How to have the implant conversation with partner?

[dsafsadfi]

Hi guys,

Here's my question: How do I explain the implant procedure to my fiance (soon to be wife)?

To shed more light: What I'm concerned about is giving her a (wrong) impression that the implant is a fake penis, or make her feel different about sex with me. I've dealt with the depression and mental hell of ED ... I feel I "deserve" to enjoy sex stress-free. I want an implant. But my fear is that I'll cure my ED, but end up with a wife who views me as weird, or artificial, or just views sex differently. I have zero intent of lying to her about the implant, but I also don't know if I need to tell her EVERYTHING about it -- or maybe just be careful in the words I use (i.e., avoid "prosthesis", etc.).

What I WANT to do is tell her that I have Peyronie's and this is a progressive disease with no real cure except an implant. That it's already causing ED and I don't want it to get worse or lose length. And I want to then say that "there is a surgery that can correct the Peyronie's permanently, while also giving me incredible erections and curing the ED permanently. This condition is really affecting me mentally and I want to fix it and move on. I'll be a better husband and lover, I can literally get the most raging, hard erections on-demand, whenever we want, for as long as we want. We can have sex all night if we want. What questions do you have, and do you support me going for this?"

Gentlemen - Can I just say THAT? Do I have to get into all the detail about the tubes, the pumping, the loss of natural erections, etc.? I'll give her the chance to ask me questions, and I'll answer them honestly -- but I'd rather not go out of my way to say I'm getting an "implant", and sure as hell not use the word "prosthesis" (which I think is a misnomer for this anyway).

I know she'll support me either way. She knows I'm using Cialis and has no problem with it. I just would rather not put in her mind this idea that I'm going to have some fake, plastic dick ... because I know that if I choose a great surgeon and allow time to heal, she really is going to have the best sex I've ever given her and it's not going to feel unnatural.

[Hawk]

Dsafsadfi, I think you've got this.  You seemed to answer your own question in your post.  

Once you have the implant, your job is to let her know she still arouses you to look at her and hold her. It is to let her know that when you are hard all you can think about is finally putting it inside her.  Once she knows those feels have not changed (or even gotten stronger), she likely won't think twice about it.  Express - now that you are confident in your ability to do whatever the two of you desire that it makes you want her even more.  Once she realizes that all the natural feelings and nerves are still there and that they are intertwined with all the natural psychological thoughts and feelings, she will never look back.

A little sensual descriptive talk about how she makes your body parts feel and react can go a long way.  It is not difficult to understand if you think about how it would make you feel if she said something similar to you.

[dsafsadfi]

Hawk,

That was very helpful. Thank you.

I am really weighing the words I want to use when talking to her because this is important. Below is actually a "draft" of the words I'm thinking of saying to her. I'd appreciate anyone's feedback. (To be clear, I of course won't be reading off a script when I speak with her, I'm just someone who likes to rehearse important conversations.)

My goals are to (1) ensure she knows the reason for the surgery (physical/mental relief), (2) communicate/sell what's in it for me, her and us, and (3) give her enough information about the procedure so that I can have a clear conscience that I'm not being dishonest but also not so much that she thinks I'm getting an artificial penis.

What do you guys think of the draft below as a way to start "The Implant Conversation" with my fiancee?

Draft
- I've learned I'm in the early stages of something called Peyronie's Disease. This is a condition that affects about 10% of men. It's an injury that can often be caused by trauma to the penis during sex. Peyronies Disease causes excessive penis scarring that has some brutal effects - curvature, pain, ED. It's progressive, meaning it often gets worse.
- This is a devastating condition physically and mentally for men; if it's not treated, it can lead to some dark physical and mental places. In truth, it's already hurting me mentally. I'm not myself; I feel depressed, lack self-esteem, and don't enjoy things like I once did. Physically, it's causing me ED, which you've seen. Men who have ED think about it all the time, not just during sex. It makes me feel I've lost some of my manhood. I can't keep living like this.
- I want to be a man of action for you. I refuse to let myself stay in the depression I currently feel by not taking action. I refuse to let our sex life suffer because of this.
- There is a surgery that completely resolves Peyronie's and prevents its effects of curvature, length loss and deformity. It also totally resolves the ED. I'll never need to take a pill again, and I'll have the best erections of my life.
- There are non-surgical treatments for Peyronie's, but they're very inconsistent and most often Peyronie's only progresses. I don't want to spend the next 10 years playing "defense" against this; I want to fix it and spend the next 10 years building our family together and being the best husband and father you could ever hope for. I also want to put the ED in the rearview mirror forever; trust me when I tell you that the weight I feel from ED is enormous, and the freedom I'll feel when this is behind me will be monumental
- And this surgery doesn't just fix ED ... it actually ENHANCES my sexual function like never before. I'll be able to get as hard as you want, whenever we want, for as long as we want. You know how I can't go multiple rounds in a night? Well, we'll be able to go all night if we want. You've said before that you want me in you ALL the time. That can be a reality with this procedure.
- I'll tell you how it works. Essentially, a man's penis has two tubes that fill with blood to create an erection. Peyronie's damages those tubes; it puts scarring on them, makes them curve and prevents them from expanding and trapping blood for an erection. The procedure I'm having will surgically repair those tubes to stop the Peyronie's. It will also give me total ability to control when and how hard my dick gets, and for how long. We can have sex anywhere, anytime, and literally go all night if we want. Honestly, I'll be a "2.0" version of myself -- this is in some ways a penis enhancement.
- My entire penis will be left intact. They don't remove anything, any tissue or nerves. It'll be the same penis you already love and you won't feel anything different, and neither will I.
- How do you feel about this? What questions do you have?

