A gay mans implant journey

[Ruddiger]

In 3 days time I will be going under the knife here in London and emerging with my new Titan "robocock" (thanks NHS!)

In a moment of reflection I thought I would journal the process from now until healing.

I also wanted to make note of being a gay man. Why? Whilst I absolutely acknowledge we are all going through the same trauma - for a number of reasons, that same trauma and circumstance can and will impact very differently on gay men. (Quick example - explaining why your dick is bent to hundreds of new sexual partners as opposed to having to tell a single partner once).

For context - I was a 45-year-old, reasonably successful, inner city dwelling, dance party attending, Gym bodied, Provincetown / Mykonos holidaying, sexually social gay man. I know, I know -  The pecs and abs cliche. However it is the life that I enjoyed. A life of much partying, much joy, much dancing and yes, much much F^@$!ng.....

Then came Peyronie's

Four years back, I had a reasonable to impressive 7.5" cock with the slightest of bends. My fingers and thumb would not connect around the girth. As of today -  I have lost around 3 inches of length, have a 90 degree curve when erect and the girth of a couple thumbs...

It is not hyperbolic to say this condition has impacted my relationships, my friendships, my social life, my sexual life, my ego, my confidence and my mental health...  Thoughts of suicide became a constant companion.

The surgery in 3 days has me excited, optimistic - and damn terrified.


PART 2 - THE BEGINNING

It was a summer morning in my flat in Notting hill. I remember it was summer because the window was open and a gentle breeze was blowing in across my body.  In my Drury off awake half a sleep state I started to become aware of a slight pain where they shouldn't be pain.

Sending my hands down under the covers. I was horrified to find approximately 1 inch long indentation on the left hand side of my penal shaft.  Only a quarter of an inch or so in depth, but unquestionably a dibbit where they had not been a dibbit before.

The pain was not exscruciating - however it was unquestionably present and most certainly unwelcome.

Immediately I thought back to the night before - had I tried some weird new position? Had I been to an S&M event and damaged my cock?

Alas, neither of those things had come to pass - it had been but a normal Tuesday night.  My reasoning in that moment was that I must have slept heavily on my stomach and had an involuntary erection while I was asleep.... Perhaps I had just bruised it and all would be well in a couple of days.

I showed it to my husband (a doctor - albeit in infectious diseases not in urology) - who reassured me that it was probably just a lymphoma or a fat deposit... (That was supposed to make me feel better??).

Days past and the indentation did not go away. There was no pain or discomfort when flaccid, however, I was certainly aware of it when erections happened.

Perhaps unwisely, I took myself off to Dr. Google to diagnose myself.  Apart from the scores of truly terrifying diagnosis, I came up with one word stood out that I had never heard of before - Peyronie's.

I quickly made an appointment with my GP who then referred me on to a urologist.

I was seen by a urologist at st. Mary's hospital in Paddington, given an ultrasound and given a positive diagnosis for Peyronie's.  I asked if there was anything to be done and the urologist I saw told me (and I quote) " there is absolutely nothing we can do about it. We just have to wait and see".

At this point I was in no way concerned about what was going on. This was just a small indentation and I had absolutely no concept of the progressive and destructive nature of the condition.

Thinking that was that and it will all blow over in a few months - I happily went on with my life.

[Stepone]

Ruddier
Thanks for sharing.
Please add a signature line containing your information about yourself.
I am happy for you that you have received all the information you have so far. You are fortunate to have connections in the medical field.
Be sure to take accurate measurements of pre surgery and as you progress after surgery as it will help others see your accomplishments.
Not sure if you are as you didn't mention, but are you doing pre-surgery stretches?
Best wishes and stay safe.
StepOne  

[Ruddiger]

PART 3 - THE PERFECT SUMMER

Winter past reasonably quickly with not much happening in regards to the indentation.  The pain gradually subsided and everything returned to a kind of normal.

Around March the next year, I started to notice that the curve I had had in my dick since birth began to shift.

Oddly - and to my incredible delight, the movement of the curvature gave me a perfectly straight penis for the first time - I was absolutely delighted.

I felt like I must be the luckiest person in the world - having Peyronie's actually make things better for me.

This new perfectly straight, perfectly formed cock gave me an amazing amount of confidence in the bedroom. I ran with this confidence over the summer and had a sex life like I had not had since my 20s.

I was going harder in the gym and I was going harder of an evening. There was not any sort of problem with achieving or maintaining an erection - one after the other, I could go all night. For that brief moment the peyronies had literally given me the dick I always wanted..

But what is given was soon taken away

Late summer, the slightest of worries began to develop as my cock started to go ever so slightly beyond straight to bending ever so slightly in the other direction...

As summer faded to spring and spring faded to winter, it became apparent that the changes were not complete - and this degeneration would be continual....

