Peyronies Society Forums

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:

We will migrate our forum to a new version at the end of January. This will require taking the current site down for a few hours.

Pages: [1] 2   Go Down

Author Topic: Dating without being able to have sex  (Read 11080 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Thisismyusername

  • Solid Contributor
  • ***
  • Country: us
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 211
Dating without being able to have sex
« on: April 21, 2015, 09:43:15 PM »

I am unable to have sex because it causes me pain lasting for 24 hours afterwards.  During sex it doesn't feel good anymore either because of the pain.  This has been the case for 2 years now and I haven't really seen any improvement in the past year. 

I'm wondering if it even makes sense for me to try to date with this condition.  I really want to find a partner that I can spend my life with but I can't really imagine starting a relationship without being able to have sex.  It would be difficult for me and I can't imagine many women would be ok with it.  And if they were ok I would feel guilty that they are giving up intercourse for me.  I'm wondering what other people's opinions are on this matter and if anyone else is going through the same thing as I am right now. 
Logged

Skjaldborg

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: us
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 593
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2015, 11:34:55 PM »

Thisismyusername,

Relationship without sex? You mean marriage?

I kid, I kid.

In all seriousness, there are actually women (and men) who identify as asexual who desire relationships (cuddling, going out, etc.) but not the sex. Many online dating sites list that as a preference. When I was in the online dating world, I encountered a couple of women who were that way. I had no idea it was a thing until I saw that.

The world is a big place and there is someone for everyone. You have to get out there and look and be honest about what your desires and expectations are.

Good luck!

-Skjald
Logged

Thisismyusername

  • Solid Contributor
  • ***
  • Country: us
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 211
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2015, 06:16:17 PM »

I'm so sad.  I feel like I'll be alone forever.  I can't even imagine dating like this.  Sex is just so tied in with the beginning lustful parts of the relationship that I can't imagine getting started.  And relationships need bonding, and sex is one of the best bonding experiences you can have with someone.  Sex comes so naturally that without it things just don't feel right. 

I'm just so incredibly sad right now. 
Logged

james1947

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: ro
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 6616
  • Age 71. Peyronies from January 2009
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #3 on: June 02, 2015, 07:22:32 PM »

Thisismyusername

What is the treatment you are making to alleviate the pain?

James
Logged
Age 71, Peyronies from Jan 2009 following penis fracture during sex. Severe Erectile Dysfunction.
Lost 2" length and a lot of girth. Late start, still VED, Cialis & Pentox helped. Prostate surgery 2014.
Got amazing support on the forum

Thisismyusername

  • Solid Contributor
  • ***
  • Country: us
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 211
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #4 on: June 03, 2015, 09:32:50 AM »

Going to get another steroid injection, not sure if it will help or not.  There are no other treatments that I know of that are worth trying that I haven't tried already. 
Logged

KAC

  • Solid Contributor
  • ***
  • Country: us
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 113
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #5 on: June 03, 2015, 05:04:33 PM »

Okay, as someone who married before having sex with my wife, I know that there are plenty of people out there who prefer prioritizing a meaningful relationship before making it a sexual one.  Precisely because sex is so bonding, it can put everything about a relationship in another dimension really quickly, and sometimes its great to know you really enjoy and love someone before you enter that dimension. I'm not saying that's best for everybody, but there are lots of women and men who really want to know they are loved and respected first.  And most of a meaningful marriage is friendship and all kinds of other things--not just sex.  Actually it kind of baffles me at times that real intimacy with someone--even your wife--is so much more difficult than sex.  It's easy to have sex with someone and have almost no genuine intimacy.  It's not very good sex, but it's easy.  In other words, I think taking yourself out of the dating world because you can't have sex right now is short-sighted.  It's assuming a pretty limited view of a relationship.  It's kind of wanting too little rather than too much.  If you can expand your hopes and expectations--expect way more than sex from a relationship--it will serve you really well.  Plus with the right person, there are all kinds of meaningful sexual things you can do together that are not intercourse.
Logged

Thisismyusername

  • Solid Contributor
  • ***
  • Country: us
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 211
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #6 on: June 03, 2015, 05:21:01 PM »

Thank you for your perspective.  I know it will be difficult but I think I'm freaking out too much about this.  I mean it really sucks but I shouldn't convince myself that I have no chance when I haven't even tried.  I got out of a relationship recently so I don't think I can date right now because I need to recover and move on.  I also have some chronic pain from tension that I need to address.  I hope I can come to a greater acceptance of my situation to the point where I can be a strong partner for someone despite my problems.  I need to learn to accept myself for this, which I have a lot of trouble with.  I hope that in time I will feel ready to go out there and try again. 
Logged

muffslayer

  • Voting Member
  • **
  • Country: gb
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 38
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #7 on: June 17, 2015, 10:50:47 AM »

Having sex isn't my biggest priority. I wouldn't mind dating in a sexless realtionship, as long as it was discrete (no one knew we weren't having sex), and was with someone I liked. Then at least I'd have a companion and everyone would stop thinking I was gay.

But in this day and age it's all about sex. I can charm a woman and they will fall in love with me. But I never take it further because of the lack of performance on my part.

I can make a woman have multiple orgasms using my fingers. But they all want your dick inside of them eventually.

