Therapist doesn't know what to say; any advice?

[TheWillToBeef]

Is anyone else here working with a therapist, but feels like their therapist doesn't really know what to say re: male sexual health? Whenever I give him my weekly update about my various Peyronie's-related psychological issues, and I ask him how I should cope with it, he usually says some variant of "that sucks man, I'm sorry" or "bad things happen to good people" etc. It often feels like he just has sentiment to offer, rather than actionable advice. I even asked him if he knew any specialists/sexologists he could refer me to, but he said he didn't know anyone.

I've considered seeking out a different therapist, but the issue is that he's been a great help for me in other areas of my life, so I don't want to just leave him. In the meantime, if anyone on this forum has any takes on these particular issues, I'd appreciate hearing your commentary in this thread. I hope these topics might spur some interesting discussion:

• Dealing with the mental experience of having penile pain for most of the day
• Focusing on work without worrying about whether or not my symptoms will get worse
• Deciding whether or not to postpone dating until the pain has subsided (I don't really see the point of dating if all intimacy will bring me physical pain, that seems like a recipe for negative reinforcement; on the other hand, I've heard that "the older you get, the harder it gets")
• If I do start dating soon: specific advice for how to enjoy sex with Peyronie's (I'm sexually inexperienced, so concrete "step by step" advice would be appreciated, don't be afraid to get graphic)

I'm trying to stay optimistic; my main goal right now is just accumulating knowledge and advice where I can. Thanks in advance!

-William von Beef (totally not a pseudonym)

[Mikel7]

The goal of any counselor or therapist is to help an individual feel better emotionally about themselves and their situation. It sounds like you are getting some benefit from your current one. I think that if you found a Dr that could correctly diagnose your peyronies you may have a better outlook on treatments.

I assume that you have read the survival guide. Have you considered traction therapy? Or possibly VED therapy? I can accurately say that both have helped me in the long run.I also used heat therapy to help with pain. You must be careful
with any sexual activity when you are dealing with peyronies as you don't want to make things worse. Dating could prove to be a good mental boost as long as you are comfortable to tell the individual about your condition. Holding and caressing each other as well as verbal affirmation can have a positive healing outlook. Sex must be taken slowly and gently. Cialis can also help with fighting inflammation and keeping your penis healthy and oxygenated.

I really believe that you don't have a game plan in motion and that is what is causing your mental pain. When you know what exactly you have and then you need a plan of action to address it. You are young and have that in your favor as you will heal much faster than us older gents here. You could seek out a sexual therapist though as they do exist, you just have to do some searching online. You must also adopt a mind set that this is a marathon and not a sprint.
 

[PeyroniKirai]

Hello TheWillToBeef,
Mikel7's comments above are helpful and I would add the following:  

It's possible your therapist is deliberately sidestepping the Peyronie's discussion because in his mind this is not the first place to start. He may believe that you and he need to address other issues first, and then talk about your Peyronies Disease later. He may have some other plan altogether.  Whatever the reality is, with any therapist it is up to you to decide the course of your therapy. You need to decide how frank you want to be with him - could you just tell him straight out that it annoys you, or scares you, that he seems to be ignoring your Peyronies Disease? If he has been helpful to you in other areas, it sounds like you have a decent doctor/patient relationship. If that's the case, he should be able to respond to your feedback. After all, that's what you pay him for.
  I would just tell him that you feel like all he's giving you is sympathy and there's no action plan. It's also completely fair to ask your therapist if he does have an action plan for you. For people who have suffered a trauma, it may be better to focus on the healing process at first, and not to try to force an action plan right away. A good therapist is like a good coach: he won't try to make an overweight out of shape guy run five miles. He will give the guy basic exercises to build his strength, balance, and confidence first. Therapy is the same. You don't rush out of the blocks to fix everything right away. It takes time and you need to build trust with the therapist too. It sounds like you have a trusting relationship, so that's good. Why not just tell him that his apparent lack of concern or interest in your Peyronies Disease bothers you?  He's not going to fire you.

[TheWillToBeef]

Thanks for the replies guys, I appreciate your insight. Just remembered I need to update my signature, sorry!

Mike:
I've contacted the urologist again, still have yet to hear back re: whether she believes I officially have Peyronie's or not. She's a specialist in Peyronie's, so I trust her judgement, I'd just like a written summary of our last appointment. I recall her mentioning that I have "a plaque" but I'm pretty sure my memory of her exact phrasing at the appointment is distorted by my anxiety, so I want to have it in writing that I can refer to in any state of mind.

