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Welcome to Dr. Landon Trost - Directly answering member questions in the "Medical Professionals" section below the Treatment boards. https://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,16512.0.html

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Author Topic: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)  (Read 14926 times)

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NeoV

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Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« on: December 06, 2014, 01:49:49 AM »

Recently member Stevew asked why women hold expectations on men regarding sex, and why they seemingly do not contribute to sex or communication and will at times shut their partners out. As with many Peyronie's sufferers and men in general, this is a common struggle. In answering his question I ended up writing a lot about the things that helped me. The question I'll be answering here is an expansion of his question.

This is multi-layered response so bear with me. There are several reasons for why women shut us out and appear non-giving and judgmental (Peyronie's or not), but most of it comes down to social conditioning, and the principle of sexual polarity, that is, the force that attracts women to sex. Keep in mind that this is somewhat of a spectrum, true to certain girls and not as much for others, but these principles are very real. Take this with a grain of salt, but also allow yourself to be aware of these ideas regardless of if they are right or wrong.

The common response to relationship problems here, or elsewhere, is to "communicate more", but this can create a kind of loop that cuts off all potential for authentic sexual value. Communication is good, but let's step back just a bit. Now If you haven't tried communication in your relationship, you may want to try that first. Consider this for the man who has found that communication and old concepts of "love" are failing him.

Let me jump into this with a hard statement. Often times, women are helping you by being submissive, moreover, they are helping you by being non-communicative or seemingly uncaring. This is because they don't want to be the "slut" so they cannot say "let's have sex" etc. Nor will they be willing to sexually serve a sad approval seeking man. They cannot be your mother and your sexual partner at the same time. This ties into the fact that they crave a sexual distancing, aka polarity. Some of the hottest girls will be willing to sleep with you in an alley, in a park, before they will sleep with you in your room. Why is this? Because then it "just happened", rather than being their fault. The same goes for kissing. Some of the hottest girls will have sex with you before even kissing you, because again they maintain polarity. Biologically speaking men are the instigators. We have to actually insert the penis, and this along with the "biological division of labor" created hundreds of thousands, well actually billions of years of evolution to support our current social conditioning. Research has shown that men developed a higher ratio of testosterone to estrogen not to fight off other species, but to fight off their own kind, in competing for sex with women. Research has also recently shown that women may have had sex with men in large groups, moving from group to group to ensure she had access to the best sperm and the most valuable male.

Most men seek approval and value from social interactions and sex. We talk to someone, and as soon as they mention something related to us, we quickly blurt out "Oh! I like that too! Last year I....", often times completely destroying the vibe or train of thought. Sex becomes an issue of "how do I get her to do this for me"? And we seek more and more stimulation from these sources, in agony in their absence. But as a man ages, he realizes that this model no longer serves him. It wears him down, year after year, until he surrenders, and learns that true positivity and acceptance must come from within. Social interactions and sex then become not a means for leeching value and approval from your partner, but an expression of YOU. This is key, because it results in what is known as the law of state transference. When you are confident about your body and are NOT approval seeking, women pick that up and they become expressive and playful as well. Reversely, if you are sad and approval seeking, and BLAMING of women, they will respond in a similar fashion. It becomes a cycle of "whose going to give me value?". Your confidence allows women to be confident, and I promise you, woman can be sexually aggressive and completely wild if you learn how to do this. It can take years to learn how to stop seeking approval, but it can be done with work. In the case of a man with Peyronie's, the condition causes a constant need for verbal approval, which can kill sexual attraction in this model. On the flip side, accepting your penis and keeping a light heart about it can make a woman adore your penis or body regardless of what it looks like. I often tell the story of how I purposely point out the area of my penis that bends to women when in bed.

A quick story, a few years ago in a bar in the US I had a conversation with a beautiful blond girl. I was with a large group of friends, but we zoned them out and focused on each other, staring into each other's eyes. I told her about my Peyronie's and how my penis bends. She grabbed both of my hands from across the table and told me this, "Neo, you have no idea how much women love men", and "once it goes inside, it's all the same".

