Hey popop thank you for writting me, I am from south of europe, not antartic obviously hah, i should cry better .I no longer go out for women either, because I will just end up hurting myself even though they say they do not care, I just do not feel good being with a woman like that, it breaks my soul. This problems is destroying my mind, the only way I have to forget him is to connect to forums like this, otherwise this will consume my mind and end up doing something stupid or maybe smart (maybe suicide) who knows?
It's hard for me to go out and talk to people, although it's getting worse, it's not just talking, it's hard for me to see people, I mean when I see a pretty girl on the street makes me die inside and like a girl she speak with me I will have a deep depression, (Because I know that there are girls who talk to me because they like me and if I was not like I would go with them, but not like that, do not get me wrong I'm not a brad pitt but I'm not ugly either, I used to like girls) I prefer to be totally isolated and talk in places like this, you know? But what I really hate are those f'^+'ing doctors who give you lessons of superiority and life, f'^+'ing stupid doctor look for a cure and do not tell me what life or love means, f'^+'ing clown. As I end up committing suicide to more than one I take him with me .. By the way I am 24 years old, you look like a very strong guy if you have been able to endure this, as you I have said this only to two people, and I think it would be better not have said it, it makes me feel deeply ashamed that someone knows it, besides you work, where do you get the strength and the courage? It seems to me that you have to be very strong to continue with your life working etc having something like this. You are really strong bro.
I always have the idea of suicide hanging around my head, how to do it, I'll buy a gun, I'll shoot myself in the head, I'll throw myself from the tallest building, I'll shoot myself on the edge of the building and fall, I know they are not healthy thoughts, but I can not avoid them, I just forget them in places like these.
This crap makes me feel like a dead person in life, sometimes I feel like suicide would be a blessing, and I hope there is nothing after death, because I alone I do not want to exist anymore, I just want peace.
I will try to endure until 30 years or so and there I will have to decide what to do with myself, I do not want to live all my life like this, it's so hard
By the way, thank you very much for talking to me, thank you. Can I send you a PM if I need to speak at any time? If not, nothing happens, it's just that having support and someone in my age who knows what this is is better than being alone and talking with doctors