What to tell others about your surgery

[Shlomo]

This topic came up in another discussion, but it may be worthy of a new discussion thread.  If I decide to have surgery for Peyronies, I don't want it to become widespread public knowledge.  While it would be great to be open about it, I have to admit it's embarrassing. So what's the best way to explain to friends, coworkers and family (other thany wife or very close friends) why I am going to be in the hospital for a few days and why I'll be sore and have a bandaged crotch area for days?

[RoyHobbs]

There are a number of excuses you could use. Removal of a cyst, hernia. Prostate surgery.  

[james1947]

RoyHobbs has given you some explanations you can give and you will not stay a few days in the hospital. The maximum is one night as I know, I hope some members that had surgery will jump in.

James

[Norm]

Mine was day surgery. I was in at 9:00 and out by 1:00. The surgery was actually less than one hour. My excuse was not really a lie, it was more of a mis-direction. I just said I had a blockage in my groin area that had to be repaired. People left it alone at that. While not entirely accurate, it is not a lie.  

[Old Man]

Shlomo:

Another way you could address an answer to questions about your hospital visit would be that you had to have a urinary tract problem fixed. You don't have to give a blow by blow description of what the problem was or how it was fixed.

If that does not work and you are forced to go more into detail, just relate that it is your personal problem and you don't want to discuss it any further.

Old Man  

[Knight]

Love this topic and will be watching for more helpful alibis!

[Norm]

Personally, I preferred not to just lie outright. Lies have a way of coming back at you. My approach was to be somewhat truthful but as vague as possible. When I said "groin", most people likely thought I was talking about my inner thigh area. Many procedures are performed from there. If they wanted to think that, I was in the clear. Not one person asked me to elaborate. They just said "oh, well, you really needed to get that taken care of" and they left it alone. Even my boss and my in-laws were satisfied with that explanation. I'm not saying this is the only way, the best way, or even the way you should approach it, just that it worked for me. If you want to say you had a hemorrhoid-ectomy, that works for me.  

[Norm]

I take back what I said. Don't tell them you had a hemmorhoid-ectomy. I would advise against blaming it on prostate, too.  You don't want to blame it on something that is likely to cause you to run into someone who has had it done. Can you imagine saying it was your prostate and then running into someone who actually had? They are going to want to compare stories and you will be at a disadvantage for information. You lose credibility. I would stick with something vague that you are likely not to have to explain. Just mho.  

[liber]

i haven't had surgery.

as a single man no one knows about my peyronie's other than doctors and this forum. i hide this condition, why? the answers are obvious but by covering our problem we deny awareness and the probable scale of peyronie's, thus research due to lack of those in need of help. i hope to gain the strength to tell others in the future.

we didn't do anything wrong we have a disease.

hoping all those who've had or may have surgery, the results are really positive.

cheers.....john

[Knight]

I hear you on the awareness problem. It seems the only people who even know about this condition are those directly effected by it. But I don't have the courage to be a poster for the solution or a cure. I don't believe in lying either but twisting the truth in politician style is acceptable in these cases in my opinion. I'm still hoping for a miracle, but if one doesn't show up I'm thinking some sort of hernia or urinary disorder surgery story might be the ticket....

[LWillisjr]

i hide this condition, why? the answers are obvious ..........
cheers.....john

John,
I'm not trying to be a bit thick here, but the answers are not obvious to me. There are any number of reasons why certain men don't speak out about Peyronies. Embarrassment, shame, insecurity, anger, hopelessness, etc. Maybe these are the answers you were referring to. But it is correct that until we overcome these things will the world become aware of this disease. I was quite public about it from the beginning, and still am very open about it. I knew nothing about this disease when I first contracted this, and I don't want other men (and their spouses) to be in that situation.

[Hawk]

Les,

Good post on an interesting topic.  Like you, I am interested in the "not so obvious" reasons that others are embarrassed by Peyronies Disease.  Since we did nothing to be ashamed of, EXACTLY what is the fear or concern.

Also Les, in your frank open treatment of this condition have you ever encountered any negative repercussions or any kind  If not, why do others expect to encounter negative repercussions?

