Constant feeling of panic; warning: narcissistic post, just blowing off steam

[love]

I feel like my time is running out. I can't keep living like this anymore, I'm 22 and I know I'm pretty sure I won't EVER be able to sustain a consistent relationship. Making out, dry humping, and occasional drunken sex won't do it for me anymore.

I can't even begin to think about graduating and dealing with a 9 to 5 without a girl to distract me from the constant toil. I need a sexual release. Many girls are attracted to me and I constantly exercise to get my endorphins flowing, but it's not enough.

Throughout the day if I'm sitting down I'll just rhythmically sway back and forth while panicking. I binge drink excessively to take away the worries. I feel a sense of constant heartbreak because the girl I like is beautiful as hell and I've hooked up with her in every way possible that doesn't involve my penis (besides her grabbing it several times).  but I can't even achieve consistent intimacy with myself, let alone another girl.

I'm unable to wait a year for xiaflex. This is not okay. I don't want BS optimism and platitudes. I know that I should commit suicide, but I don't think I will because it's human nature to keep on living.

Well, on my way to the gym to try to feel a temporary sense of well-being. There's no real need for advice I just had to get this off my chest.

This is so much BS and I know we all have to deal with it but it is SUCH BS. I try to feel grateful that I'm not paralyzed or whatever but I NEED TO HAVE SEX WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT THIS BS.

christ I cant even channel my angst into sexual energy, there's no one to blame, to rage at, nothing I can do that actually makes the problem better. the F~@< did my life turn into this???

fuuuuuuck F~@< F~@< F~@< F~@< F~@< so much youthful energy and horniness, so many opportunities that could be easily realized if MY DICK WORKED LIKE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO

If my life is going to be like this http://www.theonion.com/articles/mans-utter-failure-in-life-a-bit-of-a-sore-spot,26465/ in fifteen years, then I should end it. Death is just nothingness; this is constant panic, panic, heartbreak, and panic.  

[newguy]

I'm young too, and you're younger. If there's one thing that isn't running out it's time. I do appreciate that if you are constantly being approached, you may feel the loss of today as greater than the average person, but still there is tomorrow.

Rhythmically swaying can be a sign of depression, and I don't blame you for being depressed and for panicking, but all that does it is scramble your sense of tomorrow and make you think somewhat irrationally. Certainly, no-one with peyronie's can be said to have had an easy time of it but please don't lose hope. In the words of my favourite grumpy songsmith, 'there is a light and it never goes out'.

I'm not telling you to be optimistic about things. You feel how you feel. Xiaflex will likely hit the market regardless of whether or not you are around to receive it. That's the reality. I'd much rather you be around than not. Believe it or not many men have been saved by this forum. Whether it be through pentox, ved, traction, surgery, implants, the list goes on. Soon enough we'll likely be adding xiaflex to that list, and more treatments besides. What felt like an impossible situation for many men turned out not to be.

You're a nice guy with a nasty problem. Life has dealt a crappy hand to lots of people here, but that doesn't mean that people don't emerge from it, and with remarkable strength of character due to what they've come through. Don't give up.

[reynell]

I had to blow off steam the other day too.
Talking is good for you.
I do understand.

[love]

Whatever, it's the feeling of heartbreak that's making sh*t get real.

Too those who PM'd me, I'm not going to get an implant at 22, it's too drastic and irreversible. I was able to have sex once a few weeks ago and it worked kinda alright although it didn't feel good for me (might be the condoms fault) and the next day my penis was clearly feeling injured.

I can masturbate normally somewhat, did it yesterday without a fabric, it's just if I have to be all tender and then my penis gets all deformed in its flaccid state afterwards, and my erections go through this horrifying hourglass process and are hard to get even with Cialis and L-Arginine.

And my problem is relatively minor in terms of curvature, so I do think there's a small chance that Xiaflex might help me somewhat, but it'll be on the market in over a year, and if it doesn't work, there probably won't be anything significant coming out for the next 10-20.

It's just when your friends all are living normal lives like you did until you were a certain age, and you get tastes of love and sex and they're so damn profound. So profound. It's one thing to be brooding over the loss of sexual gratification but when you're intensely infatuated with a beautiful girl who likes you as well, but you know you can't be in a consistent relationship with her... Damn.






 

[james1947]

love

I agree with you that implant is drastic and irreversible and that at age of 22 you should try to find an other way to solve the problem.
I don't know what your therapy is except you have written you are using Cialis and L-Arginine.
Maybe with the correct treatment you can improve your situation.
Xiaflex is not the only hope, have other things people are trying out also.
Some kind of surgeries helped people on the forum, I am not talking about implat. Try to read the related topics to understand more.

You are also right that many of us had a normal life before the Peyronies, but the Peyronies really ruined my life and other people life also.

Try to be less pessimistic, you have written that you had sex a few weeks ago and

it worked kinda alright although

My self I was never using condome because even in my best was making my penis to lose erection immediately. Maybe is a psychological issue.
If you will get in a long relationship (not occasional sex) and you will don't need to use condome you will feel better.

Wish you all the best
James