I give up

[peyronny]

I have set a date---September 21st. There's something happening that day I do not want to miss. If the doctors are unable to help me on my next appointment, it's over. It is no longer bearable and I'm not gonna live the rest of my life like this and watch things get even worse. I'm tried of being alone. I'm tired of sexual frustration. I'm tired of giving everything I have and getting nothing in return. I have no future or anything worthwhile going on for me. My family will be relieved, and that's the truth. They hate me.

I'm thankful to those who have offered help and support through this. The truth is there is nothing that can be said to make the situation better. I lost and it's time throw in the towel.

If my July 25th appointment, I get some help---real help. I won't go through with it. But if I'm told there's nothing that can be done and I have to just deal with it best I can, nope. I'm tired of dealing.

It's funny to think this time a year ago, even with my Peyronies which was minor at the time, I was so hopeful. I fell in love for first time of my life. My confidence was much improved, and my weightloss was really kicking off. Now I know it was for nothing and I should've just enjoyed eating like I did before. I didn't lose weight to get healthy. I lost weight to get a girlfriend, to be loved, and to make love. My goals in life are now impossible. I don't care about money. I would only care in relation to being able to provide. I don't care about anything else in life really. My own hobbies are not enough to get me by knowing I will be alone the rest of my life, and I don't want to be in a sexless relationship. For me they go hand in hand. I don't think I could even feel romantic love without being able to be aroused, and at this point I no longer can.

I'm scared, I'm not sure what's going to happen. But at least I have a chance at peace. I have no chance at that in this life. If things continue to get worse, and they do literally every day, my penis is basically just mush now, may decide to do it sooner. 1 day seems like 10 years.


There is one person I would love to talk to before it happens, but she doesn't care about me and don't have any means of contacting her now. LIfe doesn't even seem real anymore, it's all a bad dream I need to wake up from. But I guess it's for the best because I don't want to make her think she's somehow responsible. If I just left it alone, avoided masturbation for  a while longer maybe things would've been different. I think smoke contributed as well.

What exactly are they gonna tell me? I already know I'm not a candidate for surgery...Xiaflex doesn't seem to be worth it. Been on Pentox for a while now to no result. It''s literally gotten worse in the past 24 hours.

I have my issues with religion but I do believe in God. I've tried praying, begging. I've tried getting saved. But I can't change my personal views on things. I still have hope that we are reunited with everyone after death and we will have complete understanding. Sometimes I wonder if God is testing me. Well, if he is, I failed. This isn't my only issue in life. If everything else was okay, maybe I could handle this. But I do have a breaking point. I've had a terrible life even before Peyronies.

I have new injuries just about every day. I will never be able to even get out of the "active phase." I have at least 15 different injures since I've got this. And my penis is tiny. I had a new one last week when I choked on water taking my pills.  

I keep rambling on about this like a madman and nobody wants to listen. But it's the only way I can cope. I literally get even more depressed if I see an attractive woman.

They should throw me in the California river, I could end the drought.  

[kuaka]

Don't give up.  Advances all the time in medicine.  Someone you may not have met yet will miss you if you go.

[peyronny]

I just can't live like this anymore. I'm far past the point of caring about what effect it will have on other people, but I think it would have a positive impact on my family. I only have internet friends, but they are not close.

I no longer enjoy anything. I'm floating through life aimlessly. I have around the clock pain that is worsened from doing any physical activity or moving in certain ways. I'm unable to wear pants without intense pain from the contact. I intentionally cut a whole in my pajama pants so I can wear it sleeping. I can't get comfortable in bed because any way I lay seems to put pressure on the plaques. Just laying in bed makes the plaques bigger. It's hopeless and there's no positive way to skew this. I would rather lose an eye, go deaf, lose my legs, have cancer, etc. than live like this. At least with these things people get support from people. When I talk about this people say I'm disgusting.

This is not what life is meant to be like, on any level. I am in constant agony and nobody can help me.

I'm gonna see what the results are of my appointment, and it there is no improvement by then or at least something the doctors can do that will help the suffering has to end. I dont want to belittle it for anyone, but I know my peyronies is worst than most people here due to other complications. I actually think I may have the worst case in history cause I've never heard of people getting new injuries as often as I do on this forum or anywhere else.

Advances seem pretty rare or minimal to me to be honest. Very few things have been completely cured. The only option I would have is a transplant which has only been done on one person, and how many years down the line would that be available to peyronies sufferers? I'll probably die of natural causes before that time comes.  

[popopo]

Hello peyronny,

Reading the title of your post made my heart skip a beat. I feel the same way as you and it's becomming harder and harder to cope. Right now I'm in a very bad place, having no job, not being able to see friends because of anxiety, living with my grandmother and addicted to weed.

I think about suicide everyday, but I don't believe in god. I believe in nature and think killing myself would mean eternal darkness and nothing more than that. I want to continue. I can't control myself right now and I know that. I hope people will understand and see that I'm trying. I'm going to rehab for my addiction and mental issues in a few weeks and I allready know most of my problems won't be solved.

I actually doubt if there will be light at the end of the tunnel, but what if there is?? I don't know how old you are, but I'm 21 and if I just work really hard now I might enjoy a nice sexlife when I'm older.. 10 years is a long time for science to improve and I'll still be pretty young then. think about it .. society is changing. How is there no way to enlarge the penis anyway? Most smaller men would want to and this is a time where things like that should be at least an option for people that have the money for it. And whatr about erectile dysfunction? I doubt many men are able to cope with it while it actually happens MORE than we think. I think if all these men stood up right now and started raising awareness and being open to their doctors about it, there WILL be a change. This generation was raised with porn, hollywood and social media. There is no way men similar to us will just "fade away".

Maybe I'm wrong, but I see people become more superficial and that's bad.. but maybe not if it makes people more inclined to fix problems that where percieved as "unneccessary" or even "vain" before. I talk to family about this and even doctors and while lot's of 'em try to cheer me up with no succes by using Cognitive behaviour stuff on me, they do genuinly understand why this is the end of a big part of my life for me and some even understand that just talking won't fix me up no matter how hard I meditate.

Anyway, there is still hope. I believe it will be possible to print ourselves a new penis from our own cells one day. might be expensive, but I will find a way once it's there. Dr. Atala is still researching how to replace (parts) of the penis and it will be a 100 percent cure if he succeeds.

I hope you manage and will be able to enjoy the functioning parts of your life because there must be something that keeps you from dropping dead. If it was your time to leave, you would've left allready, but you're still here and what can you do? Death isn't much fun I imagine and for me smoking a joint is still enjoyable and while it's not a good thing, it makes me remember that at least I still enjoy SOME things in life.

Also, if one day it really gets horrible you can allways kill yourself later, but you're breathing, right? You've been able to deal with it so far, so why not in the future? Could you really forgive yourself if maybe you kill yourself now and the cure will be available next year? Hope to hear from you man, I don't want to see members leaving here UNLESS they're healed.

[NeoV]

It's unfortunate how pain can cause one to head in the entirely wrong direction, over and over until it's too late.

If you care about this girl truly, you will have no need to talk with her whatsoever. You have to rid yourself of all desire to receive anything from anyone, since eventually you'll learn that you can never truly receive anything ever anyway. True receiving is giving, through expression and self love, not love of another.

If the people you are with call you disgusting, you have an interesting riddle before you, one that needs deep introspection and solving, not avoidance. Looking to external sources of value for answers in family, friends, or god, is wrong, and will lead you to your end. I had women call me disgusting until I realized that it was my own self who created these responses, not the topic at all. I went from being called disgusting to being adored for my Peyronie's, or even lack of sexual abilities. Pain, while real in every way, is mostly selfish. Even a man with no penis could be adored and sexually loved more than any man with a penis, given he loves himself and offers value to those around him.

It's as if our default state is that of a vortex of pain, desperate for stimulation and acceptance. Stay in this state long enough, and you find that it can only create more pain, and the answer was literally in the opposite direction. There were several moments when I felt like you do now, many maybe. I remember feeling numb and derealized, unable to move. I felt absolute terror for hours until finally reaching a state of silence in my mind. I realized then and there, as you must have, that suicide was the only result of the direction I was headed. There was nothing gained from my state of being. In fact, the more intense my pain, the less I received from the world and others. Luckily for me, I was able to identify my emotional pain, which I've developed since I was a child, as being a process of closing off and shutting down, and not that of "love" and "caring."

