy and there's always something exciting going on - so burying myself further in my work (which I love) is probably a good approach in the short term.

Communication:
I haven't spoken to anyone about this yet. It's not something I would ever want everyone knowing - there's nothing to be gained from that. I should probably tell my Dad (not very good at 'feelings'), or my Mum (very good at 'feelings', but my Mum?).

Summary:
You'll notice in most of the above that the physical aspect is low down on my list of priorities - right now, 24 hours in. It's the life aspect - is this going to change my loosely thought out life plan? Gorgeous girl, kids? Have I got it the wrong way around - if I'd done what all my friends had done and got married with kids 5 years ago this wouldn't be so much of an issue? I'd definitely rather be diagnosed when married than single. At 60 am I going to be a lonely old man? THAT'S what my thoughts are focussed on right now.

Thought dump over. If I come across as arrogant then apologies, I wanted to articulate my genuine feelings and my own view of myself - in order to get the most out of sharing my experience.

[londonman]

I immediately received a PM from you_know_who_you_are on making this post, something which was much appreciated. It was a positive message, offering hope and encouragement. I love that.

It's driven me to share another observation:

Whilst I consider forums like this to be a great comfort in terms of sharing experiences with other sufferers, we should also be wary as negative thinkers or those who are in the troughs of depression or panic tend to be the more active and obsessive contributors. Positive thinkers tend to weigh in less - they're off doing positive things. This can project a very gloomy picture to browsers such as myself - it's something we should all be aware of. Negativity tends to over index across the user-generated web at large - don't let it drag you down.

If you're a positive person you will naturally look for positive posts to find comfort and be uplifted. If you're a negative person you will naturally look for negative posts to find comfort in others having a torrid time. If you're a neutral person - as many are when they start researching - the weight of negativity may lead you to believe that this is the end of the world. Don't let it.

[james1947]

londonman

I understand that you are also psychologist so I will not discuss the psychological aspect having Peyronies and/or ED and not be able to have intercourse, you know better than me how positive people will be in this situation.
I will just want to say that my opinion on doctors are very different than yours.

Urologist says that 30% of patients stabilise, 30% require surgery, 30% get better

Not from the forum experience and what is the difference between stabilized & get better?

Urologist recommends doing nothing until condition has stabilised, at which point surgery is an option

Find an other urologist as soon as you can
&
Surgery is the LAST option if nothing else helps.

negative thinkers or those who are in the troughs of depression or panic tend to be the more active and obsessive contributors

Maybe those obsessive contributors want to help others? Maybe this what is driving them and not selfishness that makes the "positive thinkers" disappear after they found solution for they problems?
Sorry, my English is very poor, hope I have expressed myself in an understandable way

Welcome to the forum
James

[IhatePD]

londonman,

I relate to so much of what you have written. I am 58, have always been very positive and completely in control of myself mentally and physically. Not that it matters, but I am very successful financially.

My first signs of Peyronies Disease occurred about 15 months ago. The last 15 months have challenged me at every level possible and has been the most stressful period in my life. Peyronies Disease is not even the worst part of it. For the first time in my life, I realized that I could have more thrown at me at once than I could handle. I never believed that was possible. I believed I could handle anything, no matter what. I had to concede that I am human.

But, I will not allow myself to beaten, no matter what. I had to regroup and prioritize. I had to defend my business first. That allowed me to protect myself and my family. Next, in January my marriage of 31 years blew up at the exact moment my Peyronies Disease accelerated and curvature began. My wife wouldn't have even know about if I didn't tell her. I fought to keep our marriage together but unsuccessfully. Once we agreed it was over, in less than 2 months, we came to a financial agreement using a mediator and separate attorneys costing less than $10k in legal fees. The attorney are freaked out because they expected this to be a major financial windfall for them. Not so! Our divorce will be finalized this month and the only trailing item is the sale of our home. Now, my brother has lung cancer. They only things that could have been worse is something happening to one of my children.

My closest friends can't believe I dealt with everything that I had to during this time and they don't even know about the Peyronies Disease. I haven't been able to tell anyone yet. They keep telling me I am so lucky to have been "released back out into the wild" with the financial resources to attract all the women they think are hot. Even without the Peyronies Disease, that's just not who I am. I am monogamous, I always have been even before marriage. I have always been very confident and effective in the bedroom and they know that. They have no idea how apprehensive I am right now to be with a woman sexually.

