Given up on life

[GivenUpOnLife]

I am too scared to have this procedure done.

I feel like if the doctor doesn't cure me, or makes things worse for me, he has shamed me.

He has obtained my address, all this information, and knows all this information about me.

I think if the Doctor can't cure me, I should be allowed to kill him, or he should be allowed to surprise kill me with a bullet to the head - ending my miserable existence.

I'm 24, I have never had a girlfriend, I'm not weird looking, but I live in a city that I wasn't raised, and I don't like people because people want to control other people's behaviour. I think people should be allowed to do what they want to a degree, I think society has become obsessed with regulating behaviour.

This all seems irrelevant, but it is crucial to understanding why I feel that killing isn't that bad - because this life we have is such crap, it should be a relief to be taken from it.

My crazy 2 cents.

[GivenUpOnLife]

I've been researching Peyronies doctors in Vancouver, and it all looks like a bunch of scams.

Traction devices look like a bunch of scammery to me.

The injection sounds like it can make your peyronies worse.

I wonder if people on this board are paid by Xiaflex - because I have heard Xiaflex can often make your peyronies worse - and they don't have long term clinical trials for it - so nothing is known of the long term effects?

I feel like it would be much easier to just pray for death.

I watch pornography, and I try to enjoy it - but my penis bend isn't even that bad, well maybe it is.

I'd like to figure out how to attach an image, to show you the dick that I hate so much.

I just want to be dead.

I take prozac, and it helps a bit, but I just can't stand being 24, never having had any relationships, or kisses from a girl, let alone sex - and I have this peyronies disease on top of it all.

I have a university degree, but all I have been able to do with it is work in restaurants, and volunteer work in my field.

I constantly see less professional, less well-dressed, younger kids doing what I volunteer and do, for pay.

I feel like the whole world is against me.

[james1947]

Given

I merged your two posts and moved to this board as they belongs to here.
I don't know if you have Peyronies or not, don't know if you was diagnosed as having Peyronies, I don't know if you was diagnosed how the doctor diagnosed you, you are not writing what your symptoms are.
Clarifications on the above points will help other members to interact with you and try to help.
I am answering you because I think you are in need, much more of a psychological counselling than a Peyronies doctor, I think so from the bitterness in your posts and it is not just about Peyronies.
I understand also that being 24 year old is not easy, I was at that age (long time ago) but I still remember how it was. The main point that I want to underline is that all your life is still in front of you, and you will have for sure many happy moments in your life. Just need patience.
Ones you will answer to my questions above, as I mention before, other forum members will be able to interact with you.
Regarding your statements, I will try to answer a few of them:

Peyronies doctors in Vancouver, and it all looks like a bunch of scams

I will say it more soft. I agree that many doctors don't have any idea how to treat Peyronies, many don't have the compassion to do that. This is the reason that I am checking out everything they are saying/proposing. You have to find the one that have knowledge, not easy but they are there. You may find one close to you here:
https://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,4063.0.html

Traction devices look like a bunch of scammery to me

Personally, I had no success in using those devices. I am using VED with not bad success, but it may seems also "scammery" to you. Other forum members had successful outcome using traction devices.
Proposing you to take your time and read the relevant boards:
Traction and Traction Devices for correcting Peyronies Disease - PDS - Peyronies Society Forums
Vacuum Erection Devices (VEDs) for Peyronie's Disease - PDS - Peyronies Society Forums

The injection sounds like it can make your peyronies worse

Agree!!! Every injection into the penis may cause Peyronies, have to limit injections to the penis to the most necessary, if no other choice.

I wonder if people on this board are paid by Xiaflex

I am sure NO. But of course may have someone, I know personally very few forum members.
You can read details on the subject here:
Xiaflex - Trials and Treatment results - PDS - Peyronies Society Forums
As a summary for my boring long post I would like to say:
Go out from this mood and do something for yourself
My father (a very religious man) was telling me sometimes:
"Help yourself and GOD will help you"
I try to implement his advice, not always successfully, but I am far from a perfect man

James

[nemo]

Given, several points:

1) You're on a board (a community) where every single person here has Peyronie's Disease, some even younger than you, so you are NOT alone in this struggle.