Woman love sex, they love men, and all sorts of penises, yet men ruin it for them by placing the girl on a pedestal and not believing this. Last night an amazingly hot small girl I met in a mini mart told me she loves penises after me and a friend chatted her up, and my friend's jaw dropped. I was taken back too and haunted by it all night. Haunted because this is a reality that men simply do not want to accept. Why? Because the moment we accept it we are responsible for not having all the sex we should or could be having. A month ago I met another 10, who I took to a 2nd bar with a friend. I told her that I couldn't have sex because my penis had a problem (in a laughing positive way), and by the end of the night she asked ME if she could come home with me, and this was a model hot girl.

Remember, women are not shutting you out by acting reserved, they are trying to maintain and create sexual polarity, and this is for her and FOR YOU. It's no surprise that the number one fantasy for women is a rape fantasy. This does not mean they want to be raped, but it's an important nuanced point that most men simply cannot grasp.

Why why why why do so many partners ignore the man's Peyronie's in a relationship?

To maintain sexual polarity aka, sexual attraction. She is helping, and coping the way she does, because in her mind truly hot sex can't come from the kind of commutative friendship two men have or from the type of relationship you have with your mother. Now this is a brutal point, and a controversial one. It's also a point that Women will not agree to adhere to, because again, it breaks their role. But on a lighter side guys, your woman knows you have value, and so she blocks you out because she wants to see you believe in it too.

Does it have to be this way? Probably not, but these principles are very real. Some women are more demanding of polarity than others. You can create hot sex in a highly communicative relationship. However it is IMPOSSIBLE to do this with certain women, particularly with highly sexually competitive ones, and it turns them off and actually disgusts them. Do I as a man like this? No, not really, but you have to remember that certain men and women perceive sex as hotter when communication is left out, and this is one reason why porn is so enjoyable. It's also worth noting that some girls are programmed for very close communication, and cannot have sex without it, but this does not lower the value of understanding the points I'm making here. If your woman has a high degree of self generated emotional capital, then you are truly blessed, but the reality is that most people, women and men, rely on others for positive emotion. If you are demanding her to accept your most prized body part, she is going to feel as if the balance of the contract is off, as in she is giving you too much of her capital, and you're giving none. Woman want you to accept your body, and the moment you do, they do too. Her distance is a signal to you, that she wants you to succeed and believe in your self worth, even if she does not know how to communicate this to you.

Learn to accept yourself, accept that women and men interact differently than men interact with men, or at least accept that this might be possible. Realize that women are working for you, not against you. Generate positivity and sexual intent from within. The girl needs to know that you are okay with you before she can be okay with you. Stop stop stop seeking the woman's approval of your sexuality, it will doom it all to hell unless you're very lucky, and even then, sexual polarity will always exist even in the most caring woman or man's mind. Communication is important, and extremely valuable, but its definition can be ambiguous or misleading. For me Peyronie's was a spring board into self improvement, self understanding, and understanding women, and it can be for you too. It doesn't mean you have to agree with the concepts I talk about here, but use this to your advantage to get in touch with yourself. Life can be a beautiful place, even while living with chronic pain, and I know how hard it is. Even I consider myself extremely fortunate.

This post is too long, but not thorough enough. For those who didn't get anything out of it, I'm sorry, for those who did, that's great.

-Neo

james1947

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2014, 02:31:56 AM »

Deep assessment NeoV and I have to say that I agree almost with everything.
And you are right, can't expect from woman to act as your mother and in the same time to be aroused by you. :)
So, believe in yourself, and she will believe in you, even with shrinked and bent penis.

James
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Stevew87

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2014, 06:20:43 AM »

Thanks for putting alot of time into that NEO! I'm sure i won't be the only person who gains from reading it. I will read it over again later i have to go to a doctor appointment.
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golarge

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2014, 02:27:07 PM »

Good read.  I'm trying to figure out how to apply it to a long-term, successful marriage..... to make the bedroom more intense.  Things can get stale frustrating when our libidos are not at the same level anymore.
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Cal30

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #4 on: December 06, 2014, 10:01:52 PM »

Neo,

I really like the two points below that you make:

1) Stop seeking approval from women.
2) Don't treat your woman like she's a new mom.