[Mikel7]

I agree with what Hawk said.  You also stated that you know that she will support you either way. Don't worry about this. I know that writing things down before the conversation is good to keep your thoughts in line.  Think of it like this.....What if a woman had to have a mastectomy because of some form of cancer. She would have the same kind of feelings in regards to her husband thinking about her body.  This is only in her mind and not the actual true feelings her husband has towards her. Love is deeper than mere flesh. You will be fine in your discussion about this.  

[tomas1]

Depending upon how you think your wife will accept the "talk", I think I'd leave off:

- And this surgery doesn't just fix Erectile Dysfunction ... it actually ENHANCES my sexual function like never before. I'll be able to get as hard as you want, whenever we want, for as long as we want. You know how I can't go multiple rounds in a night? Well, we'll be able to go all night if we want. You've said before that you want me in you ALL the time. That can be a reality with this procedure.
- I'll tell you how it works. Essentially, a man's penis has two tubes that fill with blood to create an erection. Peyronie's damages those tubes; it puts scarring on them, makes them curve and prevents them from expanding and trapping blood for an erection. The procedure I'm having will surgically repair those tubes to stop the Peyronie's. It will also give me total ability to control when and how hard my dick gets, and for how long. We can have sex anywhere, anytime, and literally go all night if we want. Honestly, I'll be a "2.0" version of myself -- this is in some ways a penis enhancement.

If she asks for more information, use it.

I'm better at writing than talking, so I would print the "talk" and let her digest it.
Good luck, but I think you have it handled.

[dsafsadfi]

Depending upon how you think your wife will accept the "talk", I think I'd leave off:

- And this surgery doesn't just fix Erectile Dysfunction ... it actually ENHANCES my sexual function like never before. I'll be able to get as hard as you want, whenever we want, for as long as we want. You know how I can't go multiple rounds in a night? Well, we'll be able to go all night if we want. You've said before that you want me in you ALL the time. That can be a reality with this procedure.
- I'll tell you how it works. Essentially, a man's penis has two tubes that fill with blood to create an erection. Peyronie's damages those tubes; it puts scarring on them, makes them curve and prevents them from expanding and trapping blood for an erection. The procedure I'm having will surgically repair those tubes to stop the Peyronie's. It will also give me total ability to control when and how hard my dick gets, and for how long. We can have sex anywhere, anytime, and literally go all night if we want. Honestly, I'll be a "2.0" version of myself -- this is in some ways a penis enhancement.

If she asks for more information, use it.

I'm better at writing than talking, so I would print the "talk" and let her digest it.
Good luck, but I think you have it handled.

Tomas,

Out of curiosity, would be your reasoning for omitting those two components?  

[tomas1]

Part of my concern is getting into the clinical details of the procedure. I'd save that for later if needed.

The other part was emphasizing the great sex aspects.
If that is a selling point then use it.

I guess it all depends on the relationship you and your wife have.

My suggestion is solely based on what I'd say in my own case of course.

[dsafsadfi]

Part of my concern is getting into the clinical details of the procedure. I'd save that for later if needed.

The other part was emphasizing the great sex aspects.
If that is a selling point then use it.

I guess it all depends on the relationship you and your wife have.

My suggestion is solely based on what I'd say in my own case of course.

Thank you. If this were your case and you left out the clinical details and your wife did not probe for them, would you feel you needed to a some point explain the mechanics of the device (ie, the fact that it requires pumping) before getting the surgery, or just go ahead with the surgery and explain that part at a later time if need be? (For example, after giving her amazing sex after which point she's experienced that this is still very much "my" penis?)

[tomas1]

It would be necessary to explain pumping.
My wife knows I pump it up, but doesn't offer to do it.
It wouldn't matter since she says she has arthritis.
It's funny that she has no problem doing household chores and even cuts the grass, bags it, and trims the shrubbery.

I think your wife will see the benefits of the new you, but straightening your penis will be the most obvious one.
I really believe you have this handled and your wife should sign on.

[Hawk]

I place huge value on choosing the correct word out of subtle variations that convey similar thoughts. Because of that, I would change some of this to suit me.  That does NOT mean it's better or that you should do the same.  Most of these changes get rid of scary words that could alarm her (brutal).  It removes phrases that make your self-confidence look weak because I think that is less appealing to a woman than a penis that does not work.

