Don't Live in Denial About ED - The Truth Will Set You Free

[Cal30]

Howdy Gents,

I've been away for a long time. I'm writing this post to provide hope and encouragement, especially to young men who are suffering ED.

I guess I'm just posting to say that I'm now looking into the possibility of a penile prosthesis (i.e. an implant) more seriously than I ever have before.

I'm a 31 year old, single man. I'd like to get married and have kids some day soon (within the next four years, Lord willing), but with ED and slight peyronie's this may not be possible (there is no way of knowing what the future holds).

Don't Live in Denial - The Truth Will Set You Free
Now here is the thing that I wanted to post that I hope will help a lot of men (young men with ED/peyronies in particular): with the help of a very close friend, I've been able to finally face the seriousness of my condition and all of its possible implications head on for the first time in 6 years. (Don't get me wrong, there has been plenty of fear and panic, sorrow and despair, pain, envy, regret and tears over the last 6 years), but somehow I managed to live in denial about the whole thing in some respects at the same time. Sounds weird, I know, but that's how it's been. - I knew I had a problem, but I tried to sort of keep it at the back of my mind and be very vague about the whole thing with myself in order to try to protect myself from the tremendous weight of the reality I was facing.

Finally I was able to tell my friend via text: "I have an injury which casts serious doubt on my ability to consummate a marriage, keep a wife happy, and father children."

That text sparked a phone call that went for well over an hour, where all sorts of things were disclosed. He even disclosed closely guarded secrets about his own life to me during the course of the call that amazed me. We both cried and prayed. It was bittersweet, like a triumph within a tragedy somehow. (Again, that doesn't make much sense at all, but I guess you'd have to experience it for yourself to know what I mean.)

With help from my friend, I've finally been able to face reality. I have an injured penis, and I have ED. A penile prosthesis may be my only option if I'd like to get married and have kids some day.

I don't know why this was so hard to face, but then again, I do know why it was so hard to face.

This friend in particular was able to help me on the psychological, emotional and spiritual front in a way that no one else had been able to. He actually approached the whole thing differently than anyone else.

Most people would try to give me hope by saying things like "maybe it's all in your head?" or "I have a feeling you'll be fine" or "I'm sure you can find a solution," but he took a different stance with me that took me out of helpless despair mode into fight mode.

My friend approached it differently. He didn't say it outright, but a lot of his comments were leading me to believe that he was sort of implying; "this might just be something that you have to accept (i.e. being single for the rest of your life)." As a fellow Christian he reminded me that we're not to put all our hope in this world nor the things of this world. It was hard to hear, and I knew he was right, but instead of falling deeper into despair, I protested by saying "there is a surgery that is 90% successful for men in my situation!" (I read that an implant was 90% successful somewhere on some website in the past. Don't ask me to cite the source since I don't remember.)

This changed the tone of the conversation. When I protested with this information he said: "then why don't you have it done?"

Obviously getting an implant is a huge deal. As some have said it's the "final frontier," or as I like to say, it's the "nuclear option." I had to explain how big of a decision it was to him.

Anyhow, his hinting at the idea of closing the door on marriage and children caused me to leap to my feet and stick my foot in the door before it shut.

I believe this life is my only chance to have a wife and kids in all of eternity. I don't want to just shrug my shoulders and give up when modern medical options provide hope that it could still be an option for me some day.

All for Now.

God be with you all,

Cal

[nemo]

Great post, and great friend, Cal.  I have been reading tons about implants of late due to progression of my own Peyronies Disease, and I am increasingly comfortable that if you pick one of the premier surgeons, you will really be thrilled with both the physical and psychological benefit and liberation the procedure brings. If you're not already reading the "FT" forum on penile implants, you really should - it's a wealth of information.  Sometimes I read stories of guys who've not only equalled their pre-ED or sometimes pre-Peyronies Disease dimensions, but are simply enjoying the heck out of their unconquerable boners. I even find myself going "that would be awesome!"  