I couldn't agree more.

That being said, one thing I noticed that doesn't show up in your post much is love.

I see that "sex" and "sexual/sexuality" show up in your post 33 times, but the word love shows up only 4 times. 2 of those times it refers to women loving men, 1 time women loving penises, and 1 time women loving sex.

Some other non-sexy things that don't show up at all: loyalty, commitment, trust, honor, respect, self-sacrifice, self-discipline, self-control, patience, grace, forgiveness.

Except for the two points above, that I really like, I guess my critique would be, that I feel like your statements are mainly geared toward hookups and casual sex and not toward building and keeping a long term relationship.

From my personal experience, I've gotten a lot more out of a strong connection with a woman than out of a casual sexual encounter.

Just my two cents.
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NeoV

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2014, 05:11:37 AM »

Cal and everyone, thanks

This is more for the man who has found that communication and old concepts of love have failed him. I have added a line to make this clear.

This is also information that is meant to serve a purpose, not claim truth. I should mention that through my experiences these ideas are ideas for maintaining relationships. Often times hard set concepts lead us to dead ends and locked in beliefs. In other words, we end up rather failing with women than changing our beliefs and our brain makes sure this happens. This is because our brain is actively seeking to test our concepts in the face of failure.

Love is not as simple as one might think, and to seek hard set and ill-defined concepts such as "grace" over letting those concepts be a result of your work will destroy any chance of success with love or with women. I've seen countless (mostly christian) men seek "love", "grace", or "acceptance" firstly without listening to their partners nonverbal communication, resulting in breakups, divorce, and loss of identity. These large arching concepts should be labels given to our life's work when looking back in retrospect, not hoops to jump through or entry points. More subtle and fine principles should lead us to finally come to a place of those larger ideas. Creating something beautiful that we might call "love", and trying to create or demand "love" are very different, and the latter can be destructive all the while you thinking you are in the right.

In my case I had to fail with women and hit rock bottom. My ex broke up with me, had been raped, attacked me and told me I was disgusting, kicked me out of the house and I was homeless in Tokyo for a week. It's a terribly sad thought to think that men will be forced to lose their wives before their able to abandon old beliefs, but this is what is required for the brain to change. An old idea must be EXHAUSTED before your brain permits new synaptic overhauls. As I have said before, there is nothing worse than not having access to full failure, and living in a state of  limbo.

I'll leave the big labels to you (all of you), I am aware of my omissions and not claiming a full picture of reality. Only posing one side, and the side that rarely explored.

Cal30

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #6 on: December 07, 2014, 08:59:35 PM »

Sounds good, Neo.

I guess one of the "gifts" of peyronie's and Erectile Dysfunction that we've both experienced has been examining sex and relationships in a way we never would have before. You're going at it one way, and I'm going at it another way.

The undeniable facts are that not everyone gets married, not everyone keeps their marriage, not everyone has children, and not everyone has sex.

To echo your point about how holding on to certain ideas inflexibly can guarantee unhappiness, it's taken me a long time to figure this out, but I think a huge amount of the psychological pain that men with peyronies or peyronies and Erectile Dysfunction experience comes from having an inflexible idea in our heads about what life should look like.

My penis should be straight. --> It's bent, therefore I am a failure and a freak.
I should be able to have sex --> If I can't, I am a loser and a failure.
My sex partner should moan this loud when she orgasms --> If she doesn't I am a failure.
I should have a wife/girlfriend by now --> If I don't there is something wrong with me and I am a loser and a failure.
Even after 25 years of marriage, I should still be having wild, incredible sex with my wife every time we do it --> If we aren't then our relationship is in the dumps.
I need sex to be happy --> If I am not having sex, it is impossible for me to be happy.
I want x --> If I can't have x, I won't be happy.

The words "things will not be okay until I fix this" can be added at the end of each statement above for the full picture of how we can completely shut joy and happiness out of our own lives.

All of these things are further complicated when we add a partner into the mix who has her own ideas about what things should look like in order to attain success/joy/happiness.