I think these days it's very hard to find a woman you can trust. Since the sexual revolution sex is expected before marriage, especially here in the UK.

I read on one website a psychologist answered someone asking the same question. And he says there are loads of women out there who don't want sex because they were sexually abused or have some other psychological problem. The only problem is, how do you go on about finding such a woman?

I just wish I could go back in time and stop myself doing the things I did which caused my peyronies. Which was oral anabolic steroids. Then I got better, and then did them (oral anabolic steroids) again, which made it worse again. But the biggest destroyer was trying the topical solutions DMSO and Iodine, that totally f'~c<+d up my dick until today. And even if I take the smallest amount of iodine, for example 1/8 of a sea kelp tablet, my dick has the worst reaction ever. But I also know I need iodine, because when I took a couple of whole sea kelp tablets a few months back, my cold feet vanished. But because I dick is so sensitive to it, it just gets worse and worse.

Something I think it would all be easier if I was a gay bottom. That way using your dick really isn't important.

But back to the subject. If I didn't think having a working dick was such an important part to finding a girl and keeping her, I would probably be dating. Note I'm 27, and have had this problem since 23. Would be so much easier if I was old where women have less of a sex drive.
Logged

Funny9097

  • Voting Member
  • **
  • Country: ca
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 58
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #8 on: June 17, 2015, 11:23:08 AM »

This is a response to muffslayer but might be of practical use to others such as creator of this post - just some thoughts..


If you can't get it up begin on the path towards an implant. Seriously. And don't wait. You're fortunate you're only 27.

I personally wouldn't consider having a relationship if I couldn't get it up and have any sex at all. Psychologically for me my Erectile Dysfunction f#$%s with me whenever I am in a relationship and I am able to have sex multiple times a week without Cialis (taking herbal remedies, etc.). Just the idea that my Erectile Dysfunction will progress messes with me.

There's always a bright side my friend. In a way you're lucky if your Erectile Dysfunction is so bad that you just can't get it up period. It makes your decision EASY and a local urologist is more likely to set you on this path and get it cleared with your insurance (if you have some Erectile Dysfunction but it not terrible and it works sometimes, etc. then the decision to get an implant becomes more blurry).

I just think a relationship is so much better if there is sex. I also think there is something inherently fallible in asking a sexual capable woman of not having sex, holding this element of a relationship in essentially, not having sex with other people AND not being able to talk to anyone about it. The stress this would impose is likely also going to be exacerbated by the fact that given how F#*%$Erectile Dysfunction up you currently are over your health problem you will likely constantly have to talk to her about it. And would you be honest with her that one of the reasons you're dating is so you don't look gay to others? Do you think that a relationship even partially predicated on this will be un-stressful to yourself and that other person?

I don't ask women I'm with not to tell people I have some Erectile Dysfunction / Peyronie's and am worried to S#*$t about it. If she talks about it that's her choice in my opinion. Asking her not to will ironically make this problem / her concern and desire to talk to her best friend about it worse in my view. You also don't want to ask another human being to effectively lie about something super important all the time over months or maybe years.

Anyhow, my 2 cents mate is when I get to the point where it's obviously more likely to benefit me I am going Implant. Go to FT and there is a full section on it. You may or may not be there yet physiologically but for me at least it is nice to know that this contingency plan is there if/when the time comes..

Best to you.



But back to the subject. If I didn't think having a working dick was such an important part to finding a girl and keeping her, I would probably be dating. Note I'm 27, and have had this problem since 23. Would be so much easier if I was old where women have less of a sex drive.

Logged

muffslayer

  • Voting Member
  • **
  • Country: gb
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 38
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #9 on: June 17, 2015, 08:56:20 PM »

Oh I can get it up. But it's just no where near as hard as it use to be.

I'm just pissed off because I went 300 days without smoking and drinking. Then I go on a holiday cruise with my family, bored out of my mind because it's full of old people, I drink cause all my family's drinking, and I started smoking again. Now drinking isn't really bad at all on my dick. But smoking, F^@% me that's another story. I've quit both now I'm off the cruise, but the point is slipping up by smoking for a week (I had bought a pack, I smoked even when I wasn't drunk), causes my dick to set back hard. It's almost like oh you've done so well for 7 months, lets take a sea kelp tablet to see if iodine will help now, and then you F^@% up your dick instantly and set back that 7 months of progress.

But thanks for the advice. My lack of relationships in the past with women, I probably expect too much out of my dick. You see even 3 years back, when I was messing with viagra, cialis, and citrulline, and such, I had some of the hardest erections in my life. Now I can't take viagra, cialis, or citrulline because the free radicals it causes destroys my dick.

Iodine was brilliant when I first took it. Gives you really hard erections too. But can't take that crap anymore since I applied it topically with DMSO.

At the moment I'm mega dosing carnitine and coq10. Gives me good erections. I'm just saddened my dick will never have the erection power like it did 3 years ago, even though it should if I hadn't destroyed it's tissue with everything aformentioned.

It's almost like a losing battle. But I guess, if I can master my life, get my bodyfat down, get my health up, keep supplementing, and try to eat a crazy strict diet, I've come back from similar.

But i do like to read advice about relationships, as when I do take the dive again, it's good to get tips on how I handle it. And I agree mentioning will definitely make it a big deal.

