difficult time focusing on life (with this problem)

[Funny9097]

Hi all -

I'm having a tough time focusing on my life and feel a constant weighing down / anxiety from having this health issue.

I think I have somewhat of a cocktail of symptoms - my veins feel irritated (like varicose veins) down there and I have plaque like modules that also feel irritated. Some days (like today) it feels worse than others and it affects erections and sex drive/libido. I don't feel like myself and that has been the case for pretty much 10 years now, as my symptoms have either flat lined or gotten worse. I live/eat healthy, have held and hold a decent job, etc. but I feel like a phony. I don't have a high level of passion in relationships and though I can get it up at times feel like a person is almost better off without me, as they will have more passionate experiences with someone else/that is healthy.

Anyhow, I just get a big level of anxiety very often. A bit of a heart ache / sense of powerlessness in my chest that happens almost daily. With this issue pressing on me I don't feel like I can be more than average in a job and just feel like that last 10 years have been rough. A bit depressed (on and off), average in life, etc. Haven't been as close to friends/family as I would like as I feel they wouldn't really understand and I know the problem is typically not worth/appropriate to explain to them anyway.

I feel the best I can do is try to remain optmistic and keep the ship floating to an extent as they say. God I wish this issue would just go away though..


PS (Modified post to add the following just now) - I should just mention that L Arginine and Pycnogenol do give me some solid erections (see my post in the Oral treatment section) and I'm hopeful to get through a good chunk of my 30s on oral meds - that said the above remains the same. I really felt like I had a simple life / had it all before this problem ensued

[Thisismyusername]

I feel the same.  I think about my condition a lot and I have a good deal of anxiety about it.  It's really tough.  I have largely lost my sexuality.  Life is a lot more stressful with pain and without the sexual release I used to have.  And it feels very lonely going through this.  It hurts sometimes when I think about how good life would be without this.  I rarely feel relaxed or excited about things anymore.  It's kind of like life feels like trudging through the swamps.  

Unfortunately this effects my professional life too.  I've been succeeding still, but I don't feel like I'm able to focus as much as I'd like to.  I used to be able to work longer hours and masturbation would help me relax at the end of the day.  Now at the end of the day it's tough to wind down because my pelvic muscles build tension and pain, and I have no real sexual outlets.  This physical condition really take's it's toll mentally.

I've struggled with feelings of inadequacy in my previous relationship too.  And also just frustration that I'm not getting what I want sexually, and it's completely due to my condition and not my partner.  Being with someone is hard when you can't have sex.  

I also feel the best thing to do is stay optimistic and carry on.  That's what I try to do.  I think on the outside I succeed but inside I am really suffering and struggling through life ever since I hurt myself 2 years ago.  Life has just been a struggle ever since.  

If I have another relationship I don't want to burden my partner with these issues so I think I will try to keep it to myself and not let it get in the way.  That's tough though.  I think the key is to accept your limitations as much as possible.  Sure I'd like to have sex 10 times a day but I think it's best to accept that I can't and instead of letting it get to me and showing my disappointment and frusteration to my partner, it's better to try to find other ways to show affection, show that I care, etc.  If there are some activities that I can't do I want to find a replacement that I can still enjoy.  

I try to live my life with positivity and to be friendly and supportive of other people in life.  I know that other people have their own struggles.  Things could be worse for us.  But yeah living like this really sucks and I've been way less happy ever since this happened.  Definitely the worst thing I've dealt with in my life.  

Have you considered seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist?  Generally I hate therapy but CBT is more about helping with coping mechanisms and changing dysfunctional behavior than talking about your problems.  It might be worth considering.  I did see someone for a while and it helped some but not too much.  I'm thinking about trying to see someone else though.  It's hard when your mental health issues stem from a physical problem though.  I think our reaction is only normal.  But that doesn't mean it's optimal.  