The problem is that society, friends and family, label emotional pain in a positive fashion. We are told that "love" and "caring" are of utmost importance, when these are usually just justifications for pain. We are told that confidence is "superficial," and that one cannot be happy and free without being an "idiot" or "a$$hole." Here in Japan, this is even worse, where creativity is stomped out, and people are made to submit all freedom in order to be one with the tribe. The default state in Japan is quiet, depressed, reserved. Worse is that our minds tend do split and moralize these things. One can never be confident, funny, and deep and caring. Logically we know it's possible, but part of our subconscious mind does not want this to be true. We want to feel pain, it feels good. Even your posting this here on the forums is a way for you to feel good.  There is nothing wrong with this, but it should be understood.

I urge you to take your time to think this through. Go deeper into what makes you feel pain, why you are called disgusting, and why the girl won't talk with you anymore. There are answers, I promise you this, and there is a way out that does not involve suicide that feels better than you've ever felt. It may be hard, but leave this world or stay, I'll be here for you and everyone till the very end.  

[peyronny]

They think it's disgusting for me to discuss Peyronies at all since it's a sexual issue. But the pain has become the worst part. I still live with my parents. There are things I simply can't do because of this, they assume it's laziness. I have to rely on them to get to appointments and everything, so it's not possible to avoid the topic entirely. But also, I need to vent in order to cope, to just get through the day.

I don't truly enjoy anything. Nothing. Because this issue is ever present and effects every facet of life. It is starting to effect my mobility in the sense that walking increases pain and in some cases worsens the injuries. There are things I do just to get by, talking to my online friends, Big Brother this Summer.  I'm a fan of the show Big Brother and I watch the live feeds every year. It's always nice to reconnect with friends in the chat room there every year. But even that, one of my favorite things in the world is no longer enjoyable. I use it as sort of an escape, because people there don't know about all my issues and I can pretend to be normal. But I did tell a few people about Peyronies. I still don't feel happy doing my old hobbies and interests. I sleep as much as possible from taking Bennadryl, Melatonin, etc. If I could sleep 24 hrs I would.

This isn't my only healthy issue. I have very bad asthma,  and always have crud in my lungs year round. I'm unable to cough it out because if I cough too hard, it seems to make the Peyronies issue worse. Anything that puts any sort of pressure on my body doesn't seem good. Coughing, choking, pushing hard to use bathroom, etc. My eyes are getting bad, even when I wear my glasses. Honesly, my life was pretty cruddy *before* I had peyronies. But I could still deal with it and being content. I'm not asking for much and I have low standards for what I want in life. But I can't be content with this.

[QuackAttack]

Peyronny,

Do an elimination diet for your asthma. Specifically get rid of milk products, cheese too and Gluten, Barley, Wheat, Rye and Oats. Yes I know Oats are suppose to be gluten free, but the protein in oats is gleadin and it works on the gut exactly the same as gluten.  Keep off the gluten and milk for three weeks and see how well your asthma is going. After that time, add milk back into your diet for a few days and actually load up on it. If you react poorly you know milk is a problem. If you don't milk is OK. Then do the same for gluten. There is a good likelihood that you could have a gluten intolerance. Look for other signs of a gluten intolerance, bowel issues, rosacea and other skin issues. Getting off the gluten has been a huge benefit for me.

[kuaka]

There are many things you can do to improve your overall health.  Diet is a huge one.  Our modern "foods" are laced with toxins and devoid of nutritional value.  Consider doing a major cleansing fast, then embarking on a healthy eating journey.  Consider adding a good Magnesium supplement as well (not Oxide) as ALL fibrosis conditions seem to have Magnesium deficiency as a factor.

I am currently dealing with "this" issue as well, and even though I make good money working for my clients, I spend every last dime and then some on medicine for my daughter.  She has been hanging on the edge of death for over two years now, and every time we seem to make progress it is followed by a setback.  The latest thing is that she desperately needs a car with A/C.  The heat made her have seizures the last trip to the hospital.  She has insurance, but it won't pay for an extended stay, so it is back and forth every day...twice a day...  I live where I can pick up a cheap car with A/C for less than two day's pay, but don't have it available due to how much it takes just to keep her alive right now.

Mind you I haven't had sex with my wife but once since the onset of "this", and it has been a few years already.  It was painful and so hasn't happened since.  I am doing what I can "on the cheap", but with the expected minimal results.  My condition appears to have stabilized...it is not getting worse at this point...except that it seems to have impacted my ability to urinate recently.

I am increasing my commitment to daily VED as I had slacked off due to my inability to purchase Pentox/Daily Cialis so I don't know that VED is doing much.  I am now doing daily Absorbine Jr. wrap for 30 minutes or so followed by a VED session...we'll see where that goes.  

Talk with your folks about the issue.  They cannot help if they don't know how bad it really is.

[peyronny]

I'm not a fan of milk anyways. I use almond milk most of the time. I've already been avoiding dairy for the most part. I can completely take away milk products, but I only use milk or dairy once a week tops, if I'm out of almond milk.

I'll try getting rid of oats and grains too. I've been eating oatmeal with blueberries in the morning. And some days I'll have egg whites/egg beaters. Like eggs but with no cholesterol and lower calories.

I did splurge last night, said screw it, and ate basically what I want for 4th of July since I've seen no progress from improving diet.

I used to basically just eat junk. I've overhauled my diet and while I've seen improvement in weight, haven't for my penis. In fact it's gotten a lot worse.

Most nights I have salad, with no dressing for dinner. Green mix, spinach, kale, etc.

Snack on fruits.

I'll snack on junk from time to time, but try to keep it at very small amounts. I'll

Last night I figured food is only thing i can enjoy, wh not, I'm getting a burger and some BBQ chicken. I majorly overate last night on meats. But I just don't see why it matters now.

My penis was actually in better shape when I ate whatever I wanted. I think I caused many of these injures to worsen myself from checking them, and touching them so much in the past. But I stopped doing that and it still is getting worse.

My folks don't care. They are tired of me talking about it.

I'll try magnesium. What's the preferable kind to take?

[kuaka]

I take a Magnesium Chloride tablet.  It is I think the second best by a small margin.  Brand "Slow-Mag" at wally world...very affordable.

Unfortunately, this is a marathon...not a sprint.  There is hope, but not if you give up.

[popopo]

I totally get why you're not motivated to get in shape. I stopped working out too and I'm eating junkfood too, but honestly.. working out made me feel physically stronger and mentally in a slightly better place. Of course peyronie's is a dent in your ego and it's only natural to cheat your diet and skip the gym sometimes, but in the long run you'll feel better if you treat your body better. I know how hard it is, but you have to keep in mind all the positive things it will do to you in the long run no matter if you had peyronies or not. It's very hard, but if you truly want to get better you have to take proper care of yourself first. Life will still be hard, but you DON'T want to die either. Nobody ever really does and your situation might not be ideal even with hard work, but there just is no better alternative. I'm still figuring out how to live with this myself, but in my heart I want to continue no matter what. Death is just so boring...

[peyronny]

My dad ran to the store, and I hate asking them for things but I'm completely broke and asked if he could pick up some magnesium. Only money I currently make is through Amazon surveys. Usually a couple bucks a day.  He said all of them just say "Magnesium"

So I'm not sure if it's right kind, but it's better than nothing I guess.

It's very difficult to keep track of all the supplements on and they never last very long. I have to order through Amazon using the credit i make there. And by the time I earn some money I'm already running out of my supplements.  I don't want to cut anything, because they may be doing something, and I figure they can't hurt much. But I just can't keep up with everything I'm on anymore. I know there are better sites than Amazon I'm actually closing my bank account because I can't even keep up with the monthly bank fees.

I'm at a time in my life I should be settling down with a carreer at the very least. But I can't focus on anything else with something like this going on.


I just think improvement though in sexual function is essentially impossible at this point. You'd have to really see and feel my penis to have a good idea of how it is. It is rapidly getting worse and now I can't get it up at all due to the plaques. I still feel aroused often though and it is very frustrating. I am still a very sexual person and feel like I've lost a part of myself. It's visibly much worse than the photos I posted previously. At least then I could get it up. Now the plaques are becoming so large/tight it's impeding my penis from expanding at all during arousal. If my scar tissue was to somehow removed, I would just be castrated. The entire thing is scar tissue that is all actively still progressing. And the smallest things seem to cause more injuries.

Early on I may have caused more from continuing to masturbate. I know I made some plaques worse by touching them too much.  I think even some of the doctors could have made it worse doing check ups. Coughing, choking, etc cause intense pain in penis that can lead to new formations.

