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Author Topic: It's about time to try something different.  (Read 258 times)

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Tombone

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It's about time to try something different.
« on: September 15, 2020, 06:13:35 PM »

Ok. First of all I want to pay my respect to all those wich has been through hell and back and are managing to cope with their condition and live a meaningful and good life. I read that some of you actually turned your crisis in to a new and better way of living, and got some better out of it all. You guys are hardcore and give hope to troubled men. You inspired me trying to handle this differently.

I feel stupid as I got injured 5 months ago and have been all obsessed about my willy and my injury. I have been constantly checking for new curvature, indentions, plaque and as a result I have for sure made my injury worse, by not letting it heal properly. My pain would probably not even been there today if I had stopped my obsessive behaviour. I have done it all wrong from the start. I would probably have been fine and I might still be, or not. Only time will tell. From now on I will take your advice and try to control my thoughts and start living again. I have been severly depressed since, and actually before my injury. And I have been thinking a lot of suicide like some of you guys. I had two nervous breakdowns and was probably not far from hurting myself. To me it seems like for many of us this might be more of a psychological matter as I read that some of the younger guys on this forum might actually be fine. Some might not even have PDS and will be functional for the rest of their life. I might be one of them, so I speak also to myself. I also might not be since I have aggrovated my injury for 5 months now. Many of you clearly struggles with severe cases of PDS and I have much respect for you guys and hope you will get better in time. I also really understand the anxiety, stress and depression for those who have to wait and see. The uncertainty. I am there myself. I have all the symptoms and really bad pain and other strange sensations going on after the injury. Some loss of erection, numbness and loss of feeling when having sex and really painful erections among others. Trust me its no joke!

I write this because Im a bit ashamed and fed up with my behaviour, self centerness and all the focus on my willy instead of people around me and life itself. Tho wont shame bring any good so I will try not to waste energy on things that has happened wich I can not do anything about. I was recently a dad for the first time and have been too Ill to see him and be there for him because of my mental state, untill recently. It has taken over everything. recently I started on antidepressants and went to a cognitive behavioural therapist. My mental state is a bit better now but I still have days being truely depressed, compulsive, terrified and making the pain worse from constant touching and checking it. But I want to fight this and turn things around instead of letting it ruin my life. What if I ended my life and it all would turn out be just fine? Im so glad I did'nt. I know that I have a voulnerability as I since early age have been struggling with negative thoughts, catasprophic thinking and anxiety. I have also been struggling with alcohol and drug addictions for many years, now Im 5 years clean and sober. I have a lot of work to do on my mental state and emotions and I did start some years ago but it takes time. I refuse to give up even tho this crap happened to me. I see that some of you do mindfullnes and read selfcare books. I've been practicing transcendental meditation for 4 years and it does seem to do some good but Im not sure it's the right technique for me. I might try something different. I occationally go to NA meetings and I will go more often to get hope and strenght to fight this (someone should start Peyronies anonymous, online meetings and physical meetings) If some of you have other ways to deal with anxiety and obsessive behaviour please feel free to give advice. What Im trying now is only partly working out. And I have not been trying hard enough. Instead of doing things that help I have been doing mostly things that hurts. I will do more research on positive thinking and behaviour than on PDS I think. I do think doing good things, hobbies, hanging out with friends, excercising will do good. I have almost forgotten all about it, so it's time to take back life for me. Actually Ive been isolating and letting anxiety take a hold of me far too long, to be honest it started before my injury. I will try everything from now to prevent this from F^@$!ng up my life and lose my loved ones, as that said I also expect setbacks in the future. Of course this is easy for me to say now as I might be in the early stage or it might only be a bad injury that takes time healing cos I have been provocing it, but I will try to have the right mindset from now anyways. It will probably take a lot of practice. This condition makes a lot of emotional distress so why make it even worse with negative and unhealthy behaviour? Thats the case for me anyways, and it sure as hell makes it much much worse. As one experienced member told me here that we often dont get an objective wiew on our dick. We might even see things as abnormal and different when it's really not. I for sure have seen things as unusual that has probably always been there. When I see my dick from an anxious point of wiew I see things worse than they really are.

By writing this I hope I dont offend anyone. Thus I hope it might be helpful for some in a similar situation as myself.I know that many of you realy are struggling from every different version of PDS and I will be so grateful if I dont turn up there. As I Said I have so much respect for you guys helping people like me and many others. With your knowledge and experience on treatments and lifestyle you give hope to people and it seems like you truely want to help people with all penile issues. Even tho some of you have had it for years and got on with your life you are still here to help us. I think I speak mostly to myself and others who are afraid, insecure and depressed when they might just end up fine. Some might not including myself, but giving up life when you actually dont know how things will turn out is not a good idea.
Also I read that some people are concerned about their size and some asks if all people have large dicks here. Trust me they dont, and if you dont have a micropenis you will be fine. I have also been there my whole life and from time to time when Im in a bad place I still get worried about my size. Although I know deep down I have nothing to worry about. Im about average myself and I have had a lot of girls over the years. No one has ever complained and most of them really wanted to stick with me. I really dont think it matters that much to most girls. I think confidence, charm, humour and character is far more important. As a fact I just met a girl and I was open about my condition to her. She was really supportive, I also told her Im afraid that I have lost, or will loose some lenght or have more curve, but that I will manage the pain over loosing lenght or more curvature if that will be the result. She replied: "would'nt you rather loose a cm or two or have a bend over constant pain?" Of course I would not, and Im still terrified that my condition will get worse, but seeing that others cope with it and fight it, some also get well from it, gives me some hope and inspiration.