[LWillisjr]

Hawk,
Interesting question I have never thought of before. But no, I don't know that I have ever received any negative repercussions. The typical reaction is that the men I am talking to at the time, are glad that they have not had to endure this. It is interesting to watch their faces when I tell them about the Verapamil Injections, and the surgery. I have shared this with colleagues from work, my kids and their spouses, my Pastors at church, my nephews, etc. It usually starts out in some setting when someone says, "Hey, has Les told you his story".

The most interesting was when I was out to lunch one day with a work colleague. We get along great and we sort of try to "one up" each other telling stories. We were in Europe on a project together and I said let's go sit outside and get some lunch, I've got a story for you. I started at the beginning and went through the entire journey in needle injecting detail. He never spoke a word the entire time and once I finished he simply looked at me and said..... "You win!"

[Norm]

I can chime in on this. I have been very secretive about my delicate condition. It's just not something you want people to know about you, not people of any gender. No one has known about my Peyronies Disease except doctors I've been to for it, my wife, and my best friend. I would have kept it from my wife if that had been possible. You guys know about me because we are all anonymous here and all in the same boat. Why have I been secretive? Because I don't want to be known as that guy with the crooked dick! I believe people would look at me differently, maybe even make jokes behind my back. Several years ago, when you heard that a woman had breast cancer, you saw her differently. But women are smarter than we are. They banded together, got on the bandwagon together, and made it as public as possible. Now, we are all wearing pink and sporting tee shirts that say "Save the Ta-Ta's!" Millions of dollars are now raised for research. Why can't we do that for Peyronies Disease? Because we are men. We don't want to admit that anything could be making us less of a man. Look at the animal kingdom. The weaker males are spurned at mating time. We don't want to admit publicly that we are somehow weaker. Dumb as it is, that is how we think. Logic says a man is more than a penis. But the emotion side of us says otherwise. We have to overcome that somehow.

Now that I have had surgery and expect to be straight again when healed, I think I may be more open about it. Oh, I still have Peyronies Disease. That did not change. I just had corrective measures taken so that I don't have to suffer from it any more. But I feel like I will be more open and forthcoming about it. That will start with a frank discussion with my two sons. They need to know. All men need to know. And we are the best ones to tell them if we are brave enough.  

[liber]

i hide this condition, why? the answers are obvious ..........
cheers.....john

There are any number of reasons why certain men don't speak out about Peyronies. Embarrassment, shame, insecurity, anger, hopelessness, etc. Maybe these are the answers you were referring to.

hi they were th "obvious" ones i was thinking of.

[steamer]

Norm, you mentioned about laughing about it. I've told a number of people, mostly men, and yes, they do make jokes about it. I figure what goes on behind my back doesn't hurt me. but guys, being guys, make sport of it right to me. they don't do it to be ,malicious, it's just that we're friends. when they do it I can see in their eyes...you poor bastard, and it's something they're glad they don't have. so if anyone asks a question about it I'm straight up with them. well, not physically.
is this a serious problem? hell yeah it is, do I like having it? no freakin' way. it sucks!!! but like a lot of things, the more people that know about it the more chance there is of something getting done about it.
just my opinions.

steamer

[Skjaldborg]

I too have only told wife, doctors, a therapist and my best friend. I'm not really worried about being made fun of, but getting an incurable disease that affects your penis really makes you feel like you've lost control. I can, however, control who knows about it. Other people in my life just don't have any reason to know.

-Skjald

[Old Man]

Gentlemen:

I have read many posts about our members ''keeping secret their Peyronies Disease" from only their wives, doctors and maybe a friend or two. I totally disagree with that approach for this reason:  remember the days when women had breast cancer and they were devastated to the point of deep depression? All of a sudden, their cancer ''came out of the closet'' and look at the attention women's breast cancer has today!!

My personal take on the subjects of Peyronies Disease, prostate cancer and other men's sexual problems should also be ''brought out of the closet'' and publicized so that we can get the funds for national research into these problems. We deserve to have the same treatment for our medical problems that women get.

I spread the fact that I have ED, Peyronies Disease, and had a radical prostatectomy for prostate cancer at every opportunity that I have to let other men know about these medical problems. Very seldom do I meet with any resistance to men listening about these medical problems. They usually end up asking more and more questions before finally admitting they have ED, Peyronies Disease and other urinary medical problem. They seem to welcome the fact that someone else has had the same problems as they have and relish the fact that someone else cares too!!