I also removed some constant dwelling on your new amazing automatic unstoppable penis.  If you don't want her to think of it is a new artificial penis then don't act like it is a new penis.  If you don't want her to question if you are aroused when you are erect then don't dwell on how automatic it is.  Let her know this will simply allow your penis to be everything it was meant to be.  Your penis will finally respond to your desire.  You will be physically ready anytime and every time you are mentally ready.

Ultimately you will have to go with what feels best to you.

Draft
- I've learned I'm in the early stages of something called Peyronie's Disease. This is a condition more than a disease.  It that affects about 10% of men. It's an injury that can often be caused by trauma to the penis. during sex. Peyronies Disease causes excessive penis scarring that has some brutal negative effects - curvature, pain, Erectile Dysfunction. It's progressive, meaning it often gets worse.
- This is a can be a devastating condition physically and mentally for men; if it's not treated, it can lead to some dark serious physical and mental psychological issues. In truth, it's already hurting me mentally. I'm not myself; I feel depressed, lack self-esteem, and don't enjoy things like I once did. Physically, it's causing me Erectile Dysfunction, which you've seen. Men who have Erectile Dysfunction think about it all the time, not just during sex. It makes me feel I've lost some of my manhood. I can't keep living have decided it is crazy to live like this when it is totally unnecessary.
- I want to be a man of action my best for you. I refuse to let myself stay in the depression I currently feel by not taking action. I refuse to let our sex life suffer because of this.
- There is an out-patient surgery that completely resolves Peyronie's and prevents its effects of curvature, length loss and deformity. It also totally resolves the Erectile Dysfunction. I'll never need to take a pill again, and I'll have the best erections of my life like I had as a teenager.
- There are non-surgical treatments for Peyronie's, but they're very inconsistent and most often Peyronie's only progresses. I don't want to spend the next 10 years playing "defense" against this; I want to fix it and spend the next 10 years building our family together and being the best husband and father you could ever hope for. I also want to put the Erectile Dysfunction in the rearview mirror forever; trust me when I tell you that the weight I feel from Erectile Dysfunction is enormous, and the freedom I'll feel when this is behind me will be monumental.
- And this surgery doesn't just fix Erectile Dysfunction ... it actually ENHANCES my sexual function like never before. I'll be able to get as hard as you want, whenever we want, for as long as we want. You know how I can't go multiple rounds in a night? Well, we'll be able to go all night if we want. You've said before that you want me in you ALL the time. That can be a reality with this procedure. I want that too and this can make it a reality.


I would pause here and let her ask questions.  She will not take in a total truck load like this if you don't pause, let her think, express, and ask[/u]


- I'll tell you how it works. Essentially, a man's penis has two tubes that fill with blood to create an erection. Peyronie's damages those tubes; it puts scarring on them, makes them curve and prevents them from expanding and trapping blood for an erection. The procedure I'm having will surgically repair those tubes to stop the Peyronie's. It will also give me total ability to control when and how hard my dick gets, and for how long. This removes all restrictions on erections.  I can get erect anytime you make me want you and you know that is all the time. We can have sex anywhere, anytime, and literally go all night if we want. Honestly, I'll be a "2.0" version of myself -- this is in some ways a penis enhancement.
- My entire penis will be left intact. They don't remove anything, any tissue or nerves. It'll be the same penis you already love and you won't feel anything different, and neither will I.
- How do you feel about this? What questions do you have?

[Hawk]

Dsafsadfi, Although my earlier post indicated the wording I would use with a soulmate I was about to marry, I have some additional thoughts.

More than just your concern with being honest with her, you need to make sure you are honest with yourself.  Doctors say you do NOT have Peyronies Disease.  If they are correct, you are stopping NOTHING.  If what you really have is moderate Erectile Dysfunction corrected by an oral med, then I (a huge advocate of penile implants) even think this might be premature at 30 years old.  

Have you opted for a specific surgeon and a specific implant?  If not, the discussion with her is premature.  If your main issue is Erectile Dysfunction, I would opt for an LGX which starts out more natural-looking in the flaccid state unless you are at least 7" in length or over 5 1/4" in girth

You realize you will have to explain more as time goes on because she will discover the foreign object (pump) in your scrotum.  Depending on your skill and the effort you invest in hiding it, she might see you inflate.  Especially if you get anything other than an LGX, she may notice your flaccid state looks/feels different.  Especially during the first 18 months until the cylinders soften.

If you disregard that this is premature, then find the best, high-volume surgeon you can possibly access.

[tomas1]

Getting a bit on a different tack,
My wife is a woman of few words especially about sex.
Maybe a Baltimore upbringing?
She did say I should have done this 20 years ago and skipped pills and injections.
I may have mentioned that we weren't yet on Medicare, but I'm not sure