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Author Topic: My partner of 18 years and coping with peyronies  (Read 3797 times)

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Suejan

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My partner of 18 years and coping with peyronies
« on: September 07, 2016, 03:06:38 PM »

Hi all this is my first post so feeling nervous about posting on here. But here goes anyway! My partner of 18 years started noticing problems probably about 3 years ago. He didn't share his pain or much else really but obviously there were problems that he had to share with me. Our intimacy stopped completely about two years ago and things have progressively got worse. When I say have got worse I mean our relationship. He won't discuss his private problem with me and I have made it very clear that I love him still no matter what happens. But he has gradually pushed me away to the point that I don't know what to do. Nothing I can do will make him happy, he doesn't notice me at all and I would be lucky if I get a kiss on the cheek. This is a man who was once a passionate loving partner. I have since found out he has been message other women and am devastated! I feel so insecure and don't know whether to carry on trying to support and love him, which is very hard when you are pushed away. Is this behaviour because of his condition or because our relationship is over? He is now seeing a urologist but my partner doesn't share much so I am in the dark. Sorry if I have off loaded but just don't know what to do.
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Stabler

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Re: My partner of 18 years and coping with peyronies
« Reply #1 on: September 07, 2016, 06:27:53 PM »

Hello Suejan,

Welcome to the forum. Does your partner have Peyronies disease or has he talked with you about what kind of issues he is having? You said "obviously there was a problem" Do you say that because intimacy stopped or because he was having problems performing?

Stabler67
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Suejan

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Re: My partner of 18 years and coping with peyronies
« Reply #2 on: September 08, 2016, 02:58:17 AM »

Hi yes my partner has peyronies and yes he couldn't perform anymore
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popopo

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Re: My partner of 18 years and coping with peyronies
« Reply #3 on: September 08, 2016, 04:05:24 AM »

I don't know what he's thinking. Did you do/say anything that might have hurt him? It could be that he feels like he didn't want you to see him this way and therefore feels like he messed up. Maybe he's looking for female attention because he feels insecure about all this. If that's the case you should really talk to him about it. It could be that he just want to start a new relationsship, but I really doubt any man would want that after getting a condition like this.. he's probably just looking for an ego boost, but that's just my 5 cents. Anyway, he shouldn't be doing this to you when you're trying to be supportive.
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Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

popopo

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Re: My partner of 18 years and coping with peyronies
« Reply #4 on: September 08, 2016, 04:08:07 AM »

Your best bet is to confront him about it, because he owes you an explaination if all you do is try and help.
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Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

Stabler

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Re: My partner of 18 years and coping with peyronies
« Reply #5 on: September 08, 2016, 07:13:24 AM »

I imagine that if he is unwilling to talk to you for the last couple years about this it will be hard to confront him and it certainly isnt something that you want to argue over, however.... if your relationship is still as such that he would let you share YOUR feelings with him about how things are maybe he would open up. Now when I say "share your feelings" I dont mean in an accusatory way, find a way to simply say how lost you feel and how you would like him to help you help him.

The texting of the other women.... unfortunately, it may just be a way for him to experience the feeling of sexuality without having to explain his condition, in my opinion of course, it isnt right, but unless you have solid proof that he is actually cheating on you, it seems to be a possible explanation. This too should be discussed but in a delicate manner, I believe.

Im sure it sounds like I am putting alot on you, that I am making you have to be the sensitive one even though you are hurting right now but, the fact is... this disease is devastating for a man, and if he hasnt talk with you about it, explained how it makes him feel, if you dont know what is going through his mind then you need to approach this delicately.

You havent said if he has seen a doctor, one that specializes in Peyronies and if so what kind of treatment he is on. If he hasnt that would be key in helping him. I have sent you a PM with links throughout the forum that can help you find key boards within the forum.

Keep us updated

Stabler67
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Gutted

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Re: My partner of 18 years and coping with peyronies
« Reply #6 on: September 09, 2016, 02:11:26 PM »

Stabler67 I just wanted to say your points are very well made and very true. As a guy with this, I totally identify with what you are saying.

I am fortunate enough to have a very understanding girlfriend. Although, I did get this condition from one single sexual accident with her which 'broke' it   :(

Even though I am in a good relationship, I understand everything you are saying. As a man, you suddenly feel ostracised from normal dating, flirting and any possible new relationships. Even if you are not looking, it is horrific for a man to lose the possibility of being able to do these normal things in life (if you need to or are single). I can't tell you how awful it is when I see a girl smile at me in the street or on the train .............. I just feel useless ...... how do you describe this to a girl if you are in a new relationship. I hadn't heard of it so I'm damn sure girls haven't .... and then just imagine when they see it .... I'm freaked out, so they would be  :(

I don't understand why this guy is cutting his wife off. It is very short sighted. The support of my girlfriend and our ongoing happy sexual relationship is infinitely psychologically helpful. The more you cut yourself off the more you sink into the horror of this condition. Simple as that
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Suejan

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Re: My partner of 18 years and coping with peyronies
« Reply #7 on: September 09, 2016, 04:51:23 PM »

Just want to say thank you to everyone for your kind words - and for making me feel so we,come! Will take your understanding and advice on board x
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Stabler

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Re: My partner of 18 years and coping with peyronies
« Reply #8 on: September 09, 2016, 06:26:55 PM »


I don't understand why this guy is cutting his wife off. It is very short sighted. The support of my girlfriend and our ongoing happy sexual relationship is infinitely psychologically helpful. The more you cut yourself off the more you sink into the horror of this condition. Simple as that

I feel like he may be doing this as a protective mode for himself and Suejan..... If he distances himself then no one can get hurt from the intimacy or lack there of. if it isnt discussed then he doesnt have to be hurt by having to discuss how his body no longer look or can behave in the same manor and there doesnt have to be any discussion about how he doesnt think he can please his partner, now I have heard most of the men in this forum say these exact things, I think Suejans partner is in this place.

I think it is not a good idea to approach him with a "confront him because he owes you" attitude, I think he is in a delicate state of mind and understanding on your part Suejan is what I feel is needed, if you are willing to take that stand in this. Not forever, dont let yourself be sacrificed if he doesnt want the relationship to work, if he isnt willing to try, but you have come seeking help to see if there is something you can do, I think this is a way to start. If he can open up THAT is a start. Offer for him to look through the forum on his own so he can see that he is not the only man dealing with this disease, let him know he can read the boards and learn from them that there is a community to help him.

Stabler67
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james1947

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Re: My partner of 18 years and coping with peyronies
« Reply #9 on: September 18, 2016, 12:18:25 AM »

Hmmm
From one side he can't perform, from the other:
Quote
I have since found out he has been message other women...
Sorry to be blunt, maybe he lost interest in you?
In my opinion you should put the things strait on the table!!!
In other situation, I agree, you have to be supportive. But in your case? I don't think so!!!
But of course is your life and you should do what you think is best for you, not for him.

James
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Age 71, Peyronies from Jan 2009 following penis fracture during sex. Severe Erectile Dysfunction.
Lost 2" length and a lot of girth. Late start, still VED, Cialis & Pentox helped. Prostate surgery 2014.
Got amazing support on the forum
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