2) The vast majority of men on here continue to have sex and never realize the "worst case scenario" we ALL imagine will happen. In truth, it rarely does. Which leads to my next point ...

3) Even if - EVEN IF - you become one of the worst case sufferers (meaning sex becomes impossible), there is always the implant option (which men even younger than you have embraced and now enjoy). It is drastic, but it is a resounding "cure" for Peyronie's that completely changes the game.

4) Xiaflex is not a scam - it is the first FDA-approved injectable treatment for both Peyronie's and Dupuytren's contracture of the hand. It is not a joke; it is not a scam. It is not the "cure" we all want, but it is the biggest step in that direction we have made in 300 years.

And finally, on a more personal note, you really sound like you need to address your mental health before you address your Peyronie's - you sound (or are probably intending to sound) either suicidal, homicidal, or both. If you're testing the waters, we hear you - and the reply is GET HELP. You need to see a professional counselor who understands your problem and can give you the direct, one-on-one contact and support you need. No matter how hard we might try, nameless, faceless people on the internet can't provide this kind of personal support. And you need this. THEN worry about dealing with sexual issues.

We will help you in any way we can, but to risk some gallows humor, you need to step back from the ledge, realize that we're ALL in this together, and look for some perspective and positive steps forward in concert with the counsel of a professional who can give you the support you need.

Please, read and think deeply about all James and I have offered. Peyronies Disease is only the end of the world if you LET it be. That would be a sad, tragic mistake on your part, and the world would be a lesser place for that mistake.  

Regards,
Nemo  

[Jonbinspain]

I agree with James and Nemo. You sound like you need help.

Your self confidence seems to be non existent and you now view having Peyronies as just another proof that the world is against you. The world is not against you, you seem to be against yourself.

You say you're 24 and never had a girlfriend?  Have you tried? Have you asked any girls for a date? A girl who cares about you as a person will see you as a lot more than a penis with a man attached to it. Most of the guys here have found that their wives & girlfriends have been more than understanding about their problem.

Re the Peyronie's, you need to treat it and ASAP. The vast majority of doctors are only trying to do the same thing as us, help you. But, you have to help yourself too!  

[GivenUpOnLife]

So to answer you guys I've had peyronies since I can remember.

I've had it since at least grade 7, probably earlier.

I wish I could attach an image of my curavture to show how it's bad, it looks like a straighter banana.

It curves down, the worst possible way to curve.

If a doctor charges me money for something and it doesn't work - he should be obligated to shoot me, or I should be allowed to get my money back from the company or the company president is killed by me.

I don't want any mental health help, I just want to figure out if there are pills that I can take, and know if they are low risk.

I don't want to go to any doctor's office where they give me a form.

I tried going to a urologist - the best one when I was in Ontario, now I'm in Victoria BC, and Vancouver has the only specialists for Peyronies.

I went to the urologist in Ontario back in 2008 or 2009 - I couldn't even fill out the form where they ask me about my erections.

I couldn't answer those questions, it's too personal, they are asking me about sex, I can't even get sex.

I haven't asked a girl for a date ever, I once went out with a girl, and she didn't seem interested or something, I don't know what her deal was. She would seem like she was on hard drugs. I think maybe she was shielding me from some bad reality of her life - probably drugs.

I live in a town where it's not easy to ask women out.

I feel like if women have snubbed me for this long, F~@< em, I'd rather just have my dick fixed for me - so I can look in the mirror and enjoy it.

I am sick of having this downward curved dick, it sucks, girls on the internet would say it looks sad because it's curved down.

I just want to figure out if there's something that can fix me without me having to give up jerking off for 2 weeks.

I can't stop jerking off, I need to do it every day pretty much. At least every 2 days - so I can't do xiaflex.

