This condition ruined my life.

[Thisismyusername]

This condition ruined my life.  I have chronic pain in my penis and pelvic area.  The condition ruined my relationship.  My only relationship.  I will never have another one.  My ex will move on and forget about me but I can't ever move on.  I can't have any satisfactory sexual release.  Doctors are useless.  I live with pain every day.  It's improved since the beginning but right now I'm having a relapse.  Life has been nothing but a struggle since the start of this whole thing two and a half years ago.  I'm surviving but why?  There are times when I feel like life is still worth living but I've had to lower my expectations a lot.  I'm going to live a lonely life, trying to find reasons to keep going while I'm struggling with this condition for as long as I live.  

And my ex would say that this condition will only ruin my life if I let it.  What a load of crap.  I don't choose to be in pain.  I have done everything I can do treat my condition and carry on in life and keep things together and to not let this condition ruin my life.  And I've had a lot of success.  I've had a lot of improvement and I've been succeeding in graduate school despite everything.  But I'm still suffering so much and I'm more isolated than ever in my life.  My ex doesn't want anything to do with me.  We had a bad breakup and she is really hurt to.  But my health and physical pain have overshadowed the relationship and even my hearth break from the relationship.  I'm left alone with nobody and nothing but pain and suffering.  

I have an extremely dark view on life right now.  I feel completely unappreciated and unloved.  I feel isolated and uncared for.  I am resentful to other people for their health.  I'm in a lot of pain and it limits what I can do.  Nobody understands.  Life doesn't wait for me to get better.  I have to keep going with this pain.  Why can't life show me some compassion.  

I just wish this was all a bad dream and I could wake up and everything would be ok.  I just want my old health back.  Life was good before this.  Here I am 2 and a half years later, despite all I've accomplished I'm still thinking that maybe I'd rather be dead than live with this condition.  

[Sta]

Hey there!

You are in US. Try to contact David Wise from National Pelvic Pain Center. He is the best if you find courage to trust him.

[NeoV]

Been there and I can only imagine how bad it would be if I had more pain, more deformity.

You can have more relationships, a better one too. But you have to force it to happen and that's hard when you're in pain man. I know, falling so hard and everything feeling so surreal. I remember not even feeling like I was in reality and zoning out, it's just this sinking inevitable feeling. During those moments I remember giving up in a weird way though, and just saying F^@% it, putting on my clothing and cologne, and going and picking up girls regardless.

As I mentioned, I would talk about my penis as an opener to girls at bars, beautiful young girls. I remember one girl I picked up like that asked me if she could go home with me that night, after I told her "I can't have sex ever again" as my opener! Well we went home and things worked out, amazingly. My wife (just married) is 21 years old, and a babe, and she does not give a crap about my dick. She even says we can never have sex if that's what I want.

I am a bit lucky since she lets me vent about my dick and my pain, daily sometimes. I know A LOT of women won't let you do that, but honestly it depends on the terms that relationship STARTED. If you started it out being more manly, being a bit more positive and more present and grounded she will likely remember you for that person till the day she dies.

Accept the pain, you might as well go on disability, hell, we ALL should. Chronic pain is serious, accept that it's what you have and continue on. Tell people, your boss, your parents, you girl, you are in serious pain.

Sex can work even if you're penis is messed up. Can a man without a penis have good sex? actually yes he could, in multiple odd ways. Literally it's possible for a guy without a penis to grab girl, hold her firmly and smile at her with excitement as he goes down on her. There is nothing wrong with this, as absurd as it sounds.

Our penises are messed up, but so is the sword of a warrior. Some girl might love you for your perseverance. Continue the fight my friend, I'll be fighting by your side.

[QuackAttack]

Right there with you brother!!! It is unfortunate for something like this to happen and no matter how understanding your wife or girlfriend is, they will never completely understand.  I told my wife this last night because she is a nurse practitioner and is all about the established medical stuff like pharma and surgery. I, however, am trying to take a natural approach and she thinks it's a waste of time and money.  This morning she admitted that I am right she could never understand, but she said if she had a mastectomy would that make her any less of a woman, to which I told her it's not really the same.  This condition can truly screw you up in the head and you really have no idea until you are in this position. I have had some of the same feelings of despair, but I am determined to beat this. Take care of yourself and focus on what you have to offer people and trying to beat the crap out of your condition.

[Jack1909]

I am in the same condition as you. The difference is that I was born with a simple congenital curvature that degenerated in some kind of "fake peyronies" after a criminal surgery I underwent in 2012. Neither a surgery with dr Kuehhas later helped me to move to something decent and I have chronic pain due to nerve damage and a big fibrotic stitch stuck just next to the neurovascolar bundle. I have also a deformity. I regret my life before 2012 too. I could not have sex since the curvature prevented me from having it..but, it may look crazy even for many in here, who cares?

The final step of this disease, the moment when it eats and spits out your brain, is something that's beyond the sexual disability, or difficulty. Your brain crashed and you start to do not recognize your penis as a part of your body anymore. Personally most of the time I would cut it off and when people ask me what is my target, they get surprised when I say "just finding back some kind of harmony with a very important friend that I lost". It's not about sex anymore. I would give my arm to be allowed to get back to 2012, with my useless penis but mine, without pain, not full of fibrosis and, yes, remain that way for the rest of my life. Without having sex.

My fear is that the day when we will be given a full healthy penis (in 5, 10, 20 years sooner or later it will happen), we will be mentally sick the same and nothing will change.

[itsme]

Hey man. If u type cirurgia com egydio on google u ll see some ppl in worst situation than yours that he has fixed it. Give u a chance. If u need any help in Brazil feel free to send me a pm n I ll send u my number. Hope for u!

[Jack1909]

Hey man. If u type cirurgia com egydio on google u ll see some ppl in worst situation than yours that he has fixed it. Give u a chance. If u need any help in Brazil feel free to send me a pm n I ll send u my number. Hope for u!

Are you referring to me?