One thing that almost all human beings (myself included) seem to totally suck at, is saying "okay here I am, and here is how things are, how can I be okay with this and continue to remain open to joy and happiness when they show up!?"

No, that's against every natural inclination we have. "I can't be happy like this, I have to add this, take this away, change this first, get this right, improve this area, etc. etc." That is the chronic unhappiness that many of us choose to walk in day after day after day. It's like we are trying to force life to meet our demands by boycotting all happiness and joy until things look the way we want them to.

If you have peyronies disease and you see having a straight penis as an inflexible prerequisite for happiness, you guarantee your own unhappiness.

If you have Erectile Dysfunction and you see sex as a prerequisite for happiness, you guarantee your own unhappiness.

There is tremendous power in just being able to find joy and contentment in life regardless of circumstances. This is difficult as hell for all of us, and many of us will never experience it. Most of us are destined to just get lost in the endless process of trying to get our lives to look the way we want them to.

It's like happiness and success want to find us right where we are, but we keep pushing them away and telling them  "you can't be here now! Not when things are like this! Wait until I tidy things up a bit. I'll let you into my life after I have x, y and z sorted out, but until then, you guys are going to have to wait."

I've wasted years of my life telling myself that peyronie's and Erectile Dysfunction are horrible curses that guarantee misery, and all that has ever gotten me was misery and fear.

For the first time ever, I am actually starting to ask the questions; is this really so bad? Does this really have to be a curse? Maybe this is liberating me from things that would have held me back from doing what I'm really supposed to do? With all of the pain and suffering and disease and heartbreak in the world, why do I think I am so special that I should not have this problem?

This is different from giving up out of despair and living a life a defeat. This is about finding victory and liberation in all circumstances. It requires courage, bravery and effort, and it has it's own rewards too.

You can embrace this philosophy while continuing to look for a solution for your peyronies and Erectile Dysfunction. They're not mutually exclusive things.

I guess what I'm saying (and I may just be echoing you in this statement) is that you can push the envelope on the psychological front even further when you start to believe that you can still be happy today, right now, with peyronies and/or Erectile Dysfunction, and even without someone to have sex with.

Just some thoughts from the other side of the same coin.
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Ralph72

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #7 on: February 02, 2015, 12:11:22 AM »

This is interesting. Although it reads a bit like it's taking pages from the PUA cult, or thinking of relationships in terms of "game."

I don't disagree with the idea that this condition causes me to feel extra needy, seeking a more supportive partner than before, perhaps. I agree that we can't get everything from a partner and that these "polar" sexual tendencies do exist. After some time though, I don't think any really deep partnership can endure unless it's all the way open. For most people, this includes some fear/insecurity. Maybe even for a couple years it might work to "game" things this way and keep the sexual tension alive but after some time, I think it falls apart. Speaking from personal experience only.

There are "successful" relationships, and they aren't always the same as love. In a way, being willing to "fall" is something some people want, and other people might not. Being successful with women is possible to "improve" at using some of these ideas, and I do agree you can get places by following some of these rules, but it may not land you anywhere near love. And I get what you're saying about archaic definitions of love, but love is so ancient, and it's never been too rational. I don't see this changing real soon.

My biggest fear is that I'll give up on the love part and go toward this kind of engineering of "effective partnerships" to avoid getting hurt. This condition definitely feels like the kind of thing that could close me down for good, I certainly don't need any extra injury (physical or emotional) at this point. I've even been thinking of women in a much more practical way lately -- has she dealt with health issues, loss? What's her "hardship" resume? Can she handle this?

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Jonbinspain

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #8 on: February 02, 2015, 02:41:26 AM »

I think that inside every guy there's a stud trying to burst out - it's part of the male psyche. We all want to have our choice of women, or better still have them throwing themselves at us.

Of course, it's damaging to that Stud psyche when our basic equipment isn't functioning properly. We subconsciously compare size with other guys in the changing rooms, etc. and we want to feel that were able to satisfy a lady. In other words, you want to feel normal - fully functioning.