Now, I am focused on my Peyronies Disease and I will beat it. I do not accept anything less. During the last 5-6 months since I found this forum, I have gone to a new urologist who is up to date on Peyronies Disease. I take Pentox, Acetyl- L Carnatine, Arginine, Cialis, and I am using a VED and traction. I am relentless and now that I have secured my business and divorce, I am focused on my Peyronies Disease 100%.

I relate to your concerns meeting new women. Sex with an explanation? I haven't figured out how to do this yet???  I have developed a friend with "benefits" that I have seen twice in the last two months so I know that I am still more than capable. I haven't tried any other positions other than "doggie style" so I don't know how it might work yet. I am nervous having her on top as I can't control her from there. That really sucks because I love having a woman on top enjoying herself.

I have worked out relentlessly for 40 years and I have been asked more than once recently by personal trainers if I was a professional athlete. I am only 5'10", 58 years old and have visible abs. I will work out till the day I die. How is it possible that I am dealing with this crap right now?

I have had my moments where my Peyronies Disease combined with everything else that has happened in the last 15 months started to bring me down, but I have always stopped it. I had to and I will not let it happen again. I will win because I demand it from myself. I control my mind and my mind controls my body. I will win because I want to. With the exception of my life's partner, I have everything I have always wanted including three amazing grown children.

I will win because I will find the woman I am searching for. I will win because I want to rock her world physically, emotionally and spiritually. I will win because this is my life and I live it on my terms.

Sorry if I am ranting, I guess I just needed vent.

Do not hesitate to fight your Peyronies Disease. Read the section on the home page titled "Read This First". If you read it already, read it again and get yourself on Pentox, Arginine, Acetyl -L Carnatine and Cialis ASAP. Get a VED and follow the protocol on this blog. If you have questions, ask "OldMan", he has a wealth of information. Get yourself a traction device and use it.

To quote a very great man who I am sure you will recognize: "Never give up! Never give up! Never give up!".

I will never give up!  I will win!!!!!!!!

[londonman]

I understand that you are also psychologist so I will not discuss the psychological aspect having Peyronies and/or ED and not be able to have intercourse, you know better than me how positive people will be in this situation.

I'm certainly not a psychologist James - I'd be a terrible psychologist.

Thank you for your other comments, great to hear different perspectives. I'm new to this, so currently placing my trust in my urologist - I'm also reading up hard on the internet, as we all are.

[londonman]

I relate to so much of what you have written... I will never give up!  I will win!!!!!!!!

IhatePD you've had it far harder than me - good job staying positive.

So many of the challenges life throw at us are about a battle of the mind - it's just a shame that 'mind over matter' can't fix everything.

I am keen that this doesn't take over my life - given the amount of time I've spent researching it today!

[Litani]

Londonman,

I like the attitude.  I am a positive person too.  On the other hand, the active phase of this disease is more responsive to oral medicines than stable phase.  Take advantage of that.  Many members of this forum including myself would have acted differently with the current knowledge.  Do not wait.

[james1947]

londonman
I will just add:
Wait and see is the worst thing you can do.
You must act as soon as you can, find a Peyronies expert that can put you on meds and as others had said, read the forum and see what kind of treatments you would like to start.

IhatePD
Your post is just what many of us needs

James

[Skjaldborg]

Negativity and depression are normal stages of dealing with this disease. I would venture that people that have posted "negative" posts feel that way because they are concerned about their relationships and how this disease will affect them. Feeling the psychological stress of this disease is not a weakness; it's a sign that one is bold enough to face the truth.

We welcome all viewpoints here, positive and negative. Every person deals with this disease differently.

Skjaldborg

[damian]

http://www.psychosomaticmedicine.org/content/63/2/216.full
This may be a good reason to stay positive.

[inkhorn]

londonman-Welcome to the forum. I can see from the way you approach life, you will find a way to beat this cussed disease, good luck. Just a word on the "weak or negative". I've lived a long time and have been a hard charging achiever for ever. As you know not everybody will be a " 3 % er". One of the cornerstones of civilization, is that the strong help bear the infirmities of the weak. Could one of the reasons,you will find a way to beat this thing be to help others? Regards Inkhorn

[londonman]

Could one of the reasons,you will find a way to beat this thing be to help others? Regards Inkhorn

I like your thinking, I'm always keen to help others where I can. Just got to work out how to help myself first.

I had an ultrasound today - which showed small plaques along the top as expected, and uncovered nothing else / new, which is encouraging. I have a follow-up appointment with my urologist on Saturday - when I will discuss the immediate oral treatments and VEDs proposed on this forum.

My fingers are tightly crossed and head is in the right place. Words of encouragement from you boys much appreciated.