Fubar,
I know that you're going through a really hard time, and I know how serious this problem is for you. I wish had better advice to give, more to say, or more comfort to offer, etc., but the truth is, I'm still learning to cope with this myself.
One thing I can do is share with you some things that I have learned:
One mistake I made in the beginning was to try to bury the whole thing. Basically; 'just don't think about it, and it won't bother you.'
I also went into denial, 'it's not that bad, it's not really a big deal, maybe it's all in my head, maybe when I find the right woman it won't be a problem anymore etc. etc.' This was a mistake because it led me to do nothing for several years. Not only that, but the whole thing (peyronies/
Erectile Dysfunction) would just sort of climb out of the grave like a terrifying zombie from time to time and I'd be no better psychologically equipped to deal with it than a year before. Basically I made no progress at all during these years. - I'm glad that you're not taking this route as I can promise you it's a waste of time.
Another mistake I've made is to try to imagine what my life could have been like had I never developed these problems. 'Wow, I'd probably have a much better job, more friends and be married by now. It would have been great!' - This is a huge mistake, as when I do this, I'm playing God and imagining the best life possible without peyronies/
Erectile Dysfunction. This is another stupid, pointless and painful exercise to engage in.
Another mistake that I've made is to continually beat myself up for it and about it.
Another mistake is to let it bleed in to every area of my life and take away all my joy and happiness.
To sum it up:
Mistakes1. Bury it. (psychologists call this blunting)
2. Deny the seriousness of it.
3. Be ashamed of it and hide it.
4. Don't talk about it.
5. Don't pray about it.
6. Beat yourself up for it.
7. Let it suck all the joy and spirit out of every area of your life.
8. Stop trying things.
9. Throw pity parties.
10. Blow it out of proportion.
11. Project it years into the future.
12. Imagine what life could have been like without it.
Here are some of the things that can help . . .
1. Try things.
2. Read and post on this forum.
3. Tell people you trust about the problem.
4. Acknowledge the problem and own it. (Don't go into the fantasy world of "what if I didn't have this problem.")
5. Don't blame yourself. You didn't chose peyronies or
Erectile Dysfunction. Nobody does.
6. Don't let it take over your life.
Peyronies and
Erectile Dysfunction are intense pyschological challenges for a man to deal with. They require an extremely high degree of maturity and discipline to be handled successfully.
Just as an aside, I'll throw in that this morning I took some Korean ginseng and L-Cittrulline first thing and it seemed to help me just focus on my work and not drift off into negativity land with this whole thing.
I'd encourage you to keep writing and keep trying things. You're not alone!
If you hang in there, sooner or later you'll be able to start sharing some things that you are doing that are allowing you to still experience joy and happiness in life even with peyronies!