[Jonbinspain]

This foul affliction is tough on any man. I'm in my 60's and despite having had a very active and varied sex life ( I was a pro musician in my younger day) it still gets me down to look at my poor bent dick. I'm very fit & healthy, and I think that helps. I can still get natural erections at my age.

I have some calcified plaque that seems resistant to everything I've tried - and believe me, I've tried them all!  Pentox, I believe, has lightened my plaque load, and I've stuck with it despite some bad side effects at times. Intensive VED - I've built up to 2-3 sessions a day - seems to have reduced my curvature marginally and restored a little lost length.

In short, there are days when I feel like just giving up and accepting that my sex life as I knew it is over. Then, there are days when I think, "No, f**k you, you're not going to beat me" I have an appointment with Dr Kuehhas at The London Andrology Clinic in 2 weeks to see if Xiaflex will help reduce, or get rid of the curvature. In my case, the curvature is my main problem. As I have vastly improved my overall physical condition over the last 3+ years, getting hard is no longer a problem, and if I take 100mg of Viagra, I'm hard as I was in my teens.

So, I guess a lot depends on your individual character and your current circumstances, but for me -  and I can only speak for myself - even if I'm told Xiaflex can't help me, I won't give up. I'll fight this until the day I pop my clogs!  

[stopthismadness]

Thisismyusername.. I can relate so much. Everything you've said is a mirror of my feelings thus far. After being afflicted with this in some way for about a decade now since the age of 18, and after trying all the natural supplemental methods I could muster, I finally bit the bullet and asked for help from my doctor... My whole life I've been averse to using antidepressants and was staunchly against them. I've waited this long, and I do regret it.  I can finally get through days without the thoughts completely ruining my life.   Most antidepressants have sexual side affects that are undesirable, so I did my research and after dwelling on it for a very long time until I hit another breaking point I made an appointment.  Wellbutrin XL, a norepinephrine-dopamnine reuptake inhibitor, as opposed to SSRI's and MAOI's that are known to kill sex drive. It's been 6 months and I feel so much more energetic, less mopey, and I can get through days without feeling the everyday dread I have for the past 10 years.  My sex drive isn't dampened at all, and in fact may be even stronger.  It could be the drug, or it could be the depression just being lifted. Of course this disease is still here, but it doesn't bother me to the crippling levels that it did before. The thoughts don't consume my mind, and most importantly, I can get SO many more things done now! If I had taken this earlier I would have probably not failed out of college and would be on track.  This is just my experience so far, but it's truly helped me. Don't be afraid to seek help, I waited so long and it did nothing.  Depression is a byproduct of this disease and in ways can be far more debilitating to life than Peyronie's itself as I and many many others can attest.  Just being able to wake up without being completely overwhelmed again... it's a good feeling.  

[Funny9097]

Thanks for the replies ThisIsMyUserName and StopThisMadness -

I agree with both you guys - while this problem is physical, and we can't (at least in my case) 'fix' it via a psychologist or anti-depressants, the impact it has on us psychologically is huge. It affects everything in how our lives shape out. I would definitely consider seeing a psychologist but have not done so yet. I think it would be helpful but perhaps I'm just stubborn as well.

Have you considered seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist?  [...]  I think our reaction is only normal.  But that doesn't mean it's optimal.

[race2end]

Understand the feelings this dreaded affliction causes. When I was first diagnosed over a month ago, I was aware of the disease, and was floored I had it. At that point I figure I had it for about 2 months.
Initially no bend or curvature, so just pain. Went on pentox and got a traction device recently. After under a week with that I now have pain when flaccid (new) and a curvature even when semi-erect.
I am totally destroyed by this new development, and just let my wife know the bad news, that she will surely see when we attempt sex next. I didn't want her to be shocked when she sees it. No idea I will even be able to have intercourse now.
She has been and is very supportive anyways.

Now I try to come to realization I made it worse perhaps, while trying to prevent a bend/curve, and that there is nothing I can do but take the meds and live with it. The mental part is the hardest to overcome of course.