But I can't figure out exactly why in the past year it's gotten so much worse or why it's so sensitive now.. This time last year it was at least stable and although lumpy, was no curve. I wasn't taking *anything* at all besides vit. E. Could some of these supplements be making it worse? I was significantly more overweight then than I am now. My BP and sugars were much more high and unstable. My overall health seemingly, is improved at least if you didn't know any better. But I'd rather be my old weight than have my penis ruined.  

[kuaka]

Brand name "Slow Mag" at walmart is Magnesium Chloride.  Look at the back.  If it says Magensium Oxide, it isn't worth bothering with.  The "Ingredients" will list the substance from which the Magnesium is derived.

Yes, it is difficult to focus on anything but "this".  All I can say is hang in there.  Advances happen in medicine frequently.  Adult stem cells have promise, and surgical techniques are improving all the time.  

If you focus on putting yourself in a position where you can take advantage of an advance when it comes, or go the implant route if necessary, you can have a realistic goal.  

Goals are important.

[NeoV]

Cheating on your diet is alright at times but you do want to really be careful doing it. Make sure you get enough good carbs that you don't binge eat. I have to constantly eat oatmeal and brown rice just to not have my blood sugar crash. If I don't eat enough I end up getting very tired and weak and crave sugar, then go straight for chocolate or cheap crap. Usually though, I eat completely clean. There's hardly any logic in when and why Peyronie's starts and gets worse, but every small things does count.

I wonder what options will work for you. Have you tried traction at all? I'm not knowledgable about insurance and Peyronie's, but I'm wondering how someone in your position could see a specialist or if it's nearly impossible.

Let me say this again, YOUR GOAL IS STILL POSSIBLE. Even with a f'~c<+d up dick. If I could take your place and show you for a day I would. Think as long term ahead as possible, there is a place for you and you can still find sex and love. Get back on the weight loss, lift weights, develop yourself in every way and someday you'll get what you wanted.

[peyronny]

Haven't tried traction, and due to my weight not entirely sure if it's possible. Flaccid, my penis is pretty much invisible.

Any touching it at all seems to aggravate things, I have difficulty even going to the bathroom.

The curve itself is probably least of what I"m worried about. It's the extreme pain levels, dents and painful lumps, loss of flexibility of skin and now unable to achieve full erections.

I'm convinced I have the worse case of this condition in history, honestly. I've never heard anyone here even have it on this level of magnitude. Not curve, but the amount of plaques and injures and how often they happen for the smallest of reasons.

I have an appointment the 25th to get doppler. It was set up some weeks back but they cancelled on me. Its Dr. Shiriandhi(sp?) in Chattanooga. He seemed to doubt rather I have peyronies at all. The plaques were softer then however. They are visible to the eye though, a few of them. I can see the lumps when I look in the mirror.

He's not one of the Peyronies specialists listed here but he seems at least somewhat knowledgable about it. He talked about Pentox, but I was already on that.

I'm seriously considering looking into having it removed completely. At least then pain would be gone. If I'm unable to get the Peyronies issue fixed, and unable to find a doctor willing to remove my penis, I just can't do it anymore.  

[kuaka]

With those issues, an implant may be the appropriate direction.  You have that as an available option.  If you make a goal of researching all you can on that approach, and getting yourself into a position financially to afford it, it will give you motivation to go on...

[peyronny]

Does implant get rid of pain? Or is it just for ED/curvature?

[NeoV]

An implant could help with pain eventually, but I imagine things would feel pretty strange for a while. Scarring can continue even with an implant, but at least it offers a way to expand the scar tissue to a consistent degree. It is a good option, and they work well. Now days you can even get quite large ones that are expandable!

It could be said that being overweight is a bigger problem than Peyronie's. Ask yourself this, would you rather sleep with an obese woman, or with a woman in great shape whose vagina is damaged from female circumcision? One study showed that people would rather sleep with an attractive person with an STD  than an unattractive person without one. Again, what matters is who you are in total, not just your penis. I know many guys would say they would rather be overweight than have Peyronie's, so I am not saying this as some final statement, but rather as a way to make you question all of this.

Before you decide to check out from this world, consider going on a two week water fast or do alternate day fasting. You have to be severe on yourself. I am not criticizing you, I am just telling you the honest and brutal truth. For myself included, Peyronie's forced me to do things like lift weights, eat clean and even fast to clean my system out. It can push you towards self development, you can rise above it, I truly believe this.

[peyronny]

But does it really matter?

Sex is not an option at this point and may never be. It's literally impossible.

A more relevant question would be would you rather have sex with an obese woman or a woman whose vagina is completely sewn shut? If I wanted sex, I wouldn't care how unattractive the woman is compared the person who can't at all.

I can't even really masturbate. My skin does not move back at all. The plaques are too hard and tight to move or stroke the skin because it's lost all elasticity.

There would be no way to get friction going, even with lube. To masturbate what I've been doing (about once a month) is lightly rubbing the back side of my penis, just near the top, I can not do any sort of stroking sensation. I can't imagine inserting the entire length of my penis into any sort of opening. It's not even feasible.

It's completely ruined. If I can't stroke my penis to masturbate how on earth would I be able to penetrate anyways?

All my plaques are actively getting worse and every little movement seems to aggravate things. Getting dressed for instance when I lift my legs up always ends up irritating plaques.

I realize being more attractive in general would help women liking me. But on my end it's impossible anyways.

I wish you could all just see and feel how damaged it is in person.

I managed to get erections last night. I can still get them, just isn't as fun. But penetration is completely off the table, short of getting a complete penile transplant. If all my plaques were removed, my entire penis would be removed.

Oral could be possible, but not enjoyable in the least. Everytime I ejaculate it worsens things anyways.

I've had some hook up opportunities but I've  had to turn them down and make excuses for why I couldn't. I can't even go on a date due to pain levels. I wear pants so baggy they fall down because if it touches me it's unbearable. There's no way I can sit on a restaurant seat. It hurts to sit on a COUCH. I have to lay in bed with my legs spread eagle just praying this will at least stabilize again. Before this got THIS bad I was trying to just hook up with someone randmly just to test it and see if it even functions. Now, I know it doesn't. I want love, and I don't want to be alone. But sexually, I am destroyed. And it sucks because I'm young and still think about it all the time.

Yes, I'm still very fat. But I was at nearly 500 pounds before, and I wold always go for bigger women  anyways.  I'm 280(ish) now.  I'm still losing weight but from improved diet. I go on short walks occasionally and that takes everything I have to do that and everytime I do I end up setting off pain in all the plaques and they get larger or harder


Here's what it currently looks like as of last night anyways. This is *erect* Warning it's pretty nasty looking:



http://i65.tinypic.com/2qlrc3n.jpg


Just look at the texture..and they are all still developing. I don't know if you can tell in this photo but I have downward curve. When erect much of my doesn't actually lift up it just stays flat on my scrowtum area.  

[nemo]

I seriously think you should consider and talk to a doctor about an implant. There are plenty of younger men who have them and, frankly, rave about them. The pain will go away - I've never heard of a case of Peyronies Disease where the pain lasted forever, and no, I don't believe you're the worst case in history. I think you've probably convinced yourself of that for other reasons.

Investigate the implant and its many benefits. It would be tragic if you did something to harm yourself when there is technology available that would make you 100% functional.  

Best,
Nemo

[peyronny]

I'll ask the doc about it at the appointment.

I'm gonna see first though what the results are of this doppler before considering anything.


What I'm most curious about with implant is, from what I understand most people lose the ability to form a natural erection at all after this surgery. So do you not feel arousal at all. Prior to having sex? As in foreplay. Because right now I could enjoy foreplay, until turns to sexual frustration of being unable to have sex.

Right now I'm in financial disaster. And now my parents are having financial issues so they are not able to provide things I need anymore beyond just place to live. So, I don't know if I could afford it or have the means to get one of the better surgeons for that operation. I wouldn't want to do it unless it's one of the best, with the risks involved. The biggest issue right now is pain. The pain is also devestating to because when I feel it I'm assuming the degree of deformity is also getting worse. THat's the reason I'm reluctant to do much exercising besides walking bow-legged with very loose clothing or anythign else that increases pain levels.

As far as worst case I don't mean as far as curvature. But in terms of the number of plaques. The texture of my penis is what bothers me more than the curve. I don't know how visible the lumps are.

All the photos of peyronies I've seen online, while there is a curve sometimes more sharp than mine, the texture of the skin itself looks much more smooth. My entire penis is full of plaques, some of which are only as new as a few weeks ago so are still developing.  

[Pfract]

Bro... The amount of confusion in your posts is amazing and unsettling. Do some better research, and research again and read carefully while you are at it then come back.  

