Here to learn how to best support the man I love

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ColoradoSally

 Hello,

I'm Sally in sunny Colorado.  I've fallen in love with a fantastic man whose peyronie's symptoms appeared in January 2014.  He courageously initiated a lovely intimate life with me in May/June of this year, and I respect him all the more for facing sexual intimacy for his first time since his diagnosis...with a new lover, to boot!

Still, his condition impacts our romantic life: he admits to being hesitant to initiate sex with me due to both physical pain and shame.  I am unable to climax through PIV intercourse with him (historically not a challenge for me).  I am trying to ensure he knows I find him masculine, appealing, sexy, strong, competent and fully capable of pleasing me in creative ways.

I seek the support of this community to help me help him in the best possible way.  And also...sometimes I need a shoulder to cry on as I soldier through this with him.  I don't want him to see me broken or sad because of this. I cannot imagine the emotional/self esteem hell he is dealing with.

I am 40 (widowed) and he's 47 (never married).

GS

Sally,

I had to Goggle PIV intercourse.  That was a new one for me.

I have had Peyronies Disease for 6 years now and our sex life is pretty much back to normal.  But, the 1st year was pretty tough...it will get better with time...at least that's the way it worked for us. Part of it is physical, but a big part is psychological and getting used to it seems to help with that part.

Now that I have Peyronies Disease, we have found that more sexual foreplay and less actual intercourse works best for us.  We still have PIV intercourse, but most of the time it's with me behind her.  I think you will find better penetration that way.  I think there is some information on our website about the best positions for sex with Peyronies Disease.

Good luck to both of you and don't let Peyronies Disease ruin your relationship.

GS

LWillisjr

Sally,
You are halfway through the battle if you are seeking creative ways to please each other. My wife enjoys PIV from behind and I am able to reach around and stimulate her with my hands to climax. So it isn't just all about the penis in intercourse, it's about finding ways to please each other.

You can help him by directing him to this site, or by researching the various options here to help treat his condition. Many men here have seen improvement, but it does take time and perseverance.

He is fortunate to have a supportive partner.
Developed peyronies 2007 - 70 degree dorsal
Traction/MEDs/Injections/Surgery 2008
66y/o  14 years Peyronies free
[URL="[url="http://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,895.0.html"]http://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,895.0.html[/url]"]My History

ColoradoSally

Thanks LWillisjr - it means the world to me to have a supportive community where I can honestly discuss these very personal matters without fear of judgement or feeling shame.  ;D

ColoradoSally

Hello GS,

I'm glad I could introduce you to some new vocabulary. ;)

I absolutely will not let peronies ruin this relationship and will do everything in my power to keep the emotional and physical aspects of our relationship in top health.  I really appreciate this community and all the people who make it happen.

Knight

I had to google it too! I was disappointed to discover it wasn't something new that my wife and I had never tried before.
:)

I can totally relate to the "pain and shame" but I have also learned that where there is enough will there is usually a way. My wife and I are are still very sexually active even with my 60 degree bend to the left with a 60 degree bend upward and a 35 degree twist to go with it all. Intercourse certainly isn't what it once was but in some ways it has become even more intimate and cherished.

Welcome ColoradoSally! Your significant other hit a home run when he found you!

ColoradoSally

Knight,

:D  I've probably caused a small uptick in Google searches for "PIV intercourse."

Thankfully this forum deals with a very private body part and the cards are on the table, because I am so happy and proud to share that Sunday morning we were very successful in making me climax this way!  Maybe being able to get all this peyronie's worry off my head here chatting with this community helped - it was morning, my head was clear and a small but important little "miracle" happened.  His smile was so big and bright!!!

We also had a great, short but impactful talk last week or so about how I really don't give a damn that his "stuff isn't right."  Of course I care about the emotional impact it has on him, but it in no way prevents me from wanting to be intimate with him and love every bit of him.  As important as physical intimacy is to me, he's more than a penis with arms and legs to me.  Since that talk, he's been initiating love making much more often and with more confidence.