Thanks.
Logged

Funny9097

  • Voting Member
  • **
  • Country: ca
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 58
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #10 on: June 18, 2015, 03:49:40 PM »

I think one thing to keep in mind is being aware of your limitations and not to have an overhyped perspective on what a healthily functioning dick should be.

Be happy with what you got, in other words.

I try to eat super healthy (I eat mainly vegan with a moderate amount of meat / dairy); I make smoothies each night before bed (1 litre with veges/water/nuts/organic raw coco and maple sirup or honey) so that I don't have to make them in the morning; I make 2 gluten free peanut butter sandwishes the night before as well; I also make a lot of vegan curries often on a bed of quinoa or organic rice and pre-package them for the next day; and, I avoid cigs and alchohol (alcohol for the most part but do drink a glass when it's present and drink a couple from time to time like when I got out.

I quit sugar and try to minimize my carb intake. When I eat out I take dabbles and reserve any moderate 'splurging' for social situations.

Yes, I think stuff like that is important. I also read a lot of books and do well at my corporate job. It's ironic but having a health issues like this means that you should focus on what you can control and not what you cannnot; if you do that it can act as a channel towards success and personal growth/development and actually in the end get you ahead of the pack and on the road towards leading a healthier happier life - even one that is BETTER than it otherwise would have been had you not had this problem. Stay positive and don't think you're stuck! Question - if you didn't get this problem would you still be smoking cigs? Drinking lots? etc. - take the good with the bad, maybe if not this health problem some other one would have come along.. maybe it's a sign in your life.

I would say on the above note that in many ways yes, this problem will define you. You probably won't be as good a match for the partying sexy chick you meet at the bar. If you want to live a happy life with this problem you're likely better off with a nice straight laced girl who wants a long term relationship, isn't needy and has a lot of stuff on the go (example - a medical doctor chick who is super busy in life, likes eating healthy, is smart / intellectual and  would be able to listen and understand your problem; and, is generally much lower maintenance). She might only want sex once a week because she is super busy anyway. I guess in a sense I'm rambling a little but I / you / folks our age need to come to terms with this problem resulting in our lives being a bit more 'stuck up' and to an extent this problem defining us - the real question is whether it will define us for the better or worse.

Don't sit around for the next 7 months expecting your Johnson to get healthier because for most people it doesn't - for most you can only mitigate it's getting worse and learn to cope/deal with it better. What you can learn to do is cope with it better  both in and out of relationships (example - if you're watching porn quit and jack of seldomly if ever - try googling nofap and do some of that sutff in moderation, don't have to go all hardmode or nothing..; realize that most women will be happy if you just put all your sexual energy towards them and if you find a good girl she won't mind if the sex is only happening once a week so long as it's there).

Like I said above reading is a great tool. I read a lot of non fiction books on how to be successful in life (biographies, investent books, health books, books on how the average individual can start a corporate to avoid taxes, etc.). If I'm super depressed one night and can't stop thinking about my problem a book forces me to focus 100% of my attention on something else. I might have a ton of anxiety at the outset when I begin reading but after about 30 minutes it tends to calm me down. If you set that goal (mean of 50 pages of non-fiction a night) and stick to it as well as being healthy to your body nutrition wise I'm telling you it will change your life.

At the end of a night if you get through like 50 pages of a good pragmatic book you'll feel like you've put energy towards something you actually can control, which is a good thing and much better than hashing over the same stupid S$%hit over and over again in your mind - as Einstein says and to use the most saturated quote in history 'definition of insanity is to do the same thing and expect a different outcome' - It's insane to sit around thinking about this crap, especially for the next 300 days..... !

Focus on what you can control in your life and just do that positive stuff relentlessly adding 1 pebble at a time to the mountain - what else can you do right and one day you will wake up happy ;)

I hope this post helps a little - I'm thinking this crap through just as much for myself as for you I think so I appreciate the dialogue with everyone involved. It's to an extent based on some of my past mistakes/experiences as well and I know personally it's easier said than done!

Best to all coping with the psychological problems. Please chime in guys. Am I talking nonsense? lol    :P



It's almost like a losing battle. But I guess, if I can master my life, get my bodyfat down, get my health up, keep supplementing, and try to eat a crazy strict diet, I've come back from similar.



Thanks.
Logged

curvedd1ck

  • Voting Member
  • **
  • Country: af
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 40
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #11 on: June 20, 2015, 05:00:20 PM »

i think it helps if you're open about it and confident... some of my friends know my dick is curved and when i talk sexually with girls i bring it up, they really wanna see it then and it becomes a point of interest. if you watch game of thrones .. tyrion “Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.”"
Logged

Stabler

  • Global Moderator
  • ****
  • Country: us
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 677
  • God made us all different for a reason.
    • Diabetes and my Life
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #12 on: June 20, 2015, 05:21:24 PM »


I need to ask which of the problem concerns you more, is it that you have pain during and after intercourse or is it that you cant obtain a good enough erection that you feel you cant have a sexual relationship of any kind. Here is why I am asking.

If it is because of pain, there are a lot of treatments that the men here are using that help them deal with the pain aspect of peyronies, maybe you just haven't found what works for you yet, maybe a new urologist would be a way to go. And if it is because of pain of an erection, then sadly any relationship of any kind would have you running the chance of pain, my goodness TV commercials could run you that chance, so if pain is the reason, I think you need to seek other treatment options.