I really don't know what the answer is as it's something so deeply ingrained inside us. Even when you have an understanding partner who reassures you that it doesn't matter, it doesn't bother her, she still loves you etc, it does not stop us feeling bad about ourselves inside. Yes, of course it helps if your lady is sympathetic, but nothing she can say will change the way you feel inside.

There are, of course, many ways to bring a woman to a climax. Which, in many cases, they actually prefer to straightforward intercourse. So, the problem isn't satisfying your lady - you can do that as long as you have skilled hands and a tongue. The problem is inside your own head. How you fix that, I just don't know.
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james1947

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #9 on: February 02, 2015, 06:30:14 AM »

Quote from Jonbinspain
Quote
There are, of course, many ways to bring a woman to a climax. Which, in many cases, they actually prefer to straightforward intercourse.
The problem is that some woman insists that the only good sex in they eyes is penetrating sex. How we supposed to act in those cases? Difficult to say! Should we find an other woman? Otherwise, we will continue to feel like a failure.
Sadly (for me), I am talking from my own past experience. :(
Sorry posting just a short post in this debate, I have some barriers in English. :)

James
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Old Man

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #10 on: February 02, 2015, 11:26:40 AM »

James:

After much experimenting, my wife and I developed a position where I could penetrate and at the same be able to ''stroke'' her clitoris. And, we could achieve a climax at the same time. We ''talked'' our way to climax by telling each other how far along we were in the action.

Old Man
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Jonbinspain

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #11 on: February 02, 2015, 06:39:21 PM »

James;

As Old Man says, if penetration is the only answer then it's a matter of finding a position that's comfortable for both of you. In my case, my curvature is upward. Now, my previous girlfriend actually liked that as when she was on top ( yes, risky, I know!) she found that my dick hit her G spot, which generally used to make her cum like a runaway train.
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Cal30

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #12 on: February 05, 2015, 10:31:23 PM »

NeoV really put his heart and soul into this post. He wrote well and with a lot of passion, and even though I don't agree with everything he said, he did make some thought provoking points and stir up a lot of healthy discussion.

When I talk about love, I'm not talking about Valentines Day eros (warm and fuzzy, sentimental), I'm talking about a commitment and an ability to endure suffering, the willingness to eat humble pie and say you're sorry, admit fault when you should, fill your role and perform your basic duties, forgive, overlook minor offenses, and grind things out even when it's tough. Basically a bunch of stuff that is not glamorous, sexy or appealing, but stuff that is important.

It's hard to make absolute statements about relationships since they're all so unique. (I realize even that is an absolute statement, lol.) In the end, if it works for both people in the relationship, then it works. If it doesn't work, then it's time to try something new.
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NeoV

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #13 on: February 05, 2015, 10:58:21 PM »

Thanks Cal,

I really cannot stress enough that this is more so advice for those who already found that the other "method" failed them. I was in a relationship with sociopath girl, with no empathy, and no ability to communicate. With a woman like that, there was no alternative to kind of, take the hard route in an attempt to hope something better develops later.

I learned a lot from her, and now I see parts of her in other women very commonly. Now I am quite sure I do NOT want someone like my ex, nor do I want to always have to fight to create attraction from a purely non-caring type of person.

Even so, a lot of the above principles end up coming up in even good and solid relationships, in subtle ways. Even where communication and true "love" seems to exist. I guess as Cal originally said, it's kind of like one side of the coin of relating with a woman. It's important, if only it's the last lessons most people would be willing to consider. It's really a balancing act, and about learning to challenge your own thoughts enough to help yourself wherever you are. In the end I just hope we are all willing to experiment.

If I write something else on this topic, it will surely be from a different angle, one more related to how exactly one can accept their problem and feel sexual. Hopefully I can include some mental techniques as well.

ghost

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #14 on: February 21, 2015, 10:30:22 PM »

NeoV....I'm still fairly new to this forum & don't get on here nearly as much as I should, but I've read many posts here and yours are usually among the ones I get the most out of. This one is no exception. The psychological effects of peyronie's have hit me in a major way. It's not the only health issue I've had to deal with so I feel like I've been dealt one major blow after another. Please keep up the good work here. It is much appreciated.
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Just a Girl

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #15 on: April 13, 2015, 10:33:56 PM »

Hello all-
I need some advice. I have a ridiculous crush on a man, and I think he may have Peyronies.
Here are the details:
Every person that knows this man tells me that he never dates. He is socially withdrawn, ultra shy, and self-conscious. Every so often, when he hears my friend tell the story of meeting her husband and falling in love, he cries. I've talked to his friend about my crush, and was told that I will have to make every move if I want to get close to him, so that's what I did. Another friend said she thought he was asexual.