[NeoV]

I would rather marry and live with a hot girl with a vagina shown shut than with an overweight girl. I asked my wife the reverse question, and she said she would rather not have sex at all than have sex with someone who was overweight. Obviously reality is always a bit different, but this is a useful thought experiment. You are misunderstanding how important all aspects of a man are. You can be with a beautiful girl and go down on her and do other things for her. She ultimately doesn't want sex, she wants to conquer sex in her mind and wants a man who has conquered it in his. It's amazing how the more you want something, sometimes the less you need it. Many people who are sex fanatics will ultimately not even need it once presented with it.

There are other ways to enjoy eachother's bodies that doesn't involve any kind of penetration or using your penis or vagina.

I think it does matter. Looking at your picture, it looks like your penis length would nearly double if you lowered your body fat. Then it would come down to rehabilitating your penis and just trying to get the best result possible. Imagine yourself in five years, ten years. Imagine what a perfected version of you would look like. I think there is a possible end result that makes you satisfied with yourself and I don't want you to give up. I want to see you succeed and I am certain you can.

[peyronny]

What is it I said that is incorrect? In terms of Implants, no I'm not an expert. But I never really considered myself a candidate for that, especially when peyronies is still progressing and it can cause scar tissue. Research what? It seems to be a poorly misunderstood condition anyways with A LOT of conflicting information.

I'm still working on losing weight. However, all I can really do is walk.  I don't have money to buy weights, every cent I have goes to supplements and I've resorted to selling off personal items, some that mean a great deal to me, in order to continue taking them. Walking does make plaques bigger, in my case. But so does anything else that puts pressure in the area so it's impossible to avoid.

From what I understand, most people have 1 plaque, maybe 2. I have lost count. Some of them are so close they could maybe considered the same one. I don't know how noticable they are in the photo. Some are on the sides and the back.


I know for a fact that rubbing the plaques, checking them, etc. makes them much worse. I did that a lot earlier on because I was so obsessed with it I made it worse. So think about that. I have plaques all over, and because it's buried they are always being touched and prodded by my own skin.  So, even walking as my package moves around these plaques are being bumped into. When I walk the friction from my legs can do that as well. Every step I take is very careful and calculated to prevent more injury and I have to walk bow-legged.


Tbh, the thought of being here in 10 years is horrifying to me. This has been gradually getting worse for almost 5 years now.

Being with someone in a relationship, being able to touch and feel them, kiss, etc. but not being able to release also sounds horrifying. I honestly get sad seeing a hot woman on TV or on the internet. Having one in bed next to me and not being able to complete the job would be horrifying. I genuinely think I would rather not be attracted at all physically to them and just love them for who they are as a person than having a beautiful woman but not being able to have sex. Sounds very frustrating (sexually) to me.

That would almost be like back to being a child. When I was attracted only visually.

Imagine this scenario.  Sitting on the table is food #1--your absolute favorite. And then food #2 is just alright.

You are told you cannot eat food #1. You can just look at it. Food #2 you can actually eat. You can only pick one.

I'd go with #2.

That's what that sounds like to me honestly. Someone putting chocolate cake on the table and saying sorry, you can only look at it.  

[Pfract]

-almost everybody is a candidate for an implant, but only a doctor can tell you for sure. That's what. They use for end organ failure patients and people exactly in your supposed case on which peyronies is so bad, that the only way to fix it is with an implant

-arousal has nothing to do with having an implant

-you don't need weights to loose weight. You need a proper diet plan which you have to follow, and learn how to make conscious and healthy nutritious choices, and get outside and jog or walk

-touching your penis does not cause plaques.

-the photo you showed us, doesn't show anything me which you talk about. The photo is small and has no lighting. Fix that and take a new one.  

[popopo]

I get what you're saying. I also don't want women anymore unless I get rid of this disease. There are a lot of different things you can do in life without sex. I also think it's not good to sell things you really like just for some supplements that don't have THAT much effect honestly.. If I where you I'd try to accept that there is nothing to do and try to prepare for the day you can do somethibg about it. Peyronies sucks, but it doesn't stop you from succeeding in other area's in life. Life scares me too, but so does death. And I know it scares you too.. let's assume you're too afraid to kill yourself (which is a good thing because it means you're still sane enough to know death is never nice) and you'll still live in 10 years.. would you rather be fat, poor, druggie, homeless, in a mental hospital, etc. AND havr peyronies. Or would you rather be succesfull, in shape, rich etc. And have peyronies?? Those are the only options beside death. Settle for less than perfect and you might get closer to perfection than you think right now. This is a struggle for me too, but I know I want life to be BETTER in the future not worse..

[peyronny]

Rubbing, feeling, touching, prodding whatever you want to call it definitely worsens the already present plaques, at least in my case. I know this for a fact. Much of the issue I caused myself earlier on by messing with the already present injuries. I don't think that caused the bulk of the issues, but I'm certain that rubbing or "checking" the plaques has worsened my conditions. Most my initial injuries happened during masturbation. This is the sort of thing I'm talking about when nobody seems to understand the uniqueness of my situation. And I'm not the first person here who has talked about checking plaques making it worse though. I've read people here who also had issues from the doctor just doing a check up and being too rough. I obviousy don't have a normal dick even before peyronies. So looking at the norm is not always the answer for everyone. I am not a crazy person nor have I lost in touch with reality. I don't see or feel things that aren't there. But it is very sensitive and easy to be injured/reinjured. I have gotten plaques from masturbation and I wasn't being rough at all.

Everything I'm reading says you lose the ability to lose a natural erection with implant. But I'm not getting my hopes up. It took me this long just to get any sort of imaging. But first and foremost, biggest issue is pain because it's going far beyond a sexual issue at this point. I would be ECSTATIC right now if pain went away even if I couldn't have sex for time being because I am no longer able to do much and can't enjoy anything. I have very extreme debilitating pain even when on painkillers.

I brought up weights because others have suggested, especially with preventing loose skin. My diet is better than it's ever been however.

I am losing weight. But I have to walk at slow paces, jogging is out of the question even if I was an otherwise active person. I walk outside everyday, but I can't for very long. I know for a fact from my own experience, the plaques grow from simply moving in certain ways. I know though that I still have to keep moving, but I'd be dumb to intentionally make this problem worse when pain is already unbearable to the point of planning my own death. Everyone else's penis hangs loose, mine is tucked in. So the plaques are rubbed when I move, I don't know how else to explain it. Bending over or sitting down is an even bigger issue. Everything I do, I have to be careful.

I've lost 5 pounds in the past week. But I do not feel better because penile pain is worse than ever.  

Here's a rundown of my diet on a normal day:


Breakfast

Either egg whites, or cereal with almond milk. Usually bran cereals: Special K and that sort of thing. Or oatmeal with blueberries thrown in.

I snack on bannas, blueberries, strawberries, or whatever other fruit are around the house. I'll also snack on pistachios, walnuts, etc. I've read nuts have l-arginine.

For lunch I'll usually have tuna or on somedays just do without.

Dinner, depends on what is available. If my mom is making something that I feel is beneficial in some way, I eat it. If it's fried junk, I make myself a salad. Usually don't even use dressing. I get spring mix usually with spinach, kale, chard, etc. I've cut out red meat. I've cut out soda entirely. I drink water and occasionally juice. I eat a lot of raw broccoli, carrots, watermelon, tomatoes, etc. I eat very little meat now,

Thing is I live with my folks and have no income. So I can only eat what is available here. I screwed up July 4th and ate what I want. But other than I don't see issue with my diet, considering what's available. Some days I do without and actually do fast because there's nothing here that isn't bad.


I wouldn't be surprised if they find out I have one or two things along with Peyronies. Maybe that's why my situation is different. But I know from years of dealing with this what does and does not seem to worsen it in my situation.

[NeoV]

While I understand what you mean, I have to remind you that it's entirely selfish. The girl does not care if you ejaculate or orgasm. If she knows you care, she might care about it but naturally they want to come themselves and that's very important to them.

I know how powerful the desire for sexual release is, but I'm just telling you that you need to reverse your purpose here. Make your purpose to give to women and provide them a powerful emotional structure to lighten up their worlds. In the end, this will lead to you finding release, even if your penis is twisted in half. Imagine you with an implant some day, in the best shape of your life, and with very strong emotions with a lot of women, or one good woman, in love with you. Implants work great, and you never lose your erection, it's pretty damn cool. Your diet sounds like it's alright, you're eating some healthy stuff. Don't worry about exercise too much and just focus on a strict diet. Be careful of cereals, and consider alternate day fasting.

You have a fine point, that loving someone genuinely without judgement is a solution. I agree with this, but I am going off the idea that in the end you do want some kind of sexual gratification from a girl you deem attractive.

