Constructive Advise on How to Accept this Condition

[CTS]

Can anyone provide constructive advise on how to emotionally deal with this disease...  I was already obsessive and driven before this disease hit me.  This disease has made me go completely OCD and has taken my drive for life away...  I know if I could just stop obsessing so much, I could be in a much better place.  But, I cannot stop the obsesssing - think about it or doing research on it...  My girlfriend says she is fine - but years of media brianwashing makes me feel like a lesser person.  I really want to move forward in a happier and healthier way but do not know where to start.

[egghead]

One way I cope is by reading up on medical progress in genetics and organ regeneration. I think long term. I picture myself 10 years from now completely cured. I think of something horrible that I've gone through in the past and how much of a nonissue it is to me now.

[swolf]

I don't want to use foul language, though I was about to, but... forget the media. I know that's easier said than done, and if you feel brainwashed then maybe those themes are tucked deeply into your psyche, but the media's concept of life is a dangerous thing to fixate on. I don't really pay attention to it, though I get some exposure to it via the internet, but I do know it is completely out of touch with what it actually means to be human. This past century has changed much of what goes on in the human mind, much of it deleterious to being in touch with the earth, spirituality if you desire that, and other humans in an intimate and healing way. I think a lot about undoing this mental conditioning to get back to what it primally means to be human, and for me an exercise I like to do is ask the question: What would this situation have been like 100, 200, 500, 3000 years ago? I really transport the situation I'm confronting to the contexts of those time periods and think about it. If I--the exact same person with the exact same tendencies, genetics, etc--had lived then, what would be different. You begin to realize how much of the mind is just stored stimuli and responses from this blaring reality we live in these days. Sometimes I have the distinct urge to get into a car and drive 120 miles per hour. It would not have been possible to do that 500 years ago: it's part of the blare. What made me want to do that in a car? Some intense mental agitation caused by some manufactured crisis that has little relevance to actually living and being and enjoying the simple feeling of being alive: it's part of the blare. I don't consider myself excessively tied to civilization; it means little to me and I find much more solace in nature, the sacred, the mind, and the body (though mine may be a broken, fractured vehicle to navigate the world in, it's what I'm existing in, so it's what I'm going to try to learn and come to peace with). I remember going to Mexico one time and coming home I left through some dusty airport with people milling around laughing -- upon walking the airport in Texas I was met with the overwhelming BLARE of TVs playing at full volume in every corner, "reporters" on CNN blabbering about fear this and fear that and stock options and eight mile long traffic jam in wherever today... I shoulda gotten right back on the plane. Instead I internalized the stress.

If you have a girlfriend that is fine with the situation you are in an incredible starting position to deal with this. You are coming from a place many other guys on here would love to be in. Yet you're in that place and you're not happy, so why's that? Even though I don't think any one human being embodies strictly the masculine or the feminine, and we all have access to both, I think a lot of guys do have trouble seeing things from the perspective of the feminine, understandably so. If your girlfriend says she is fine, she very likely is, so talk to her about that. Can you get to understand her perspective a little more? Can talking to her make you realize what she wants out of my life? What makes her feel secure? etc. The main purpose of our penis, besides taking a piss, is this drive to couple with another human being, and though it may get obscured by many other thoughts and perceptions, it really comes down to that... being close to another person. Barring other problems unseen to us, you are close to this person, and it is about you AND her. Let her help you come to an understanding of her perspective, and specifically the TOTAL perspective, the depth of it that she's not sharing. She very likely also does have some issues with it and areas of uncomfortability; if these are brought out into the open they can be processed, and maybe ultimately both of you come out of it even more comfortable. But it won't happen unless you let it.

There are professionals that specialize in helping people deal with issues just like this. It's what they spend their lives doing, so they're good at it. Therapists, etc, who deal with situations MUCH worse than yours (I'm not saying there are people with worse troubles to deny the gravity of your situation, but it does put it in some perspective), but also cases exactly like yours. A lot of therapists have a sliding scale, and if cost is still an issue there are free clinics around and university programs (ie, future therapists in training), etc. This may not be your type of community at all, but there are things like The Icarus Project out there. None of these things have to be an end-all-be-all. I would look into therapy, someone that specializes in OCD, but I wouldn't let that stop talking to your girlfriend and vice versa, and I wouldn't stop figuring out any and all other options for some relief.

Also, everyone's different and we all do have tendencies that are basically part of who we are, so if one of these tendencies for you is this obsessive drive, how can you find a healthier outlet for that? Something that takes an edge off the obsessive part but fully incorporates the driven aspect of it. That drive could be useful if you can resurrect it while also not letting it become an overwhelming force.  

[CTS]

Bottom line, my OCD drives my unhappiness and I am seeing a counselor who specializes in this to help me out...

Well... My x-wife of 17-years abrupty left me about eigth months or so before this disease hit me...  No obvious reason, we were going through a rough patch and then walked out the door.  Since then, I realize my x-wife could treat me poorly.  So, lets just say I have trust issues that I am slowly getting over.

So, while going through the grief process of divorce just as I am getting back onto my feet, this disease hits me and throws me on the floor again.  Then a few months later, I met my girlfriend...  I was in an okay place feeling optimistic about things as my urologist felt I would recover significantly.

My recovery from Peyronies Disease has been good and bad...  I do not know what a normal 44-year can do so I am not sure how far I have recovered.  But, the early stages were rough when I could not maintain an erection.  This crippled my self esteem.  These days, after about lunch I can get and maintain a descent erection (for some reason I cannot maintain an erection in the morning)...  Sometimes, anxiety gets to me and it may take a bit to get an erection but as I relax all seems to go okay.  I hope this improves with time.

The OCD kicks in regarding grief/anger/regrets/insecurity of having this disease and am still working through the pains of divorce.  I worry that if my girlfriend left me I would again be devastated.  Then I think, if I were only normal physically I would not feel so vulernable.  Then, I think we are not a perfect match and am I staying because I have the VL.

I was NEVER so #$%#$ insecure prior to Peyronies Disease. I feel a insane at times...  If I did not have the VL I would not be insane like this and our relationship would be off to the races without this baggage.  I do not know and I will never know and thinking about wont change that...  Any way, I have had a good one-two punch and it has taken me a while to get control of these insecure OCD thoughts...

To be honest, my girlfiend has been an angel and so patient through this process...  I sometimes wonder why she sticks it out...  I guess I need to realize that I am a good catch even with the Peyronies Disease.  And, I am slowly getting the OCD under control and can lead a long and happy life....

It just would be so nice to have a support group of other guys to talk about this... as I think this can help us ground ourselves and not be isolated and insane...

[funnyfarm]

Excellent post swolf, your thoughts about how this situation would have presented itself in the past really captured me.   It sucks to have Peyronies Disease but also it is great to be human and sometimes I have greater appreciation for the small things now.   While at other times it is a huge struggle as CTS pointed out.