Please understand that I am not bashing the fact women have this opportunity to get ''better treatment'' than we do for problems. I am just pointing out the fact, IMHO, that some action should be taken to provide men with the same ''treatment'' for their sexual problems as women do for their cancer and women's sexual problems.

The above carries my usual caveat - Let the buy beware!!

Old Man

[Norm]

There is a big difference. Peyronies Disease is not life threatening. Breast cancer is. If men died from Peyronies Disease, then I am sure this would have come out of the closet long ago. Peyronies Disease is certainly life altering, but unless a man becomes so depressed that he commits suicide, the ailment itself is not gonna kill us.  

[liber]

hi all

norm that is a great point and very true. i also agree with old man these 'male' problems need to be brought into the open. silence i suspect is our enemy for help and andvances in medicine.

cheers....john

[csus]

I wonder how often this thing ends in suicide, nary a word to others as to the reason why? I suppose there is enough shame already attached to the act. I guess it would mute the point of escaping the condition to also take it with you to the grave. However it might illustrate the utter despair created by the condition, to others.

[Norm]

Csus,
I have a story to tell about your comment. Several years back I had a key employee that I worked closely with. Many times I heard him say, "If I blah...blah...blah..., I would kill myself". "If...blah...blah happened to me, I'd kill myself". And once, for sure, I heard him say, "If I ever got to where I couldn't enjoy or didn't want sex, I'd kill myself". I never thought much about it, it was just talk. And I also remember once when he told me he had suffered a "broken penis". He and his wife had had a mishap during sex, he injured it, went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a broken penis. He was told nothing could be done. I never heard anything more about that incident. And a few years later, this past year in fact, I heard that he ate a bullet from his pistol. No one knew why he took his life. But putting together the pieces, I think, now, that I do know why. We had no reason to know what Peyronies Disease was and we sure did not know the psychological toll it can take. I am now certain that he developed Peyronies Disease from his injury, progressed to a point where he could not have sex, and followed through on his earlier comments. Until I, myself, got the ailment, I did not put those pieces together. If only I had known then what I know now, I might have saved his life. The point is well taken that we need to get this Peyronies Disease curse out where we can know about it and fight it.

[liber]

my wife of eighteen years put a dog lead round her neck 8 years ago and ended her life. i have to this day no definitive conclusion and never will know why she did it. i can tell you all the wreckage it leaves behind is total devestation with no answers. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT....it leaves to much pain in its wake.

cheers....john

[Old Man]

Norm:

Amen to you post below 1,000 times 1,000 times! All of us must publicize this terrible and/or horrible condition that greatly affects men's psyche and mental health!! If we don't get the message out to any and all who will listen, we may find many more stories like the one that you know about personally.

Men in general must come to the realization that their sexual health is a great portion of their lives, whether or not they are married, single or in a relationship. It can and will also affect their mental health!!

This disorder/disease whatever one wants to call it affects men more than the general public knows about. This one fact makes me spend much time and effort on this forum telling the story about ED, Peyronies Disease and/or men's sexual health problems.

So, to all members, ''bite your lips, fingers or whatever you want to bite'', but pass the word about this terrible mess called ED and Peyronies Disease to all who will listen. There is never an opportunity that I have that I don't mention it to any who wants to listen. I have great reception most of the time and only a few reject the idea of talking about it and I strongly suspect that they do have the symptoms and just won't talk about it.

Old Man  

[Knight]

liber - I am very sorry for your loss. May God bless you my friend.

Norm - Your story hits home. This curse has had me way closer to the edge of something radical than I ever imagined I'd be. My life has not been easy or sheltered but this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I'm just living one day at a time now and doing the best I can to get through each 24 hour period.

Csus - Thanks for asking a tough question.....