[Ruddiger]

PART 4 - THE GATHERING STORM

Covid. Lockdown. NHS in crisis. Hospitals closed. Online GP visits.

The first March of COVID came and for a while the world stopped functioning as we understood it.

Down below, things had steadily progressed to a point where my penis now had a solid 15° bent in the other direction to the curvature that I was born with.

Attempts to gain access to a urologist appointment proved futile for a good 6 months. Hospitals were closed with covid backlogs and appointments were nowhere to be found.

Going through a online GP service, I was finally able to secure an appointment with a urologist somewhere in the east end of London. Although I live very centrally in Soho - at least it was an appointment.

By now I had engaged with the Peyronie's boards and gathered my own information. I went to the appointment knowing that I wanted to be prescribed Trental and potentially seek injectables on the NHS.

At the appointment the doctor refused both.

Hey reiterated that the NHS approach to Peyronie's is a "wait and see" one.

In the end I begged him for a private script for Trental as I was happy to pay - he also refused this.

I am not entirely proud of my "Karen moment" - however, it was at that point that I threatened to make an official complaint through the NHS system.  

He still said no.

After I had left the appointment, within 5 minutes of walking away, I received a phone call asking me to come back to his office. He issued me with a private prescription for Trental and told me to get future repeats from my GP on the NHS as the initial prescription had been urologist issued.

I now had access to my first weapon to begin the battle against Peyronie's.

[Ruddiger]

PART 5 - VERAPAMIL

6 months had passed using the Trental baked up with occasional vacuum device.  

To my own fault, I did not use the vacuum as religiously as I should have. Unfortunately an elderly family member (with a distinct lack of boundaries) moved in and became a constant present in the house. Her inability to stay behind a closed door removed any sort of privacy required to pump.

This reality became a great source of friction and stress.

The coverture by this time had become closer to 30 degrees and very noticeable shortening had begun to occur. I knew that it was time to take more drastic action.

I began looking online at injectables and decided that the best way forward for myself would be a course of Xiaflex.
I began to search in for a physician in London who was a specialist in this field.

Like so many others in the UK and Europe, my hope quickly turn to despair when I realised that this treatment had been withdrawn from use in all territories but the USA.  The fact that this was done as a commercial decision by the pharmaceutical company and not for any safety reason made the sting all the more apparent.

Seriously - Fxxk that company.

Somewhat disheartingly, I then set off to find "the next best thing"...

In the end I went with a clinic just off Harley Street where I paid £3800 for a round of 6 treatments involving around 20 injections of VERAPAMIL each time.

I wish I could say that the pain got better after each treatment, But that would be a total lie.

Every time the three anaesthetic needles went in, I nearly went through the roof an excruciating agony.

A number of times during the treatment, the anaesthetic wasn't entirely effective. As the verapamil was being injected deep inside the shaft of my cock, I again went through the roof.  One time in particular I am quite confident in saying it was the worst pain I have ever experienced.

The result from all that torture?

About a 5 degree reduction in the curvature, no gain in girth or length.

A complete waste of time, pain and money.

The treatment also left with a hefty new plaque at the base of my shaft.  

This plaque was to become the game changer - and not in a positive way.

[Arthur]

PART 5 - VERAPAMIL

6 months had passed using the Trental baked up with occasional vacuum device.  

To my own fault, I did not use the vacuum as religiously as I should have. Unfortunately an elderly family member (with a distinct lack of boundaries) moved in and became a constant present in the house. Her inability to stay behind a closed door removed any sort of privacy required to pump.

This reality became a great source of friction and stress.

The coverture by this time had become closer to 30 degrees and very noticeable shortening had begun to occur. I knew that it was time to take more drastic action.

I began looking online at injectables and decided that the best way forward for myself would be a course of Xiaflex.
I began to search in for a physician in London who was a specialist in this field.

Like so many others in the UK and Europe, my hope quickly turn to despair when I realised that this treatment had been withdrawn from use in all territories but the USA.  The fact that this was done as a commercial decision by the pharmaceutical company and not for any safety reason made the sting all the more apparent.

Seriously - Fxxk that company.

Somewhat disheartingly, I then set off to find "the next best thing"...

In the end I went with a clinic just off Harley Street where I paid £3800 for a round of 6 treatments involving around 20 injections of VERAPAMIL each time.

I wish I could say that the pain got better after each treatment, But that would be a total lie.

Every time the three anaesthetic needles went in, I nearly went through the roof an excruciating agony.

A number of times during the treatment, the anaesthetic wasn't entirely effective. As the verapamil was being injected deep inside the shaft of my cock, I again went through the roof.  One time in particular I am quite confident in saying it was the worst pain I have ever experienced.

The result from all that torture?

About a 5 degree reduction in the curvature, no gain in girth or length.

