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We offer our most sincere condolences to Old Man who lost his wife of 59 years on Monday night to Pancreatic Cancer.   
He is in our sincere thoughts and prayers.

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Author Topic: Ultrasound or no?  (Read 1446 times)

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  • 26, diagnosed 2012
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Ultrasound or no?
« on: April 15, 2016, 09:54:17 PM »

I have a urologist appointment in 10 days.

I wanted to get a penile ultrasound to see how bad the damage is, and so the doctor can see as well. However, I'm a bit worried about the injection. I've heard for some it can make things worse. And I'm not in a situation where it can be getting any worse than  it already is. Why can't they just give me a viagra? Sorry if that's a dumb question. But as of a few days ago, I can at least get erections, even if they are mangled looking.

I'm even worried about the examination. I know they have to see and feel it to examine, but every time this is done it gets worse. Now that I think about it, it's quite likely I might hurt it even more trying to photograph it. I want to get it at all angles, because I can't even see. The top of it actually looks better to me erect than flaccid, except it veers to the left a bit and seems too low. Not even curved per se..just not "up" enough. Like it's pushed down too close to my testicles. Most people when getting an erection would get the "tenting" in their pants. Right now I could have a full erection in public and nobody would notice because it's too low.

What should I do? I plan on taking pictures, to show the doc and also post here on this forum. But I have to wait until I get a nocturnal erection and take it after waking up. I just want to rest it and not force any on my own. Also, getting one intentionally just make me want to finish the job, and I can't imagine that would be good for me right now.

The thing is even urinating has become difficult without inducing pain and maybe making this worse.

I'm not exaggerating when I say my flaccid penis is much like a lumpy potato. There is not any smooth surface whatsoever. I'm hoping some of it will smooth over. It just seems to progress no matter what I do.

What seems to be happening is the plaque will harden/heal fairly quickly leaving a hard lump but it sinks deeper into the tissue so doesn't bother me quite as much. But then, something happens that reopens the scar. Rather it being from touching it too much, sitting down and putting pressure on it, bending over, pushing too hard to pee, pushing hard to poop, coughing, sneezing, literally anything seems to cause pain and worsening of symptoms.

There's some days I feel like it would be a relief just to have the whole thing removed. At least I could enjoy the non sexual things I used to enjoy.

Movies have always been my passion. I used to go to movies 2-3 times a week. Now I can't sit in the theater chairs. Or even in the car to get there for that matter, without opening up these old scars or putting pressure on the ones that are still healing.

In terms of curvature it's very difficult to even see how bad it is. But there are lumps on the top, bottom, left and right. Every side of my penis has plaques. The back side isn't as bad, but there is one.

Before I could at least masturbate by moving the skin just at the top of the shaft, above where all the plaques were. It's almost like it's scars upon scars at this point. I remember the original one I had, there's literally a new one on top of that!

I'm even having issues using the bathroom. Not all of my urine will come out, it feels like the tightness caused by the scar tissue is preventing all of it from releasing.

When I was still masturbating, it always felt tight coming out. It was still pleasurable but it felt too intense, and like my dick was going to hemmorage or something. Alll the plaques constrict and swell as I release, and since I have so many of them, it's not so pleasant.

I've considered therapy, but honestly I'm worried it would hurt my dick more sitting on the chairs in the waiting room! And I know the pills are effective. I've battled depression all my life, and the pills do work. But this is one thing, I should be depressed about. I don't want these feelings of sadnesss associated with this to be numbed, then I will lose desire to fix it. They are effective though. I went through a crisis when I was young, and Paxil made me feel better. But TOO better. But this whole thing has taken over my entire life. If I drop something, unless it's extremely important, I'll just leave it there. Bending down makes it worse. Everything I do, makes it worse. I guess because when I bend down, sit down, etc. due to the "turtle/buried effect" I have, as I move my pelvic area down when bending it pushes in on the plaques.

I'm still obese but I lost the weight I did lose, primarily to get a girlfriend. I honestly believe it's too little too late in regards to overall healthy. I really don't care if I die before I'm 40. But I don't want it to be a miserable 14 more years. I've never truly been happy, but at least I was content. When I was 450 going on 500 pounds I felt better than I do now. I at least had hope, and enjoyed my hobbies.

I know everytime I post a thread it, I sort of ramble on. I hope that's okay. Even when I have a specific question though, there's 500 other facets of living with this. I could write a novel. Maybe I will someday, and all proceeds will go to Pentox, l-arginine, and countless other things that I don't even know if are helping.
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