I wish I could just make peyronie's go away for him magically.  But in reality, we just do our best together with the hand we've been dealt.  Peyronie's or not, he's the best man on earth to and for me.

LWillisjr

Sally,
Love your comments. I hope everyone on this forum reads it. It is about dealing with any situation you get dealt whether it is Peyronies or any other list of diseases none of us want. None of us were ever guaranteed an easy and carefree life. We smile, deal with it, and don't let it drag you down.

Les
Developed peyronies 2007 - 70 degree dorsal
Traction/MEDs/Injections/Surgery 2008
66y/o  14 years Peyronies free
[URL="[url="http://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,895.0.html"]http://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,895.0.html[/url]"]My History

ColoradoSally

Les,

Pardon the slow response, I've been on vacation. :-)

There's not an iceberg's chance in [email protected] that I would let this condition come between us.  When I look this man in the eye and tell him I love him I mean it from my toes to the top of my head.  It kills me that he's been stricken by this...he's a trouble shooter and it's driving him nuts that he can't fix this. 

He went to the urologist today and is non his way to talk about what they found, and will only let on that it's left him "f'Erectile Dysfunction up and depressed."

I just hope he doesn't under estimate the power of a woman's love.

I'm hoping for ongoing strength...I can't change him or how he feels, I can only control my reaction to this disease and how I support him.  I need to be strong.

Thanks to all who have lent their support this far.  It means so much.

Jonbinspain

Hi Sally;

From what you say, it seems that your man has only recently contracted Peyronie's. Is he doing anything to try and fight back?  There is no guaranteed cure, but as you will see from this site, there are many ways to improve and stabilise the condition. If he is currently doing nothing, he should start being pro active.

NeoV

Great to hear Sally,

Men are very threatened by their own sexual ability or perceived lack thereof. This is because men evolved to have sex with women in large groups, watching each other perform from multiple angles and judging one another by the other's strength and ability to perform. Studies have suggested that men have more muscle and testosterone than women not in order to fight off other animals, but because we fought with each other, over women.

Sex for men and women is the final mental frontier, more so than the concept of death, since genetic death is far more devastating than one's own personal death, and we as a species know this down to our primal core.

Peyronie's or other sexual challenges offer us a chance to go deep, to the very source of emotion. So very few ever have the chance to go to these depths, instead most spend their lifetimes in a limbo, never fully falling yet never fully able to rise. I say bring on the ride.

-Neo
My YouTube channel: [url="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjX1naIryWc6pennKOHWbgg"]https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjX1naIryWc6pennKOHWbgg[/url]

ColoradoSally

Hi jonbinspain,

My man first saw symptoms in January 2014.  So, it's been about 10 months now.  We've been physically intimate since June of this year, but have known each other over a year now.

I worry his doctor is just not aggressive enough, not taking this seriously enough, and certainly not innovative enough.

I don't know how to encourage this man I love to take the bull by the horns on this one!  He seems defeated, fatalistic, confused. 

How do I encourage him to head into battle against peyronie's without triggering any "don't tell me what to do about my own d*ck" pushback?

I just want him happy.  I want him better.  I want him fighting this disease for the best possible outcome.

I'm feeling really helpless about this right now.

For others who have lent their support to me in this forum ... Our physical love life is going very well.  He had some pain one morning this week which was a shame, but we are getting more comfortable "sharing our bed with peyronie's" and keeping the topic out in the open.

ColoradoSally

Neo,

Speaking from my perspective as a heterosexual female, I believe that sex between woman and man is one of the most beautiful, special and powerful mysteries known to humankind.

In modern life we go out into the world interacting with other humans all day...  But the joy of coming home at night and sharing that bonding ritual with the person we love...it's so amazing, there are no words.