A complete waste of time, pain and money.

The treatment also left with a hefty new plaque at the base of my shaft.  

This plaque was to become the game changer - and not in a positive way.

I'm sorry you had to go through so much pain.

I've also had verapamil injections but for me they reduced pain but only when the doctor was not being an idiot and injected it at the right spots, but the injections themselves were quite painful.

I hope your upcoming surgery goes well and bring you joy!

Take care!

[Ruddiger]

Pre Operation picture showing indentation and dorsal curvature  

[Stepone]

Good pic.
I lost my pre surgery pics, but from what I can remember, I have had a great improvement.
I wish the same for you.  
I did take measurements and I gained almost 3/4 inch in length and 1 inch in girth and no indentation and rock hard.
You are fortunate to be uncut, I had mine removed at childbirth.
Can't wait to see your progress.
StepOne
 

[Ruddiger]

Drowsy recovery room "first shot"....

Girth and length looking promising - but who knows under the dressing 🤷

[Stepone]

Hey, you are the first bud to post a "right after surgery" pic. lol
Be sure to ask what size they installed. My surgeon entered it on my surgical notes that I could review online.
Remember this is a marathon not a sprint.
When he tells you when you can start inflating, you must follow the instructions to ensure you get the greatest growth. It can be painful, but NO PAIN = NO GAIN
Best wishes,
StepOne  

[Ruddiger]

PART 6 - APPOINTMENT POLITICS

For over 2 years, I was banging my head against a brick wall trying to get an appointment with a specialist. I kept being told that because of covid backlogs in the NHS, I had to wait.  

"It is not life threatening", " we have to prioritise worst cases " (I was at a 80degree bend by now).  My GP would say that that my appointment for a urologist would take 3 months, 6 months,up to a year....

When I said it was making me suicidal, they sent my for psyc care - not urologist care to fix the actual problem.

I would call every couple of weeks to get a follow-up only to sit on the phone for an hour or so waiting with no result.

Every time I called the waitlist to see a specialist got longer and longer

As it stands, I am still apparently on the waiting list for urology at the Royal free hospital in Hampstead.  This is an appointment only to be seen mound you -  not an appointment for surgery.

By the stage, the curvature was well up to 80° and I was beginning to get desperate.

I began to make contact with doctors in both the US, Turkey and even Lebanon in regards to getting the procedure done as a fully paid patient.

(Lebanon was the cheapest, followed by Turkey).

It was only through discouragement by my GP, husband and others friends in the medical field that I was not on a Turkish Airlines flight 12 months ago....

My husband just happens to be a doctor in the sexual health field. (Communicable diseases not Peyronie's) - Despite this, there was nothing he could legally or ethically do to bump me up any waiting list or treat me himself. It just isn't his area of speciality and he didn't know anyone directly.... Or so we thought.  

Out one evening at a gay professionals event (Tosca at the Royal Opera House), we we ran into one of his doctor colleagues from a different hospital. After several glasses of wine, the subject of Peyronie's in the gay community came up.  

"Socially lubricated" by this point, I did let it slip that I was currently suffering from it and detailed all of the struggle I was having to get any sort of surgical attention in regards to it.

Said doctor told me to swing by his clinic the next day to see what he could do.  With my greatest of thanks, he set up a new referral within good own hospital trust and highlighted my file to the best surgeon for the job.

It must be mentioned that I was already an existing patient (for another condition) at this individual's practise.  
Neither he nor I did anything illegal or untoward by moving my Peyronie's care across to his trust.  It was just the metaphorical equivalent of a friend saying "hey, the queue is shorter around the corner"

Within a few weeks, I had my first appointment - on my birthday no less.


(For non UK readers - the NHS is a single payer / "socialised" service - However, it is split up into individual trust that cover a certain area of the country. Waiting lists on one trust can be of a very different length to waiting lists on another).

[Ruddiger]

Day 3 - Cathater is still an until day six.

Since found out that they made four incisions in the dorsal plaque, removed the base plaque, implanted four areas of lab grown gauze / flesh like material.

Inserted 21 cm Titan prosthetic.

In the words of the surgeon "A great Success".

I will have my own opinions on Monday (Day 6) when the constrictive bandages come off.

That said, reasonably happy that it is one of the larger sizef implants that has been inserted.

[Ruddiger]

Restriction bandages off for the first time
Deflated to 50%

Needs to stay this way for 2 weeks.

General first impressions - happy with the regain in girth.

Length looks a little shorter than I had hoped, but will see once cycling begins.

Wish me luck boys!!!

[Stepone]

Congratulations
It is looking good.
I only had a catheter for one night at hospital.
I imagine all the reconstruction they did on you is the reason for the extended period.
Best of wishes.
StepOne  

[Mikel7]

It looks good and you will regain some of your length back with cycling.