I for sure hope I havent f'~c<+d up my dick and that I dont have to eat my words, but until I know I will TRY to cope with it in a best possible way. I hope I will manage this and I would rather use my energy on this thread sharing experiences on how we cope with it and of course treatments rather than focus on all the pain. It's though but if others have managed I can manage it in the end. And to you guys who injured your dick please let it rest and heal instead of feeling the plaque and squeezing it or trying to have plenty of erections for measuring or checking if you can get erect. For me it only made the whole thing worse. I support having erections once per week or every other week during day for bloodflow, but in my opinion rest is crusual.

Hope you understand my Norwegian-english.
All the best
Tom
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Slight curvature to the left when erect (10-15) More curvature when flaccid. Severe pain. Anxious. Got diagnosed with Peyronies Disease chronic phase in 2016. New injury 5 months ago. Been seeing several urologists wich all say its not peyronies. 38 years old.

peter123

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Re: It's about time to try something different.
« Reply #1 on: September 15, 2020, 10:38:35 PM »

im probably the youngest here with also the shortest penis. I can't really cope, im living life on standby mode, depression and suicidal ideation has been ruling over men and I can't plant anything to get out because I dont know whether I even want a future at all. it really sucks that I have had severe body issues for literally all my life. its f'~c<+d up and unfair and I dont know how to cope with it at all. hopefully therapy but very skeptical about it
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onset of symptoms in February 2020 initial pain when flaccid only which has since improved. 20deg left curvature, loss of girth indent
started oral treatment in march, currently on Potaba 12mg 1200mg Pentox, 2.5mg Taladafil and L-arginin
very depress

Hawk

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Re: It's about time to try something different.
« Reply #2 on: September 15, 2020, 10:44:39 PM »

I cannot help but post that an implant is almost always an option intercourse becomes unsatisfying.  You can forget all about implants but just keep it in the back of your mind thatall is not lost if things get worse.

Your desire to be less self-centered and more concerned with those around you is not only commendable.  It is a central element to a happy life.  There is no other decent way to live.

Thaks for the great post.
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Prostatectomy 2004, radiation 2009, currently 68 yrs old
After pills, injections, VED - Dr Eid, Titan 22cm implant 8/7/18
Hawk - Updated 10/27/18 - Peyronies Society Forums

Tombone

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Re: It's about time to try something different.
« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2020, 03:56:10 PM »

Thanks for reply and comment, Hawk.

I could not help but checking and being obsessed again today. It takes time and discipline to turn my own behaviour I guess, and the more I read here the more obsessed I get. Still painful erections and strange sensations like itching, numbness, aching and burning. The more I read on this forum the more I think it is PDS and not just a scar that takes long time to heal. I'm afraid it is PDS since it has gone months without the symptoms getting better. Don't get me wrong, this site is great and helpful in so many ways but lately I've been on it far too often and taking up a lot of my time. I do not think it is healthy for me and I get more obsessed and worried, anxious and nervous looking for answers and comparing my case to others. This disease is so complex so it can be devastating comparing to others when it might not be the case. So I guess I will try to trust the docs (seems like uros in norway has not much experience on PDS btw) saying I will probably be fine and take a break from this forum. Seems like the forum makes more focused on my willy, and I check for things when I'm trying not to pay so much attention even tho all this weird stuff is going on there.

It is a lot of anxiety really.

Logged
Slight curvature to the left when erect (10-15) More curvature when flaccid. Severe pain. Anxious. Got diagnosed with Peyronies Disease chronic phase in 2016. New injury 5 months ago. Been seeing several urologists wich all say its not peyronies. 38 years old.

Tombone

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Re: It's about time to try something different.
« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2020, 04:11:47 PM »

@Peter!

I hope you get some peace in your mind. I have browsed through some of your posts and looked at your pics and it hurts me that you are in so much pain. But I really have to say I think your penis looks pretty fine. I could see the scarring or plaque or whatever but the identions weren't that bad where they? Also it seems like you DO NOT have a small dick at all. It actually looks quite big in flaccid, with that size you can enjoy plenty of sex. If you watch porn and compare yourself you will be in trouble of course. I watch only women most of the time so I don`t mess with my confidence. Of course I don`t know what state it is in now or will be, but it might be fine and I hope so. You are young and have plenty of time meeting women and having sex or relationships. I sure hope you do not let this ruin that for you.