If it is a matter of a good enough erection, then as it was stated, there are implants that can be done if the meds and traction or VED are not working for you, however, there are many other ways to please a lady that you would not be keeping her from any kind of sexual relationship by having her be in one with you. Peyronies disease does not have to be the end of relationships, you just have to learn new ways of going about them. And I agree, be honest about it with the person you intend you have a relationship with.
Logged
Moderator since 2015- Missouri- I work in the medical field and have strong knowledge of insurance and how to obtain coverage for medication and other treatments. Being a woman I do not have Peyronies but you can ask me anything. I am happy to help.

Happriberan

  • PDS Newbie
  • *
  • Country: us
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 2
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #13 on: August 03, 2017, 12:43:41 PM »

just my opinion and nothing more: sex without relationship shouldn't be, relationship without sex can't be...
again just my opinion.
Logged

lessor

  • Solid Contributor
  • ***
  • Country: pt
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 201
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #14 on: August 03, 2017, 01:16:12 PM »

Completely agree with happriberan is not only his opinion is the truth
Logged

popopo

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: nl
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 685
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #15 on: August 04, 2017, 06:43:58 AM »

Unfortunately I agree too. Might be the age/generation difference. It seems most young men share thia view that sex is more important or at least aa important for "love" to even exist.
Logged
Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

Jack1909

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: it
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 613
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #16 on: August 04, 2017, 08:26:42 AM »

Totally agree. I tried it, impossible to handle. It just make you feel worse and That's why I confined me to a land of loneliness. It's look like some people in here speak as parents speak to us young ones hit by this tragedy. We are alone just because we don't have any choice..not because we want to
Logged
31 yrs old
Severe congenital curvature. 3 straightening surgeries
Big lump/stitch w/ left deviation after 2012 surgery
Severe Erectile Dysfunction after last one in 2014. Still crooked
Slightly improved w/ shockwave therapy
Looks like only one side of my penis works

popopo

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: nl
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 685
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #17 on: August 04, 2017, 12:08:30 PM »

Then again, feeling sorry for ourselves isn't going to help either.. I understand why people talk to us the way they do, they try to help us. But I tried a lot and I see very very very clearly that no matter what I do or say, I dont wanna live without EVER getting laid. I could pick up girls, so I don't wanna hear that there is a lot of other things to do beside sex or whatever.. [email protected]<.. I'm also very very mad about the fact that people here are using the SAME treatments now as 10 years ago. Face it people! We're f'~c<+d! I'm not saying you should all kill yourself, but accepting this crap is NOT an option.
Logged
Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

lessor

  • Solid Contributor
  • ***
  • Country: pt
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 201
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #18 on: August 04, 2017, 12:59:13 PM »

Like jack I tried it too, and like jack I felt worse, if I could go back I would not have tried, it is torture to be with a girl without being able to do anything and psychologically destroy you, my advice is not to stay with girls until you find a way to solve this, alone this will make you feel more miserable, because we are not 12 year old children to play with the girls and take them to the cinema or shopping, no F^@%, we are men and we need to F^@%, but if you know that you can not F^@% with a girl is better nor stay with her, because again this will destroy you psychologically
Logged

LWillisjr

  • Administrator
  • *****
  • Country: us
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 3267
  • 66 y/o - 14 yrs Peyronies free
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #19 on: August 04, 2017, 05:56:44 PM »

As one of the "older generation" here I also agree that a relationship without sex would be very difficult. I don't think it is a generational issue.
Logged
Developed peyronies 2007 - 70 degree dorsal
Traction/MEDs/Injections/Surgery 2008
66y/o  14 years Peyronies free
My History

Stabler

  • Global Moderator
  • ****
  • Country: us
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 677
  • God made us all different for a reason.
    • Diabetes and my Life
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #20 on: August 05, 2017, 09:07:21 AM »

It makes me sad that you all believe that you have to be alone because of Peyronies. I don't feel that this is the solution, being alone... I think once you cut yourself off from even trying to find a partner, it brings a whole other kind of sadness. Loneliness can kill you Peyronies can't.

I know there are women that would be happy to be in a relationship with you, I know because there are women in this forum trying to find ways to understand and make their relationships work, and I know because I was one of those women. But you have to not give up. Pick yourself up, recognise your worth. (It's not your dick)

Stabler67
Logged
Moderator since 2015- Missouri- I work in the medical field and have strong knowledge of insurance and how to obtain coverage for medication and other treatments. Being a woman I do not have Peyronies but you can ask me anything. I am happy to help.

lessor

  • Solid Contributor
  • ***
  • Country: pt
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 201
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #21 on: August 05, 2017, 10:00:49 AM »

The thing is not that we believe that we have to be alone, is that we can not be with someone like this, a man and a woman without having sex, and even more if you are young is not possible really, let's talk clear and not with nonsense like love and those BS, yes maybe some women do not care( I knew a girl who said that) but for the guys sex is very very important in a relationship, maybe the most important even,  and many will not be with any girl if they can not F^@% with her. Being that way with a girl ended up killing you, and there is a guy in another forum (Gollam) who committed suicide and I think a lot was because he could not stand to be like this with his wife, so it's better not to be foolish and be in a relationship before solving this problem. The anxiety and stress that will provoke you will destroy you

