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Author Topic: i don't know what is going on  (Read 3165 times)

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jasburg

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i don't know what is going on
« on: May 24, 2014, 10:28:43 PM »

Hi.

I found this forum since my fiance was diagnosed with Peyronies disease last year in November. He was experiencing pain and hardness down there a couple of months before. He did not hurt himself during sex. So we were a little puzzled when the doctor found scarring and diagnosed Peyronies. He prescribed Potaba and that was it. Since then he has completely stopped communicating with me. We don't have sex for 6 months now. He always says it's due to the pain. I don't know what else is going on. He does not talk to me and our relationship is basically breaking apart. We were planning on marrying this month but the plans were cancelled for the time being. When I tried to confront him about all this his only reply was "Look for another man. I'm done with this relationship, with you and life". That's it.
Any advice how I can get him to talk to me would be nice.
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james1947

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Re: i don't know what is going on
« Reply #1 on: May 25, 2014, 05:27:28 AM »

jasburg

Difficult for me to give you an advice as what he is saying:
Quote
Look for another man. I'm done with this relationship, with you and life
Is coming from a very low point in his life.
Unfortunately it seems he don't want to fight the disease and also to fight for your relations not to brake up.
I am proposing you to write a PM to Christine, she will give you access to the "Ladies Room" 
Maybe you will find some answers.
Try also to read:
Psychological Component - Coping with Peyronies Disease - PDS - Peyronies Society Forums
It will give you an inside on how man are dealing (or not) with the psychological aspects of this disease.

James
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Age 71, Peyronies from Jan 2009 following penis fracture during sex. Severe Erectile Dysfunction.
Lost 2" length and a lot of girth. Late start, still VED, Cialis & Pentox helped. Prostate surgery 2014.
Got amazing support on the forum

welshwales

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Re: i don't know what is going on
« Reply #2 on: May 26, 2014, 07:45:54 PM »

I don't know if you've considered it, but relationship counseling might help you both get past this and get your relationship back on track. The key to it is for both of you to want to save your relationship. The good things and people in life are worth fighting for. Sex alone shouldn't define a relationship, there are many ways to intimacy. The first is communication.
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shadowlake

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Re: i don't know what is going on
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2014, 01:52:33 AM »

My husband is awaiting his surgery, in the mean time his surgeon has set up counciling for us both to disscuss our feelings now before the surgery and again after. It's good to dicuss it together and get both your feeling out in the open.
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james1947

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Re: i don't know what is going on
« Reply #4 on: May 31, 2014, 06:11:39 AM »

shadowlake

What kind of surgery your husband will have and who is the doctor?
We have a "Ladies only" board, write a PM to Christine to get access.

James
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Age 71, Peyronies from Jan 2009 following penis fracture during sex. Severe Erectile Dysfunction.
Lost 2" length and a lot of girth. Late start, still VED, Cialis & Pentox helped. Prostate surgery 2014.
Got amazing support on the forum

LWillisjr

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Re: i don't know what is going on
« Reply #5 on: June 01, 2014, 08:20:56 PM »

I granted her access.
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Developed peyronies 2007 - 70 degree dorsal
Traction/MEDs/Injections/Surgery 2008
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UrsusMinor

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Re: i don't know what is going on
« Reply #6 on: June 02, 2014, 03:55:21 AM »

Well, his statements make it sound as if this is more than a 'relationship' issue. I hate to say that this sounds as if it is on a very bad trajectory.

Talking about 'life being over' isn't a good sign. And, statisitics show that although women talk about suicide more than men, and 'attempt' suicide more than men (often with attempts that are clearly designed to fail), guys who talk about it are very often quite successful.

So, you are very right to be alarmed.

You do need to try to get him to talk to you, and let him know that you love him and that it is a problem that can be solved, and that it might even be something that can bring you closer together. If that doesn't work, try to get him some counseling.

But you should also try to keep perspective: This is an awful thing, but it isn't your fault.

That's a statement that probably applies to everyone who has ever posted on this forum.
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NeoV

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Re: i don't know what is going on
« Reply #7 on: June 02, 2014, 08:01:48 AM »

Before you have surgery, STOP and consider the successful treatments here on this board.
Surgery should always be last resort. Many of us have improvements or in my case reversal of symptoms (though my symptoms were not terribly bad originally).

If he has already done it, there will be and always are ways to improve your penile function.

I know your post was about communication, but just in case, your husband needs to know about Pentox, VED therapy, traction, and CoQ10 etc and needs to see a Peyronie's specialist, not a regular urologist who wants to operate. I'm sorry we didn't give you this advice immediately.

Jonbinspain

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Re: i don't know what is going on
« Reply #8 on: June 14, 2014, 03:55:34 PM »

Jasburg;

Your partner is depressed! This is why he is saying what he is. This vile, pernicious disease strikes at the very heart of what it means to be a man!  It hits your masculinity, your virility, your confidence - everything!!. 

At this time, he needs your help. Your support. He needs you to tell him that you still care, no matter what ( assuming you do, of course) in short, he needed to know that you don't consider him any less of a man because of his condition.
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