[peyronny]

I know it's selfish but it's just the reality of it.

If a beautiful woman came up to me asked me out, I would have to turn it down.

I want a companion, life partner yes. But what I'm saying is if I'm sexually ruined, and I am as of now, I'd genuinely prefer to not be physically attracted to the person. And I never cared much about that sort of thing anyways and I have low standards. I don't care about size or any of that. I'm a sexual person, with a lot of kinks. But now that I can't be it would be much easier to find someone who is not interested in sex very much. I would still do what I need to do to please them, but right now the pain is so bad it's extremely difficult to get out of bed let alone going out and meeting people. I have actually sought out asexuals.  Right now a real relationship would not be feasible anyways, even if I didn't have Peyronies due to other issues. Right now all that matters is that they share the same interests, worldview, etc.

A year ago I had very distinct goals. I was working hard on the weight loss with the specific need of finding someone. I had just got out of a long distance thing and I wad dead set on finding someone to feel that void, and that's the main reason I even started losing weight. But then I had several other injures which has made this unbearable to deal with.

The implant does sound nice at this point. However, right now pain is the biggest concern for me. That needs to go away because it is absolutely debilitating. I quit my job because of this pain. Sitting is awful so I can't even go to the movies which was my favorite thing to do. I would love to find a girl, even if I had no dick at all, to take her out go on dates etc. But pain levels like this I literally can't enjoy anything. It's just hard to completely separate the idea of romantic love from platonic love if sex is not involved. I have male friends who I genuinely love. The only reason I would not want to be with them is because I don't want to have sex with them. But again, I still want a partner, even if it never does feel the way it should. But that's so far removed from the present it's not worth thinking about. I'm far from being in the right shape physically or mentally to be with anyone even.

I know I'm basically ranting at this point. But it's just a very drastic situation and I honestly don't even know how I'm gonna sit in the car for an hour to get the appointment, let alone ever find a job, a girl who accepts this, etc. I don't know how I'm gonna get through tomorrow let alone plan any sort of future.

[Jack1909]

I do not how people can say medicine is moving forward and suggest to get an implant at the same time..implants are from 1970 or something like that. But this is not the point, the point is if you feel so much pain I don't see how you can wear an implant, as it would increase the pain rather than diminishing it. Moreover if you are on kind of never-ending active phase..

I can understand most of the situations you described. Wearing loose trousers, can't moving or doing sports...I have similar problems and it's incredible how this disease can take every single piece of your life and leave you with nothing.

[Wiaam]

brother i want to tell you something. im 20 years old im from Israel
couple of years ago(around 7th grade) i felt much hopeless when i started to understand english back then i started reading topics and got alot in  forums about the penis problem,
eversince then Iused to go with my friends to the beach lets say i used to be ashamed and not take a shower in the mens shower because i had a buried penis problem which when i wear underwear it appears like  i dont have one atall , and severe hypospadias with chordee problem, more than 80 degrees downward, i eversince opened the subject to my dad r.i.p
he made me appointments with a urologist which he started taking care of me and explaining to me what problems i had I LITTERALY felt hopeless on 10th grade and tried to kill  myself beucase i thought im alone in this world with this problem, but they stopped me. they told me the relation with a girl is not based on sex, trust me with this one  loyal girls dont care for sex,(the ones for longterm i mean )i continued with the urologist and had 4 surgeries and the urologist always said they worked, but i always had that mental psychological problem with being afraid of trying with girls , i hadnt had any yet was still hopeless, as i went tooo deep in the subject of urology and what type of surgeries  there are  , i was amazed. so far not less than 7 procedures as far as i know, i had a fistula problem which in the middle of the penis shaft a hole that leaks piss, made my situation worse, couldnt pee standing. i told the urologist about it he is like my friend. making me all those surgeries since 7th grade like he raised me, he told me  i will have a fistula closure procedure and the same time, i will simply try my best and correct your curvature , i had faith in him i trust him with my life now, i had the surgery week and a half ago brother i think it worked my penis is till swallen and bruised but it looks very correct and finally i think im happy,
do not lose hope brother we are here for u . there is always a solution and new procedures. DONT LOSE HOPE i promise you have my word, your problem is fixable and there are plenty like u outhere  and about your family, i think i didnt really start the subject right with them confront it with the one closest to you im sure they will support u , and killing yourself wont make it easier , u think they hate you but when u kill yourself they might hurt themselves too, the world is full of surprises sometimes comes to your side sometimes against, u just have to have faith and wait, there is still time, (i dont know if what i wrote will help but i tried my best)

[peyronny]

You nailed it Jack. This is why I meant when I said I didn't think I was candidate for implant.

It was relatively stable at one point, around last year.

I keep getting *new* injuries and basically restarting the process. There is something obviously going on that makes me very prone to penile injuries. I had ED as far back as highschool. I was on Atenolol when Peyronies started. But I would masturbate flaccid until I got fully hard I know now this was a bad idea, I didn't know it could cause harm at the time. I had been doing that for years actually before I had the initial injury which I still remember. However, that initial injury did not cause me a severe problem in itself. But now I've had several of these and it's always the exact same feeling, the exact same pain.

Basically, it's remain celibate and never ejaculate ever, or cause new injuries. Because most of them happened during masturbation. Aside from the initial injury 4-5 years ago I was not dong anything seemingly unsafe. Some of them have happened while ejaculating and completely out of my control.

If you can still get injuries with the implant, it might would be a temporary fix at some point. And it certainly would *look* better but as soon as I start to use it I would probably still keep getting injuries.

I'm starting to doubt in my case there even is an active phase. Some of mine seem to calcify very quickly. And then no matter how much I try to avoid it I get more.

There are bad days and even worse days with the pain. For instance, last night was absolutely brutal. Right now it's slightly better.

I'm still getting the doppler ultrasound in 16 days but I'm not gonna be surprised at all if it leads to another injury. I'm gonna make sure this time they know how bad the pain is. I never got to fully explain my symptoms to Dr. Shridharani last time. I can tell from research he is a good doctor however there seems to be some confusion. I have a rash/infection too, or did at the time and he gave me cream for it. He seems to think that's the source of the issue which just doesn't make sense. That was a completely different problem. However he did schedule the doppler after some convincing. That is more of a skin issue. This is clearly under the skin and there are lumps inside my penis.

Right now I just wish it would be stable and pain free. THEN I could focus on somehow fixing the actual curvature or how to work with it. But even if I ever get out of the so called active phase, I'd be afraid to do much of fear of restarting everything. It really is a living hell.

When I get results of the doppler I will share them here. Maybe it will look better with a full strong erection at least. And I'm really unsure how they are going to do the flaccid ultrasound anyways. Do they have something to stretch it? Or do I have to hold it out the whole time? I've very confused about that because it's completely hidden. I've had ultrasounds on my leg before, I understand how it works. But I don't really understand how they would do that exact same process on my dick. I have a feeling they might have to skip the flaccid ultrasound and just do it erect...

[Wiaam]

when u get to the appointment with your urologist, explain to him everything u just said here doesnt matter if its silly examples or ununderstood words, say everything, pictures help , if u find cases on the internet like yours  show them. in my appointment they needed to see my penis erected i always used to go there when my penis wasnt.  so i took a pictures at home at full erect and showed them from every angle. which helped them understand and make a better procedure. if u have money, professor Chertin Bores in israel jerusalem he is in this more than 20 years he is very professional i can speak with you in private   if u are interested including links and everything u want, i recommend him  

[JohnWright]

Hey Peyronny -- If you're still reading this post, I offer these thoughts:

- You're a man. An American man, no less. This is problematic. We are so coddled in this country that it can become difficult for us to retain ownership over our minds and bodies. From your tone in your initial two posts on giving up, you may have stepped over the line. By your own words, you're giving up. As a man, you have an obligation to own your body. If you don't like the results you have in hand, what will you do to change the results? And, change isn't a microwave oven kind of thing. You don't get to just pop a pill in and get a new thing out instantly. You have to make a plan, which likely will include months if not a couple of years, and you must stick to the plan. What areas of your life must change in order for you to reach your goals. The Nanny State isn't going to fix you. Give up on that. Only YOU can fix you.

- The human body is complex, and the male dick is no less complex. I learned a long time ago that just because the letters, M.D. come after some Joe's name doesn't make him or her the right Joe who should be looking at my body. Also, just because someone Joe claims they are a urologist 1) doesn't make Joe all knowing, assuming they know something, 2) shouldn't cause you to trust every Tom, Dick, or Joe just because they are a urologist -- don't do it, and 3) it doesn't mean they are passionate about the penis. Urology is a broad topic. Only some urologists are passionate about the male dick. Only some.

