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[Toronto34]

Hi,

So I have a bit of an issue. I recently started seeing someone at pretty much the same time as my Peyronies started and I am not sure how to proceed. This is terrible timing. Bear with me as I explain it.

I started dating an amazing girl last month and, if you can believe it, I had my first noticeable symptoms between our first and second date and then got diagnosed between our second and third date. Even with all that going on we really connected. I like her and being with her actually makes me forget I am dealing with this Peyronies. I even feel normal-ish.

That being said, now we are moving along I assume sex will come up sooner rather than later. Even if it’s just as a discussion about sex. Normally I would’ve made a more serious move by now, but I just can’t. I am attracted to her and I guess I am still mostly functional with only a mild deformity (she wouldn’t notice), but I am not really desiring of sex. I am afraid of it even. I have some pain, lack of confidence and am worried about exacerbating the issue with sex. Also, since I am in the acute phase I have this constant fear about new symptoms emerging. It would be difficult to see an increase in curvature if I was alone, but with a new partner watching it might be devastating.

Truth be told she seems fine taking it slow. That’s my read at least. I went to her place for dinner expecting to have to confront the situation in some way, but after making out a little bit she mostly just wanted to talk. I guess I’ve dated some more aggressive women in the past who were not interested in waiting to have sex and I was fine with that too! (with my last serious partner we were in bed the same night we met). This new girl is not religious, but she comes from a fairly traditional, religious background so maybe that’s why she’s okay taking it slow. Or maybe she’s desperately, secretly waiting for me to make a move. Who knows.

Anyways, for me this lack of sex is fine for the time being because I want to focus on recovery and addressing my symptoms as best I can. The thing is I still want to pursue something with her (meeting a cool person is so rare!) and if we keep dating we either need to move to the next level - which I can’t do right now - or at least talk about it. I am a pretty open person, but bringing up my wonky penis on, like, the 8th date is outside my comfort range. My situation might understandably scare her off, but then I feel like she should know what she’s getting into before getting too emotionally invested.

My tentative plan is to explain to her that I am dealing with bad Chronic Pelvic Pain – which is true as I have that in addition to Peyronies – and that I need to hold off on getting intimate for a while. It’s not the full truth, but I think it’s pretty honest about what she can expect from me in the near future and opens up communication about health issues. We’ve already talked about some difficult stuff – including my parents health problems – and so I know she’ll be sympathetic and understanding at the least, even if my situation is a deal breaker. What do you guys think about that?

Also have any of your talked or communicated about your Peyronies with new partners? Especially when you are in the acute phase and still working it out for yourself? Do you wish you brought it up sooner or maybe waited? I’d be interested to hear.

I’ve only had Peyronies for a month, but it’s made me completely re-evaluate how I approach and prioritize women, relationships and sex. I realize now what I am desiring more than anything else is a stable, fulfilling romantic partnership. I am only 34 so I definitely want to have lots more sex in my life, but if I had to choose between the two I think now I’d go for a real relationship. I guess I am getting older…

[Stabler]

Hello,

I am going to answer you from a woman's' point of view......

Do not tell half/partial truths. Have you discussed the topic of sex in general to see how she feels about it,  to see if it is something she wishes to wait on doing. She may want to get to know you more before taking that step. Once that topic is open then you can explain Peyronies. If you yourself are not interested in sex right now be it because of the Peyronies hurting or just the fear of it, then that should be explained. If you do not explain the Peyronies then how can you expect her to understand what you need? I'm a huge advocate for honesty.

If you have already discussed difficult issues and you felt comfortable enough to share that kind of conversation with her then I suggest you have this conversation as well.

Stabler67

[Toronto34]

Hi Stabler,

Yes, you are right. I actually came to this conclusion on my walk home from work and then read your reply. I guess I was trying to find away around it. Anyways, we have not talked about sex so I guess this will be the intro for better or worse!

Thanks

[Stabler]

I think it will be fine. Don't overwhelm her with technical medical jargon just explain it simply and make sure that you let her know it is ok to ask you questions. If she feels like you are open to discussing it then she will feel more inclusive and not like you are trying to hide this from her. If you dont know how you feel about something then tell her exactly that,  "You don't know how you feel" its better to say that than to make something up.

Stabler

[QuackAttack]

Toronto,

Stabler is absolutely correct. A half-truth is a whole lie. What you can tell her is that you have a connective tissue disorder that effects the shape of your package once the situation is right. You can let her know that you are functional and you are seeking treatment and don't go into too much detail. I think NeoV has said quite a few times to people that he approached the subject with women without the typical fear than all guys go through. It may seem difficult, but being confident will make her see strength in you. No matter what the social engineers want to force down everybody's throats, women want a strong, confident man.  Now, there is a thread on the forum from NIH that indicates treating Peyronies with Xiaflex during the acute stage actually had a larger mean reduction in curvature than those that were in the chronic stage.

How to bring this up with a girl?

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