[Norm]

Knight,
We all know what a burden this is to your spirit. The one thing I had going for me, if you can call it an asset, was my age. After you pass 60, sex is not quite as high on your list as it once was. I know there are exceptions, but in general, men have slowed down by then. I have jokingly said that just a promise of sex would hold me for a month. That is almost true. The aging process reduces our libido greatly. As I say, this has been in my favor or I might have lost my mind. The thing that sent me on the surgery route was the realization that I don't have that many years remaining for sexual activity. I didn't want to lose any more of them.  The flip side of that coin is that I also don't need sex as badly as I did in younger years. You younger men have more time to use more readily available therapies, like VED and traction and supplements. But on the other hand, you are losing golden time that you should be enjoying.  I know that you younger guys have to be suffering tremendously. If I had some magic words of wisdom to make you feel better about this, I would gladly give them to you. But all I can do is encourage you to stay strong until you either cure yourself with therapy or go have an operation to fix things. In any event, it will get better one way or another. You have to keep telling yourself that.  

[Knight]

Thanks Norm! I will be 54 on January 6th so I'm getting there with you!   But like you I don't want to be done....not just yet! Happy New Year!

[Old Man]

Knight and Norm:

Hey fellows, don't despair about not having sex as you get older. Each and every man has different levels of libido and they adjust to that level over the years as we get older.

You guys know that I am now 84 plus years old. I have gone through the so called ''change of life'' somewhere around the age of 55. Had to use cock rings after that for sex. My prostate surgery in 1995 also put a setback in my libido level. However, the VED entered the picture of sex for me and ever since I use it for erections with great success.

I can still get a natural erection by manual stimulation and then apply the cock rings that come with the old Osbon Erecaid Esteem VED to hold it up. My problem is getting the wife of 50 plus years to agree that we should have sex more!

I know that each man has their own level of erections as age creeps up on them, but with proper therapy, right diet and careful use of their most prized possession, they can have sex well on up into the higher age group.

Some, I guess that what I am saying is, use care with any sexual activity and not ''overwork'' it over the long haul. Moderation is the keyword for sexual activity to keep it going for the long haul.

Old Man

[Norm]

OM,
It does my heart good to know that sex doesn't die at a certain age. And hearing your experiences is a real pleasure. I take exception to one thing, though; I think it's hard to get the wife to agree to more sex at any age! Thank you for your response. And thank you for being here. Your experience and wisdom, and especially your willingness to share it, is appreciated

[Old Man]

Norm:

She is 13 years and a few months younger than me, so she should be ready anytime this old guy wants to jump into the saddle, huh??

Old Man

[MarcPierre]

I would like to say about surgery. Surgery is a medical science who converts from old man to young boy.

[Shlomo]

This topic has sparked some great discussions.  There is definitely nothing to be ashamed of, and I see the point about how important it is to be open about Peyronies. Yet "coming out" about Peyronies is easier said than done. It is not only a matter of shame or embarrassment, although I admit there is some of that.  One's sex life, and the condition of one's penis is simply not something generally talked about with everyone at work. For example, if I were hung like John Holmes (I'm definitely not), I would not be ashamed of that either, but it's not a subject I'd bring up with everyone.  That said, I agree that it is good to spread awareness of this condition, especially because many other men would be helped by our experiences. I have and will talk about it with friends who I think would be open and interested and would take it in a good, constructive way.  Thanks everyone for all the great feedback.

[voulezvous]

Not that I have any more useful to write here than has already been written, but I want to add my agreement that there needs to be more awareness. However, I see no reason to discuss a topic so intimate with every person you happen to know. My circle was about 5 people. I am a strong advocate for the belief that the medical profession has a big responsibility here - particularly urologists. We have all either seen or heard of MD's who are totally out of the loop about Peyronies Disease. Amazing! How does this happen?
When I had my implant surgery I explained to all but my immediate closest friends/family that I was dealing with a hernia. It was logical therefore, that I was limping around & not very comfortable while sitting.
As an aside, before having my surgery, I received about 5 shots of Verapamil. For the last one, the woman I was dating at the time (& knew about my condition) wanted to observe the process. NOT a good idea. She literally passed out when she saw what took place. When she came around , she said, "You are the most courageous man I've ever known!" In time, the relationship ended but I at least felt a sense of pride in knowing that I had her respect.  

[Waldo]

Office and clients were told hernia.
Most male friends I told.
Kept it simple as I could.  

[ThePerfectMelody]

Norm,

Thank you for sharing what you told others as the reason for your surgery. I am not comfortable lying at all and I have been worrying about what to say when if/when I go in for a procedure. Your "misdirection" -as you call it- actually can be applied in my situation so I believe I will be appropriating it when the time comes.    

Thanks a bunch!

Melody