Psychological Component - Coping with Peyronie's Disease

[Tim468]

Dear MisterB

You have my sympathy. It is tough to have Peyronies Disease, and it can really affect your self esteem. Every time I look at my penis and think (or really find) that there is something worse, my hopes for improvement sink and my emotions go rolling along.

That said, there are limits. Your doctor has told you that "there is nothing other than surgery"... I even wonder if that is true, or if what he said might have been subtly different and that is what you heard. Might he have said that the only definitive treatment is surgery, and that no medical regimen helps everyone? For that would be more true, and you should know that if you have been reading here.

And if you have been reading here, then you know that some of us (like me) have had girlfriends for years, and had families, and had sex, and did all the things that you are bemoaning as lost to you forever.

You are engaging in black and white thinking, and in catastrophization. These thoughts and feelings are signs of depression, and are treatable. They are not signs that your thinking is grounded in facts, though.

So I have some advice for you. I know it is unsolicited, but here it is anyway. Get off your butt and get out there in the world and start living. If you have a penis that is not bent enough for surgery, then go ahead and use it. Feel sorry for yourself all you want, but do not pretend that you are unable to do the things in life that you want. You are not unable. Perhaps unwilling (right now), but not unable.

Find out if you should be on an antidepressant (and think of wellbutrin, not the other SSRI's). Get a new therapist if the one that you have is not helpful. Eat well. Start to sleep well. Exercise. Do something to help yourself, because the problems that you have are not restricted to your penis - they reside firmly (but I hope not too firmly) in your head. Good things will not happen overnight, but they will happen if you start - just for today - to try to approach this differently.

Good luck - it does get better.

Tim

[Fighter]

Hey MisterB,
You should not be thinking this is the end of your sex life!!!! Let me tell you what you need to do.
1.) You need to start working out 3-4 days a week. Weights, Aerobics, Running... this will help with your sexual performace and you will feel good about yourself.
2.) Take supplements like ALC, Arginine,Tribulus,Protein, Vit E...
3.) Start eating and sleeping right. Do not party like a rock star. You can go out and have fun just don't over do it week in and week out. Once in a while won't hurt but not all the time.
4.) Don't worry about the curve it really does not hurt a woman (I have the same curve to the left) and to be honest with you most woman won't even notice it. My wife and I did not notice it until I read about Peyronies Disease and then we both looked and said yea it is curved... how about that? Really did not effect our sex life at all. My biggest thing for me was getting hard and maintaining but when I started working out and taking these supplements I have no problems in that area and now my wife runs from me (LOL)! I am 49 years old and I truly believe even without Peyronies Disease you need to keep in shape if you want to have a healthy sex life.

DON'T GIVE UP!!! KEEP FIGHTING!!! That is why my screen name is FIGHTER...I will not GIVE UP... I WILL KEEP FIGHTING... Your mind is a Strong tool...use it.

[Old Man]

Note to all:

Recently, Liam and I attended a prostate cancer support group meeting with our local chapter of the US TOO.

Our featured speaker for the evening was a pastor at a local church whose job there is working with the older adults. His topic for the evening dealt with the type of intimacy. He outlined a number of them, of course my old mnd doesn't remember all of them, but I do remember three of them. They are outlined here in no particular order as he presented them though. Liam can correct me when he has the time.

The three that stood out for me are: Personal intimacy, spiritual intimacy and last, but not least sexual intimacy. He spoke on how these affected a person's life and how to deal with them. Personal intimacy occurs when one deals with another friend on a very close personal basis, revealing very private matters and how they apply to each. Spiritual intimacy deals with ones relationship with God and how this applies to their individual life. Sexual intimacy deals with how one interacts with his/her sexual partner, and we know the rest of the story there.

The above is presented in hopes that someone might benefit from the comments. Just wish that I could remember more of the good pastor's presentation as it was well done and applied to all walks of life.

Regards to all, Old Man

Liam: Help me out here!

[Angus]

    If you have been reading this forum before joining and posting as I suspect many here have done, you must realize that you are not alone. Your fellow members may not be sitting across the room from you or across the street; some of us are half-way around the world from you. But the internet is your connection... you have found a group that listens when you talk and will talk when you listen.
    Your presence here is affirmation that you have acknowleged a physical and psychological wound. This forum is a living, breathing thing that exists for your support. You know you have something going on and that you feel terrible. This forum is your ER... your emergency room; a place you go to stop the bleeding and contain the wound. This is your triage; you have found a place where help can be found.
    There isn't a man or woman on this forum who doesn't know how hard it is to open up and talk about their condition. Even coming to this forum and typing thoughts can be psychologically wrenching. But, this is something that you must do as your first step to getting your balance back. The first couple of times will be difficult, but talk until you're blue in the face. No one will object if your post is a single line or a multi-paragraph dissertation! If you have no one near you to talk to in person just yet, type out what you feel here. You have quite a large group of listening ears here.
     This is also a good time to keep things like alcohol or drug consumption, over-eating, under-eating and other destructive things to a minimum or eliminate them. We are here to help and we will, but these are things that you must do right away as an individual. You need all your thought processing skills to be sharp right now... binging on booze or anything like that knocks rationality down quickly. Plus it makes it very hard to find your car keys!
     You can start to calm down now. You've found your first source of help. You've made it to the emergency room (this forum) and you're getting stable. The healing will follow. We, the forum members, aren't going anywhere... we'll be here to listen to you. We've been down this road and we speak from experience and we know a thing or two about how to begin the road to healing.
     So when you have a burning question or thought about Peyronies Disease and its effects, start typing and talking here no matter how trivial you think the subject is.
     Congratulations! You have landed in the Safety Net and we've gotcha!

[Old Man]

Angus:

Just read your post and it could not have been said any better. You are dead on with the advise to this young fellow. As you said, we might be oceans apart, but by way of the forum we are just as close as the keyboard on your computer. Once a person has started posting here, things do get easier to handle each and every day, I know, have been there and done that.