I read the survival guide as well, and I've recently been using a rubber hot water bottle in my lap while sitting, which helps with the pain. I'm also taking Viagra before bed every night (the urologist prescribed Viagra at our first appointment), and I think it's helping with nocturnal erections. Trying to stay grateful for the little victories.

I tried hand traction a few times over the last couple weeks, but it seemed to be making it more inflamed, so I stopped that. Haven't done VED yet because I read some horror stories about that on this site. A big part of me is paranoid of doing anything that might make it worse rather than better, which is why I feel like I should trust the urologist. But another part of me is terrified of waiting too long until it's too late for the advice on this site to be effective, so I get stuck in analysis paralysis.

In the meantime, the major issue has been the pain. It's located on the left side (where my semi-erect curve is), and it's constant, whether flaccid or erect. It's been getting in the way of my work. Really the only thing that's helped at all is the hot water bottle. Ibuprofen and Tylenol do nothing. I told the urologist about this, I'm hoping she may give me a prescription for Pentox or something similar.

As for sexual activity: being aroused at all just brings me pain at the moment. Touching my penis in any way, or experiencing any arousal that gives me the beginnings of an erection, etc. just makes the pain worse and does not feel pleasurable in the slightest. Any form of non-platonic intimacy would only bring me physical pain, so I'm hesitant to seek it out at this time. My therapist also suggested that I should wait to start dating again until my pain has subsided, since he thinks I'm not yet in a good enough headspace for dating to improve my self-confidence.

I guess I'm just worried that "time is running out" for me, as a 25 year old single guy with barely any dating experience. What if the pain never goes away? And even if it does eventually go away, will my denting/curvature get worse before that time? Will I ever be able to find the sensation of arousal pleasurable again? What if my ability to enjoy the gift of sexual pleasure completely rots away before I can share that gift with another person? These are the thoughts sending me into a spiral.

I'm fully aware that my non-stop inner monologue is full of toxicity beyond my conscious control, so I enjoy those rare moments when I'm able to have a quiet brain. Again, grateful for the little victories.

Kirai:
Good suggestion, thank you. I'm meeting with him tomorrow, so I'll bring this up to him.

This is probably super obvious from everything I wrote above, but I already have a pre-existing anxiety problem that was affecting all areas of my life before this (hence why I still have minimal dating experience at 25), and now my penis trouble is basically just a poisonous cherry on top of that turd sundae.

I know that half of this is a mental battle, and I'm fully aware that my own mental issues are not helping at all with that battle. I've been doing mindfulness meditation with the app Headspace. It's helpful when I'm able to focus on it, but getting there in the first place is difficult. There's just so much toxicity clouding up my mind, but I enjoy fresh air when I can find it. In the meantime, I appreciate the insight that both of you, and the other users I've met, have given me thus far.

-Billy the Beefy

[thegreycat]

One thing that stopped me seeking talking therapies is that I don't beleive there is enough known about the psychological effects of Peyronies Disease for a therapist to be effective at talking it through, and I wonder if therapists might be hesitant to address Peyronies Disease head on given they may simply not know how to.

As a condition, this is something that absolutely nobody who hasn't experienced it can possibly understand - the detrimental mental health effects for me personally have been profound, and although I'm in a much better place now than I have been, the damage that has already been done is extensive.

I genuinely beleive that this forum has been one of the better forms of therapy for me. You're able to converse with people who legitimately understand what kinds of feelings and processes you're going to. People like yourself make posts that others like myself read and go... "I get that. I understand that. I feel like that" and it makes you feel seen.

I would mirror some of the other advice that you look into physical therapies. Once I started doing VED and Traction and started seeing improvements, even tiny minor ones, the state of my mental health started to improve too. VED also rid me of my pain, which I also had 24/7 for several months. Just being pain free is a huge mental weight off.

All the best, friend.

 

[TheWillToBeef]

Thanks, Grey Cat. I've thought more about it, and my therapist has actually been very helpful. He's actively looked up info about Peyronie's on his own, which is something I imagine most therapists probably would not do. He's also advised me to keep advocating for myself with the urologist - I'm scheduled to see her this Friday.

I just now explained more in my "Could this be Peyronie's?" thread.

[Mikel7]

Just remember to make a list of questions for your Dr ahead of time and then write down what was discussed at your appointment so you don't forget.