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Other Peyronies Disease Discussion Boards => Women Speak Out about Peyronies Disease - PUBLIC Forum => Topic started by: soda7 on August 22, 2021, 08:31:07 PM

Title: Husband has Peyronies, refuses to see a Dr or discuss it
Post by: soda7 on August 22, 2021, 08:31:07 PM
I will try to condense my story. My husband was diagnosed 6 years ago. He went to his family physician at onset. The Dr just said, give it a year and it may resolve itself. I have been trying to get him to seek medical attention since. He refuses. Now, refuses to even talk about it. When brought up, he becomes angry and storms out. We have not been intimate in several years. I have begged in tears for him to see a Dr. At this point intimacy is not even possible. I am now angry, because he wouldn't even try. We are a older couple, but not dead! I am not bad looking, take care of myself . He told me last week, that he thought most couples our age, stop having sex anyway! So he decided, we were done, without discussing it with me. I think its probably to late for any kind of treatment now. But I'm holding this terrible anger, for him giving up, without trying. I dont know how to let go of my anger. This is not the first time has made huge decisions, that affected us both, without my knowledge or input. I'm grateful I can vent here, thank you for allowing me to.
Title: Re: Husband has Peyronies, refuses to see a Dr or discuss it
Post by: Stabler on August 22, 2021, 08:41:31 PM

I can tell you that waiting is not the answer. He does need to see a specialist but if he is unwilling, then he cannot get treatment of any kind. Have you suggested he come to the forum simply to browse the boards so he can see that he is not alone. That maybe he would find that he would be able to talk here since it is anonymous.

Your support is very important. While I know you are struggling with your own feelings, he does need your support.

Title: Re: Husband has Peyronies, refuses to see a Dr or discuss it
Post by: Hricco on August 22, 2021, 09:52:12 PM

lots to unpack here. 

So the fact that he makes large decisions without discussing them with you is a different topic, But if that's the way he is used to being, it makes perfect sense that he would just make this decisions for you both too. 

This is a very mental disease as well as physical.  Can he still perform?  or is the pyronines causing him to have Erectile Dysfunction too?  I have a mild form of it, and it messed my brain up something awful. My girlfriend and I have great sex, I have to use Viagra, but we do very well, and she didn't know me before the onset, so to her its totally normal. 

But back to the mental part.  Men have  a hard time (no pun intended) talking about their sex lives in general, especially older guys. 

This is a tough condition to talk about, and it can make you clam up and go inward.  It's tough to take.  Go easy on him, I know six years is a long time to do nothing, but i would assume he's stable at this point, no further progression of the condition?

implants are an option.  some treatments like Xiaflex may help. 

If its intimacy with your husband  that you are craving, then try to be intimate without having sex.  My GF and I do that all the time, and its wonderful, and very connective and close, and promotes a deeper bond.  light touching, lots of kissing,  help him feel comfortable.  Try not to be so angry at him, i know its tough, try to put yourself in his shoes. 

just my opinion, but i hope you guys can figure it out.   
Title: Re: Husband has Peyronies, refuses to see a Dr or discuss it
Post by: soda7 on August 22, 2021, 10:17:24 PM
Thank you for responding. I have been supportive. Its just been recently that the anger started. It is hard to bring up the subject, when he storms out. He refused to discuss implants. I've mentioned medications, but the conversation goes no where. This is where the anger comes in. He has not been able to perform in quite some time. Viagra did help for awhile. Thank you, I'll see if I can get him to look at this site.
Title: Re: Husband has Peyronies, refuses to see a Dr or discuss it
Post by: GaussRifle on August 23, 2021, 12:06:42 AM
First of all a Big Hug to you 🤗.  We are here to listen to your problems and you can vent here as much as you want.

As a young 26 yr old guy with peyronies who cannot have sex , I can say that intimacy is not just about penetrative sex, there are ways to have non penetrative sex and have a lot of fun with hands / toys. You clearly are a supporting wife .... He can try pleasuring you with Toys, hands etc. Make it clear to him that all pressure will be taken off his penis for sex .... just laught it out. Keep the mood light !!  If you can slowly get him in bed these ways... he may in the future crave for more himself !

I understand your anger but trust me... on the man's side... the agony and frustration is times ten.
Title: Re: Husband has Peyronies, refuses to see a Dr or discuss it
Post by: Mikel7 on August 23, 2021, 06:43:23 AM
Don't give up on him.  When it comes to intimacy and sex issues us guys can sometimes freak out about discussing it.  I think that Stablers suggestion of having him read the forum is an excellent idea. He may browse the forum and even get to read some helpful info that will change his attitude and heart. Then he will be more open to discuss things without getting angry .
Title: Re: Husband has Peyronies, refuses to see a Dr or discuss it
Post by: Hawk on August 23, 2021, 09:20:21 PM
You do not mention your ages.  It is not everything, but it does give some insight. 

I will go out on a limb and guess that Peyronies Disease or Erectile Dysfunction is not the problem.  Lack of libido is the problem.  If a man has a strong sex drive and is horny, he will move heaven and earth to have sex.  VERY FEW men without a strong sex drive will go through the hassle of researching information, finding a surgeon, and getting an implant.  I was semi-insane to have sex in any form and had many orgasms without ever getting an erection.  Many people don't even know that erections have little to do with having an orgasm.

In truth, Soda, without a strong libido, you are fighting a lost battle.  Try to get his testosterone checked and to get on T-replacement therapy. Do not use sex as the reason. Work it into any complaints he has about the loss of every or stamina,  If he can get that resolved, you have a shot at getting him to take the next step.

PS: Sadly, he is right that many couples stop having sex.  I know one lady whose husband told her when he turned 50 not to expect sex anymore.  I found it beyond comprehension.

Title: Re: Husband has Peyronies, refuses to see a Dr or discuss it
Post by: Jamesblue on November 07, 2021, 10:35:05 AM
I would be happy to just hug and cuddle and gain strength from my loving wife's affection.
As mentioned earlier penetrative sex isn't everything.
Title: Re: Husband has Peyronies, refuses to see a Dr or discuss it
Post by: Arandora66 on November 21, 2021, 05:44:06 PM
So sorry to hear this, I do hope that in time your husband will change his mind and feel able to and want to talk about it.

I noticed a change in my husbands penis in 2020, by then he had such an acute bend it was impossible to ignore, penetration had been getting more and more difficult and painful.  So I started googling and found a couple of forums and lots of information.  Despite having been together for 38 years, it still took me a good couple of weeks to pluck up the courage to mention it.  After all, it's a difficult conversation to have as I felt that he would think that I was questioning and/or insulting his masculinity. At first he dismissed it and didn't want to talk, so I said that's fine, ignore it if you like and accept that a big part of our life will be over.  Or the other option is to go and see the Dr and get some treatment, but I stressed that I would still love and support him whatever he chose.  He saw the GP who referred him to a urologist, but because of Covid he never got to see one and had a telephone conversation. The Uro told him to take vitamin E, I looked up other supplements on here that he also takes and I ordered him and Andropeyronie device.  In the meantime we've moved 400 miles away and are living with our daughter and family while our house is built, so although he's not using it for as long or as often as he should.  We've still seen a huge improvement and penetration is possible again.