The intimacy of our conversations is mind-blowing. I know damn near everything about this guy, and I've shared a lot as well. We've discovered that we've probably been in the same room together many times in our lives; he's always just been right there, and it wasn't until now that we've realized it.

Two weeks ago, I showed him an abnormal thing on my wrist, and he showed me his hands. He has Dupuytren's Contracture, Knuckle pads, and Plantar Fibromatosis. I came home and did some research on Dupuytren's and came across Peyronies. It just seems to make sense that he may be suffering from this.

Just as we were getting close, he began to withdraw. I see him out often, but he barely looks at me, and can't talk to me. My friends are telling me he's scared, and again, self-conscious.

So I need some advice- I'm a pretty understanding lady, and I've done the research on Peyronies, and it's not a deal breaker for me at all. I like this guy, and it breaks my heart to see him suffering. I've read through other posts on here, and the psychological turmoil that some of you are suffering is just awful. There are girls out there that don't care that our bodies are a little bit broken here and there. There are some girls that value communication and find intimacy in other ways.

How do I tell this guy that I'm one of those girls? What can I say that won't totally embarrass him, but will let him know that he can trust me with this? It seems that he has resigned himself to a life without intimacy and affection, and I want him to know that it doesn't have to be that way.

Help me out here guys, what do I do?
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nemo

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #16 on: April 13, 2015, 11:36:58 PM »

Given that he's somehow stumbled upon the one girl in the entire universe who is both smart enough to figure this out (if it's true) and compassionate enough to love him in spite of it, I say you owe it to this fellow to somehow offer up what you know about Peyronie's (via whatever story you should come up with) and just ask him outright if he has it ... and before he has a chance to answer (or run away at high speed), let him know that it's ok if he does. The Dupuytrens is a great segue into the Peyronies Disease discussion, so you might use that as a starting point. 

Good for you for bringing both knowledge and heart to this discussion. And good luck with this guy - he doesn't yet realize how lucky he probably is!

Nemo
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50 yrs. old, multiple auto-immune conditions. First episode of Peyronies Disease in 2002. Recurred in 2013. Have now begun a third episode in 2021. Over the years I have tried Topical Verapamil, Iontophoresis, all the supps and Cialis + Pentoxifylline.

Just a Girl

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #17 on: April 14, 2015, 05:05:23 PM »

Thanks for the advice, Nemo. I'll probably see him tonight, but I'm not sure I've worked up the courage yet to bring this up. I'll let you know how it goes.
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HFB

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #18 on: March 05, 2017, 03:07:25 PM »

I wrote a nice post reply regarding many of the above topics but the system booted me out so it is lost in the universe somewhere.  I am a woman, extremely useful knowledgeable and very experienced by choice.

https://youtu.be/S5pM1fW6hNs

Please direct me to the multiple professional studies backing up your statement that a woman's number one fantasy is to be raped.   Btw being dominated forcefully, having previously given/discussed of your partner or specified person per his discretion permission to surprise u/randomly inact the approved fantasy is a dominance role play.  I have difficulty believing the majority of women feel a fear based "rape fantasy" is their number one dream to be fulfilled.  Ugh...I wanted to throw-up when I read that.  Do you have any idea the number of women who have been date raped or let alone such attempted onto them?  The stats on date rape is mind boggling.
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NeoV

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #19 on: March 05, 2017, 10:41:28 PM »

Thanks HFB, I am actually going to delete this post entirely soon and replace it with a short and concise guide for dealing with Peyronie's, without any of that stuff. It will be empowering to both genders and should not bother anybody.

Please understand that this post comes from a mind-set of "post-supercaregiver."