I am not sure if traction exercises do anything.

I've never seen a urologist, but I've had my GP back in ontario feel my dick without my permission, and he said there were plaques there he could feel.

This disease is so terrible, I wish doctors could just prescribe a bullet in my case, because I'd rather be shot in the head than be taken for money for a traction device, and have it not work.

I can't see anyone for mental health, because they will lock my ass up if I tell them the contents of my mind.

[GivenUpOnLife]

Suicidal - check.
Homicidal - way of life.

Have you ever seen analyze this? The psychologist doesn't want to deal with people like me I'm sure, and will be reporting everything I tell them to the police.

Here, this forum, is the best, for me. I can hopefully show you guys how bad my dick curve is, and hopefully you guys will give me some stretching exercises, and links to medications - so I don't have to go into a doctor's office and be completely shamed by everyone there.

[curvedd1ck]

I feel your pain bro, I'm 23 and had it for as long as I remember too, is it possible yours could be congenital? to me it doesn't look bad. Do you have erection troubles? One side of my penis doesn't seem as hard but I can get it up.

There's a lot of curved penises out there, I think erection quality is the most important thing.

[LuisUK]

Seriously looks fine to me. Sounds like it may be a congenital curve.

Mine is a complete horror show with one side not inflating at all and multiple bends.

[nemo]

OK, Given Up, some things you're saying are now pushing my buttons. You can't come on here and basically threaten that you are homicidal, while also showing a complete lack of willingness to man up enough to even talk to a qualified Urologist about the condition that is supposedly making you homicidal.

There is a point at which I think people in severe mental anguish get some sort of pleasure out of baiting others with threats of harm to themselves or others because it draws attention to themselves. Well, you certainly did that. But I am not going to baby you anymore by begging you to get psychological help. First off, when I was 100% normal pre-Peyronie's Disease, I had a downward congenital curvature that looked almost exactly like yours. I used to jokingly refer to my penis as "Southbound." As a teen I worried that it would cause problems with sex. You know what, it didn't - not a single problem. And that was BEFORE Peyronie's. So I'm not even convinced what you have isn't just a natural, harmless, congenital curvature. Penises come in all shapes and sizes, my friend.  

Second, educate yourself here on what men are using. VED, Traction, Xiaflex, Pentox, Cialis, etc., etc. We're no more deserving of wasting money on treatments that aren't proven to work than you are, but these are not scams - they're treatments with some degree of success behind them, though certainly not in every or even the majority of cases. It's the best we've got at this point. If you want a guarantee, forget about it.

For every option, you produce an excuse. Won't fill out a form. Won't stop masturbating for two weeks. Etc. Sir, our job here is not to beg you to rise above your fears, YOUR JOB is to be a man and RISE ABOVE YOUR FEARS. Every dang one of us has had to do this to fight this disease, and you are no better or worse than any one of us.

Yes, IF you have Peyronies Disease, you've been dealt a crappy hand. So have WE ALL. You can either seize on the opportunities to improve your condition, or wallow in your misery and find excuses to remain there. But if you continue to make allusions to homicidal tendencies in relation to something you simply fail to show the courage to fight, then I have ZERO sympathy for you, and in fact, find that kind of thinking contemptible.  

Get your act together. We are here to help you fight Peyronies Disease if that's what you want to do. But you'll find no quarter (from me at least) if you defend your irrational thinking with excuses and even intimations of possible violence.

Nemo

[GivenUpOnLife]

I'm sure it's not congenital because the GP said he could feel plaques in it years back.

It's not supposed to bend downward - it's supposed to bend up or be perfectly straight.

I am surprised some people think my condition is not the worst they have ever seen.

Every girl who has seen it on the internet has made fun of it - "what's wrong with your dick?!"

"Maybe you need a splint for your dick."

I'd make a reference to gutting them like a fish, but for some reason, society thinks that being killed isn't a great reprieve from the shithole we know as life.