In my own recent experience, I visited three urologists for palpation of my curved erect dick for the purpose of me gathering data for me to develop my own year 2016 plan to change my life. I got FIVE different answers to two questions -- from urologists!!! And, a random opinion thrown in from a general practitioner. But, I was okay with all that, because here's what I know:  It's my body. I own it. It is my responsibility to gather data from people who ought to know (but even they are on a learning curve[!], it is my responsibility to assess the data and make a decision. If I don't like the data, or if I'm not confident with the data, that's okay. I don't even have to like the urologist. As the owner of the body, I just need the data.

We live in an exciting time in world history -- there is so much medical and scientific information available about the dick. And, the info is accessible via the Internet. Read, read, and read some more. Resolve to visit doctors for the purpose of gathering information -- not to be treated. Just gather data. One of the things you ought to gather data on are the urologist themselves: a) Do they listen and incorporate your comments into their narrative or are they rude and cut you off? b) Do they ask clarifying questions of you? Good doctors will. c) Do they give you a sense that they're willing to partner with you to gather more info? e) Does their office run smoothly? Does it feel like you're walking into a world-class establishment? Is the staff friendly and knowledgeable?

With data in hand, you can make informed decisions to build out your plan.

It may be America, but you're a man. Own it. Own your body. Educate yourself in the midst of the pain and crud. If there is change that needs to happen, only YOU can make it so. You.

[peyronny]

I've taken all the known supplements here that are reommended. I trust this forum much more than the average doctor. So I don't have much faith in them anyways, and I *always* go with my gut over what a doctor advises. He did not see me with an erection. I have seen me with an erection many times, and I know it wasn't like this the other 22 years of my life.

I've gone with the most common recommended treatments that are available to me without a prescription, along with pentox. I probably started pentox way too late. The initial injury was already calcified before I started my treatments. But I've been taking everything suggested here and everywhere else online

Carninine, Pentox, L-arginine, PABA, Vit. E *not the synthetic kind* (only thing doctor recommended)

Stricter diet, anti-inflammatory foods etc. I am losing weight. Checked last night I'm at 278. A few days ago I was over 280. But none of this is helping my penis.

So I do have a plan. The plan just failed and its actually getting worse. Plan B is looking into the other treatments like Xiaflex but haven't heard a lot of good about it. I'll also ask about surgical options and all that. But I know that there wll come a point that if this continues to not only not improve, but to keep getting worse than I have to go with plan C. Because there are only so many known options. And I'm a special case because my dick is already borderline a micropenis. If it gets shorter from surgery, there simply would not be enough left to even have intercourse even if it was straight.


I just wish they could axe it and give me a transplant. Everyone I talk to about this elsewhere keeps telling me about this one person who had this done as if it's some sort of viable option, when that guy had cancer.

The Nesbit surgery might have helped me actually like 2 years ago. But now I have so many they'd just be removing my entire penis.



for ED:
gingko balboa
ginseng


I'm not expecting overnight results. But aside from magnesium I have been taking these for for quite some time. They may have helped with getting nocturnal erections at one point because I was getting them every night for a while. I no longer get them because the Peyronies has progressed rapidly.


As far as doctors, I've never put complete stock in them. However, I do think if I follow a treatment plan they advise to no avail I should not have to pay them at the very least. If you get a bad haircut you can complain and not pay. If your food is undercooked you can get a replacement. If a doctor gives you crappy advice they still make bank.
I have lost all faith in the medical industry. So I'm not expecting a doctor to just fix me. But if they do not offer anything helpful, than I'm out of options.

Only reason I'm going is so I can get this doppler and to inquire about my options. But as far as things that can be done from my own home, OTC, I don't know what else there is to research.

So I've been following a plan. Just not working. Now I'm doing Plan B. If plan C does not work, I go forward with my initial plan

[mrg91]

hey peyronny,do you think to phalloplasty? i mean total penis reconstruction?

[nowhereman]

Peyronny,
If you read some of my prior posts you will see I was/is in a similar situation, when it comes to pain and insane inflammation that never ends. I don't have peyronies, I have some other weird crap going on. It makes it very hard and frustrating because you have to get doctors to believe you are an outlier with a rare problem, so far only my GP was totally on board, because he was there to feel the inflamed lump I had. Alas, he moved away.
When I made the problem really bad (march 2013), it was insanely inflamed, tender, a fly landing on the injury would hurt. my dick skin turned red and some peeled off. I would put my dick in ice water to cool it down. F^@$!ng NUTS. Erections were like swollen blobs, like there was water under the skin.The vibrations from a car, touching the seams of my boxers and any movement whatsoever would hurt. The only reason I didn't have to quit my job was because we wear really loose soft pants. I couldn't wear jeans. Didn't jerk off for 2 and a half years. erections felt like ripping. I urinated sitting down, shaking it was completely out of the question.
I thought about killing myself every minute of the day for at least 2 years. I slept 14 hours a day. People at work thought I'd went insane, though I held it together in front of people who mattered. I no longer cared about being able to have sex or a woman, I just thought I'd be so lucky if I could just go about my day without the pain. Because chronic physical pain really is the worst.
Anyway, the reason I wrote that stuff is to tell you that for at least the last several months, I have been able to go about my day without much pain in my penis whatsoever, and because of that, I no longer think about killing myself. Now, I still have some pain with erections and masturbating, and I'm scared I'll make it bad again. I tell myself I'm a piece of crap loser like 50 times a day. BUT I NO LONGER HAVE ANY WANT WHATSOEVER TO KILL MYSELF. I must add I do have other diagnosed chronic pain that started a year ago that is crippling, but not compared to when it's your dick. That crap messes with your mind.

I agree with the others that point to medical/technology breakthroughs, we live in the greatest time in history and you live in a comparatively rich country. At any other point in human history, you would have indeed been screwed. But in our lifetimes we may witness indescribably wondrous things that to even us living today will seem like magic. No matter the state you are in, it's worth sticking around to see if it comes true, rather than squander that chance.

[peyronny]

I must say, I haven't seen them previously but when reading some of your posts just now, my jaw literally dropped. It's almost exactly my experience to a T---at least in regards to the pain. But I have been diagnosed with Peyronies, and do have a curve that was never present in my teenage years or earlier 20s. I saw in your posts even that you share similar experience with "thisismyusername", I actually messaged him yesterday because the way he describes the pain is also very similar to mine. The way you describe it though is borderrline spooky. Are you me? *kidding* Nobody else here seems to have pain in this way. Do you  have a diagnosis? It may be for a completely different reason, but as far as pain those are my exact symptoms. When you said you get pain just from boxers touching I couldn't believe it or from sitting down, etc. It's certainly possible I could have something completely different along with Peyronies. I can relate to just about everything you've said in your posts about any contact whatosever causing pain.

BUt I also have a buried penis.So the thing is---there is always contact from my own fat. I'm hoping to improve that with continued weight loss and possible surgery. But, just like you, even walking causes worsening of the pain. So it's easier said than done. This is what I've tried to explain to people around the house about why I can't do certain things, it has ruined my relationship with my entire family. The thing is my own scrotum when I move around touches the inflamed areas. That's why, while I'm still losing weight, it's not at the rate it was last year when this was relatively stable. I have loose skin so everytime I stand up, since it's buried, everything sort of pushes in on my penis.
Off topic, but I know about the issues with Canada's health system all too well. My grandma lived up north and was very sick.

[peyronny]

So called the other day to check on my appointment time and found out it's actually the 15th, not the 25th. So in 2 days. I'm glad because the waiting has been killing me (almost literally) and I need to figure out what exactly is going on because reading and doing more research I'm convinced this isn't just peyronies I'm dealing with. Could even be a number or things. I had circuation and ED issues way before I had peyronies so most likely contributed. I'm not diabetic and yet I have neuropathy-like symptoms in my feet. Point is I have a lot of medical issues that could be contributing. BUt I've been sticking to anti-inflammatory foods.

But I am still worried about the injection possibly exacerbating the issue along with the pressure from the test.

So everyone pray wish me luck or whatever.  

[dplookin]

Good Luck !   dplookin

[peyronny]

Just got back and I'm very confused.

When I got there I told about the pain and severity of it. I talked about the lumps in my penis that seem to be the sources of the pain. The doc did an examination and felt nothing. When I pointed out in a photo one of the lumps which has been giving me discomort he said that it's normal and from my circumcision....This lump just appeared about 2 months ago. The uro who referred me did confirm a Peyronies lump nearly 4 years ago. I remember the specific injury. I was masturbating in the shower flaccid..yeah, I know bad idea.