Like me (and I think many others too) we will not be with a girl without being able to F^@% because being so destroys you psychologically, it is better not to do the stupid and be alone, because the pain that leaves you being unable to do anything with a girl is much worse than being alone. I tried to be with a girl so and it was so pathetic that I would wish I had not made the idiot and never been with her because it destroyed me and made me feel like crap

I prefer to be alone than be with a girl like that, I prefer it 1000 times, and let's stop nonsense like love and those things, we will be clear first comes the sex and the other stuff, and it always is so
Love with 20-30 years old? WTH
Logged

popopo

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: nl
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 685
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #22 on: August 05, 2017, 12:09:53 PM »

I agree, loneliness isn't the only issue. I know this will sound very superficial, but I think it's a good comparison.. having a girlfriend and being (nearly) impotent is like having a ferrari, but you cannot drive it. Sure you could sit in it, you can listen to the radio, hotbox it, chill in it, etc. Etc. But in the end you want to at least be able to drive it a few miles. I love metaphors.
Logged
Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

suicidecomingsoon

  • Solid Contributor
  • ***
  • Country: aq
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 224
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #23 on: August 05, 2017, 03:38:55 PM »

I will not say what I think of some things that has been said here because then I will be expelled, but basically, yes, I agree with all those guys who prefer not to be in a relationship being impotent, everything they said is the real truth. And not those BS that doctors and society will tell you about love and other stupid things. We are young but not idiots, do not treat us like idiots for this and give importance to the problem even if we are men and work to find a solution at a time, because even though we are men we do not have to be screwed and live with it
Logged

Jack1909

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: it
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 613
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #24 on: August 05, 2017, 03:55:23 PM »

The only thing I got from trying to handle a relationship with this issue (more than once actually) is that now I'm the mockery of the town I live in. That how things go in F^@$!ng Italy, at least.
 
I still remember the day I had an argument with a person I hardly knew and he came out saying "at least my penis can go up", right that way toatally out of context..that what I obtained from being some kind of openminded and trying to have relationships despite the issue. So what I'm supposed to do? Acting this way is the perfect way to get suicidal..

I'm with the two guys
Logged
31 yrs old
Severe congenital curvature. 3 straightening surgeries
Big lump/stitch w/ left deviation after 2012 surgery
Severe Erectile Dysfunction after last one in 2014. Still crooked
Slightly improved w/ shockwave therapy
Looks like only one side of my penis works

popopo

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: nl
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 685
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #25 on: August 05, 2017, 05:43:31 PM »

Damn Jack, that's harsh. That's actually my greatest fear and the reason I keep it secret. I think I couldn't handle it and would probably have a very very hard time not to seriously injure the ones who mock me like that.
Logged
Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

lessor

  • Solid Contributor
  • ***
  • Country: pt
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 201
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #26 on: August 06, 2017, 05:31:21 AM »

I'm sorry to hear that jack, the world is bad most people are bad, with this problem the worst thing you can do is let people know, just tell people very trustworthy, as your parents maybe, nobody else, And ignore things that are said here and be open minded about it, if you want to try to F^@% to try if you can do it or what is your situation I would advise going to an escort and not risk with another person who can tell, and If you know that you have Erectile Dysfunction or serious peyronies and you can not have sex not be in a relationship until solved
Logged

JayGould

  • Solid Contributor
  • ***
  • Country: gb
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 170
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #27 on: August 06, 2017, 01:50:24 PM »

No, it wouldn't make sense to date at all if one cannot have sex. Why bother?
Logged

Christopher1

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: us
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 560
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #28 on: August 06, 2017, 02:46:30 PM »

Have you tried pentox and/or surgery?
Logged
Snake Diet + 5-day fasts + pentox + NeoV's stretching routine. Curvature 99% gone.

I also used Todd Capistrant's "Fascial Distortion Model" to help my curvature. Start slowly.

NeoV

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: jp
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 2175
    • Neoman
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #29 on: August 06, 2017, 10:03:01 PM »

The hottest girl I've ever seen in my life came home with me after I told her specifically that I can't have sex. Once we got home, we did everything I wanted. Sex is a huge burden for women, especially attractive ones. They are dying to meet you guys. All of the best sex I had was after getting Peyronie's. The moment you "care" about your dick, the girl is disgusted with you. This disease teaches you to take things more lightly and women are turned on by that. Stop focusing on your own body and start focusing on hers.

Jack1909

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: it
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 613
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #30 on: August 07, 2017, 04:18:22 AM »

Neo are you referring to Japanese girls? Don't want to look racist, I'm not at all, I like indeed you and your country but Japanese girls are different. I experienced it myself and I was told by some friends of mine who lived in Australia for a while. You cannot  speak in general, Italian girls are mostly meneaters..

