Hey everyone,
I'm an 18 year old (almost 19), and my whole life I've had a ~55 degree bend. Last February I had surgery to correct it (Nesbit plication). 2 months after the surgery the results were not ideal, but then I blew out a stitch which made was was a probable failure of a surgery into a complete failure.
So then this Christmas I had another surgery, same surgeon. (He's pretty much the best in my coverage by far). Woke up to hear that the stitches were placed very well, and when they tested the correction during the surgery, it was very straight and held up even at very high pressures. I was ecstatic.
Fast forward about a two weeks, and I feel my erection in the middle of the night. It's pretty much the same as before. I say to myself that it's just temporary right? Maybe things need to just heal and it'll be okay. Theres no way in my mind that I could still be curved.
But now, its almost 2 months later, and the curve actually seems worse. And the mental effects of this entire ordeal have just really caught up with me now. I mean, after a life of constantly being ashamed of my dick I was fine. When the first surgery failed I was even doing okay, keeping up. But now, I wake up angry. I go about my day angry, and go to bed angry. I'm not an angry person, I hardly get upset with anything.
But this, its just too much. I feel so robbed of everything. I'm in college right now, and my friends and people I know can just have sex when they want, and its easy and simple. Its just simply sex for them. But every sexual experience I've had has been a complex production of mental gymnastics to try to forget the pain and the shame. I see the phrase, "this ruined my sex life", well I guess I'm lucky, because I didn't even get to have a sex life to ruin in the first place.
I am just drained. I don't even know what to do or what is wrong.
Like the left side of my dick is so constricted and tight feeling, the entire left corporal body is just atrophied or something - like its just covered in collegen or whatever. But the right side is full, spongey, and softer feeling. And I swear that there is just something unique or unheard of or unresearched about it.
Because the thing is my surgeon is the biggest no-BS man I know. I know I left the OR with a F^@$!ng perfect penis and something happened or something about something else causes this. But maybe I won't ever know.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I'd honestly be dead if I wasn't stopped by the thought of how pathetic it would be to kill myself over this. I don't know where to turn anymore.