EVERY single time I get an examination on my penis it always feels very bizarre for the entire day. This happened at the oringal urologist who diagnosed me with Peyronies as well. Kind of rubbery and numb. I don't normally experience this, just happens during the examinations. Anyways, when I got the injection I didn't feel erect at all. Honestly if I didn't look down I wouldn't have even known. I've had some sporadic off and on numbness over the years but it always returns so I dont worry about it too much anymore. But I do have complete loss of sensation on some of my toes, and that is still unresolved as well. Just gave up on it because this is a bigger problem. But I dont think a nerve issue would be easily confused as Peyronies Disease.

He did the doppler and said everything seems fine, and there's no issue   I pointed out the curve and he says it's from excess skin due to weight and circumsicion.

I've pretty much had the buried penis for as long as I can remember, I've always been overweight. It wasn't there as a very young child, but it's been there my entire teenage years. I've masturbated pretty much every day since I was 12 until I had my injury(s) so I'm pretty sure I know what my dick looks and feels like normally prior to the issues. The buried penis never caused me discomfort UNTIL these injuries. Now, maybe I'm completely wrong about it being Peyronies. But I do know my penis used to be completely straight and it's also significantly shorter. I do know I've had some type of trauma or injury during masturbation, first time in shower flaccid and other times during ejaculation or from rubbing on the painful areas too much. I've stopped masturbating for the forseen future but everytime I have in the past year or so I always feel fear ejaculating because that's when these injuries seem to take place.

He did set me up with a consultation to get the excess  skin removed to unbury it so my penis hangs normally. However no answers whatsoever in terms of pain or anything like that. This will surely help with pain sitting and what not at least. Or maybe not but at least it will look more normal.  

Can a doppler miss scar tissue? Do I have something completely different? I didn't have a congenital curvature....and why is he denying that there even is a curve? People here have seen it and recommended traction.

Have I really been treating the wrong thing for nearly 5 years now?I've actually read great things about him online though.  Can someone look at these photos and confirm that I'm not crazy?

https://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php?topic=7503.msg75693#msg75693

I trust you guys here more, and nobody here claimed it doesn't look like Peyronies. I just don't get it.

These are not recent and my penis looks different from this now. My penis is basically ever evolving. I don't know what my erection will look like tomorrow morning, should I get one. There is no consistency. One day I think it's improving, the next it seems much worse. But all I know the pain is so severe the last several months I would rather have no penis if this never resolves.

Any advice at all would be appreciated. Because now I'm back to square one and may have been focusing on the wrong issue for so many years.

I'm still focusing on my diet and weightloss. But if anyone has any suggestions about what could be going on regarding my dick, if there's anything else this could be, because I'm at a loss. My pain does seem very different from the majority of people here besides a few.  

[NeoV]

Very confusing but not unexpected. It's quite strange that the Doppler didn't show anything like Peyronie's but it doesn't mean you aren't dealing with some sort of penile trauma. My scars are visible or palpable but clearly cause changes. I also have numb hands and feet and after sex even my face goes numb at times. That rubbery feeling your penis has, your one of the few other than me who has that or at least can describe it that way. I figure it's from diabetes or nerve damage from blood sugar issues, but I'm unsure since it appears to be whole body edema. Avoiding alcohol and abstaining have helped.

The active phase for me was similar, and my penis was just changing for a long period of time. That was the worst.

Anyway, I do wonder if they missed the mark completely or what. I think your case should be treated like any other case in which you try to improve the health of your penis, and that's about it. Cialis, supplements, traction and maybe VED. I'm honestly not convinced any other treatment works at all unless combined with these or for a last resort (surgery, implant).

[peyronny]

Is it possible that there can be so much scar tissue, encompassing the entire penis that it goes undetected? The scar tissue has become the new norm with my penis. It is becoming increasingly difficult to indentify tissue that is NOT filled with lumps and dents. It's feeling more and more like liquid as time goes on. My dick no longer has any consistency when flaccid. . It's turning into silly putty. I am seriously deeply disturbed by all this. I genuinely thought I would get some sort of treatment options today. Silly me. Any contact whatsoever with my penis is painful and I lay in bed with no pants or underwear because any contact whatsoever is painful.

I have given up completely on a sex life. I don't like it but I accept it. But I do want to be able to at least go on dates and whatnot. This was the first time I've set foot in a car since the last appointment in May. I avoid all kinds of fun things I used to enjoy because I'm unable to do much without further pain and/or injury.


Pain is now, not surprisingly, worse than it was when it went in.  This is typical so I don't necesarily blame for that. Same thing happened at the urologist who DID say I have peyronies. Again, I don't buy that my penis was ever fully erect during this process. And I realize it's difficult due to other issues, but if it WAS erect he should have not been handling it in the fashion that he was. I really wish I took a picture of it when they exited the room.

I am extremely angry right now. It's almost preferable to the deep sadness though, I was starting to wonder if I could feel anything else.

I'm going to look in this doctor into this doctor in Knoxville. But for now my dick needs complete rest. Problem is it can't seem to get rest. No matter how hard I try my dick feels constantly inflamed, swollen, and bulbous.


I'm not saying I'm going through with it, but I really, truly wish I was dead. The entire way back home I kept hoping something would happen. How can you enjoy anything if it feels like your dick is on fire? How can you stay active when every step you take inflames it more? I live in constant fear of causing new injury, every move I make is calculated to not make this worse. The cute woman rocking her baby looked at me very strangely because of the way I had to sit in the waiting room. If it wasn't for the lumps and curvature I'd think it was a nerve issue.


Should I go through with the surgery for the buried penis? I'm not sure if it's a great idea when person who referred me doesn't even believe I have Peyronies Disease.



So, went to go pee and I have complete numbness. I've had off and on numbness over the years in my penis but it generally returns. I'm hoping this is temporary. I wonder if I could have some sort of penile neuropathy. This concerns me because I did not feel my erection after the injection.

[NeoV]

How often do you masturbate? Please give us a bit to research the burried penis surgery. I don't recommend any surgeries unless it's absolutely necessary.

The liquidy, lumpy, and dented penis you describe sounds like severe lymph or vascular problems. The mushy feeling that makes it feel rubbery must be lymph blockage. I can't image what else would cause that, but certainly there could be scarring there which isn't being detected. Most urologists can't even see or understand what a lymphatic vessel is.

EDIT: Losing weight (all of your weight) will reduce any edema and swelling you have. I know you're working on that and it sounds good. Avoiding alcohol as well. If I even have one glass my edema is worse, significantly. Also, if your problem is actually mondor's or lymph swelling, abstinence should help or maybe ice.

[peyronny]

I am currently refraining from masturbation. It is not possible in any normal sort of way. I only lightly rub the back where there I don't have any lumps. When erect I am unable to retract the skin fully or at least with extreme pain because it runs over these lumps. I've lost a lot of elasticity. Last time I did was 2 and a half weeks ago and I vowed not to do it again anytime in the near future. When I ejaculate, there's always an EXTREMELY tight sensation, particularly around the area of the lumps.

The rubber sensation I talked about me reminds me of the sound and feeling of rubbing two balloons together...

He didn't say much at all about the surgery, just said he'll refer me to surgeon t unbury penis. It's completely concealed when flaccid. This could be putting more pressure on nerves. But I'm not sure about getting this done right now without a clear idea of what's even going on.


Now I'm concerned with this numb feeling. I'm wondering if plaques, which are more pronounced currently after the appointment could be pushing in on nerves or something. I've have had numbness before but not to this degree along with the pain; I do have nerve issues in feet, some of my toes are numb. My dick ALWAYS feels odd after a physical examination though. But usually I just go home after than and rest. This time I had the doppler right after.

I just can't catch a break and things are constantly getting worse. I'm trying to be postive but I just see this ending with me having complete loss of sensation, along with my deformed penis and nerve pain.

I seriously just want to be castrated. I'm over it and want to move on with my life. I could deal with the pyschologial crap later I just need relief. I went to pee and there is clear loss of sensation that was not there previously..


I'm currently feeling a pulsing/ tingling/shock type of pain on the upper left side of my penis just below the glans and a burning sensation all over.

Every time I go to the doctor for my dick issues they end up worse. I seriously think my penis was damaged during this process even more. Not from the injection, but the way it was being moved around during the procedure. Every thing I do, every decision I make turns out to be a mistake it seems.

I'm gonna try and get some sleep. Maybe I'll get a morning boner that at least I can feel. Maybe it's temporary because I have had then numbness problem off and on for several years now. I made some topics here about it even. But the rubbery sensation is quite new.