Like you I have struggled with depression and anxiety for many years, I know I am a catastrophic thinker and can be very pessimistic, but I do want to change and don`t give up. Then it's possible to get a better life. I hope you get some help and sort your mental state out as much as you focus on your penis. I'm gonna try that anyways!

All the best
Tom
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Slight curvature to the left when erect (10-15) More curvature when flaccid. Severe pain. Anxious. Got diagnosed with Peyronies Disease chronic phase in 2016. New injury 5 months ago. Been seeing several urologists wich all say its not peyronies. 38 years old.

TonySa

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Re: It's about time to try something different.
« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2020, 12:05:02 AM »

Good feedback Tom, hope Peter listens...but I wouldn’t bet on it unfortunately...
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PxD 2 yrs 9/16.  Failed all treatment. 9/11/18: excision, grafting & implant Dr Karpman MtnView Ca, AMS CX 18cm + 3-1cm RTEs.
Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

peter123

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Re: It's about time to try something different.
« Reply #6 on: September 18, 2020, 06:32:54 AM »

@Tombone, it makes me sad and feel defeated that not only are you ignoring my problem, you are suggesting they don't exist in the first place. You don't see any deformity or curvature? That's because it's flaccid, obviously you can't see anything. But I have a dysfunctional penis, I would never have sex with the penis that I have now. It's dysfunctional as well as a catastrophe cosmetically.

Sure I don't have a 90 degree deformity but 20 degrees in a short penis with indentation in addition is pretty damaging. Especially because it's extremely uncomfortable and when flaccid down right painful where that ring is.
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onset of symptoms in February 2020 initial pain when flaccid only which has since improved. 20deg left curvature, loss of girth indent
started oral treatment in march, currently on Potaba 12mg 1200mg Pentox, 2.5mg Taladafil and L-arginin
very depress

Tombone

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Re: It's about time to try something different.
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2020, 04:40:24 AM »

I am not ignoring your problem or saying that it does not excist, Peter. But from pics you uploaded it did not seem that bad to me. I understand this is difficult for you and that it is hard to deal with. For sure. I just hope you hang on there and dont give up. Maybe your situation will be better with time.

All the best
Tom
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Slight curvature to the left when erect (10-15) More curvature when flaccid. Severe pain. Anxious. Got diagnosed with Peyronies Disease chronic phase in 2016. New injury 5 months ago. Been seeing several urologists wich all say its not peyronies. 38 years old.

peter123

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Re: It's about time to try something different.
« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2020, 07:38:32 AM »

You are looking at picture of a flaccid penis and are suggesting that no deformity can be seen. Of course this is true because deformity can only be seen in erect state. You cna think I'm Maki g this up, I don't even care. The facts are that I could and would not, never have sex with my dick as it is now. It's unstable, it's thinned dramatically and I'm mortified because of these three cords on the right which are starting to create indentation like the one on the right. And yes, my flaccid length is almost double when I'm on cialis so if you suggest my penis looks big, that is the reason. Honestly, that is all people say, hang in there and hope but I've been hoping for 5 years and it's only ever gotten worse to points where I couldn't even dream of. So yeah
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onset of symptoms in February 2020 initial pain when flaccid only which has since improved. 20deg left curvature, loss of girth indent
started oral treatment in march, currently on Potaba 12mg 1200mg Pentox, 2.5mg Taladafil and L-arginin
very depress

peter123

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Re: It's about time to try something different.
« Reply #9 on: September 25, 2020, 10:21:40 AM »

Yeha bit you don't see the deformity bc it is flaccid state. It's bigger because of the daily tadalafil. It's not a medical micro penis but it's 1 inch maybe more shorter than average and with peyronies I've lost girth where the indentation is. I also have pain every time I masturbate, sex I could not even. Imagine especially girl on top. I understand you all Mean well and I do appreciate it and I understand that depression has turned me into a massive a$$hole on and offline. However keep in mind peyronies is only one of my many problems, it made me more depressed but if it resolved over night I still would deal with crippling depression just as I did before the onset. That's not people's fault here and thus I need to treat them. More respectfully. But it's all hard, the nature of it is hard, I can't gt out of my. Own head, I feel so disgusting and emasculated and it makes me irritated and emotional, in rela life I play an act and suppress my feelings, I tell nobody how I legit planned to take my own life just hours before meeting them. Nobody seems to know and that's really the best
Logged
onset of symptoms in February 2020 initial pain when flaccid only which has since improved. 20deg left curvature, loss of girth indent
started oral treatment in march, currently on Potaba 12mg 1200mg Pentox, 2.5mg Taladafil and L-arginin
very depress

TonySa

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Re: It's about time to try something different.
« Reply #10 on: September 26, 2020, 10:01:59 PM »

Why not post an erect pic so we can see what you’re talking about?
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PxD 2 yrs 9/16.  Failed all treatment. 9/11/18: excision, grafting & implant Dr Karpman MtnView Ca, AMS CX 18cm + 3-1cm RTEs.
Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.
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