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely, Old Man

[misterb]

I have a little difficulty getting and maintaining erections but I'm fairly certain that it's a psychological thing at this point because there are times when I don't have any trouble at all. I think that if I had a willing and ready woman lying naked in the bed that it will stand up and stay that way although performance anxiety and fear of rejection may stand in the way. It's been a long time and my confidence has been totally wiped out. As for the curve, it's definitely not going to go unnoticed as I have an obvious bend. I hope you guys are right about it not hurting women because I'm scared to death that it will. It gets hard as a rock when I'm really excited, so it doesn't give at all and I can just visualize it poking into the side and causing them pain. I didn't misinterpret what the doctor said, he wasn't subtle at all. He told me that in the past doctors threw everything at this condition but now that they know more about it they have concluded that all non-surgical treatments are ineffective because scarring cannot be reversed. This guy is a highly respected urologist at one of the finest medical centers in America, and I left very disappointed. I desperately want to attempt some of these treatments and I'm trying to figure out where I can go to get them. In the meantime, I will continue with the Vitamin E, ALC, and Arginine. I don't smoke, rarely drink alcohol, and I don't use drugs. I definitely need to eat healthier foods and start exercising again. The problem is that I just don't feel like it and have not been able to force myself, even though I know how how important it is. I was already depressed and suffering from low self esteem before I was hit with Peyronies Disease, so this has complicated matters in a very big way. I get migraines and occasional migraine related dizziness and have been advised against taking all SSRIs, Wellbutrin, and Effexor, as they are all triggers for those conditions, and the other antidepressants I've researched have so many awful side effects they shouldn't even be on the market. So I'm kind of in a bind as far as taking medicines to help me feel better. I just feel so overwhelmed by everything right now and I can't seem to catch a break. Fortunately I'm not ashamed to talk about it and you guys are listening.  

[George999]

misterb, I want to tell you point blank that women worth your time are far more interested in other aspects of your person than your penis.  If you really want to have a "loving wife and family", you will definately want to avoid the type of women who would be concerned about either the size or the condition of your penis.  Do you really think that women don't have problems with their sex organs?  I can tell you that they most certainly do, and if you really want that "loving wife and family", you had better be able to accept whatever baggage your spouse comes with, just as she will likely accept your baggage.  As far as your specialist doc is concerned, he may have the best of medical credentials, but if he really told you what you say he told you, I think he is entirely to negative on non-surgical proceedures.  I can tell you that vitamin E has worked well for me, but not the synthetic stuff they sell cheap in all the pharmacies.  The stuff that works the best is the full spectrum kind that has all the pherols and all the trienols.  I use this product: http://www.natural-complementary-medicine.com/Detail.bok?no=2

There are many other helpful supplements as well as the VED than can be very helpful to you reqardless of what that doctor told you.  There are also at least one very promising non-surgical treatment on the way that I think may wipe out most cases of peyronies within a few years.  So I think you are being extremely negative and have had the misfortune on visiting a doctor who reinforced that mindset.  If you are patient and willing to continue to learn, I think you can likely have this problem fixed within a few years.

[misterb]

Guys, I came here to reach out and get some support. But I get the feeling that some of you think I'm not being truthful about what I was told by the doctor and quite frankly, that's bull- (fill in the blank). I've been open and honest with you in every post. The doctor stated his position on non-surgical therapies and I simply related it. Do I agree with him? Nope, not at all. I've read the Italian study using ALC, I think it's indisputable evidence that there are other options for treating this condition and I've started taking the same dosage as the test subjects. I'm sure I find it just as disturbing as you that a supposed top specialist in the field chooses to disregard such studies and do nothing but nevertheless, he does. I want another opinion and the option of pursuing treatment and I won't stop until I get it. It's tough because I live in a rural area and local options are non-existant, but I traveled to see him and I'll do so again and again until I find an obliging physician or go broke. Yes, I am very negative about this right now. I'm scared, angry, depressed, frustrated, and feeling rather hopeless. It's no fun thinking that the life I wanted for myself might be out of reach for me now. I'm going to keep on telling it like it is here because I can't just lock it away and let it eat at me. If you choose not to believe me, that's your problem.

[ComeBacKid]

Misterb,

If your doctor told you there is no non-surgicial treatment for peyronies in my opinion he is crazy, I'd get as far away from him as fast as possible, he probably won't hesitate to cut up your dick and bill out to your insurance.

I've talked to 5 men on here now who have seen results from the VED, maybe some plaques or scars or whatever you want to call them can't be healed, but who says you can't stretch tissues?  Hell you can stretch bones and ears out, why not penis tissue?  You already are on a good set of pills, but I think many will agree, the vitamin E won't do a thing, I was on that for a long time, like a year it didn't do a thing, high doses can cause your arteries to harden and give you problems.  I would add in a good quality vitamin, I take centrum.  The VED's seem to be the hot thing right now, a few guys are using traction devices but I don't think we've heard any convincing clear positive results from those yet, as we have from the VEDs.  

Be careful with the anti depressants, they can lower your sex drive by reducing your seratonin levels, which happened to me.  I just today got a total testosterone test done to see if thats why I get no daily erections, or if the plaque is causing it.  Keep your head up and dont' EVER give up the fight on this disease, if you need a morale boost PM me, DON'T GIVE UP YOU CAN'T, YOU CAN BEAT THIS CRAP!

ComeBackid

[Tim468]

FWIW, I don't think that you are being dishonest. But I do think that it is possible that you are capable of filtering what you hear through the depression filter. Communication is not always straightforward. My point is that yo seem so down that it is hard for me to imagine you completely hearing what a doctor said in a the tension of a visit, perhaps rushed. I say that because, again and again, when I have dealt with patients in highly stressful matters, I have learned that about 90% of what I say they do not retain - at all. In fact, when I am discussing something like a newly diagnosed case of cystic fibrosis (a life shortening disease), I tell parents that I expect that they will not remember most of what we talk about, and to feel free to call me back - even on the way home - if they want to go over something again. I remind them that this is our expectation of them, and to not feel stupid (and there are no dumb questions) if they think they are supposed to remember something.

It is that experience that makes me question how you are processing what you are being told. All I know is what you tell me - I have no reason to doubt its truthfulness. But the picture that you paint of yourself is of a very depressed young man who is bordering on hopelessness, but who is also reading, and has accurate information about Peyronies Disease. So the sense of hopelessness is disproportionate to the facts (IMO).

Look - you get to be depressed. Most of us are or have been depressed about our Peyronies Disease. What I am saying is that you also have the opportunity and ability to change that. So when you post things like "the therapist didn't help", I hear futility. I would strongly suggest seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist for help, especially in terms of figuring out what the thinking is behind your feelings. What we can do here - and it is a VERY important role, IMHO - is to provide reality checks when your tendency to think in black and white starts to get the best of you. An example is "... the life I wanted for myself might be out of reach for me now. "

I am submitting to you that it might be out of reach completely - if you remain depressed. But many of us with Peyronies Disease have found healthy and loving relationships that were started with Peyronies Disease already present (like me). So, in fact, it is not out of reach. The fact of our existence proves it is not out of reach.