You might have right about those girls who are fed up with men just focusing on their penises BTW...I met them as well. But it's a losing game anyway, it won't last and the morning after you sleep together, just sleeping and nothing else, they will feel wrong and incomplete. In that moment they realize..
Trust me, that the way it works. I experienced myself. I've been dumped by the only two girls I really feel attracted with because of this, girls I still think of once in a while.
Logged
31 yrs old
Severe congenital curvature. 3 straightening surgeries
Big lump/stitch w/ left deviation after 2012 surgery
Severe Erectile Dysfunction after last one in 2014. Still crooked
Slightly improved w/ shockwave therapy
Looks like only one side of my penis works

Jack1909

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: it
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 613
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #31 on: August 07, 2017, 04:18:55 AM »

Have you tried pentox and/or surgery?

Who are you referring to?
Logged
31 yrs old
Severe congenital curvature. 3 straightening surgeries
Big lump/stitch w/ left deviation after 2012 surgery
Severe Erectile Dysfunction after last one in 2014. Still crooked
Slightly improved w/ shockwave therapy
Looks like only one side of my penis works

lessor

  • Solid Contributor
  • ***
  • Country: pt
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 201
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #32 on: August 07, 2017, 04:41:19 AM »

and the morning after you sleep together, just sleeping and nothing else, they will feel wrong and incomplete. In that moment they realize..
THIS
Logged

nowhereman

  • Voting Member
  • **
  • Country: ca
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 52
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #33 on: August 07, 2017, 11:20:00 PM »

Just being around gorgeous women makes you angry when you can't do anything about it. A terrible feeling. I don't understand this whole relationship without sex thing. That would be called having a friend. Trying to make it any more than that doesn't gain you anything but MORE STRESS.

When your dick is busted and you are depressed, at least in my experience, you're productivity levels are running at about 10% efficiency, and you need every drop of energy just to keep making money, moving forward and keeping up the appearance of a normal person. Trying to start an atypical relationship which would be hard for even a happy person, is a serious uphill battle for a depressed individual. Considering these women couldn't care less about sex and busted dicks. They do care about the man's self esteem and how he presents himself. The dude may be able to even fake that for a while, if he is good. But you can't keep it up forever and may snap like Ned Flanders.

So what I do is avoid all that. Use your energy to get better in other ways. Learn how to be alone effectively. And when you feel bad, watch a video like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0UCeTjhSJI

I always feel lucky immediately afterwards.
Logged

NeoV

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: jp
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 2175
    • Neoman
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #34 on: August 08, 2017, 05:20:17 AM »

American and Japanese, Chinese, Korean. I've seen no difference between them and how they view my dick. I DO notice that I am the one who feels bad, and take special measure to purposely feel good during those dangerous moments. I do not believe "faking" it is any less real than going back to your default neural mode (DNM). Meditation and socialization actually changes your DNM. There is a reason why self development is called "work." You have to actually spend energy and work to improve. It isn't easy, it really isn't.. But it is possible to hold on to confidence in the times you need to. When a girl is giving me a hand job and I can see my dent and indentations as I fill out I feel like garbage, but then I remember it's just me feeling that way, not her. She actually finds it endearing and sexy in a weird way, so long as I do too. The key is to remember that this isn't your fault, you're a victim doing what you can. You have every damn right to feel sexy, even if you're in a wheel chair and you have a f'^+'ing implant. NEVER let this go. It is all in your head and it's time to stop being a damn baby about it. We aren't women, we're men, scars and all. Let go of your knight in shining armor fantasy, or a knight in more rugged armor is going to take your woman from you.

How many women have you tried once you got Peyronie's? If you only tried several or 10, you have no right to an opinion. Even with a perfect penis, finding a good girl is hard work! It can take years of socializing or at least meeting them to find someone on your wavelength and with the right sexual needs and understanding to meet your own needs. I know it's hard, but we have no choice but to persist. I went through a lot of girls, some wanting sex daily while watching porn, some bisexual, some not wanting much sex at all. My current relationship (my wife) is a perfect match for me, but even I got lucky and probably should have gone out even more, or approached more women.

Feeling sexually potent is difficult as hell with this disease, but I believe it's doable, even when very bent or hardly functional. It may just be one of the hardest things for a man to do, but what else have we got? Let me know your stories about sex with this disease. Let me know when you felt bad, how you acted to fix it, how you think it's possible.

Want to hear something crazy? Women would rather sleep with a guy with white teeth and who smells good than a guy with a "perfect dick." Do what you can, work on all angles of yourself, and find likeminded MEN to help you. Read Sam Keen's "Fire in The Belly," which talks about how men are actually seeking men, and that women can't give them anything until they get over this. Your desire for a perfect dick is a damn attempt for approval from other men, not women.

If you're the mockery of the town, you didn't embrace your role enough. You have to embrace your role entirely, get your "elbows in the mud" and befriend everyone you can. What typically happens is a man makes a little effort, gets punished by the inevitable test or backlash, and quits. But this is so far from what it really takes. When you get tested by others, you have to push MORE, go deep into it. If all else fails, move to a bigger city.

Stabler

  • Global Moderator
  • ****
  • Country: us
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 677
  • God made us all different for a reason.
    • Diabetes and my Life
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #35 on: August 08, 2017, 07:32:56 AM »

Well said NeoV
Logged
Moderator since 2015- Missouri- I work in the medical field and have strong knowledge of insurance and how to obtain coverage for medication and other treatments. Being a woman I do not have Peyronies but you can ask me anything. I am happy to help.

