I'm a wife and mother of a son, please advise!

[TryingToHelp]

My husband was recently diagnosed with this condition and we are doing everything we can.

We have STRONG reasons to believe this a connective tissue disorder in his case, and we have a 18 year old son who has a different condition which is also connective tissue related.

Our son overhears some conversations and certainly knows about the doctors visits and meds...

I thought it would be wise to broach the topic of eating a good diet with my son to prevent inflammation because all he eats is pizza and pasta even though healthy foods are constantly provided here. Also, for him to avoid possible injuries. I did not bring up Peyronies or anything specific or scary because he can be a worrier.

I told him what has been going on is a "micro-injury" to the penis from normal relations and dad's body had an inflammatory response that prevented it from healing right away. I told him he needs to eat better food and just "incidentally" I talked to him about not being to rough with his penis. I told him masturbation and sex are fine (don't think he's sexually active yet) but not be be yanking or incredibly rough.

Well, my husband blew up. He was so upset. He's angry because this was private. I'm now worried I did the wrong thing for both of them. This is the worst day by far.

[TryingToHelp]

Im afraid I've created fear and distance and embarrassment... I hope I've posted this in the right place.

[Skjaldborg]

Hi TryingToHelp,

I can understand why your husband is upset given that this is a very private issue, but in this case your intent was to protect your son. Some on the forum may disagree with me, but I think fathers with Peyronie's should talk to their sons about the condition so that they may avoid the disease by being more careful, or have the knowledge to seek help immediately if they experience symptoms. A young man ignorant about Peyronie's may avoid getting help altogether. I think you made the right decision in a tough situation.

On the other hand, I think you should apologize to your husband. I think you should tell him that any future discussion of Peyronie's will be between your husband and your son. I do think that you should continue being open and honest with your son about all aspects of sexuality. Young people desperately need honest information about sex and sexuality to make good choices. When given such information, young people generally do the right thing. Good luck.

-Skjald

[NeoV]

I am 27 and my dad also has it, he warned me about it when I was very young. I started having symptoms at 18. It's a part of my life and I share it with even my mother, friends, girlfriends, and strangers. The good news is that your son may avoid the disease with proper knowledge and treat it when and if the time comes. Embracing it and committing to it in a positive way is key.

It's my own opinion that the information must be shared at all costs, though if there is no rush ideally you leave it up to your husband if that's what he wants.

If I didn't know about this disease from my dad I would be in a much worse place. Currently my deformity is almost non existent, and my penis seems even healthier than pre-disease, which is nearly unheard of. Your advice to your son is warranted regarding being careful during masturbation. I would take it a step further, and suggest that he never masturbates with a less than perfectly hard erection. Always carefully with a relaxed pelvic floor, do not clench to achieve orgasm. This was and is key for me. Even better, introduce him to these forums.

Treat it aggressively, Pentox, low dose cialis, CoQ10, traction, and VED therapy (done with care).

By broaching the topic with your son, your husband may feel as if he has lost his sexual independence and masculine authority. Of course this is kind of a paradox, since what your husband needs and may want, is for you to help him treat it and accept it completely. But this also can make him feel of low value, since your involvement may reversely cause him to feel as if you are not happy with his penis/sexuality. I suppose I agree with Skjaldborg in that an apology is surely due, just make sure he knows that he is of sexual value. Open communication should take care of the problem if both of you are really willing to talk. I laugh about the disease with my mom and dad, we talk about sex openly and it's liberating. In the end it's really quite a journey, one's sexuality and the disease itself. When this all began I spent years in agony and messing up relationships entirely, whereas now I openly laugh about it with new girls and show them! Showing too much worry may not be a good idea. Stay positive and open to communicating with them about it while allowing them to both maintain their own sexual identity and power.

[TryingToHelp]

Thank you Neo for the perspective of a son.

Skj, you are right, I apologized right away and I feel terribly.

I didn't bring up the word "Peyronies" to my son and I'll leave that to my husband in the future. I don't want to cause fear, just awareness at this stage.

Thank you for your responses. It really helps.

[james1947]

TryingToHelp

We have a ladies board not accessible to male members.
To get access, write a PM to Christine or LWillisjr

James

[welshwales]

Hi and welcome to the forums. I believe in openness and transparency. I asked my father if he had it because he has  dupterens disease which is closely related and often coexists. Speaking with my parents about the cobdition was a big weight off my shoulders, the secret thing was no longer this thing that I had to hide, and although my father does not have it he now knows he is at risk and to be careful. When my son is old enough (adolescent) I intend to inform him he might have a higher risk of developing it, and to take good care of himself as you only get one!

[LWillisjr]

I think you were absolutely correct in sharing information about Peyronies with your son. And I'm glad that you have an open relationship where you can have this type of conversation. I can see where your husband is upset because you told your son that he has this. It may seem like a fine line, but sharing information with your son about Peyronies is different that telling your son "your dad has this".

So all you can do is apologize to your husband which you stated you already have done. And it would be great if he could open to his son about this.

I am quite open about it and have shared this with many family members including sons, son-in-laws, their wives, nephews, etc.

[TryingToHelp]

Thank you everyone. Everything was okay by the end of the day and perfectly fine now.

I will be trying to find a way to give my son the information about being careful with himself.

Maybe I can ask his doctor to very generally go over this along with the sexual health talk.