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Author Topic: A letter to my boyfriend....  (Read 3464 times)

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sassykat

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A letter to my boyfriend....
« on: August 21, 2017, 01:49:00 PM »


We are not youngsters by any means, both life experienced and after time being single following ended marriages we found each other. I knew I liked you before we actually met and the minute I saw you for the first time I fell in love with you in a heartbeat. Emotionally we had such a great connection and you truly made me smile, laugh and feel special. When we finally decided to take our relationship to being a sexual one it was all the above that made the connection and intensity amazing. I truly fell madly, deeply in love with you.

We have been together now for 16 amazing months and during this honeymoon period of adventure and fresh excitement we have had to manage a couple of life changing stresses one that has bonded us together further and then just at the point of needing to recover from this you discovered you had Peyronies Disease four months ago. You are such a beautiful reserved man, which I find typical for our era, not wanting me to see and certainly not wanting me to touch it. I offered my reassurance, as I still do, then with a level of non understanding of the full implications really. We made love still but less frequent and I could see you were worried and in pain. As the frequency of lovemaking declined I started to do some research myself, especially once you had been to the Urologist and came back almost giving up hope for the next 18 months!. 

I've learnt that practically the acute stage can be painful and hopefully it will pass, the bend may never go and we'll manage that once the pain has gone or is controlled. I learnt that America seem to put more effort into treatments and in the UK you are a lot less limited (ooo an excuse to move across the pond??). I have learnt that emotionally this is an integral part of your manhood and you are dealing with that sense of loss. I have read from others, although limited, that concerns are held about partners leaving them and I wanted to say that this will not break us, the disease itself will not define us but a lack of intimacy may be a sticking point.

My feelings towards you have not changed my love, you are still the most beautiful man in the world to me, my heart still misses a beat when I see you and the thought of you still makes me smile. It's my feelings towards myself that this disease has taken from me, where once I was confident of my sexual prowess I am now uncertain, where once I felt wanted I now feel avoided, where once I felt in times of stress our passion would hold us together  I now feel vulnerable, unsure and insecure. Where I once felt confidence in my ability to woo you I now fear rejection and most of all I feel guilty for all of that as I don't want you to have any more pressure to deal with in all this.

You seem so distant and have shut down completely currently but I'm still here, I can't imagine what you are battling but I haven't gone anywhere I'm waiting for you, you are still the most beautiful man in the world to me always remember that. I long for your touches, I have accepted for now we will not have penetrative intercourse and that is ok, honestly it is, being intimate is way more than that for me, but don't be worried about touches that can not lead further, I long for them, don't stop the long kisses or the tender curess of my breasts that use to end up with our clothes on the floor as it's the only closeness I get with you currently, don't assume masterbating is any substitute for the closeness of skin to skin contact because it doesn't even compare and don't roll over, say your tired as we go to bed I know we are not having sex but a cuddle to bond us back together and offer reassurance is most welcome.

I am hopeful we will get to the other side of this together, please don't push me away.
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Stabler

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2017, 05:21:31 PM »

Sassykat,

Is this a letter that you have written and  given to your boyfriend? If so what has yhe outcome been.. or is this something you are wanting feedback on before you give it?

Stabler67
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sassykat

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2017, 06:08:22 PM »

I'm working towards giving it to him....wish me luck!
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csm101

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2017, 02:09:08 PM »

Great letter please repost results if you can
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sassykat

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #4 on: April 05, 2018, 05:33:56 PM »

Wow....its been seven months since I wrote the letter and managed to share it with my boyfriend. Just wanted to say that we are as close as ever going from strength to strength emotionally and physically. Peyonies has not defined my boyfriend or broke us apart. Penetration is impossible still but once the pain died down around November time we have continued with a healthy enjoyable regular sex life again which although was not the bee all of our relationship it certainly for me is the glue that helps bond us closer.

I have read some posts about men feeling like they can not hold a relationship because of the disease as some women won't want them....if your reading this we deserve more credit!. Don't let this define you, you all deserve the life you want and the happiness you truly deserve. 


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pfract

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #5 on: April 05, 2018, 08:01:27 PM »

Penetration is impossible due to curvature? Or Erectile Dysfunction? If so, tell him to read more information on penile implants. You guys can restore your sex life.

Read more on urologicalcare.com . It has amazing resources there.