So stick around - it might help you find a path that will help you emerge from a sad fog of hopelessness and into a bright sun of hope and love.

Tim

[misterb]

Guess I just filtered out all those other treatments he didn't offer me.  

in the past doctors threw everything at this condition but now that they know more about it they have concluded that all non-surgical treatments are ineffective because scarring cannot be reversed

Insert "but the kitchen sink" after the word "everything" and change "they" to "we" in the above quote and you'll have a verbatim account of what I was told by this physician. My judgement may be clouded but my hearing and my memory are not.  

[Old Man]

misterb:

I would like to add my 2 cents worth to the comments that Tim made about entering into a relationship AFTER he had "acquired" peyronies disease. My case of Peyronies Disease struck at the age of 23 plus and I too thought that any marriage for me was over. WRONG, after trying desperately for years back in the 1950s for some sort of "cure" and finding none, I decided to move on with my life. At the age of 33 plus years of age, I met my wife and we have had a great union ever since. We have three children and eight grand children, with my oldest (daughter) now at age 42.

Peyronies Disease and other physical/medical problems have never caused any difficulty in our marriage. So, bottom line, take all the advice/comments that have been offered you in the previous posts, sort through them and decide on a plan of action that best suits your situation. You can do it, just settle down, get help for your depression (we all have had it at one time or another) take a deep breath, and then jump into action.

We are all here to help each other in any way possible, so feel free to post, write PMs to individuals, and above all get into a schedule in your life to look up instead of down. Believe me, all of us have been in similar situations that you find yourself now and we have survived!

Sincerely, Old Man

[Iacomus-Magus]

Are you sure you're not a Pastor yourself Old Man?

"There are a number of different Greek words for love, as the Greek language distinguishes several different senses in which the word "love" is used.

For example, Ancient Greek used the words philia, eros, agape, and storge to refer to different aspects of love."

[source] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love

[I seem to recall saturnalia and platonic as well - but maybe they're Latin!! ]

Hope this helps jog your memory - are you sure you shouldn't start an Altz Forum?  

Iacomus-Magus
[a young man from Tashkent - in a new identity - how's your Latin?]

[Old Man]

Iacomus-Magus:

Appreciate the promotion to a pastor, but I really am not one. Don't have the background nor education to be one.

I have been educated from what I call SHK, the school of hard knocks. My personal experiences during my fairly long life have given me the benefit of many contacts with the world of business. There I have learned from my mistakes and used that knowledge to promote myself to the point that I am today. My background in the business world covers many and varied enterprises.

No, I do not read, write or understand Latin. Never had the opportunity nor the need to learn it. However, it is very important to all the other lanquages of the world. Many words are derived from the basis of Latin.

Again, thanks for the vote of confidence.

Old Man

[misterb]

I was examining myself this morning and I discovered what feels like a new plaque. It's further up on the same side as the old one. Does that mean I'm going to start bending there now too?  

[Fighter]

That happen to me also and my bend did not get any worse. But every case is different. My plaque is located on the right side near the gland and under the bottom side right next to the gland almost in the gland. Do you have pain?

[misterb]

I only experience pain if I press on the original area of indentation while erect.  

[Fighter]

I had pain for the first 10 - 11 months then it went away but sometimes it still hurts... once in a while??? But for the most part... no pain. In the early stages I would get pain when I was hard right at the gland and I think because my plaque is so close to the gland it caused more pain than normal. They say ALC helps with the pain and that is what I take and it seems to help? Keep Fighting...

Fighter

[howcanthisbe]

Tim, I know whats wrong with me. I have been on a diet of eating nothing but pizz, double cheeseburgers and macaroni for my whole life. I do not ever ever eat any fruits or vegtables and this includes juices. I only eat junk food and lots of it. Last night I ate two large papa Johns Pizzas for instance. Anyways I gotta change my lifestyle I know to get my blood pressure down. Anyways before I took the meds my libido was out of control, I mean I thought about sex every second of the day. My erections were 100% fine, in fact I remember reading about people with erection problems and thought how could this be, that seems impossible. If I just thought about a girl I got a perfect erection. Anyways so yea when I took the meds I noticed it all happening, then I looked it up and sure enough it was a side effect. I didnt however know both the erection problem and libido were permanent. It seems I get increases in my libido from time to time to where I was like before the meds, but then it goes away for weeks. Anyways I wish I never touched the meds and just ate right. Im hoping things will change or something, ive been off the meds now for 2 years I believe.... or it could be almost 3 im no sure.  

[George999]

HCTB,  You know dude that a side effect of uncontrolled hypertension can also do nasty things to your libido (and worse).  From what I know about hypertension medication, when you stop taking the medication, the side effects usually do not continue on for two years.  I think that what is effecting you could very well have to do with your hypertension.  And yes, your diet can very well be driving your hypertension.  So lets continue to discuss that via private message.  Another thing to think about is that you are at the age when there is often a very normal drop off in libido.  And their are some natural supplements out there that can address that.  Wishing you the best.

- George

[howcanthisbe]

