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Welcome to Dr. Landon Trost - Directly answering member questions in the "Medical Professionals" section below the Treatment boards. https://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,16512.0.html

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Author Topic: Peyronie's and relationship problems  (Read 3039 times)

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welshwales

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Peyronie's and relationship problems
« on: April 19, 2014, 07:09:48 PM »

I kinda don't really know where to post this, so I'm guessing here is as good a place as any. Due to the subject matter I have found I really don't have anyone to discuss this problem with. Sorry if this is a bit of a wall of text, but here goes:

Edit: I have edited this thread, as I believe I revealed too much personal information regarding another person. It was improper of me, and I should not have said as much as I did. Thanks to those of you who read it and responded. You really helped me out.
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nemo

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Re: Peyronie's and relationship problems
« Reply #1 on: April 19, 2014, 09:34:01 PM »

welshwales, so sorry you're going through this. 

One thought.  You're a very good writer and this is a very well written, heartfelt post.  Show it to her.  Copy, paste, print it out and give it to her.  Tell her there's something you want to talk about, but have a hard time saying some of the things out loud and so you wrote it down.

I'll be honest here - it's a make or break situation. Your Peyronies Disease will either make you a stronger couple or drive you apart, but one way or the other it's for the best. You don't want to spend years of your life feeling emotionally impotent with your mate.  This post you've written eloquently and in a nonjudgemental way states your feelings about Peyronies Disease and about what your mate and you are going through.  I suspect if she loves you deeply, it will speak to her heart and cause her to put her cards on the table and be honest with you - which is absolutely necessary to build a stronger relationship and get through this together.

Wish you the very best,
Nemo
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50 yrs. old, multiple auto-immune conditions. First episode of Peyronies Disease in 2002. Recurred in 2013. Have now begun a third episode in 2021. Over the years I have tried Topical Verapamil, Iontophoresis, all the supps and Cialis + Pentoxifylline.

james1947

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Re: Peyronie's and relationship problems
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2014, 01:44:51 AM »

welshwales

I can feel your sorrow even I am 66 because I am, for a long time already in a very similar situation like yours.
I tried to talk about, about my needs, but except for listening, nothing changed.
We still have sex from time to time, far from what I would like and I am seriously thinking about how our relations will end up.
Maybe Nemo idea is a good one, at least you put the things on the table and she can't just ignore that. Or maybe yes, she can.
You know her better than us and I think you should decide on your own what to do. By the way, do you have children?
One more thing. I read all your post and basically you are not doing nothing to attack your Peyronies. You should start to do that as soon as you can.

James
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Age 71, Peyronies from Jan 2009 following penis fracture during sex. Severe Erectile Dysfunction.
Lost 2" length and a lot of girth. Late start, still VED, Cialis & Pentox helped. Prostate surgery 2014.
Got amazing support on the forum

NeoV

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Re: Peyronie's and relationship problems
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2014, 04:24:06 AM »

I'm really sorry your going through this, but I'm glad that you brought this up.
What you're experiencing is what hurts most about Peyronies, and it's the fundamental battle every sexual being goes through ailment or not.

First my advice is that you must commit to yourself (lose weight,build muscle), commit to your own sexuality and Peyronies (treatment, try priapus shot, VED, etc), if you're using porn stop. Demonstrating to your wife that you are committed to your problems is extremely important. She needs to know that you are okay with your Peyronies, as impossible as that sounds! Make the disease a project rather than a hindrance. Saving your marriage is a goal, but saving yourself has to come first. Stay sensitive to her, and do not appear needy. Needing emotional support is one thing, but appearing to demand sex might make things worse. The message you need to give is;

"Look, I'm hurt about this and I need a lot of support, but I won't give up on it and I won't give up on you".


I think many of us would agree that a "non-giver" is a deal breaker in a relationship where a man has Peyronies. But no one can really be sure. Women may seem to lose interest in a man's penis regardless of Peyronies, shape or size. Dissatisfaction comes out in many ways, she will invent problems if there are none. My ex finally resorted to saying she thought I was gay. This is narcissistic and borderline typical. Don't get me wrong, you have to try to communicate, but if she can't, then you will be forced to learn new ways if existing with her in your life.

All last year I went through the same thing, though with a girlfriend. Mine started lying to herself as well as me about her sex drive. She at first wanted me to pleasure her only. She eventually started to hate me and attacked me several times before we broke up. She said deliberately hurtful things about my sexuality, and other things I dare not tell anyone. Those days I remember crying so hard I couldn't breathe. She broke me completely, perfectly, but perhaps she set me free.

Having your girl masturbate without you is a nightmare and I'm so sorry. This is real psychological hell and a form of abuse. her relying on sex toys is not healthy I would say.  I'm more sorry than you know... But you are not alone.