Jack1909

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: it
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 613
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #36 on: August 08, 2017, 09:25:10 AM »

I really got surprised and I didn't expect such words coming from a person like you, Neo, which I account very smart. What a bunch of stereotypes and a leaping to conclusions without even knowing what's going on! It looks like you suggesting us to get humiliated over and over and over till the day we can find some balance with a partner despite the issue. Like a man in a wheelchair doesn't try to run, it doesn't make any sense to us trying trying trying expecting different results redoing the same actions. If I can't phisically, because of pain or whatever why am I supposed to keep on trying? Be aware I'm not telling we should sit next to the window and just watch what happens outside without trying any interaction. I tried so much..but you stated that if we are not up to ten girls so basically we didn't try at all..are you serious? Most of men do not have 10 sexual parterners in their timelife...
Did I not embrace my role enough? Move to a bigger city? You make that so easy..every case is different.

Logged
31 yrs old
Severe congenital curvature. 3 straightening surgeries
Big lump/stitch w/ left deviation after 2012 surgery
Severe Erectile Dysfunction after last one in 2014. Still crooked
Slightly improved w/ shockwave therapy
Looks like only one side of my penis works

NeoV

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: jp
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 2175
    • Neoman
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #37 on: August 08, 2017, 10:10:51 AM »

Speaking for myself, I had to approach hundreds of women, and date and sleep with a good number of them before I found my wife. Before I met her though, I found a lot of girls who accepted my penis and sexual limitations. I believe failure is the key to success with women, and there is nothing as good as women to force your brain to change over time. Yes, women can abuse you, and really ruin you, but I actually don't see it that way anymore. I was abused and hurt for years but now I love it, I mean, I get why some act the way they do and it just amuses me.

If you can't have sex at all, I still think you have to approach women and make a lot of female friends until you find one who is okay with it. Even if she isn't, having female friends and friends in general is key to happiness. Regardless of my limitations, I will always force myself to be social because I know my brain is not happy unless I do, or at least try to.

I expect different results because 1, the human brain is plastic, and 2, women are not all the same. If you think they are all the same, then I suppose we are all screwed, but my experiences have taught me that they are different, and the biggest variable was never them, but me and how I behave. Comparing sexual success or success with women with Peyronie's to a man in a wheel chair trying to walk makes little sense.

Functioning penis or not, finding a good woman is serious business. It's torturous. You have to learn to face all of your demons go through a lot of BS. Again, this is me after all and not you. I can't know your pain but I can talk about mine and my experiences. Moving is hard to do I understand that, but success with women is not some static thing, but rather a transformative journey. I may sound idealistic, but what's the alternative? I spent nearly a decade crying and whining, and for what? I wish I had tried harder sooner, that's all I'm saying.

Of course, I am open to crap talk women. Some times we need that and it is the f'^+'ing truth that a lot of women are terrible people. As in, seriously evil on all levels. I'm tired of it too man, it's simply shocking how bad some are.

If I sound irritated, it's because I'm irritated at myself. I'm mad I wasted so many years being in pain, and I still am irritated at lingering frustrating with my penis. I'm tired of wasting more years on this. It's anger at myself since I know my own struggle is just BS. I don't mean to be harsh on you since I don't know you personally. Forgive me for that.

Jack1909

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: it
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 613
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #38 on: August 08, 2017, 11:58:23 AM »

Well, that's a different point of view at all and we will never get any closer on it. If you think it's good to approach hundreds of women with that issue, well, we cannot go any further..
In my opinion, it's the perefect way to get suicidal (that why I took the weelchair as example), especially when you find one you really feel close to and attracted with, just not in a physical way, and the only reason you are rejected is the disease. When they say "we are building up something pointless" or kind of..
But, besides that, and primarily, it's pretty sad..rushing into girls until you find that one who can cope with it. Because That is what is all about, at least if you are authentically sexually impaired, you can be as active as you can, you still are not taking the wheel, you are depending on the capability of someone else to deal with it. But, as far as I understood, you still suggest people to go out there and approach approach approach..well, that's beyond me.
Logged
31 yrs old
Severe congenital curvature. 3 straightening surgeries
Big lump/stitch w/ left deviation after 2012 surgery
Severe Erectile Dysfunction after last one in 2014. Still crooked
Slightly improved w/ shockwave therapy
Looks like only one side of my penis works

JayGould

  • Solid Contributor
  • ***
  • Country: gb
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 170
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #39 on: August 23, 2017, 04:59:15 PM »

The question is though, why would you want to date or meet women when you can't have sex? If you can't bang them, what would you want them for?
Logged

suicidecomingsoon

  • Solid Contributor
  • ***
  • Country: aq
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 224
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #40 on: August 23, 2017, 05:07:46 PM »

The question is though, why would you want to date or meet women when you can't have sex? If you can't bang them, what would you want them for?
Exactly
Logged

Stabler

  • Global Moderator
  • ****
  • Country: us
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 677
  • God made us all different for a reason.
    • Diabetes and my Life
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #41 on: August 23, 2017, 09:36:26 PM »

Wow....
Logged
Moderator since 2015- Missouri- I work in the medical field and have strong knowledge of insurance and how to obtain coverage for medication and other treatments. Being a woman I do not have Peyronies but you can ask me anything. I am happy to help.