The way I grew up taught me to communicate, love, give EVERYTHING to women. It ended up ruining me, and made my ex physically abuse me and cheat on me. I finally had multiple women straight up tell me to dominate them or even "rape" them, even though I would never do that in actuality. I do not think that all women are like that. I simply feel terribly bad for the guys out there who think that they have to GIVE and communicate more about their issues, when the truth is usually to own their own issues and become more present and accepting of themselves.

skunkworks

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #20 on: March 06, 2017, 12:17:04 AM »

Please direct me to the multiple professional studies backing up your statement that a woman's number one fantasy is to be raped.

I don't know about #1, but it is certainly quite a common fantasy:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/psyched/200805/why-do-women-have-erotic-rape-fantasies

Quote
A recent analysis of 20 studies over the last 30 years indicates that between 31% and 57% of women have rape fantasies, and these fantasies are frequent or preferred in 9% to 17% of women.


http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224490701808191
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This is an emotionally destructive condition, we all have it, let's be nice to each other.

Review of current treatment options by Levine and Sherer]

popopo

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #21 on: March 06, 2017, 04:42:41 AM »

Bottom line, most straight females like masculinity and most straight males like femininity. And that's exactly why this issue strikes at the core
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Age: 25
Date of onset: 17
Symptoms: sharp pains, numbness, change in shape/size, hourglassing and discolaration from jelqing/VED usage as a teen. Diagnosed with a venous leak and possible scarring.
Treatments tried: cialis, pentox and VED didnt help

MrDanger

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #22 on: February 11, 2019, 10:41:44 AM »

Neo

Thank you for the post its really helped me, it answers a lot of questions that have been bugging me for the past 18 months since my peyronies came to light.

The past few weeks I had been starting to depress myself thinking my wife who has always enjoyed sex but will never instigate might go off me now that my tool is getting smaller and curved to one side, I then have all of the questions running around in my head, "can i really satisfy her now i'm like this, will she go off me and try and find someone with a normal cock"

Reading your post has helped my come to terms with the condition, which I have to admit has given me a massive psychological kick in the bollocks & had left me feeling vulnerable but now I am feeling better, more confident in myself & my cock.

thanks you
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boomerang

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Re: Advice for the struggling (relationships, sexual attraction)
« Reply #23 on: June 20, 2019, 08:47:17 PM »

NeoV....I'm still fairly new to this forum & don't get on here nearly as much as I should, but I've read many posts here and yours are usually among the ones I get the most out of. This one is no exception. The psychological effects of peyronie's have hit me in a major way. It's not the only health issue I've had to deal with so I feel like I've been dealt one major blow after another. Please keep up the good work here. It is much appreciated.

Good lady.
He probably does have peyronies and is devastated.
Point him to this site and help him every way you can.
Send him links to Dupytren's contracture which also mention Peyronies.
Also if his penis is bent up but can have sex it will give you an amazing orgasm because it will stimulate your G spot. A man only requires a penis longer than 2 " to have sucessfull forfilling sex with his partner.  It is a myth that longer bigger penises are better.
Most penises are bent up like a banana anyway when fully erect.
As a sufferer I sympathise with him and there is treatment out there.
Xiaflex, Gainswave, VED, stretching devices.
Also advise he cuts right down on refined carbs.
I suspect the inflammatory stage is over now becsuse it only lasts 18 months max.
Then the repair work starts.
But if peyronies was more widely discussed most of us would have prevented most of the damage with early treatment.
It is probably a very high percentage of men who get this disease due to its Viking genetics.

It may be that we should be eating a fish diet with little or no carbs like the Vikings.
Dupuytrens is known as the Viking Disease.
Also eating greens thickens the blood and makes it easier to clot and  an cause strokes. This also increases inflammation due to slower blood flow. Vikings did not eat many greens.
So diet is a big issue too.
Thick blood is also known as 'Icelandic Blood' and the Vikings populated Iceland.

We owe all this to the Vikings.

And I have no problems attracting women. They just have to turn me on seriously well for me to get a good erection.
I will be looking into the Gainswave treatment though.

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