FVP

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #6 on: April 12, 2018, 10:44:55 PM »

This is a beautiful letter. Glad you finally gave it to him and that it brought you closer together. I know he feels proud cause I would. Dr. Charles Runnels posted himself a few years back. He got skepticism which I can understand. His procedure looks promising for Peyronie's called the Priapus Shot, look into it. I have been following it and have read bad reviews when it was touted as a male enhancement. if you smoke it won't work. no you're not going to be hung like a horse. if it gives me back what I've lost I have won, that's the way I look at it. why I haven't done it? it's a financial thing. the cost I'm ok with. but as a single parent with a 10 year old daughter, summer camp expense takes priority and she's my #1 lady in my life. I've been around I'm 55 and still got it, salsa instructor what can you say lol. I am happy to see that real women are standing by their man.
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TonySa

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #7 on: April 13, 2018, 09:21:23 AM »

Priasus shot has no medical support in the literature and even anecdotal patient evidence is not good.
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PxD 2 yrs 9/16.  Failed all treatment. 9/11/18: excision, grafting & implant Dr Karpman MtnView Ca, AMS CX 18cm + 3-1cm RTEs.
Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

reversingaffects5073

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #8 on: May 29, 2020, 12:42:20 AM »

Wow....its been seven months since I wrote the letter and managed to share it with my boyfriend. Just wanted to say that we are as close as ever going from strength to strength emotionally and physically. Peyonies has not defined my boyfriend or broke us apart. Penetration is impossible still but once the pain died down around November time we have continued with a healthy enjoyable regular sex life again which although was not the bee all of our relationship it certainly for me is the glue that helps bond us closer.

I have read some posts about men feeling like they can not hold a relationship because of the disease as some women won't want them....if your reading this we deserve more credit!. Don't let this define you, you all deserve the life you want and the happiness you truly deserve.

yes but you guys were already in a relationship.  What about being out of one.  My symptoms seem stable except for some other things (long story) but i had a breakup with a gf and now my confidence is shot.  What would you say to us single guys going in to a relationship?
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popopo

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #9 on: May 29, 2020, 10:51:59 AM »

Don't bother reversingaffects. We already know the answer is we're fcked unless we find that one in a million that doesn't care about sex from the start of the relationsship. What she said was that we all "deserve" a normal lovelife and yeah, we all do. But that's life man.. we all deserve health, wealth, succes, love, etc. But that don't mean we're all gonna get it. I honestly think you know by know how fcked we are. Whenevrr I use mine it hurts and I already lost like 2-3cm on my erection. Even if I didn't have difficulty maintaining an erection it woild still be a crappy experience for me, let alone a partner. My point is that it shouldn't matter what one woman says. Would you feel better if she said there's totally a lot of girls out there that don't mind a broken penis? I won't. And even if these womrn didn't care, it's not about them it is also about my own sense of manhood. Used to be like 7 inch now more like 5.5 and thin.. guess which one I prefer to be? Exactly. Don't need a woman to tell me otherwise.
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Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

TonySa

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #10 on: May 29, 2020, 12:16:28 PM »

Please don’t get so discouraged, if you predict doom in relationships you will either find it or avoid relationships altogether.   Plenty of posters here have talked about their successful relationships (w Peyronie’s).
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PxD 2 yrs 9/16.  Failed all treatment. 9/11/18: excision, grafting & implant Dr Karpman MtnView Ca, AMS CX 18cm + 3-1cm RTEs.
Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

popopo

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #11 on: May 29, 2020, 03:01:46 PM »

Good luck finding someone o.k with a damaged dick at 25. I haven't found a woman my age (that is remotely attractive, cause yes I have standards too) that is ever gonna be okay with this stuff. And even if she was I likely wouldn't be happy myself. But even if i try to be ignorant and act like everything is alright, I STILL get dumped after having sex once or even ghosted after sending dick pics (ONLY BECAUZE THEY ASK, NOT A PERV) so you can tell.me it's my pessimistic mind or other parts of myself that cause this, but I know for a fact it really is my broken dick. Not trying to be negative (altough this isn't hopefull either lol) but for guys my generation who deal with this and lost enough size to be percieved as small and than also lost enough function just not to be able to get the job done it is truly over. There may be an extremely slim.chance if you date someone for like a year without having sex and then kinda "trap" her into being with you, but even that is likely noy happening and she'll probably break it off with you for never moving to the next level. The reality is that I'd be fine by now, but with my current situation it's not happening. I now avoid relationsships, but only because I have had some straight up humiliating experiences failing with women when literally everything else was going right. Not talking trying 2/3 times either. More like 20+ times over the years. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.
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Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

Stabler

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #12 on: May 29, 2020, 04:06:23 PM »

My suggestion is to be honest from the beginning. it is better to be up front about it and no you are not doomed to being alone. IF you are looking for a real relationship and not just someone to have sex with and nothing more, there are women out there that want a meaningful relationship even if the variables of sex have to be examined. Now, if you are the one looking for someone JUST for the sex then that is going to have to be on you and how you will deal with it. Women are not in relationships JUST for the sex.