Your first line of attack should be by doing what your doing, communicate, be as understanding as possible and try to connect with her. They say love is sharing and accepting weaknesses. If she CANNOT do this, you have to flip the lens back onto yourself. Are you confident? Are you accepting your flaws? Are you committed to this thing, this hellish affliction that threatens your entire marriage. At the core of it she is subconsciously testing you. She wants to know if you could ever love her without requiring her to sexually please you. Every girl does this to a man without realizing it.

If you can show her you are excited and happy to please her sexually without requiring acts from her, she may slowly start to feel comfortable with you again and the attraction may come back. Hit the gym and attack your Peyronies in a positive way. Treat sexuality as your own thing. When you do have sex, do not allow her expectations to have any effect on you. This is about you and your penis. Never give up.

Love and commit. If all else fails, what's left anyway?

-V

liber

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Re: Peyronie's and relationship problems
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2014, 05:47:48 AM »

hi welshwales

whilst i agree giving a note might be a good idea if you can not talk about your condition, concerns, feelings etc. i'm not sure a post you've sent to an open forum is the best one to copy and send. i could be very wrong and my suggestion is rubbish, afterall i do not know her. but there's a chance your loved one might be hurt/embarrassed that you looked elsewhere regarding such matters. although we are anonymous on this forum you have mentioned things about her behaviour that are of a very personal nature.

good luck matey. liber
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melting

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Re: Peyronie's and relationship problems
« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2014, 07:12:16 AM »

I think NeoV made some good points.

She might doesnt want to hurt you and is insecure/embaressed that she still needs it.
She probably has even more thougths and insecurities about it then you.

The thing with woman is that they get even more insecure when their partner is insecure. They rely on the men to take over responsibility and then they can adjust to it.

I know its difficult to be open and curageous with such a condition. But thats what you have to do. Otherwise the thoughts and actions get weirder by the day. The lack of understanding then leads to problems.

Tell her how you feel and what you want and need. Just do it. If thats what you think and feel then stay behind it.
There is a possiblity to get better with this condition so you want her support in whatever you do.
You also want to see her happy when she uses her toys. So you might buy a new one and try it with her? Handle it as a transition time until you get better.

My experience is that when you clearly state what you want and that you enjoy it and take over the responsibility for it then woman are OK with it. At least you will know where you are standing and thats much more valuable, for you and herm, then all the guessing.
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Daily Transdermals and Traction/VED solved my Peyronies Disease https://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,12587.0.html (DMSO+X)

restore

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Re: Peyronie's and relationship problems
« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2014, 09:02:23 AM »

Excellent insight and advice NeoV. 
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welshwales

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Re: Peyronie's and relationship problems
« Reply #7 on: April 20, 2014, 06:43:35 PM »

Nemo, james1947, NeoV, liber, melting & restore, thanks very much for the advice and taking the time to read my textwall. I made the decision to remove the original text of this post as I guess I revealed a little bit too much on a personal nature of another. While I might be content to post about my side of my sex life, I don't want to cause any upset to anyone else, if you know what I mean. I had drunk a little too much whisky before writing that post, and acted without thought. I was a bit upset at the time :-X Another negative aspect of this extremely annoying disease!

I really do appreciate your kind input folks, and I actually implemented some of the advice. It was a great experience, sharing the thoughts I had kept bottled up with my o/h. We had a really intimate evening (mentally and physically), and it's left the both of us feeling buoyed up.

james1947, I'd like to respond to your comment, seeing as you asked me a question. I'm currently in between uro consultants. My previous uro was useless, and wouldn't prescribe any medication. Not even viagra for my Erectile Dysfunction. Said I was too young... Go figure! So I opted to change consultant, but there is a waiting list. In the meantime I am trying to make do with my GP, and am hoping he will give me a prescription for at least topical use viagra or cailis. I can't afford to go private, so I must wait. I have obtained a VED since joining this forum, but damn it is painful following dr kaplan's regime! So now I use it with less pressure. Oh, and yes, I do have kids. At least I got that out of the way before the Erectile Dysfunction! :P
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james1947

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Re: Peyronie's and relationship problems
« Reply #8 on: April 20, 2014, 07:16:28 PM »

welshwales

I asked about the kids because it is an important factor in any decision.
Myself, I was long time already out from my relations with my wife if I was not having a 4 & 1/2 year old daughter.
Regarding VED, please use it according to the forum protocol. All other protocols I read about will cause more damage than help. If something not clear, write a PM to Old Man. He will be happy to help.
I don't know if have topical Viagra or Cialis, try to convince you GP to prescribe you Pentox and 5 mg Cialis for daily use.

James
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Age 71, Peyronies from Jan 2009 following penis fracture during sex. Severe Erectile Dysfunction.
Lost 2" length and a lot of girth. Late start, still VED, Cialis & Pentox helped. Prostate surgery 2014.
Got amazing support on the forum

liber

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Re: Peyronie's and relationship problems
« Reply #9 on: April 21, 2014, 04:05:37 AM »

both of us feeling buoyed up.

excellent news welshwales  :)
all the best fella liber
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