struggling but not giving up

[20yo]

Hi everyone
It's been more than 3 years for me since i got this ugly disease.
At first it was completely traumatizing, I had to go to the hospital because of my really bad thoughts.
Then i slowly started to cope with it.
These days i have moments of peace.
It's still really really hard to envision a satisfactory sex life since I seem to not be able to get erect during sex. Im always flaccid and this is stressing me out big time.
I had some hookups and i loved everything about them. Except the fact that i could not get an erection and Im sure i must have disappointed my partner too.
My penis somehow works better when I'm alone so im hoping it's something to do with the depression/anxiety/embarassement and so on.
Thank you for reading, wish you all the best.
This crappy  disease is hard stuff

[Sonic]

I see in your signature we got the disease the same year. It's a nightmare. I also see in your signature you have hourglassing, I do to, a pretty large indentation on the right side. I am trying to remain positive but it's ruined my sex life no point denying that. Pretty much my only option is to live like this or perform an implant surgery and I'm not sure how keen I am getting implanted in sweden....

[Hawk]

20yo,

If you get satisfactory erections alone but not with a partner, then one of the following or a combination of the following is the issue.

1. You are stressed/anxious with a partner.  This generates adrenalin.  Adrenalin attaches to receptors in the penis and constricts blood flow.  It is a biochemical issue triggered by a psychological condition.  To treat this, you have to change your thoughts and state of mind.  Guided meditation is very helpful.  If that does not work ( it will if you put in a little effort), then a good professional counselor might be needed. You should look for one very skilled in Cognative Behavioural Therapy.

2. You are heavily involved with pornography, and your mind is addicted to that unrealistic, unthreatening visual stimulation and the associated endorphin rush. To treat that, you must abstain from porn and get involved in real life.  Again, meditation and counseling can help, but many are successful on their own.  Just google "quitting Porn", "Overcoming Porn" etc.

Finally, your sex life does not have to be over or diminished, even if you had total biologically based ED.  An implant will put you in at least as good shape as you were before Peyronies Disease.

[20yo]

my penis doesn't work when im alone either
at least it gets a little harder
when im in company nothing happens
I remember the days where i had hopes in life dreams and excitement. This disease completely changed the trajectory of my life
I feel like a looser that will never have a real relationship
 

[DaneS89]

It is amazing, in a frightening way, the power of the mind to negatively affect sexual function.

Depression and anxiety themselves are, or can be, a cause of ED. ED causes or contributes to depression. The cycle repeats and feeds itself. You need a curcuit-breaker. Easier said than done. I am still learning this for myself...still in the thick of it and trying to fight my way through.

It was startling to me recently when I went on holiday just how different I felt about my condition, and how different my body literally felt. How it behaved. How reactive (in a good way) my penis was. It was just a change of scene and the simple distraction of being in a new place doing new things. Can't be going on holiday all the time of course, but it was an important insight...a glimpse into what life *could be* like living with this condition if I just changed my mindset.

If the power of the mind can be so strong as to negatively impact our sexual and physical health, then it stands to reason that can be reversed and used to cultivate healing and health.

[RexRG]

It sure gets complicated. I developed Erectile Dysfunction almost 30 years ago and had no idea what was wrong. I made lame excuses with my wife, lying about back pain (which I had but it wasn't the cause) or leg pain or whatever, and of course the goto of migraines, and eventually just waited for it to pass.

It only worsened, partly because of the anxiety, until I finally asked my doctor for sildenafil. And things improved a bit. But even with 100mg the anxiety was always there and messed with my erections. Finally, though, erections completely vanished after a few years, even during masturbation, so I asked for a blood workup and a free-testosterone check. It was almost nonexistent. I finally got TRT injections and things began to improve dramatically.

I suggest that anyone struggling with Erectile Dysfunction should get checked because testosterone creeps slowly down making your self-esteem tank, and the psychological effect is very hard to overcome, even after getting physically better it could be still there. I can't stress strongly enough that anyone with Erectile Dysfunction get checked for testosterone levels soon. I'd say I lost a decade of good sex to low levels and the confusion that ensued.  

[Mikel7]

This is exactly what happened to me in 2004 - 20 years ago! My free testosterone did not even exist. Through a barrage of tests and needle sticks to ultrasounds I was placed on full replacement. I will say that it has it's downsides but I could not live without it! I can say I have been there and done that and that and that.

[RexRG]

Downsides include red blood cell increases, but I give "power red" donations to the Red Cross as often as possible to mitigate it, which has it well under control. And it's not a big deal to schedule an hour in a weekend every three or four months

I submit that testosterone declining causes much worse consequences if ignored or undiagnosed. Men are significantly defined by their sexuality and, if that goes away, life becomes dismal or worse. Please get checked guys.  

[Hawk]

It is amazing, in a frightening way, the power of the mind to negatively affect sexual function...
If the power of the mind can be so strong as to negatively impact our sexual and physical health, then it stands to reason that can be reversed and used to cultivate healing and health.

What a great post.  We all need to focus on these principles and apply them, not just read over them.  They are KEY!