Stabler
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popopo

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #13 on: May 29, 2020, 09:06:16 PM »

I see your view, but it doesn't work like that. For many people this is a dealbreaker. Also, it's not something you tell someone you just met.
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Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

TonySa

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #14 on: May 29, 2020, 09:18:54 PM »

Po, your point of view is unhealthy for you but also not helpful for others.  Why not get help for depression rather than encouraging others despair?
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PxD 2 yrs 9/16.  Failed all treatment. 9/11/18: excision, grafting & implant Dr Karpman MtnView Ca, AMS CX 18cm + 3-1cm RTEs.
Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

Jack1909

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #15 on: May 30, 2020, 03:14:48 AM »

Time goes by and Popo you are still all on length issues. I feel sorry for you and I think Toni is right. I do believe you are still in a condition which allows you to have pleasing intercourse. I know it’s not what you wanna hear and you rather feel ok with being felt as hopeless.
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popopo

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #16 on: May 30, 2020, 08:06:48 AM »

I'm just sharing truth. Just because none of you is in the same situation as me and size is clearly not and issue for you, does NOT mean my problem isn't real and that sharing my point of view is "unhealthy". I have been experiencing how difficult it truly is to date having this condition. And having lost sizs over the years AND function, both are a problem to me and my potential partners. It's not my fault that you people do not wanna hear the truth. And if you are inna better situation that is great. But do not try and belittle my problems when you don't know what I'm talking about at all. Oh and by the way "theraphy" for "depression" won't fix these issues for me. You people are delusional if you think that. And some of y'all have it better than me like Jack, but I'm not gonna belittle his issues either, just kinda annoys me if a guy like him is gonna tell me I "should be ablr yo have succesfull intercourse" and that's that.
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Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

Stabler

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #17 on: May 30, 2020, 08:09:42 AM »

No, it is not a first date conversation but if you are feeling like the situation may become serious then yes, the conversation should be had. You don't have to make it difficult or anything just explain what your needs are going to be, whats going to work for you. We are not insensitive to things you as a man may need.

Stabler
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popopo

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #18 on: May 30, 2020, 08:20:24 AM »

It's easy to say and the way you people describe it is the way it "should" be. But the reality is that finding a partner while being practically impotant is a pain in the butt and I don't need a woman or even guys that are in a somewhat better situation (at least size and shape wise)to tell me all of my past experiences are somehow not valid and I should work on "depression". Shame that on a forum like this my issues are belittled, while at the same time.. if none of it mattered and we could all have perfectly fne lovelives,  why the heck are we even here then? I got this at 17 years old ffs. It's not like I'm already married for 10 years and already settled down with someone who now just deals with it. It just doesn't work like that for young people these days. Under what rock have y'all been living?
Also, as far as I'm concerned you guys are considered tk be in "chronic" phase, right? Well, I never even managed to completely get outta active phase and slowly I get progressively worse no matter what I do it seems. If my case was like you guys I may have had more succes as well believe it or not. And then even IF there was a woman who settled for this, I would still end up more sore and getring worse faster if I had sex. I have tried before many times and it's not even worth it to risk getting a lot worse again. We just need some proper treatments, but nobody seems to care. Also, there is no way I'm telling a woman I just started dsting with this as I have had them gossip about this before and most of them do. As a woman you couldn't possibly understand how humilisting it is to try and tell someone that you secretely have a damaged penis. How do you even think that any of this will work unless you're just trying to make a fool oht of yourself and get dumped nonetheless. I may be negative, but at least I'm not totally blind and naive to how people are. Damn.
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Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

Stabler

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #19 on: May 30, 2020, 09:16:53 AM »

No one is belittling you or your feelings however... you cannot apply your thought and logic to other members because it just isn't going to be the same. Not everyone with Peyronies is in your situation, so to tell them there is no hope is an unfair statement IMO

Stabler
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popopo

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #20 on: May 30, 2020, 12:33:50 PM »

Fair enough. Some people may have better luck.
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Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

peter123

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #21 on: June 29, 2020, 04:53:04 PM »

I'm just sharing truth. Just because none of you is in the same situation as me and size is clearly not and issue for you, does NOT mean my problem isn't real and that sharing my point of view is "unhealthy". I have been experiencing how difficult it truly is to date having this condition. And having lost sizs over the years AND function, both are a problem to me and my potential partners. It's not my fault that you people do not wanna hear the truth. And if you are inna better situation that is great. But do not try and belittle my problems when you don't know what I'm talking about at all. Oh and by the way "theraphy" for "depression" won't fix these issues for me. You people are delusional if you think that. And some of y'all have it better than me like Jack, but I'm not gonna belittle his issues either, just kinda annoys me if a guy like him is gonna tell me I "should be ablr yo have succesfull intercourse" and that's that.

you are such a toxic weasel its absolutely incredible. [email protected]< you and [email protected]< your average dick. I legit have to ban your stupid whiny ass from all the toxicity. just because you are too much of an incel idiot to ever talk to a woman
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Hawk

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Re: A letter to my boyfriend....
« Reply #22 on: June 29, 2020, 11:28:37 PM »

Unlike Tony, I not asking, I am telling popopo and peter123 that you are officially warned. and you risk being permanently banned.  Of all damaging things, your behavior drives good people seeking support off of this forum.  I suggest you read the forum rules about such behavior.  To popopo, if you cannot control your negative depressing behavior at lest stop dumping it on new members looking for help. No one wants your dark off-topic dump cluttering up their topic. I am personally at the end of the road with it.  If you want to rant the do it on topics that you create.
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