Peyronie's disease ruined my life.

[Justinian]

I live in constant physical and psychological pain. I let this disease eat me up inside. I feel like a monster. As I write this, the chronic pain is just horrible. It's a socially embarrassing topic that has led me to bottle it all up inside. How can I tell my family the reason I haven't been myself for the last 7 years is because I have a penis disease that 99.9% of guys my age will never get?

I've had periods in my life where I felt normal, where I thought I could get over it. But it always reverts to what it is now: the feeling that things just went horribly wrong. It's 7 years on, and I've never really gotten over it. What reason is there to think that I'll ever get over it? What's the point of life if you're always in pain? It sounds melodramatic, but I defy any man who gets this disease at 18 to be healthy and happy and normal. I will never have a normal love life, I will never have a normal life, I will never be stable enough to be valuable. It's been 7 years of loneliness and pain. Not so much as a touch from a girl for 6 years. It's been hell.

I was always a smart and funny kid, good with people and good with girls. I would have made something of my life. I can't believe I got this disease. I can't believe I let it ruin everything. I honestly think I'm going to end it all very soon.

I give up. Life beat me. You win, life.

I'm sorry mom and dad. I didn't think I was going to be a failure either.

[Paolo]

Justinian, Don't give up, I am sure one day a cure will be found.

I am 54 Years old and have peyronie's now for 3-4 Years, you are very unlucky to acquire this condition at such a young age, you are definitely not a 'monster', nor a failure    

Do you have a close friend that can give you counsel as you need to express these thoughts with someone, do you have a relationship with any medical people?

Are you taking any supplements for pain and have you tried any techniques for reducing your stress levels, exercise perhaps.

I wish you the best and do not give up  

[QuackAttack]

Justinian,

You live in Canada, so you have socialized medicine. Find an expert in peyronies, I am sure Toronto, Montreal, and Vancouver have at least one URO that specializes in peyronies. Try Xiaflex or surgery.  Look, peyronies will mess with anybody's head no matter what your age. You have no excuse with socialized medicine to not try one of these treatments. I start Xiaflex on Oct 4th and will document, in detail, my progression. I am starting at 50 degrees dorsal and 5 degrees left. I can still have sex with my wife. I am fortunate that I don't have calcified plaque and I haven't had painful erections. I did have an odd tingling feeling flaccid a few months after onset 15 months ago. I suggest you go see a psychiatrist or a religious minister to help you deal with the mental aspect of this condition. There are plenty of people on the forum in their 20's that have taken a different outlook. You package isn't worth ending your life.

[csm101]

Hey Quack et all.

I too live to Toronto however and can say there are a few great URO's in the area that have a great Peyronnies background. As far as "socialized" medicine goes not everything is covered. I had to pay for my Verapamil meds but the injections were covered, With Xiaflex, that drug is not approved for use as a Peyronnies treatment in Canada and even some ED surgeries are not even covered unless from a prostate issue. Yes we have a great health care system in the great white north, but not that great.

Please take care... all of us

[james1947]

Justinian

I can be your grandfather by age (I am 69) and I am telling you:
Have solution to your problem!!! Don't give up!! you must find a doctor that can help you!!!

James

[Hawk]

I'm getting tortured so hard

Yes Peter and the torturer is you.

[peter123]

Yes Peter and the torturer is you.

with all due respect you are very delusional about what its like to get this at 22 with an already too small penis and other "disfigurements" because thats what they are. can I live? yes.
do i want to anymore? hell no. at this point im researching the best method I can use during the next mental breakdown to finally end this nightmare after more than half a decade of daily suffering. death is not a solution but when there is no solution anyway it might as well be fetal

[Hawk]

Peter, (and anyone else reading)

You must realize that it might be somewhat beyond your control to keep thoughts of suicide from popping into your head every hour but you are in total control as to whether to entertain those thoughts or dismiss them.  You are also in control as to whether you self-talk yourself into  feeling ugly and worthless.  

What you are facing is preferable to being a paraplegic or genital loss from a land mine or many others things.  People find great lives in spite of these things.  I have dealt with some of those things in my own extended family.  The difference in misery and someone who not only survives but prospers is ALWAYS attitude.  You must recognize attitude is your key to inner joy and attitude is shaped by what you train yourself to focus on.

I will recommend a few things for you to choose to try or reject.  Joy and misery are indeed choices.

1.  Write down 3 things every day you have gratitude for.  whether it is arms and legs or a roof over your head or this forum. They must be written and saved.  There are apps to do this or use a gratitude notebook.

2. Express appreciation for someone who has done something for you that made a difference in your life.  Don't do it in passing.  Write it down and set up a time to sit down with them and read or tell them what you have written and then give it to them.

3. Find some small thing you enjoy, a shower, a walk or anything and be in the moment as you engage in that activity.  Don't think about the future or the past.  Think of how nice that small thing is and realize everyone does not have that same pleasure.  Learn to do this daily either with the same thing or different things.

4.  Find something that takes so much concentration that you get lost in it and lose track of time.  It could be a job, school, a sport, or a puzzle.  Something active not passive.

5. Exercise - pick an exercise of your choice and give it a MINIMUM of 2 vigorous hours per week.

6. Get a minimum of 7 hours sleep per night through regular bed times and getting up times.

7.  Find someone in need and help them.  You likely know someone.  If not volunteer at a rest home or a hospital or a shelter.

8.  Meditate at least 20 minutes a day for a month even if you think it is doing no good for a few weeks.  Here is a GREAT free site that even has 7 day introduction to meditation.  Get familiar with this site.  If you think you don't have time use some of the time you spend on this forum.  www.insighttimer.com


These things seem simple and they are, but they make a significant difference especially when you practice several of them.  These are but a few of the many tools at your disposal.  Pick them up and start today to build a better life.  Tools left laying in the dirt or dismissed are worse than having no tools at all.

Good luck!

[Hawk]

Obviously, it is beyond this forum's scope to deal with or counsel serious mental disorders, especially when they have little to do with Peyronies Disease.

Typically an individual can meditate or start concentrating on all the things they can hear in the background or an assortment of other practices.  Since we cannot think of two things at once, that distracts our mind and interferes with ruminating thoughts.

If these techniques have no effect on you and if certified counselors and experts have not been able to help you, I doubt that those of us who have little or no training can help.  All we can do is offer our hope and prayers that you find a solution.