Hey guys... It's been 5 years since I had sex.... I've been in Canada for 4.5 years. I kissed a couple of girls... 2/3 but I always avoided sex. This time I have a girl which is really interested in me... I also find her very attractive. She tried to kiss me yesterday... I refused. For fear it would lead to sex. She felt rejected... I then went and apologize.... Texts back and forth, and now she said ''your turn to try and kiss me''.
Now... She is super interested in me..... And I am almost 100% sure she wants sex. I am super afraid I am going to hurt my self and not be able to properly penetrate her/make her have a good experience. In turn, making me feel even shittier and more depressed. My erections are like 80% rigidity. Compared to Pre fracture. I think I will be able to maintain my erection, but it hurts at the base if I move the penis around too much so I am always super careful when masturbating. I think I can put a condom on, as long as it is one of those extra thin ones. But haven't tried it...
What would you guys do? I really miss the intimacy and the kissing and hugging a girl..... But I am so afraid...
Be honest with her and tell her what you are dealing with and that you want to share that moment with her, but you need to go gentle at first and see how things are working. I think she would like your honesty. Also, there are many ways to be intimate without penetration - you have a tongue, fingers, etc... Get some toys involved that you can use mixed in with your own penis- that way if you feel something isn't working, you can start using the toy and act like nothing is wrong.
I was thinking about that recently how I would deal with this situation and my conclusion was to just tell her.
Not all the details, but that I had an injury and have to be careful. I don't think there is a right moment, probably just before I feel like it is going to happen. It is possible that I will not get a good erection out of fear, it is best to be able to discuss this too if it were to happen and try again.
I think we all fear of injuring ourselves further, so it is best to start carefully, therefore she should know.
What is there to lose really? You might get rejected, it might not go well.
But we mostly think about the bad things anyway, it might be great. And you will at least know.
Get an implant. It will solve all of your problems.
Hey bentbigd, johnnydoe. Thank you for answering. This is a friends with benefits type of situation so it won't be my girlfriend... You know? So I can't be exactly honest..... I mean, I can... But it's a big gamble. It will depend on a lot of factors.... I will post more updates as this goes on. lol crapping my pants out.
Man i would not refuse this girl even if i had total ed and couldnt penetrate, you may get suprised , maybe your dick will function better with her than alone, i had situation like this when i started with my girlfriend 2 years ago, you need to bite the bullet as i did, now im in loving relationship and she is crazy about me and even i dont habe morning wood and my erections are shadow of my prime life erections i can F~@< her for hour, just try to relax and if you get sexual just focus on her p~$$% with fingers and tongue and not on your dick, maybe even try valerian root it will calm you down a bit.. rember memento mori- all of us will die so in bigger picture dont be ashame because nothing is permanent except death....
Yes... But this will never ever turn into a relationship. She will be gone from Canada in December. that's part of why I am interested in trying. Part of why I don't want to do anything at the same time. I have a chance for re-injury if I am not safe... And I ask myself... Is it worth it, at this stage? Risk more emotional burden, possible re-injure... So many bad things that can happen... For what? Because I can't wait another year or two?
pfract, I wasn't expecting writing on your topic, since you've been like a mentor to me during my whole struggle and I was thinking you'd make me relax for some more time for some unknown reason :D. As far as I know you (which is very very little) you are a type of guy who thinks before taking action. I can understand you don't want to be too open with a friend with benefits. But I think you should let her know what happened to your penis and you may get a little bit nervous during sex. She will probably understand and won't make any sudden moves during sex. You should take control obviously. That's what I'd do and probably will do. We have similar cases, my base also hurts when I push there or make a sudden move. Therefore I'll be looking forward to hear how your experience was :) Good luck man.
Thank you nocekgari. Thats very true. That's what I am doing right now. I am not sure she is the type of girl to deal good with this or to ''help me out''. We have known each other not even two weeks... She already tried to kiss me. Things are going super fast, as its normal in this situation.... I am just blocking out mentally, thinking bout it all....
Here is possibly one of the best, if not only chance of me having ''some sexual activity before implant'' but IDK
Pfract,
If this is going to be just a "friends w benefits" situation there is no reason why you cant tell her and let her know what you are comfortable with. I'm sure you have skills that will satisfy her. She would actually be the perfect person to try things out with, no stress of a serious relationship just two friends enjoying each others company.... I would however make sure she knows it is a friends w benefits situation, so you are both on the same page.
Stabler
Thank you for taking the time to reply stabler. Honestly... I haven't kissed a girl since August 2018.I almost got terrified I wouldn't know how to and would embarrass myself. And yes... Kissing is a thing I like so much but weirdly, seems that I have forgotten it.. And it keeps getting worse, the longer I spend without female contact.
Oh, I know for sure. She does too. We met at the club.. She was partying with friends. We exchanged numbers and then it progressed from there... Also... She felt rejected ''in her words'' given what NOT happened. I assured her it wasn't the case and she said that ''I can see you wanted too, but something happened with you and you blocked out. Now you have to try and kiss me. I won't try again''.
Which supposedly is cool. But in cases like this, the sexual tension dies off pretty quickly, given that this is just sex. (or she thinks it would be... :( )
I feel terrible already, knowing I was checking her out, hitting on her, already knowing I couldn't be a man about it in the end... :-X
Well personally, I think you should just have the conversation with her. Lay it out there so she knows what you need. Also "learning to kiss" can be fun. It's not the same with everyone you kiss so if you think about it, it's always new with a new person. If you tell her about the Peyronie's then she knows up front what you can and can't do. It will take the pressure off you and you can focus more on other things to please each other. I was glad that I was told up front cause I certainly didn't want to do anything to injure him and we found ways to make each other happy sexually.
Stabler