George and Tim thanks for the great detailed replys. I know I need to do something about my BP. I dont know whats wrong with me but im a nervous wreck when I get my blood pressure checked. My eyes go blood shot red, I sweat, my heart beat goes crazy up. Im scared of getting a high reading and it makes me so nervous, this is my main problem. My first doc wrote it off as white coat syndrome. I will tell you this, I get extremely nervous when I do a speech in front of a class, my voice trembles and I cannot even speak sometimes its so bad. I dont know why I get so nervous over a little speech, sometimes I do it fine. When im nervous its bad, I start sweating, tremling etc. I feel this exact same nervousness when I take my blood pressure, im so nervous when I talk my voice breaks up. My heartbeat is so hard and fast im just like vibrating. Anyways I got a serious nervousness problem on taking my blood pressure, I can take it anywhere, I still get the same nervous. Im not talking a little nervous, im talking more nervous then anything in life has ever made me. I know I got a problem, and I cant seem to fix it and it only gets worse the harder I try not to get nervous when im taking my blood pressure. Now I know I could need meds, I know one thing I think changing my diet would make a good impact. I really dont wanna take prescription meds unless all else fails. I know I sound like a idiot when I say prescription meds are harmful, but I saw quite a few docs that also agree with me and say they do more harm then good often.
Take a look at this article:
http://www.westonaprice.org/moderndiseases/bpdrugs.html
Now as far as the libido or erection problems being due to hypertension alone I know thats not the case for me. Now my libido problem is complicated as im not even sure if it exist because im paranoid about it never coming back which could be my mind playing tricks on me. The erection problem is real because I noticed it at a party one night with a girl and thought well this is weird. I looked it up the next day and found it to be a side effect. Lately in the last 3 days my libido has been good for some reason, im hoping the trend continues. Now why are my erections still not 100% after nearly 3 years off the med? It took me a while to figure that out, its because the meds gave me peyronies and thats not going to go away. Anyways im sorry if I sound uneducated on this topic because I actually am educated on blood pressure meds and alternative treatments. It just makes me so angry that I could of avoided getting Peyronies Disease if the doc just mentioned and slight risk of Peyronies Disease. I would have switched to another drug or tried natural alternatives before taking it. George and Tim, I know both of you are very well educated on blood pressure meds so im not trying to disrespect you in any way. I dont know what to do honestly, they are going to have to take my blood pressure when im sleeping is the only way I can come up with, even then I will be worked up all that day and it could give me false readings even that night. I know your wondering why I get so nervous over a simple blood pressure reading, well its because if its not normal I know theres a chance I will have to go on blood pressure meds. Im a nervous wreck when it comes to taking my blood pressure. I know natural alternatives dont lowrer your bp enough for alot of people, but I think a huge problem for me is my diet. I also had alot of test to rule out secondary hypertension. Anyways do you guys know of any natural alternatives that really work good? I read of a 8 day fast with only water that seems to give people a good building foundation to start out with lower blood pressure and keep it down with the right diet. Thanks again Tim and George, im not trying to say anyone is wrong here, im just scared to take meds before I try changing my diet. I know if I do not fix this problem soon im going to have some serious health problems in the near future.

[George999]

Howcanthisbe,

It is VERY NORMAL to have this kind of problem with taking your BP readings.  If you are afraid your blood pressure might be high when you take the reading IT WILL BE, GUARANTEED!  But there are solutions to this problem. One is wearing a 24hr monitor.  Another is that you just get into a routine of taking your blood pressure and you do it on such a routine schedule that you get used to seeing it high all the time and suddenly, it isn't so high anymore.  But you need to get a handle on what your BP is doing.  You need to approach it with curiosity, not fear.

I read over the article by Dr. William Campbell Douglass.  And on some points he is right.  On others he is wrong.  Dead wrong.  He maintains that since hypertension is a symptom and not a disease (and in that he is correct, that is why I refer to it as a 'syndrome', it is really a composite of a number of underlying symptoms), it should not be treated.  But I can tell you that symptoms ALONE can kill you.  You can have an infection.  The solution of course is antibiotics to fight the infection.  But you may need medication to reduce life threatening fever as well.  Often the bodies attempts to fight a problem get out of control.  We see that with peyronies.  The same is true with hypertension.  In that case we need to make intervention and purposely disrupt the bodies responses in order to restore the bodies balance.  This is the purpose of blood pressure meds.  I would agree that many of these meds can have significant side effects, but I can tell you that ACE-Inhibitors and especially ARBs, which Dr. Douglass doesn't even mention, are exceptionally safe medications.  And since secondary hypertension has been ruled out in your case, the most likely cause of your hypertension is elevated levels of renin.  In simple terms, this is caused because the kidneys get starved for blood due to vascular problems and attempt to get more blood flow by secreting renin which causes the vascular system to constrict and raises blood pressure.  And this actually works well for a time.  But eventually the kidneys are no longer able to 'self regulate' and the same vascular contriction that increases blood pressure starts to actually further starve the kidneys by restricting the renal arteries as well.  ACE-Inhibitors and ARBs reverse this action, and not only lower blood pressure (which by the way is pounding on your kidneys causing further damage), but also cause the arteries in the kidneys themselves to dialate renewing the lifegiving flow of blood to your kidneys WITHOUT the pounding of elevated blood pressure.  The kidneys location directly under the heart makes them exceptionally prone to damage from elevated blood pressure, and you definately want to stop that damaging effect as quickly as possible.  When it comes to blood pressure information, I urge you to read the link I sent you to an article by two of the top blood pressure experts in the world.  I can assure you, when it comes to understanding blood pressure and its treatment, Dr. Douglass, as well intentioned as he might be, doesn't hold a candle to them.  These are two of the world's top experts.  Pay attention to their advice.

You also need to do something about your anxiety issues.  Aloe Vera softgels twice a day were a great help for me in this regard and they also will lower your BP, bad cholesterol, blood sugar and do other good things for you, fish oil (one softgel a day) is also good for anxiety in that it lowers inflamation in the body.  You might want to give them a try.  Actually right now, I am also taking a little bit of clonazepam, a prescription drug to lower my own anxiety level, by choice, because it makes life easier for me and is assisting me in my plan to control my BP using natural approaches.  Prescription meds are only bad if they are abused, in the hands of a caring and compitent doctor, they can be great tools to restoring your health.  So don't believe all the scary hype you read on the Internet and in the news.  The Internet is a great tool for learning, but it has lots of bad and even dangerous 'information' on it as well.  Those who insist on ONLY conventional medicine are just wrong. And those who insist on ONLY natural treatments are just as wrong.  The plain fact is, natural treatments that work alter the body's metabolism just like prescription drugs do.  And when things go wrong in our bodies we have to intervine to set things straight and thats where the logic of folks like Dr. Douglass just loses it.

I agree with you that a big part of your problem is 1) your lousy diet and 2) you probably have a lousy lifestyle with regard to exercise and who knows what all else.  So please do yourself a favor and order a copy of the book I recommended to you and try to follow its advice.  Tim and I are here to try to help you.  Believe me there is a lot of bad advice out there on the Internet from people who are either ill informed themselves or even some with malicious intent.  Don't believe everything you read that puts down conventional medicine.  Conventional medicine has plenty of problems, but some of these sites, like the one you linked are giving you really bad advice.  Even the site I linked with the article by the two BP specialists has some bad advice. You have to filter everything by what you know to be true, and that takes a lot of knowing.  Tim and I have a lot of years of experience in that regard and Tim has a considerable amount of serious training.  So take advantage of that.