Peyronie's is so cruel because it can really cut right to the core of a man is a sexual, animal sense. And, trust me, it's this "man as sexual animal" that many of us ladies crave and love!

It's a difficult balance for me being sympathetic to my man's peyronie's ordeal without giving the disease more space in our lives than it deserves.  For instance, I know it's so important for him that I climax during intercourse - but sometimes that doesn't happen because peyronie's won't let him have a full erection...and sometimes that won't happen simply because I'm a woman, with all my sexual complexities and mysteries and there's not much he can do about that!  So, we move onto plan B (oral/manual) - I cum, we bond, we fall asleep happy and in love.

Yeah, the word isn't perfect and we work hard together to make the best of the hand we've been dealt.  It's not always easy, sometimes disappointing or frustrating.  Two people against the world can achieve an awful lot, I suppose.

Thanks for the support. :-)

ColoradoSally

Quick note on how our last post-urologist talk when.

He walks in the door, sits in my kitchen and starts the small talk.  I'm a fairly no nonsense businesswoman so I cut to the chase: "so you saw doc today?"

He blurts out that "this probably isn't getting any better, so if you want out, go - before this gets worse."

I looked him right in the eye and flat out said: NO.  Then asked him: what kind of woman would I be to give up this love we have because your d*ck doesn't work the way you want it to? 

(Sorry, I warned you I'm pretty matter of fact. ;-) )

Like a man ;-) he changed the topic after a hug and kiss an dances more words.

I was a little offended that he doubts my integrity thinking is leave him over this, but I appreciate the despair he must have felt following that urologist visit.  I don't have much faith in this doctor to help my man.  Grrrr.

Jonbinspain

Sally;

Find another urologist, ASAP. This disease is manageable. I would encourage him to read all he can on this site. He will see that he's not alone, because that's how you can feel.

I'm afraid he has a choice, like many challenges in life. Stand up and fight, or!......try to persuade him to be more proactive in fighting this. If he does nothing, then yes, it may well get worse!

skunkworks

You only really need a urologist/doctor for two things:

1. Proper diagnosis via ultrasound etc
2. Prescription for pentox and a pde5 inhibitor

Everything else is right here in this forum. Read the newbie thread, read the traction threads, read the VED threads and get some ubiquinol and acetyl carnitine.
This is an emotionally destructive condition, we all have it, let's be nice to each other.

[url=http://goo.gl/IOBhJr]Review of current treatment options by Levine and Sherer]

LWillisjr

ColoradoSally,
We usually limit introductory posts to 8-10 to encourage dialog in the other boards on the forum. So I am going to lock this one to encourage posting in the other boards. But I can't pass up the chance to add to one of your posts and I know this will create more dialog.

It is so neat to see that you and your guy 'get it'. My wife and I do couples counseling because even in today's world and all the information available so many couples don't get it. In our research we still find roughly 25% of women in a marriage have not achieved orgasm. Primarily because their husbands don't understand the complexity of sex for women. Men achieve climax, their wife has a 'good expereince' and that is all they know. I can't tell you how many couples that have been married for several years we have to provide some basic sexual counseling.

Thanks for you posts


Quote from: ColoradoSally on October 10, 2014, 10:22:27 AM

It's a difficult balance for me being sympathetic to my man's peyronie's ordeal without giving the disease more space in our lives than it deserves.  For instance, I know it's so important for him that I climax during intercourse - but sometimes that doesn't happen because peyronie's won't let him have a full erection...and sometimes that won't happen simply because I'm a woman, with all my sexual complexities and mysteries and there's not much he can do about that!  So, we move onto plan B (oral/manual) - I cum, we bond, we fall asleep happy and in love.

Developed peyronies 2007 - 70 degree dorsal
Traction/MEDs/Injections/Surgery 2008
66y/o  14 years Peyronies free
[URL="[url="http://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,895.0.html"]http://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,895.0.html[/url]"]My History