I could really use some outside help

[vd]

Hello everyone. I don't know where to start. I am about to turn 21 and have never kissed a girl. I masturbated for the first time when I was 15. At the time I was very lonely and depressed. I don't know how I fell into this whole but I began abusing my body whenever I felt the urge to masturbate or when I was feeling lonely. At first I was gentle but soon it took a lot more to make myself orgasm. I didn't use any lotions or lubricants because I didn't know why they were useful. I would hear guys say stuff along the lines of "always use lube" but I thought that was only for guys who were circumcised. Very early on I began to use very heavy socks to ma stubrate so that I wouldn't make a mess and I could hide and keep them separate from my other socks. The socks I used to masturbate where the heavy winter variety and think that it may have something to do with my condition. But the more serious problem was when I began to masturbate when I really didn't need to. Sometimes I wasn't even horny but I would force myself because I had to other outlet to express my emotions at the time. I was very frustrated with my life and isolated. Sometimes it was very hard to keep myself aroused so I masterbated even harder to make myself cum. I think that was when I did some serious damage. I tried really really hard to limit myself but sometimes I would do it multiple times a day. I started to ween myself off of it and only masterbated very gently and only every few days. But It was too late. Soon I was not able to get full erections and and I noticed that my penis would bend to the left and downward a little. I knew that my unhealthy habits were the cause of this and I tried SO HARD to stop. But I would always fall flat on my face. No on ever told that I could hurt myself. I don't even think that anyone cared. My erections got worse over time but I thought that It was just erectile dysfunction and that I would get healthy if I stopped masturbating. When I googled bent penis I got really scared. Peyronies Disease? I told myself I didn't have it and it was just ED. But now, sometimes when my penis is flaccid it looks constricted in the middle and leans to the left even when flaccid. And I really mean constricted like its being squeezed together from both sides (hourglass). I was really scared and now I've noticed some new developments. I began to have serious pain in parts of my penis but than went away in a couple of weeks. And even more recently I noticed that the bottom right head of my penis looks like its been er roded (where I held my thumb against my penis) and there's also a lump or too on the longer side of my penis. There was also some painful red urine at some point but that went away in a week. It might be just in my head but I thinks theres improvement in my erection quality when I don't masturbate for a week or more. I'm confident that If I exercise, eat good food and take of my body I can heal myself or at least make some improvements (I know that might sound naive to some but I really do believe it). I've been really really underweight eversince I had my growthspurt and my hairs been falling out. I want to make changes in my life but it's SO HARD because I'm all alone and it hurts because there's not a girl in the world that cares about my sexual health. I'm worried that I'll be stuck with a deformity and no girl with ever want me. I've been to my family doctor but I think there was a misscommunication somehere along the way because instead of looking at my dick I got an ultrasound of my balls (lol?). I'll be going to see my family doctor in a bit to clear things up (I was a little shy about explaining things to her the first time). I know that my really long introduction will stop people from reading it but thanks so much to anyone that made it this far. Theres alto of other things that I want to say but I can't think straight right now. Thanks again. Sorry if grammar and spelling made it difficult to read.  

[Stabler]

Well first and foremost, Welcome to the forum  

There are a couple links that I want you to visit within the forum that will be of great benefit to you at this point.

The Survival Guide will help you for when you go back to your general practitioner, it gives you the ins and out of Peyronies helps you prepare for the visit with your doctor talks about different treatments etc, it is a great source of information.

Survival Guide:
Peyronies Survival Guide - Information for New Members - Peyronies Society Forums

The Urologist list that I am providing is a list of urologist that specialize in Peyronies, you need to have one that does this. a regular urologist in most cases will not be able to diagnose and treat this condition like it needs to be. It is broken down into areas and Canada does have specialists on our list.

Urologist List:
https://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,4063.0.html

I didn't read where you were taking any medications, so did the family doctor give you anything? or suggest anything for you to do or try until your return visit? I have a big concern for the "painful red urine" that you mentioned I would assume that was blood in your urine, what did the family doctor say about that? You could have a prostate infection and be in need of an antibiotic.

Please go through the survival guide, make notes about what to discuss with your family doctor and look at the urologist list and make an appointment to see one that specializes in Peyronies. This is a must. Visit the forum boards, read member posts and ask questions, everyone here is very helpful and will be able to answer questions and offer good advice.

Again Welcome to the forum,

Hugs Mamma

[vd]

Thank you so much for the reply and hugs. I will go over the links but I do live in Canada (BC). My doctor didn't prescribe anything she wanted to go get checked out first and I didn't tell her about the red urine, I wasn't thinking about it at the time.  

[vd]

oops Canada does have specialists I read that wrong.