Tychy

  • Solid Contributor
  • ***
  • Country: de
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 224
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #42 on: August 24, 2017, 01:53:46 AM »

OMG, something went really wrong in your history. I feel sad for you never experiencing an intimate relationship.
Logged

swiss

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: us
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 474
  • 30yr old with stable Peyronies Disease, 31° to 26° and counting
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #43 on: September 05, 2017, 01:49:03 PM »

Did those two girls actually say that this was the reason they were breaking up with you?
Logged

TonySa

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: us
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 4884
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #44 on: September 05, 2017, 02:45:45 PM »

With the advent of social media I find it easier to put myself out there in terms of what I'm authentically looking for in a short or long term partner in terms of sexuality...rather that dating hundreds...just a thought.
Logged
PxD 2 yrs 9/16.  Failed all treatment. 9/11/18: excision, grafting & implant Dr Karpman MtnView Ca, AMS CX 18cm + 3-1cm RTEs.
Pump failed.  2/11/20 Dr Karpman installed Titan 22cm +1cm RTE.

Jack1909

  • Major Contributor
  • ****
  • Country: it
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 613
Re: Dating without being able to have se
« Reply #45 on: September 05, 2017, 05:09:34 PM »

Did those two girls actually say that this was the reason they were breaking up with you?

If you are referring to me, yes they did. Come on guys, no reason to be surprised. Pretty normal and totally understandable, in fact never put any blame on them.

Before anyone says it, no, I'm not the type of guy who would base a relationship just or primarily on sex, I'm more educated than the avarage and, no, I don't spend my time with girls complaining, on the contrary, it might sounds hard to believe, I tend to make them laugh. It's just pretty hard to find a girl in her twenties prone to accept this.

Tychy I'm responding here, I might resume psychotherapy, but it looks like you did not get the point. I appreciate your effort but, really, I had to stop almost any activity due to this, and I already contacted many experts (actually I did more than most of them will do, I'm not bragging of course! Just saying).
That's the problem:
-cant lie on bed in some positions
- having a shower freaks me out..neither masturbating is more painful
- doing sports and activity..I finish them more in pain than I started...
And so on
That's my daily routine since 2012. In the meantime I went to London and wien and Paris and I'm going to America.
Let me say it's my right to say that death mustn't be so bad after all..
Logged
31 yrs old
Severe congenital curvature. 3 straightening surgeries
Big lump/stitch w/ left deviation after 2012 surgery
Severe Erectile Dysfunction after last one in 2014. Still crooked
Slightly improved w/ shockwave therapy
Looks like only one side of my penis works

Tychy

  • Solid Contributor
  • ***
  • Country: de
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 224
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #46 on: September 05, 2017, 05:29:14 PM »

I have empathy for your condition. And I mean that seriously.

But why are you bragging about your suicidal intentions, if not for valid input? You either want support, someone talking you out of it or pity. I can't give you the support over here. You'd need someone IRL. I can't talk you out of it, because this is asynchronous on the forum. And pity leads to more negative thoughts. Or you were just joking, then dismiss my comment.

So the only thing I can recommend to you is going to psychotherapy and getting the right meds. Depression leads to pain increase.
If you feel like you have to leave, at least give your suicide hotline a call before you do.

Or at least reconsider how such comments are received by those who are on the brink of tipping over. Because that's a responsibility everyone of us has.

I really hope you'll find a solution for your situation! You seem to do all that's possible!
Logged

nowhereman

  • Voting Member
  • **
  • Country: ca
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 52
Re: Dating without being able to have se
« Reply #47 on: September 05, 2017, 09:18:30 PM »

-cant lie on bed in some positions
- having a shower freaks me out..neither masturbating is more painful


Man do I feel your pain on those points. I wouldnt go to to physiotherapy, chiro or anything like that because lying on your stomach is a total no-go. And with the shower, just a single drop of water hitting your dick hurts and flares it up. Not to mention the heat causing more inflammation. That was my experience anyway. Just standing up from a sitting position hurt. Most of the people here don`t have the slightest idea what living like that for years is like. Being scared every minute that your dick might bump into something and make your life worse for weeks. I wanted to cash out every minute of the day. But that isn`t an option. We are young and medical breakthroughs will be our salvation.

I`d like to add that when I look back on my life, there is no point that I'm more proud of myself about than the years that I found utterly devastating with no hope in sight. I somehow managed to keep my job and just kept slogging away day after day. Crying my eyes out on the way to work. It was nightmarish and I certainly didn't always look sane, but I did it and am really proud of that.
And Jack, the fact you've been all over Europe looking for a cure tells me you are stronger than me, So you'll get through this man.
Logged

Hrvat21

  • Solid Contributor
  • ***
  • Country: hr
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 146
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #48 on: September 06, 2017, 01:06:37 PM »

Can't you have oral or "hand" sex? Most woman seem to enjoy it very much, so while your dick is hurt you could focus on that kind of sex. And no, no to dating without sex
Logged

suicidecomingsoon

  • Solid Contributor
  • ***
  • Country: aq
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 224
Re: Dating without being able to have sex
« Reply #49 on: September 06, 2017, 01:17:28 PM »

And no, no to dating without being able to have sex
Is that this is common sense
Logged
Pages: [1] 2   Go Up