If I were you, I would skip the fasting and try to get on some medication to lower your anxiety level (if aloe vera and fish oil don't do it for you) and see what effect that has on your BP.  I would then try to get on a good BP medication (ACEI or ARB).  At the same time you can get on a healthy diet and exercise routine.  Remember, these prescription medications may (hopefully) be only temporary and can allow you to get a good shot at actually curing the underlying problem.  At this point I am convinced that a lot of the stuff that is good for peyronies is also good for hypertension.  Stuff like Vitamin C (use ONLY the time release type), CoQ10, Vitamin E (use only the full spectrum type), and horny goat weed.  But use your head, don't OD on any of these.  You can take lots of time release C up to 6 to 8 g per day, I really like the 8hr stuff you can get at Walgreens and you can take lots of CoQ10 up to 300mg per day, its terribly expensive, the best source is Costco if you have access to them.  But I would limit the E to 800IU and the horny goat weed to the max on the label.  You might also try maca tablets, their actually made from food, so no real limit on how much you can take other than what your pocket book can afford.  But all of these are no substitute for sound medical advice from a good internal medical doctor.  So get yourself to a new doctor, write down everything you've posted here and more and take it with you and explain everything to him including all your fears and concerns and you will be amazed at how much help you can receive.  Take advantage of it.

Wishing you the very best from the bottom of my heart,

-George

[howcanthisbe]

George, thanks for the great reply. I will surely check out those links you provided. I gotta get my blood pressure down, I just keep putting it off and think well I will take care of it after college but I cannot wait any longer. I am going to take action. I will check those out and thanks alot for the advice, im sorry for going off topic here. Thanks again.

[Tim468]

Dear HCTB:

Thank you for being so honest - it can't be easy to open up about such stuff that is so embarrassing. I have struggled with anxiety in my life, and have been a "responder" my whole life to situations. When I did an exercise test at 30, my BP was highest when I was standing there waiting to start!

Your responses that you describe are more than simple anxiety, though. It sounds like a crippling disorder as you describe it, and this is your life. This is not "anxiety", or "hypertension" or "Peyronie's". This is how you are and who you are. And the wonderful thing about what you are struggling with is that it is something that can be fixed. But this is your life here, not "college" or "just for now".

Do you want to be like this forever? It won't last that long with luck and work, but why wait around?

So, IMHO, you need to get some real help. You need someone to comprehensively help you - meaning not start you on an SSRI that might worsen PB or Peyronies Disease. (I'd start with bupropion)(wellbutrin). A therapist. Find out what is available for free through the local campus clinic. You might find other local sources of free care for mental health help. Look for it and you will find it. I have a friend who is seeing a therapist at the local gay health center (which is primarily focused on helping indigent people with HIV/AIDS) because he found a great therapist there, and they were willing to see him for 5$ a week. If you look you can find help. I am unconvinced that you are looking - but I hope you hear what we are saying to you to get you moving.

Tim

[howcanthisbe]

Thanks Tim. Im really calm though in tough situations and im not paranoid. Its only the BP thing and speaking,lol. Im gonna seek help and take your advice.

[Hawk]

I am not sure how many members regularly surf our website for updates, but Tim wrote a great article on Peyronies Disease, Sexuality, & Intimacy thathas been added to our site.  I suggest that everyone read read it.

It links off of several pages including the home page, News, and the Disease page as well as our site map, but here is a direct link.

http://www.peyroniessociety.org/intimacy.htm

[IrishB OCD]

Hey guys I've been reading through a lot of this topic and this subject has been slightly touched on a lot but not quite so specifically.

I am having severe depression issues with all this.  Where I used to just sort of let it bug me and I hated it, and it wore on me, but I never let it take control.  But now it's literally all I think about.  I literally walk around looking at every guy that passes telling myself how his package is perfect and how ugly I am for having this disease.  And not only have I been blaming myself, but I started blaming God.

I know I got chastised before for talking about religion but it can be majorly affected by Peyronie's, and I'll only be on this for a sec.  I used to be hugely involved with church and I wanted to be a pastor.  but now cause of all this I've started blaming God.  He gave it too me, I've prayed about this and theres no response.  No healing that people always talk about, he doesn't care.

Sorry off toppic.

Point being.  Even my best friend, which if you read from earlier in this topic, has always been there for me and has been the best support that I could ever ask for (besides you guys ) has seen a change in my mood due to this and I can tell he's getting annoyed with it ...a lot so I'm trying not to talk about it.

So any ideas for what you do to keep the knife away from your wrist (ok I've never actually written a note but the thought has crossed my mind a few times this semester and that's never happened before in my life...)

Thanks

[ComeBacKid]

If I recall back to April, when my peyronies worsened, I was feeling the same as you are man.  Your surgery is done, there is nothing you can do about this.  I would let everything heal then get very aggressive with treatments, pentox seems to look really good, a lot of people on here report results from the VED, and Iontophoresis can work for some people, I'm actually looking to sell my unit at a really discounted price to anyone who is interested.  The most important thing is to get healthy... work out, eat right, lift some weights, and try to pick up some new hobbies.  It may benefit you to see a counselor, I was seeing one for awhile but he got depressed himself from his bladder cancer.  Finally you have to try to think in terms that your penis is not the most important part of your body, sex is not everything my friend.  Things could be a lot worse, I thought peyronies was the worst thing that could happen to me, then I had a life changing event and suddenly peyronies is second on the list for me my friend.  What if you didn't have a leg, or an arm?  What if you had no penis at all?  What if you were paralyzed, or a had a chronic progressive deadly disease?  There is hope, your penis is not broken for good, but you must take it easy on it, your most recent problem sounds like it came from you not laying off your penis, you got to do this until it is fully healed, then attack peyronies with everything.  Many treatments out there, alc, pentox, ved, iontophoresis, supplements, viagra, l arginine, hit it hard.  4.5 inches will still get the job done.  I think when unlucky things happen to one, it is natural to be angry, I've felt the same way, why would god allow such a thing to happen?  Keep the faith my brother, it could be a lot worse.  Here in pennsylvania there was a fellow who was angry at god for his daughters death at birth, he lived about 18 miles from my house.  He never sought help and got so angry he walked into an amish school house and blew some innocent girls away, then he turned the gun on himself...

[Hawk]

I sent a PM to ocdirishboy because I wanted to avoid a religious post from my one point of view that may spark controversy.  Our rules indicate that such remarks should be limited and confined to this topic or the "Off Topic" area.  After sending the PM I decided that maybe I should post a modified version here.  This version is a bit scrubbed of specific doctrine but still delivers the concept I wanted to share.  If any find this controversial just send me a PM and I will delete it without ever indicating who may have had  an issue with it.  If it sparks a discussion of controversy on religion or doctrine, I will delete this post and any posts that address this post.  I consider this post pushing the edge of the line if not over the line and I acknowledge that it may be a mistake.  I guess the verdict will be by determined by the reaction of the members.  