Nemo don't you get it?

They shouldn't be allowed to treat us like crap just because we have this disease.

I don't want to have to be completely embarassed just because I have this disease - I shouldn't have to be either.

Why do I have to call on the phone, or see a doctor in person?

If they really gave a crap about people, they'd let me e-mail them.

[GivenUpOnLife]

How can you be "100% normal" with a curve?

Don't you get it? My dick is terrible, making me not a man, making me not worthy of life by this society's standards.

The condition doesn't make me homicidal - rather growing up around people with no taboo's surrounding violence, and murder did.

I wish more people would just stop getting all upset about violence and murder - especially killing - because really, it's just taking you from this crap-hole of a life, and letting you get away from it all.

The torture of having a penis that makes you not a man, that's something really to be abhorred, not the taking of life.

But enough philosophy, I'm sure we differ there, and will never reconcile the fact that I have a code of ethics which corresponds with the Mafia, whereas most people have a code of ethics that is some BS peacenik crap that allows anyone to F~@< them over while they just smile.

I'm just saying that my dick looks horrible, and I want to know how well stretching exercises work?

There's a guy on youtube who shows stretching exercises - do they work?

You guys don't seem to appreciate how crappy  my penis is - it F^@$!ng bends down!!!

It's a piece of crap, I hate it, and a quicker cure is a bullet in the head.

I don't want attention, I genuinely wish someone would surprise me with a bullet in the F^@$!ng skull and end this crap.

I don't want my post to not be read, but I don't want it to be read anymore due to the content that may seem "attention-grabby" to some, but it is merely the reality of my life.

I'd like to be able to e-mail a doctor, and talk with him that way, but no, they aren't content until every bit of dignity has been stripped from you. not only that, but they have nurses who you have to talk to - what kind of BS is that?

I don't want to see anyone but the doctor, and frankly I could see a lot less of him when I'm naked.

I'm sure it's a lot easier going to the doctor if you've had sex with a woman, but this is like a sexual experience for me, minus the enjoyable part - sort of like prison rape - is my doctor's visit.

[GivenUpOnLife]

How can you have zero sympathy for someone with a disease that makes life not worth living?

If you have a dick like mine, there is no point to life.

No girl wants a dick like mine it's a freak show.

I'd love to talk to a specialist, but it's my dick, and I want to first at least use it with a woman before I have my first sexual arousal in front of a person, be a man. F~@< that.

[curvedd1ck]

you're sounding like the next Elliott Rodger here..

do you have erection troubles? if not , there's no problems. like I said, your penis looks fine. Google 'curved dicks' and you'll see how many look exactly like yours.

[james1947]

Agree with curvedd1ck
What I see in the picture is a slight downward curve.
You have no problem GivenUpOnLife, not with the shape and not with the size if you don't have ED.

Split and moved your pictures here:
https://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,6534.0.html
This is the only place we allow to post pictures as the board is not accessible to guests and trolls.

James

[Funny9097]

Honestly, I think this is kind of sad and ironic. I would say that the worst thing one could do with this problem is share your 'philosophy'. For you to be happy you need an understanding girl who is actually a truly good person and despite your health problem would be able to see the better sides of you and want to be with you anyway.  

If you're philosophy is F*D& other people and everyone fend for themselves there is frankly no 'better side of you' from a philosophical perspective. You need to love yourself, others and women without objectifying them and accept that you have a health problem. IF you actually try to be the asexual components of the person you would want to be with in a relationship (good, giving, caring, hard working, attentive, etc.) it will make dealing with this problem so much easier than having some Young Geezy persona perspective on the world.

anyways, have fun with that..

"I have a code of ethics which corresponds with the Mafia, whereas most people have a code of ethics that is some BS peacenik crap that allows anyone to F^@% them over while they just smile"

I'm sure it's a lot easier going to the doctor if you've had sex with a woman, but this is like a sexual experience for me, minus the enjoyable part - sort of like prison rape - is my doctor's visit.