Intimacy issues, promiscuity

[Ralph72]

My condition has been getting worse, but I still have the ability to get an erection (helped by cialis) and I think I may be reacting to all of this by being unable to be interested in a partner long-term. I ended a long-term relationship right before I was diagnosed. Since then I've been dating, and increasingly it seems I'm getting a little too "good" at it. I have never really "dated" before so it's kind of new anyway, so it's hard to tell what's really going on here. There are a bunch of issues potentially related to the disease that I can see with this.

• Is this decreased confidence that's making it hard for me to be with the people I really want? Maybe settling for dating people who aren't right for me? Trying to prove I'm desirable by attracting partners?
• Am I maybe trying to go on a "spree" and use it before I lose it? I am worried that one day I'll regret not being active, if I end up deformed to the point of being unable to have sex, or if it's a physical turn-off to future partners. Right now I don't know if they notice very much.
• Maybe I'm just afraid to talk about it. Right now I might mention "I'm sensitive and not into rough sex" but not much more. I've only told one partner, and she was completely insensitive about it, very selfish. It was a good way to figure out I was dating a narcissist, but it really hurt my feelings/confidence a lot. Since then I can't' seem to talk about it, and literally no one in my life knows about it but me, and this childish "ex."
• A partner will usually listen about the sensitive thing and seem to understand, but then start grinding their hips, or tourquing me somehow which is obviously something they are doing to feel good, so I don't blame them, they don't really know what's going on. I don't want to have to say "Hey, can you just do what's comfortable for me and not what makes you feel good," so I end up just gradually withdrawing from them to avoid that kind of crap conversation.
• Sometimes it feels way too early to tell someone about this, if there is no sure future of a relationship, etc. That in itself is kind of a catch-22.
• I don't want to be pitied or thought of as damaged goods or "drama." Why would any desirable woman want someone with this issue when they could find a "normal" man out there?
• While I don't want pity, I do want someone who will be careful, considerate and comforting in a way that probably takes some serious effort. It seems like a tall order, and any sign of selfishness in a woman and I'm out the door. But women are human, and humans can be selfish.

It's made a mess of my ego and I just can't deny that. I wish I was just "fine with it" but that's just not going to happen anytime soon, even though I am well aware that there are many others with this disease who are a lot physically worse off than me. I may just not have that kind of mental toughness. I originally tried to think about it as a way to explore a more creative sex life, but my ex-partner's reaction to those ideas was "Oh, haha, no way, I don't like any of that." Then resumed trying to manipulate or convince me I needed to do things that hurt or injure me. Not to mention she was a bigger woman, and not very graceful or coordinated, so the injury/pain risk was rather frequent. I admit it was kind of hard not to laugh at her selfishness at that point... but it still hurt a lot and left me with some lingering trust issues.

If any of this sounds familiar to anyone, I'd appreciate any advice you might have.

[emasculated]

I don't recommend telling women about it. What you say about being sensitive and not into rough sex is quite enough. Just sleep with them and don't tell. I've heard SO many stories about guys literally getting rejected if there is something not right with their penis (like too small). One woman told me she has a husband with bad Peyronies Disease who for decades was dating women and EVERYONE of them rejected him immediately after finding out about the condition. Just walking out on him immediately. When he met his current wife he had sex with her in the dark. One day she figured it out obviously and he was already sure she would leave him. It turns out that he met the needle in the haystack and she sticked around. Recently, I have heard a sad caller into a radio show (the german equivalent of Dr. Phil) who told about his ex-girlfriend of 3 years who left him 2 months before the wedding. After asking her enough times she finally admitted that it was his too small penis that was the major reason. She had met another guy who was very well hung and blew of the marriage because of it. So the guy called his other exes to inquire why they left him and they said his size was a major factor now that they think of it. So you see. That's what women (the average) are like. I've also noticed that women tend to be suddenly so accepting of traits in a guy which they previously stated were intolerable if only he is a great lover. Sex is a major thing for women and they have much greater choice in sex partners then men. So why put off with a defective examplar. On the other hand our condition may be the opportunity to have a very good test if this is the woman that is wired differently and has a good character. Other guys don't have a test like this. The true character usually comes out much later, when it is too late. Even if I was healthy and perfectly fine below the belt I would _not_ spend a lot of time with females who behave the way I just described. I would not even necessarily want to just have sex with them. Most likely I would not want to have anything to do with such people.

[Ralph72]

I don't want to mention it. But I guess it's hard for me to go more than a couple of times without mentioning more details, because they usually don't get the problem -- how or why I'd be hurting from this kind of sex that feels good to them. I usually end up getting hurt and then not wanting to do it again because I don't want to talk about why. I can guarantee "normal" guys aren't having these issues at all, so it's often the first time they've ever heard a request like this at all. I never liked rough sex, actually, long before this ever happened.

Kind of a screwed up reality, actually. This whole thing has made me realize how men don't often feel empowered to speak up sexually in general, afraid of seeming weak or something. Women think we enjoy everything and climax when the wind blows, just as so many women think they're highly skilled at oral sex...But the truth is very different.

[nemo]

emasculated, you are making really, really broad, negative generalizations about the importance women put on penis size, that go against virtually everything women reportedly look for in relationships/partners. In the process, you're likely reinforcing the darkest fears of every man who's ever developed Peyronie's. I don't know what kind of women you're hanging out with or who's telling you all these stories of men being rejected for less than gigantic proportions, but either you're hanging out with the wrong people, or you're building these stories up in your mind to the point that they've completely soured your perspective. Women are far more worried about what you're thinking about their body than they are worried about yours. Maybe some shallow, twenty-something, self-destructive, bar-hopping sex-obsessed slut would openly reject a guy because his penis wasn't perfect, but no mature adult woman would. Most are just not wired that way.

Again, you can believe whatever you want, but I think you're way off base on this one. What's far worse is that your proclamation that massive numbers of women are primarily interested in mens' penises is about the worst thing you could possibly say to some guy struggling with Peyronie's and relationship issues. Come on, dude.

Nemo