A few thoughts on your post.

I am a slow typist and in the midst of a few family situations that need my time so I will be blunt and direct to save time.

You express a feeling of total abandonment and a loss of a sense of value for life because of your problems.  This expresses a total misunderstanding of faith and God's plan.  Bad things do not just happen to Godless people who do not pray.  What faith would it take to believe, if religious people were the only ones not being blown to bits on the battle field, rotting away from cancer, or getting raped?  The scriptures teach us by example.  The example is that even when we do what is good, trials abound.  The example is to do what is right in the midst of trials, to find peace in a closer relationship with God, to be a follower even when life is not running smoothly.  Are we more special than the apostle Paul who was stoned, and beaten within an inch of his life many times while preaching.  He was shipwrecked 3 times and floated at sea for days on one occasion, and was finally executed.  John the baptist who Christ said was the most worthy of men, was beheaded.  According to tradition, when the apostle Peter was crucified he asked to be hung upside down because he felt unworthy to die in the same manner as his Saviour.  He did not get mad at God for not saving him from adversity.  One can not have a passing acquaintance with scripture and not see that there has never been a hint of promise that the Godly would have an easy life.

We came here for trials, to prove our faithfulness amid trials, to serve others as Christ did, to show our love of God and gratitude for all that is good and right in our lives not to obsess over the part that is not perfect.  God did not send a penis to earth and say " go forth and have a great time with the chics".  He sent a man to earth and said "Come follow me".  You are that man.  You are not your penis.  To devalue all that you are by obsessing on your penis, is to have misplaced values and a misdirected life.  Joy and peace amid trials come as a result of having Godly values.

I find when I feel sorry for myself for any reason that it is usually a sign of selfish egocentric behaviour.  Go to a children's hospital or a cancer center, or an old folks home today and say, "I need to help someone".  Lose yourself in service to others.  Lead a rich life of lightening others load, and you will gain some perspective.

You asked for input, this is mine.  I promise that it works.

Good luck my friend.

PS: "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle"  You are not unique in your struggle with problems.  As yours are hidden from others, theirs are often hidden from you.

[Larry H]

Hawk:

In view of the post made by Ocdirishboy I think your reply to him was absolutely proper, and beautifully written. Everyone who comes here for support will be different, with a different set of circumstances and fighting different demons. To have a policy so strict that it imposes restrictions on a proper response to a particular post would make the forum sterile and disfunctional.

I think you made a post that will give comfort to Ocdirishboy and I second every word of it.

Larry

[Old Man]

Hawk:

I can say AMEN to your post several times. Right on with the advice to ocirishboy. I sent him a PM also.

Old Man

[Steve]

Hawk,

I loved that quote "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle".  If it is yours, could I use it?  If not, do you know where it came from?  That's basically how I've tried to live my life, but this quote expresses it wonderfully,

Steve

[Liam]

Hawk,

I cannot imagine anyone finding fault with your words of encouragent.  Your words are even more inspiring given in spite of the trials you are facing now.

Liam

[Kimo]

Hawk,,your response was right on in every way to ocdirishboy, and very well written..I say Amen to it and i also have sent him a PM saying about the same thing....Not sure if he know's about the private message button on his screen though....

Kimo

[Hawk]

The phrase inside of quotes is not mine.  I do not know who originated it but it was on one of the many emails that those with good intentions send all over the internet.  It phrased a philosopy I have often heard and thought about in a way that is easy to remember.  It does so with a powerful ring of truth.

I think the author is unknown.

[IrishB OCD]

Thank you all so much.  I left to go out of town almost immediatly after my last post so I did not get a chance to get back on until tonight.  However, I have read every one of your pm's several times as well as all of the posts here.  thank you all for your words of encouragement , I can't believe the responce and how much you all have been there.  I'm gonna take a day or two and think a little bit because I want to give all of your thoughtful posts/messages the thought out responses that they deserve, and I need to clear my head a little.  But I will be responding to all of you, especially Kobold.  thank you so much, you all mean more to me than I even thought possible.

[Steve]

This is kinda freaky!  After asking Hawk about his quote a couple of days ago (Be kinder than necessary...), I was sent the following by a business friend of mine...

Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it.  From a distance, each looks like every other horse. But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing.

Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him. This alone is amazing.

If nearby and listening, you will hear the sound of a bell. Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field.

Attached to her halter is a small bell. It lets her blind friend know where she is, so he can follow her.

As you stand and watch these two friends, you'll see how she is always checking on him, and that he will listen for her bell and then slowly walk to where she is, trusting that she will not lead him astray. When she returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, she stops occasionally and looks back, making sure her friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.

Like the owner of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges. He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need.

Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those who God places in our lives. Other times we are the guide horse, helping others see.

Good friends are like this......You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

Please listen for my bell, and I'll listen for yours.

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of 'battle'."

This sounds a LOT like us all here on the forum...

I'll ring my bell and listen for yours.

[Kimo]

Steve,, would you be so kind as to e-mail this to my private e-mail,,this is really great......My e-mail is    kauaiman005@yahoo.com

And thank you for posting it , what a message......Kimo

[IrishB OCD]

So it's been a week... a little longer than I promised for my reply to your guys's great posts.  Sorry.

I realized the point when this became an issue for me.  At some point several months I stopped asking for God to heal me.  Instead I grabbed hold of a phrase and let it ruin me.  "Normal".  I stopped asking for healing, and started asking to be normal.  This immediately game be the feeling of....I can't think of the word but deserving works.  I was owed something.  I deserved to be given the same "member" as everyone else.  And instead of feeling down and deppressed by this I got angry.  I felt like God owed me something because I've spent my whole life (I know not that long, but it's everything to me) either working for him or preparing for a career of working for Him.  So i felt like I didn't deserve this.  It's not that I didn't believe in him, I was pissed at him.

When I let these feelings start, they took over and grew and grew.  I ran with that phrase and just kept thinking "All I want is to be normal, that shouldn't be to hard!" angrily.

Then this weekend I'm at a worship conference.  Something that I signed up for long before any of this happened and there was no getting out of it.  And I've kind of realized the immaturity of my thoughts and actions and am trying to change.  Here in lies my current struggle.