Anyways thinks for the patience anyone reading my posts. I know it's complicated.

[popopo]

I totally get what you're saying but there is nothing else to do. Maybe you could stop trying whatever you're trying and just hope for a cure later on.. I did that personally and I hope I can still function a little when I'm back to get treated for the depression I'm in. I just can't seem to accept, but I don't want to die like this. One day we will make it right.

[nowhereman]

"The liquidy, lumpy, and dented penis you describe sounds like severe lymph or vascular problems. The mushy feeling that makes it feel rubbery must be lymph blockage."

I can say I had all of these symptoms as well as extreme hourglassing mid-shaft, and I believe they can all be caused by extreme inflammation. Though the lymph is what should clear the inflammation out of the tissue and stagnation will stop that process. I DID have sclerosing lymphangitis, and a hardened vein, but I had those before I made my situation really bad that caused all the above mentioned symptoms, and still have them now even after all of these symptoms MOSTLY went away, though it took about 2.5 years. At first like I mentioned before, when symptoms were worst, I would wake up with erections that had the consistency of a wet sponge, liquid under the skin. It was insane. I do not have peyronie's.


"I'm currently feeling a pulsing/ tingling/shock type of pain on the upper left side of my penis just below the glans and a burning sensation all over."

For the first year and a half, this was every minute of the day for me (In the exact same spot, which is where my swollen lump was/is, coincidentally). I also believe those strange feelings are just caused by extreme inflammation. I also had some itching feeling.


For the first maybe, 1.5-2 years, The tender swelling I had, was quite large (about a square centimeter) and I thought it was Buck's fascia. As the swelling gradually got smaller/less hard and less painful/inflamed over the long haul, I was able to actually touch it/mess with it, as at the start a fly landing on it would flare it up (no overstatement, unfortunately). When it got small enough I could pinch it and pull it up with the skin, away from Buck's fascia. Interestingly, I could also pinch the skin above it away without pinching it. Hope that made sense. What that means is the swelling was/is in the dartos fascia, which houses the skins lymphatics and superficial dorsal vein/other veins.
The only thing I've ever read about this type of situation is a top US urologist mention when dartos gets injured it doesn't heal right.
The reason I typed this is we obviously have a smorgasbord of symptoms that are exactly the same. I have been cleared of peyronie's, though I already knew I didn't have it. And to an extent you have too.
Since you can feel (and see?) your lumps, I think you should make an effort to figure out yourself, what level of tissue the swelling/lumps are on (gently of course). Are they absolutely attached to/or part of the shaft, or can they be moved a bit. Dartos moves with the skin to a point (it is considered part of the skin, it in the foreskin as well), it is what allows the skin to slide on the shaft. And seeing it looks like you're uncircumcised, it should be easier to tell than if you don't have much skin to work with. If it were the case that you were in the same situation, I would absolutely hold off on having the buried penis surgery/having a bunch of skin removed. because if these lumps are in the dartos, you will need to get that skin/dartos removed.

It really is the best case scenario though, far better than the swelling being in Buck's fascia or deeper, especially since you have lots of skin to cover for the loss from surgery. Again, when the swelling was really diffuse and painful, it REALLY seemed like the swelling was part of the shaft. I cannot overemphasize this.
Correct me if I'm wrong guys, but with peyronie's you can't actually see a lump right (especially flaccid), unless it was HUGE? Because it is deep in the tunica?  Obviously you can feel it, and you would see dents, angling, hourglassing....

You may not have the same thing as me, but thought it would be advisable to try to get a better understanding of what may be wrong before you get rid of a bunch of skin with the buried penis surgery, as it's possible you may need that redundant skin.

[peyronny]

You symptoms of pain and the wet feeling you describe are nearly identical to mine although My lumps are very clearly under the skin. But I think I could have several things going on possibly. Some of them aren't "lumps" Some of the plaques seem to have merged together. There is a big line across by penis, where it's sort of indented. Almost like I had a rubber band around my penis or cock ring for too long. The doctor said this is circumscision scar. Which is absolute crap because it wasn't there the other 25 years of my life. Another lump he claims is the head of my penis, under the skin.

I have a lumpy area on the left side right at the base, which is completely embedded into my scrotum. This is what's causing me the most discomfort and probably pushing on nerves.  

Right now off and on numbness, increases when I sit down. This has been going on since I had the examination.

I have pain to a degree that I'm out of work, avoid touching my penis at all costs. It is much worse sitting down. But also I can't get comfortable in bed either. So I basically have to stand completely still in one spot to get slight relief.

Everytime I feel pain I worry the damage itself and deformity or numbness is getting worse.

In regards to giving up on it, I really can't. It's either getting rid of this, chopping off my penis entirely, or ending it. I really truly want to have my entire penis removed so I can at least get a job, and date girls even if I can't have sex.

This started off as a fear of never being able to have sex. Then it got bad to the point I knew i couldn't. Then it became painful, but still could get aroused normally at least. Then pain became exrucisating. And now I have loss of sensation.

It hasn't been a sex related issue for me in a while...I'm not saying I've lost interest but as bad as it would be debilitating chronic agonizing pain is worse than celibacy.

Some thing WERE helping in the beginning. It's just I keep getting NEW injuries or re-inflaming previously healed injuries.

I'm trying to give my penis a complete rest but it's difficult to because I have to pee every so often, and just laying or sitting down puts a lot of pressure on it.

Thing is even if a cure is sometime down the line, I seem to have other issues along with the Peyronies. I could accept it completely, I would deal with the emotional pain later. I've been depressed before, I'm not even depressed now per se. I'm just being physically tortured, and it's so much worse than depression.

Next time I get a morning erection, if I do, i'm going to try and get a better lighted photo. Because then I could zoom in and more easily see.

This doctor says I don't have it, but my penis used to be 100 percent straight when erect..

All the pictures I have posted are erect or semi-erect. If I posted pictures flaccid all you would see is my pubic hair.  

[NeoV]

Peyronie's is usually under the skin and over the fascia, probably growing off of the fascia from my understanding. Like Dupytren's, I think the connective tissue itself is what becomes damaged and then it starts to grow and harden. Inflammation in general will surely result in lymphatic, vascular, and connective tissue issues, but the swelling is extremely frustrating...  

[peyronny]

Do penile nerves generally heal? I get mixed answers googling. If I could get things back to the way they were even a few months ago, after the hell I've been through now I could live with that because I was pain-free flaccid unless I were to rub on one of the plaques or every once in a while when I bend down or sit. I love movies, and I can't even go to the theater anymore.

I can''t feel my erections very much now. I woke up and wasn't aware I had one until I started moving. . Same thing happened at the appointment. I''m never going to do an examination again, I'll just bring in photos from now on. It always worsens things and leaves it feeling odd and numb. Usually just a few hours, it's been 24 hours though.

But there has to be something nerve going on. The doctor said I had a full erection and I felt nothing after the injection. Actually when he put it in it didn't even really hurt. Wondering if the burning pain I have been getting is neuropathy or something. When I pee and pull my skin back a very rubbery sensation.

I added B-12 and alpha lipoic acid and have been taking them.

I want to take pictures that actually are clear and show up well but but it's hard to get in a position where anyone can really see. And I have no desire on getting one on my own so have to wait until morning. I get more morning erections than I did as a teenager because I'm on so many things. I guess that should be considered good at least but they are just bulbous and uncomfortable and I don't see penetration possible unfortunately due to the lumps making elasticity nearly impossible.

When I told the doctor I couldn't make my foreskin move back completely when erect he said "I made it got back during ultrasound." But he forced it down, what I mean is during sex there wouldn't be enough elasticity. For every lump I pointed out he said either it's from circumsicion or it's fat. I've been fat most my life and never had hard painful lumps before.

I'm just not sure the right direction to take---I could go back to Dr. Sahaj who originally diagnosed me and tell him he didn't believe I have it and ask where to go from there. Or I could just go straight to a specialist like the one in Knoxville but that's around 2 and half hour drive and riding in cars is the worst for pain. I'm still convinced I have peyronies despite this visit because I have a curve that was not present the rest of my life until I started getting these injuries and now painful flaccid. In the beginning though I never had a painful erection. I have if anything less pain during erection but it is still there.

If I was pain-free or even in minor pain I would just go in with my life, hope for some sort of medical advancement and make the best of it. I would like to at least talk to women and go on dates but can't do much of anything. I wish I just had an exact guide to follow to get the best possible outcome from here on out. But it seems every decision I make is the wrong one.