Advice to a woman?

[Sarahjane25]

Hi 35yr female looking for some advice. My partner 34 was diagnosed with Peyronies in September last year since then we have had no sex and barely any physical intimacy including kissing as it gives him an
 erection which really hurts. I do find the lack of any physical intimacy very difficult as we were not very physically active the year before he got the Peyronies as he had a very low libido ( had sex 5 times the year before) and don't share a bed because he has sleeping problems. I don't mind not having sex but I would like him to maybe touch me occasionally. Apart from going down on me for 15 seconds 3 months ago which he had never done before due to being slightly squeamish we have done nothing since. He gets annoyed if I suggest that he fingers me or uses a vibrator on me. He still has a painful erection  with a 40 degree bend that is slightly hour-glassing. I would say he is still in the acute stage. He has had some injections but they did not seem to work for him so he is now waiting till the exige stage is over to try them again.
Are other men able to pleasure their partners with fingering or anything!? or is the erection you get from that too painful? I basically want to find out if other people are able to enjoy other things than sex/ what is appropriate to try  during the Acute stage Or whether I am being selfish and need to just leave him alone and continue our current situation. He is understandably very closed off and shuts down the conversation when I try and bring it up so I'm at a loss. Sorry if none of this made much sense and for the typos.

[LWillisjr]

I can understand him wanting to avoid the pain of an erection. For some men it can be quite painful. But once he gets through the acute stage, the pain should subside. Since he was diagnosed last year I would think he would be getting through the acute stage by now.
 

[Sonic]

I really have no good advice to give here other than that you should talk to him about this, all the things you mention here. I understand that he has withdrawn from sex as it's not easy with the pain and all but I don't understand why he has also withdrawn from wanting to give you pleasure in other ways than penetration. It definitely sounds like he need to talk to someone about this. You are definitely not selfish at all it is perfectly understandable you feel the way you do about loss of the intimate aspect in your relationship. I hope it gets better.

[Stabler]

I wouldn't want him to do anything that would cause him pain. I understand your want for the intimacy but if giving you that causes him pain you may need to self satisfy for now.

You haven't mentioned if he has seen a specialist for Peyronie's, what kind of injections did he have?
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If he will willing to discuss it you may suggest the forum for him, even if he came to browse the boards he would at least not feel alone.

Stabler

[Rosa]

Hey Sarahjane,

Big hugs to you lovely. This is such a difficult thing for you both to have to traverse. I really feel for you both as individuals and as a couple. You're absolutely not being selfish for missing the physical aspect of your relationship. It's so natural that you'd be feeling the way you do.

My partner and I are going through a similar situation (we are in our mid 30s also, together for three years, managing Peyronies for 18 months) and I can tell you that coping with a sudden loss of physical intimacy has been so saddening and distressing for both of us. Luckily we are able to speak to each other about how we are feeling, but due to pain and the psychological impact of the condition, we've not been able to engage in any form of sexual contact.

My advice to you would be to allow space and permission for yourself to grieve what you are missing at this moment in time. Try not to speak to yourself harshly, be gentle, because what you're both going through is so, so difficult. Also, life has a funny way of evolving and changing at the drop of a hat. Tomorrow, next month, next year.. could be so different. No bad season ever lasts forever lovely. It's so easy to imagine that this is what life will be like forever, but that's so rarely the case.

Right now, your partner may be suffering pain, both physically and mentally because of this condition, he may just need a period of time where he can focus on his healing. Both of you need that; So don't be afraid to take some time for you too. Explore your own sexuality, stay conscious of your own needs and desires. Be kind to both yourself and your partner. You're both suffering and I can't tell you how much I feel for you. I'm sorry you're both going through this.

As long as you both can come together to solve this as a team, you can't go far wrong. Xx Sending support and thoughts across the ether to you both.  

[Survivor]

Hi Sarah!
You see, your partner may experience pain or discomfort when having an erection. You should not force him into activities that would stimulate his erection.

Maybe you should practice masturbation, if you don't already. Otherwise, the lack of sex could amplify existing relationship issues, and that does not end well.
If your relationship starts to cool down, it is recommended to do couples therapy.

In case someone from New York is in this situation and reads this discussion, my wife and I went to this couples counseling in New York City. I really liked the way they approached and resolved the conflict between us.