I realize now that my penis is not worth throwing my life away.  And this is part of the reason (as Old man and Hawk put it so well) that I have felt like God doesn't care.  He created a penis to be used for pro-creation, the orgasm is just a nice side affect.  And if I'm close enough to a woman to marry her, then she obviously won't care about something like this.  So God doesn't care, he cares about me, but he doesn't care if I embarass myself in front of a girlfriend on the second date (I didn't ...but go read "Women Speak out about Peyronnies if your curious about that one...oops ya'll were right.)  because I'm trying to have sex.  Because he wants me to wait anyway.

So help me.  I'm still struggling with anger.  Even though I realize it's wrong and I don't deserve anything, I don't even deserve the salvation and the cross (much more important than a penis).  I'm at this conference (second day is tomorrow) trying to worship, wanting to worship, it;s a worship conference lol.  But i keep getting reminded of this and getting angry.  I try to block it but the anger is still there.  I feel like I need to forgive God to get closure on the anger but that's bad for two reasons.  One I can't do it because I'm still angry, two even I'm smart enough to know that I should never be thinking of forgiving God; He's perfect.

It's like I have two halves of my person fighting each other...one's intelligent enough to know the truth...the other is just angry at the world... Help! (any help tonight would be awesome so I can check this tomorrow before the conference...but if not I undrestand its 140 in the morning (here))

[Kimo]

Hello Ocdirishboy, just a note to say your on the right track,,it's ok to get mad at God and tell him so, he's a big boy and can handle it....The important thing is that your talking to him, he wants you to talk to him....He created you for his pleasure. He also is the one who created you and he knows how to fix you...I am an artist,and when something breaks that i have made i know how to go back and fix it,,same thing goes for us, he can fix us, but you have to ask and have faith and be patient too...Somethings happen right away and somethings take time...So, keep the faith and keep trusting, He never fails.............He also expects us to do our part by being part of this forum where you can get counseling and support from a bunch of great men, we will all be praying for you, blessings to ya man,,,Kimo

[Disposable Strategies]

hi everyone. i was wondering if anyone would be willing to correspond with me through PM's about their experiences with Peyronies Disease and to hear mine. i feel like it would help me out psychologically to tell someone the things i have never told anyone and to hear first hand that they may be feeling the same exact way. i understand that this is what this section of the forum is intended for, but i'm not as courageous as all of you in telling my story so openly to the forum, even if it is anonymous. i would really appreciate it. and if any of you would like to tell me anything that's difficult for you to deal with, im a pretty good listener. keep fighting the good fight. -DS

[Old Man]

DS:

I would be glad to work with you in any way possible with your Peyronies Disease. Have had the mess for over 50 years myself and seen many things up and down with it.

Just PM me or email me at the address shown in my profile and I will be glad to assist you in any way.

Sincerely, Old Man

[George999]

I've been struggling with Peyronies for almost three years now and at this point I am seeing really great progress.  At this point, if things keep progressing the way they are, I hope to be free of this problem six months from now.  What is really working for me:

1)  Lifestyle adjustments ... avoiding things that are just bad for my general health.
2)  Diet adjustments ... I have found DASH diet recommended by my doctor to be a great place to start.
3)  Research based supplements ... I have found broad spectrum E especially effective and also stuff that stops inflammation in its tracks.
4)  Endurance (aerobic) exercise ... strength type exercise like weigh lifting doesn't work and may actually be bad for peyronies.

There are other effective strategies including VED right here on this website, but I am sharing what is working (and working well) for me.  I am also convinced that Pentox is absolutely the best drug ever for Peyronies and if you have a severe case, you should pursue it.  In any case, I am simply here to tell all of you posting on this thread that this is not a hopeless condition.  I am getting control over this disease and I know you can too.  You don't have to pay a lot of money to people promising instant cures, those are all just a bunch of BS.  All the information you need is right here on this forum.  All you need is determination and patience.  For people with more severe cases it will take longer, but most of you can knock this thing out with all the information and effective solutions that are available these days.  I wish you all the very best and pray that you will not listen to the gloom and doom crowd or the rip off artists, but that you will simply use the information at your fingertips on this very forum to defeat this ugly disease.

- George

Added By Hawk: If you wish to respond to the diet of exercise portion on this post, do so at this link https://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,488.0.html

[IrishB OCD]

I think I've figured out why this desiease has had such a huge affect on me personally, and most others as well.

It's the hopeless feeling.

When I was younger, I never let it really get me down beacuse I knew, well I thought I knew, that I could always do something about it.  I knew I could try some of the treatments (Vit. E or whatev), and if that work that surgery was always a good last resort.

But now.  I've exhausted every other option.  I've had the sugery, there's no where else for me to go.  And I know that many of you haven't had the surgery, but still many of you do not want it.  And even so it's not a guarantee (obviously), and it won't make it perfect.  It makes it better.

There is no oral treatment that works for everyone, the creams and VED are sort of successful for some.  But there is no answer.  I am, like most men, a doer.  When I don't like something I change it.  When someone bothers me I tell them.  When something needs fixing, I fix it.  This is one of my most admirable qualities, and one of my biggest faults.  But now, I have probably one of the bigger problems I will face in my life and there's nothing I can do about it.  So, now not only do I have this issue which is depressing enough, but I'm not happy because there's nothing I can do about it.  So I feel completely hopeless.  All I want is to be normal like the other 99% of men (Acutally I figurd out today I'm in the bottom .03% of men.  Because I'm the 1/100 with this issue, the 1/10 with congenital rather than peyronie's, and the 1 in 30 who have a failed surgery lol).  But there's really nothing I can do about it.

Not sure why I wrote this.  I don't really have a question or something to tell you guys.  This has just been on my mind and I was curious what others thought about it.

Irish

[Old Man]

Irish:

You have now arrived at a point that you can admit you have a problem and seemingly cannot help it in anyway, that is good. Opening up and talking about it is one of the best forms of therapy for Peyronies Disease that one can do. I have been through most the things you talk about except for the surgery. Having had so many surgeries on other parts of my body though has taught me that bringing the problems out in the open helps more than anything. It also helps to know that others are in the same "boat" and know what you are going though.

So, hang in there, you never know when something will come along that works for you. Just keep trying things.

Old Man

[ComeBacKid]

Irish OCD,

I have the same exact feeling as you my friend, the hopelessness hurts me severly each and every day I wake up, Peyronies Disease is the first thing that pops into my mind.  I do however hold onto hope in the form of future treatments such as Auxillium, Stem Cells, and the VED I'm currently using.  With everything seeming so far away its like a challenge of simply lasting long enough to be around to try the new treatments.  Fighting off the feelings of hopelessness each and every day.  I've found the best way to do this is to try and keep as busy as possible and have a very active and aggressive protocol to attack peyronies so you can at least say you are doing everything you can do!  Besides this I've been volunteering to help others who are in need and have less than I do- this is a good way to feel like you are giving back to a community in need and see that some people have it much worse than you do my friend.  The pentox is the newst thing I am now trying I've seen encouraging results with this so I'm going to stick with it, and keep my positive forward looking attitude!