Best to you in your journey.

Nemo

[Pfract]

It's so good, when people are able to face their fears. I was in the same situation a couple of months ago. I don't know what caused your E.D. but i also cried for months, before i was able to face my situation, and sometimes it's so hard to hold back the tears. Almost coming the date when i fractured my penis and had the worst treatment possible... :|

If your E.D. is truly permanent, and you are finding yourself without other options go for an implant. You live in the USA where there are top of the line, surgeons of high volume and reputation. Irwin Goldstein, Paul Perito, Dr. François Eid, and also andrew kramer. But like it was said, search on FT for information regarding implants. The information contained on that section is a lifesaver for many, and you will find support.

Good luck, and remember you are not alone!

BTW: what caused your E.D.? Have you done all the exams possible to access your condition?

[Cal30]

Nemo,

Yes, I am very grateful for this friend, indeed. You don't get too many friends like that in life. They are rare in my experience. Not only did my friend show his love, mercy and compassion for me on that call, but I believe that God did too.

Also, yes, I've just started posting on FT today! (I'm Cal2014 on those boards.)

I had to chuckle when I read your comment about "unconquerable boners." Great way to put it. You are quite a wordsmith, Nemo. Haha. I like your enthusiasm and positivity!

pfract - Thank you for reminding me of the great blessing I have in living in the US and being born a US citizen. We do have some truly great doctors here, and if you are unable to find a good one in Europe, I pray that it will be possible for you to make the trip to the US and see one of our good physicians.

As for what caused my ED, I feel it was a number of minor incidents and injuries that led up to ED for me. I believe that most of these occurred through masturbation, and a few happened during sex/ foreplay (all in my pre-Christian days). I think the intense shame and guilt about being responsible for my own nightmare was a big factor in staying in denial. It was too much to acknowledge that my hands were on the wheel when I drove into Nightmareville and my car broke down. - It's as if I've been standing by that car for 6 years now, not fully acknowledging how bad it's mechanical problems are.

As for crying, the reason I texted my friend "I have an injury which casts serious doubts on my ability to consummate a marriage, keep a wife happy, and father children" was because I knew I couldn't physically say those words over the phone without crying. As a matter of fact, I was pretty sure I wouldn't even be able to finish the sentence because I'd be crying too hard. Instead of doing that, I just asked him if I could hang up the phone and text him what I needed to say, and talk to him about it later, and he said that would be okay. As I mentioned, I did end up crying on the phone while talking to him, and he cried while talking about something that had happened in his life too. Even though that happened, neither one of us lost respect for the other.

Thanks for reminding me that I'm not alone.

I really needed someone to be able to face the situation and take the next step. I was unable to do it on my own, and I was also unable to continue living in denial. I hit a breaking point, and the right friend was there at the right time to keep me from falling all the way in to a black hole of utter despair.

[Pfract]

I can see that you still don't elaborate much about about your injuries. Did you fracture your penis? were you masturbating hard? jelquing? I am curious, but i respect if you don't want to tell. Asking totally in a non offending way.... And yes, i am saving all my penis to go to Dr. Goldstein in San Diego. That is my dream right now.

[this_day]

Cal30, if you keep God close to you, your dream of having a wife and kids (and working equipment) will all come together when the time is right.  Hold onto your faith because he does work wonders!

[Stabler]

Cal,

This was an outstanding post for many reasons, I am glad that you were able to call on a friend that you were comfortable enough with to be completely open with, to share this pain you had so that he could help you through, I am glad that he too was a believer and that you were able to lean on that in your time of need.

When I came to this forum, only a few months ago, I couldn't understand how men could let their penis control so much of their lives, their emotional worth, value. I have learned a lot. While I still feel that you all need to know you are worth more than just your penis, I want you to also know that I now understand why you feel as you do and I do my best not to force my "good will" on you.   but rather simply offer support.

Cal you have a very good friend.

Hugs, Mamma