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Losing hope

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Daveypete

In January I had a bit of cash left over from a Christmas voucher, and I have had a kink for chastity for a few years. I did some research online, and found effectively every source saying that permanent/severe damage was very difficult with chastity. I tried the cage on a few times, noticing it was very difficult for me to usually get in (I'm a grower), probably because I was getting turned on...

Anyway, I tried the chastity cage a few times, for a few hours on some random evenings. I quite liked the feel, but frankly didn't feel it was totally for me. I put it down for a few weeks before getting super horny and trying it on - this time, I was going to wear it for an entire day. What a f'^+'ing idiot - I put it on midmorning on some random day in Jan, and then took it off the next morning. I noticed that although my dick didn't really hurt that much, I could see a bit of edema was in my foreskin - went slightly puffy. I thought I better take it off and give it a rest - it felt slightly sore I guess, but nothing that painful. As I slid the cage off I noticed a slight indentation in my erection, that then disappeared as I got hard. I thought nothing less of it.

Then about 2 weeks later I was due to go and see someone I was banging at the time. I woke up a few days before my trip to see her in horror at effectively no morning wood. I tried to make myself horny (I was/am very anxious about this) and my dick was only half inflating - like a floppy balloon - not only that, but it wasn't even staying floppy that easily - and would deflate down to a tiny f'^+'ing flaccid - smallest I've ever been... I told her on the phone that morning that I was having issues - I explained my stupid mistake, and she made me go see a doctor that day.

The Dr inspected my penis, noticed it was bruised and swollen. I explained the chastity device and he told me that he'd be surprised if such a short period of use would cause anything major. He said (this is in Jan) that it would likely clear up within a month - he arranged a urology appointment for me, which he stressed I should cancel if it gets better.

This news made me feel more confident - plus the support of the person I was seeing made me feel pretty good. A few days later I noticed my morning wood back, at basically 90% - not fully there, but there. I was so relieved, I felt like I'd dodged a bullet. I still went up to see her, and we f'^+'ed quite a few times, with basically no issues (I lost wood once or twice, but I thought it was probably just a bit of performance anxiety). I felt great - I could still F^@%, and enjoy it, and not worry too much. I got the letter in the post about my urology appointment maybe a week after this. The letter gave me a system to log on to, and book an appointment - the system told me the next appointment would be in 25 week. 1) I felt confident I was basically okay and 2) I definitely felt confident I'd be okay within 6 months. I cancelled the appointment.

Since then to now, my dick has seemingly spiralled into a pretty bad state, along with my emotional state. I stopped seeing the woman mentioned earlier, and I began to notice my libido was completely going. My dick is very often turtled, and taught, I can see visible bruising on my shaft. My sensation has changed - I still have feeling down there, but it's different/dulled. When turtled, and as I get erect, my dick has an hourglass shape, with about half of my shaft tight and hard all around. I can still get hard with my thoughts (and using kegels), and with stimulation it's almost the same length as before, maybe a few cm off, definitely noticeable reduction in girth - my dick used to be super wide just before the head, now it's narrower.

I'm not exactly sure what I've done, and if it's permanent, but I'm terrified it is - I've arranged another GP appointment for the 20th April. Thankfully it's the same doctor, so I'm going to make him get me another urology appointment, and hopefully faster than 25 weeks! I'm 25 myself, I'd like to think young people should get priority treatment.

Part of me thinks this might be something pelvic floor related - my cage went all around my balls, and I think behind here on this muscles is where the majority of the stress and strain went. But then I think my symptoms have developed as if it were peyronies - and if so, that means like 50% of my shaft is plaque - which makes me very depressed. The odd thing is, if I'm slightly turned on, my dick goes all floppy again - as if the plaque wasn't there. Part of me things it's a compressed nerve at the top of my dick, or just the tissue is compressed and damaged and needs longer time to heal. It's all f'^+'ing with my head. Another thing is I have zero pain down there. Absolutely zero. It might ache slightly if I masturbate, but I'm trying not to, to let it heal/fix itself.

A slight bit of back story - I'm pretty sure I got a peyronies plaque a few years ago on the top of my shaft - it hurt like hell, caused erectile dysfunction and pain for many months - it eventually healed to the point where pain went, but it was still slightly curved. The annoying thing is, not too long before the chastity event, I noticed my dick fully straight - meaning I was basically fully cured of that plaque. I'm hoping that because my body was able to recover before, that it'll be able to again, but then I don't remember not waking up with morning wood before...

Daveypete

I'm hoping that once I get some medication to help bloodflow, that this'll be key in starting things to improve - erections seem to be getting fewer and fewer, my anxiety is getting bigger and bigger though, so it's really hard to tell if my symptoms are indeed getting worse, or if I'm driving myself mental.

The low libido is killing me though, I feel a bit like a zombie when it's bad, like it is at the moment. I've also just had an invite up to see this woman I was F^@$!ng before - and I'm not sure if I should go, and at least try to have sex, but obviously risking huge amounts of humiliation if I can't get it up at all...

One of the very first symptoms I had before any of this was tight balls - which I noticed, but didn't think too much of - but for a few weeks my balls were constantly tight - they seem to be a bit more normal now, but who knows- There are things that make me think this is testosterone related;

1) I got a strange acne spot on my jaw (under a beard), which has now gone hairless, (could just be a damaged spot.)
2) Libido is very low
3) Low energy and motivation
4) Feeling emotionally void and depressed
5) Putting on weight
6) Poor sleep - I wake up at 5am or 6am every day at the moment (normally get up at 8)
7) Obviously erection problems.

THEN I think it's pelvic floor related;

1) Hard flaccid which changes back to soft (but still shorter than before)
2) Notice pain in my taint occasionally
3) Feels slightly numb down there
4) Notice when I stand up, urine occasionally spurts out my dick
7) Obviously erection problems.


Then I think it's peyronies -

1) Hard/firm cord in penis when flaccid, which I can feel all around
2) Visual hourglassing on penis, both flaccid and semi erect
3) Penis smaller
3) Obviously erection problems.

JohnWright

Predictably, and typically, this totally screws with your mind.