ComeBackid

[IrishB OCD]

Ya, that's part of whats killing.  None of that will help me.  I don't have peyronies.  My penis was built wrong.  It's supposed to be way curved.  No pill will fix it cause theres no scar.  And no doctor will do a second surgery because they're all afraid of shortening and loss of sensitivity.  So theres nothing to fight for.

[ComeBacKid]

Well as they move forward with advancments in the stem cell arena and other surgical processes a cure or the possibility of improvment may emerge for you there.  So there is still something to pray and hope for my friend.  There will also be future advances in ED drugs to if your having any problems with that.  If you can have sex fine, no doctor would do surgery on you anyway to be honest, most good doctors aren't quick to do surgery... key word there GOOD.

ComeBackid

[Liam]

Jon,

I have been thinking about your post a long time.  We on the forum have seen this story repeated many times.  One of the younger members picks up a girl for a one-nighter and the equipment fails (usually a surprise).

I'm not going to try and interpret the meaning.  I don't know if this is unique to men with Peyronies-like symptoms. I'm just going to "put it out there".  You can know it happens frequently to other guys.  

What I don't hear (I can't say it doesn't happen) is of this particular type of ED in a committed relationship.  Maybe anxiety?  Who knows?

[youngPD]

What would you do?

I will provide a bit of background about myself :

I am almost 33 years old. I've had severe peyronies from the age of 30 (almost 3 years).my penis is pretty much with lumps and progressive fibrosys.

the last year or so I have lost length and girth (from 16.5 cm I have been left with about 14 or less and still in a progressive sate - and in girth as well).I am about 80%-85% impotent. it means I can have an erection (a weak one) only by constant stimulation by my hand, I lose it very quickly if the stimulation stops even for a moment.intercourse is absolutely impossible - I can not maintain it.I still have pains in the left side of my testicles .especially when masturbating more then 10 minutes.

I have lost A girlfriend and many more potential girlfriends. I am  ironicly very good looking, (it is like a joke of the destiny - being handsome and having skills like good education and so - but not being able to be with girls who hit on me all the time).

In the past I had many girls. I used to be very active sexually.and had huge sex drive. it seems that in many aspects my sexuality used to be my drive and motivation for many other goals in life (even things like work and study ).I used to be the orginizer of parties,and the one who gather the gang. my friends used to be jelous about my role in social life and about the girls.

Now - for more then 2 years I am kind of outcasted.
I avoided social life,as I was reluctant to tell people about it.I was so ashamed.I lost many oportunities regarding career options for I was too depressed.in about a bit more then 2 years I have lost everything I have had,including great deal of money in my savings (about 30,000 US $),as I used to be self employed,and haven't been working since the deterioration of the Peyronies Disease.

I have spent thousands of dollars visiting many doctors ,so called "experts",whom have provided me with nothing but a gloom or temporary illusions whatsoever.

Have been through all medications - pills,injections,tried the tension ring which was painfull for me and might have worsen my condition. nothing was really helpfull. haven't been dating for almost two years of loneliness.

At the end of the day,the bottom line of my case,being 33 years old and single,and having this severe condition,I have basicly 3 options :
1.to live all my life alone
2.to live with a woman without sex - which is kind of silly to me.
3.to make an implant which will cut me off to about 11 cm in the best case (if there are no complications or so),plus it may cost about 10k in dollars all together.
4.to use the ved (vacuum erection device),in front of a new girl - an option that I can't emotionaly use.

Needles to say,I am totally depressed and helpless consequently. I am kind of in a deadlock.I do not know what to do.

Socially it kills you as well : how to explain to your friends why you are not dating anymore ? how to see healthy people without putting yourself down immediately ? how to answer when people want to introduce me to a nice girl ?

I would appriciate any input from someone who is about my age more or less,about the same marital state (single like me) and same severity of peyronies (impotence,fibrosys).

In addition I would like to ask another question :


Simple but hard question (happened to me yesterday):

Again I made a silly thing. I happened to talk with a very pretty girl yesterday (she started to talk with me). she gave me a phone number.

I don't know what to do. I would be dying to be with her but what can I do ?

to go for a date and then even if she likes me,what shell I say after 3 dates ?

To tell her : I had a terrible disease - my penis is full of fibrosys,short - 14 cm or a bit less,and not lasting for more then a minute without constant hand stimulation?. I can have only soft erection - not all the time.doesn't last long.no sponteous erections at all today anymore.if I get arosed with the girl - there is no erection at all when I hug a girl for instance -not close to like it was before.
I just get some liquid out when I am arosed.when I masturbate,my weak erection doesn't last long without constant intensive stimulation by my hand.
so what can I do ,in order not to stay alone for life ? to tell a girl about all this matter which will be deteriorating more like usually it happens with peyronies ? (not that it's not severe enough today).and how can you  tell her: in addition I am not well established financially like most people my age and not earninig so much like I used to,because I am so depressed over my Peyronies Disease ?

I do not know. maybe some girls could come to terms with it ? maybe yes maybe no (to live with 30 years old guy who is impotent?)? I am pretty scared and shiverring of telling a girl about all this .

on the other hand I am dying to be with a girl again - even with my current non-functional penis. even in my poor condition . what shell I do ? implant ? (11 cm pump in this case)? go and tell a girl (without any pump) ? be frustrated forever without any intimacy ? I have to solve it somehow.

Being alone is so bad.I don't care anymore about my own pleasure. I care about being with a woman .intimacy. I don't know how to unrevel this frustrating cycle.

If I knew (in advance...)that a girl is tolerant and she knows about stuff like my disease in advance,maybe I would tell or something - I am pretty locked - like in being in jail ,without people knowing that I am so f'~c<+d up over this.

My problem is that girls are hitiing on me and I am so used to what I was once,I want it so much so I can't help talking with girls flirting like in the past. wanting to be with a girl desperatelly.



Dunno what to do. I dunno how to wake up of this nightmare .

There got to be something in this bloody world. it is so unfair.

Give me an input if you can
my e-mail is : anipurim@yahoo.com

Best regards
Thank you in advance