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Author Topic: Chapter 3?  (Read 531 times)

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TDix

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Chapter 3?
« on: January 21, 2020, 03:51:26 AM »

Hey guys....if you have been following me you can see how I came to this forum having developed Peyronies Disease nearly out of the blue (most likely genetic as my brother has it too), my disastrous venture into Xiaflex, and my segue into excision/grafting surgery.   Here I am almost a year post surgery, and while I regained all my length back, reduced a 50 degree bend to pretty damn straight, gained girth, and even helped any “premature” issues I was dealing with....I now find myself at the 3rd chapter in this journey.  Currently a pretty sexless marriage.  I have been married almost 23 years.  Been with my wife for over 25, and having gone through all I have the past few years, I have ended up here.  No sex.  I admit we are both very stubborn individuals.  She says she can’t get in the mood without a bunch of affection.  I, on the other hand find it hard to be affectionate to a wife who doesn’t want to have sex otherwise.  Plus I feel trapped in a sense that if I start being affectionate she will just pull out the “he just wants sex” card.  So here I am, 2 years of ultimate hell for a guy.....I did all I could to get myself back to as normal as possible, and now I can’t use the damn thing.  I will preface all this by saying I am in no means blaming my wife.  We are BOTH to blame.  Just sucks to have gotten this far and corrected my problem as best I could, and now it feels a lot of time like “why the hell did I go through all of that for this??”  Trying to stay positive and hope this is just another valley in our journey together, and we climb to the next peak
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47 yrs old, 3 yrs diagnosed, xiaflex resulted in a fracture (original uro), excision/grafting surgery 3/26/19 performed by Dr Faysal Yafi, Implanted 8/11/20 by Dr Yafi, Titan Zero degree 20cm + 1cm RTE

TonySa

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Re: Chapter 3?
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2020, 09:14:36 AM »

That’s rough, would you both consider couples counseling?  This is a very common issue in long term relationships and is pretty easily addressed.  I highly recommend counselors trained by the Gottman institute—you can google for counselors in your area.  That you acknowledge you both play a roll s a great start and ahead of most couples.  Also, I’d encourage you to enjoy masturbation so you don’t need to pressure her for all your sexual needs.  Just some ideas.
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PxD 2 yrs 9/16.  Failed all treatment. 9/11/18: excision, grafting & implant Dr Karpman MtnView Ca, AMS CX 18cm + 3-1cm RTEs.
Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

TDix

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Re: Chapter 3?
« Reply #2 on: January 21, 2020, 02:46:37 PM »

Oh trust me I keep the pipes clean, and we did go to counseling years ago.  I’m not really a big fan of it, though, as a female therapist tends to lean towards the wife and a male towards me.  Just human nature I guess, as your own knows what each is dealing with.  I understand that it takes commitment to get back on the horse in a long relationship, and I believe this will pass over time.  It just sucks going through it after all the trauma the past two years to my lil guy.  It usually gets better once one of our stubborn butts caves in. 
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47 yrs old, 3 yrs diagnosed, xiaflex resulted in a fracture (original uro), excision/grafting surgery 3/26/19 performed by Dr Faysal Yafi, Implanted 8/11/20 by Dr Yafi, Titan Zero degree 20cm + 1cm RTE

TDix

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Re: Chapter 3?
« Reply #3 on: January 21, 2020, 02:51:20 PM »

I also believe my experience led to this latest lull in sex.  We had to hold off a bunch when I was getting Xiaflex injections, then when the fracture happened (not due to sex) and the subsequent ER visits, we were both worried of causing more damage.  Now post surgery, I can last a lot longer, which for a young me would’ve been a god send, but it seems now we found it hard to fit in quickies as I don’t finish that quick anymore
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47 yrs old, 3 yrs diagnosed, xiaflex resulted in a fracture (original uro), excision/grafting surgery 3/26/19 performed by Dr Faysal Yafi, Implanted 8/11/20 by Dr Yafi, Titan Zero degree 20cm + 1cm RTE

TonySa

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Re: Chapter 3?
« Reply #4 on: January 21, 2020, 10:47:27 PM »

Maybe the quickies can focus on her satisfaction and the others in yours?  A good couples counselor can balance their approach...I’d consider trying again 😊
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PxD 2 yrs 9/16.  Failed all treatment. 9/11/18: excision, grafting & implant Dr Karpman MtnView Ca, AMS CX 18cm + 3-1cm RTEs.
Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

Hawk

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Re: Chapter 3?
« Reply #5 on: January 22, 2020, 09:21:40 AM »

TDix, Without sex and intimacy, your marriage will underdeliver a lot of satisfaction for both of you because that is what makes everything else work.

Like all old sayings this is simplistic but it has been said that women give sex to get intimacy and men give intimacy to get sex.  If you have been through 25 years then you have worked through a lot of ups and downs.  You can work through this.  Also, your time off with treatment could be a factor.  Studies show that often the more women have sex the more they want it while men tend to lean the other way.

To be afraid of being loving, considerate, and helpful because she MIGHT misinterpret is stubborn.   You must love her.  Do it for that reason.  Give it time.  You cannot expect her to notice, absorb, and properly appreciate the change in a day or a week.   Nothing is better than when two people face the day wondering how they can make the other person's day a little better.  After long bouts with tension, everyone starts looking out for themselves.  Someone has to break the cycle.

I am not sure what things you do together or what interests you share but you might consider reading "The 5 Love Languages", even reading it together.  Often you think you are giving the other person what they need and you are really missing the mark and giving them what you need.
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Prostatectomy 2004, radiation 2009, currently 68 yrs old
After pills, injections, VED - Dr Eid, Titan 22cm implant 8/7/18
Hawk - Updated 10/27/18 - Peyronies Society Forums
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