roller coaster from hell

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

csus

I feel like i'm on a manic roller coaster from hell. A grown man with tears streaming down my face crying over my damn dick. I don't know who to talk to.  I feel like i'm spamming the board inappropriately, asking juvenile questions like I need someone to hold my hand, a grown man, posting things in the wrong areas and being a pain in the ass. Trying to hide how upset I am from those around me, and the tears. I love my wife dearly and hate to put her through this. She sometimes blames herself. I tell her it is not her fault.

It's been roughly 8 weeks since all of this started. I finally saw a specialist on Friday. I got what I wanted, pentox, which hopefully I can pick up today as it had to be ordered. I got cialis also and have been taking it since Friday, 5 mg daily. I was feeling positive, like I was ready to fight, kick peyronie's ass.

From the pictures I took just last week for my doctor's appointment, the doctor drew lines, and determined I had a 20 degree bend. I'm thinking, hey, that's not too bad. Get started on fighting this thing and who knows, I might reverse this thing.

I woke up this morning with a raging hard on, I guess from the Cialis. The pressure was intense, like my dick could break. I jumped up and looked in the mirror. If I was at a 20 last week, i'd estimate I am at a 35 degree bend this morning.

I've been thinking, hoping, maybe I have a mild case of peyronie's, I might even be one of the lucky few who see a reversal. It's not getting better, it hasn't stopped at a "hey, it's not so bad, I can live with it". It's getting worse. I'm so scared for tomorrow. A grown man, crying like a baby.

I'm sorry. I guess I needed to vent, get this out of my head. Y'all have a good day.

nemo

Your anxiety is perfectly understandable and normal - we've all been through it to some degree, in our own way.

Two thoughts.  First, you've not yet really begun Pentox or Cialis (both take time to build up their effect).  This means you're just beginning treatment - taking the bull by the horns.  

Second, I think it's possible you're bend/plaque hasn't actually gotten any worse, you just had the best erection you've had in a long time due to the Cialis.  It could be that what appeared as a 20-degree bend became a 30% bend when you were rock hard.  Of course, I can't state this as a fact, but it's at least something you should consider.  

As hard as it is to be patient, we Peyronies Disease sufferers simply have to do whatever it takes to hold on and get through the frightening, anxiety-fueled darkest days.  Many, many sufferers have seen a curve "release" to some degree - not "pre-Peyronies Disease back to normal stage" but the "hey, it's not so bad, I can live with it" stage.  You have every reason to hope this will be the case for you.  

Unfortunately, for so many of us, all we contemplate is the absolute worst case scenario.  I completely understand.  

Best,
Nemo
51 yrs. old, multiple auto-immune conditions. First episode of Peyronies Disease in 2002. Recurred a couple times since. Over the years I have tried Topical Verapamil, Iontophoresis, all the supps and Cialis + Pentoxifylline. Still functional, always worried.

IhatePD

csus7,

If you haven't done so already, start with the traction and VED as soon as possible. I think waiting is a mistake. Do it now.

Norm

C,
I agree with Nemo's assessment of why the curve could have looked worse. And I agree with IHatePD's opinion that you should start some therapy. You are a young man. Time is on your side. Get yourself a traction or VED(my preference for several reasons) device and get started. You are not going to get better spontaneously. Go ahead and vent. You need it. But it won't serve any purpose on your road to recovery. Only positive action will do that.  
Plication Surgery Dec. 2013. Straight Again!

csus

I considered that, stronger erection more pronounced curve. But i'd be lying to myself, it's up there. These Cialis erection are intense, almost too much. It feels like something has got to give, like the end of my dick is going to snap off. It doesn't seem like there could be anything good to come out of that much pressure and pain. I hope i'm wrong.

I'm scheduled to meet with the VED rep this Friday. I'm hoping my insurance company will make the right decision and I walk away with a VED that day, if not i'll explore other options. After the meeting I can then leave and go be with my wife in our other residence out of town. It's tough dealing with this all alone. It's not a misery loves company thing. I'm very careful to remain strong and positive when we are together. She makes it easy.


csus

I also now have what seems to be hinging/buckling. Things just keep getting better and better.

What's next?

csus

I'm sorry guys. If i've ever had any manic depressive tendencies, this whole mess has spiked the meters. I appreciate you guy's efforts to talk me off the ledge, more than you know.

I am feeling a bit more positive today.

nemo

Totally understandable - you're not in this alone, believe me.

Nemo
51 yrs. old, multiple auto-immune conditions. First episode of Peyronies Disease in 2002. Recurred a couple times since. Over the years I have tried Topical Verapamil, Iontophoresis, all the supps and Cialis + Pentoxifylline. Still functional, always worried.

NeoV

Csus,

My Peyronie's boiled down to hinging/buckling. Thanks to just a month of VED, some ligament stretches and possibly with the help of supplements, it is nearly 100% gone. My penis hangs straight and looks healthy now. My penis has changed it's structure somehow and I actually cried upon seeing this change recently. While everyone's case is different, there is hope. Many of us have improvements. Treat your Peyronie's like any other injury. Take a break for sexual activity, or try to put place them more days apart. Start VED immediately and try some supplements popular on these boards!

There is hope! Start treatment right away and take extreme caution with VED therapy making sure to read up on it well on these forums.

-V

Wug

We're all here, or have been there.

I can't get an erection--the semi-erection I can get is shaped like a triangle, with the base at the bottom and narrowing towards the top, and it's flimsy.

I have hard-flaccid, deformation, and pain.

My ex girlfriend and I broke up a few months before this happened, so I have no kind loving woman to talk to about this aside from my mother, and you can imagine how awkward it is to talk to one's mother about this, but I really have no one else.

I'm just trying to share that I too know am in this horrible situation and it feels like a complete nightmare.

You're no weakling to cry. I hadn't cried in months until this happened. It's normal. I cry almost every day. I feel for you. This is a horrible disease and a horrible problem. But we are here for each other, and we can try to beat it as best we can.

Old Man

Wug:

You do have many other men and sometimes women to talk to about your Peyronies Disease problems. You have access to one of the world's best men's health forums in the world and the one of which you are now a member!

So, take advantage of it and start reading all the topics you have time for to get a better perspective of what therapies and treatments members are using. You should start early on with Peyronies Disease therapy in order to not let it ''get ahead of you''. There are many and varied therapies shown in the boards on the home page index. So, do the research that suits your symptoms and you will find answers for yourself.

So, bottom line, if you do not find answers for your individual case of Peyronies Disease, then by all means address posts or PMs to any and all members. All of us are here to help new members in any way possible.

Now, about your comments about talking with your mother: I know that would be difficult for any normal grown man, but you have to remember that she birthed you, changed your diapers for several years and in the process has seen your bottom many times. So, if you are unable to get help any other way, just bit the bullet and ask her to assist you in making decisions about your problem. You might be surprised as to what ''comfort'' you will receive.

Old Man
Age 92. Peyronies Disease at age 24, Peyronies Disease after
stage four radical prostatectomy in 1995, Heart surgery 2004 with three bypasses/three stents.
Three more stents in 2016. Hiatal hernia surgery 2017 with 1/3 stomach reduction. Many other surgeries too.

Skjaldborg

Wug,

You can PM me anytime if you have questions. I went through a divorce after getting Peyronie's so I know how tough it is being alone. I started dating someone not long ago who is very understanding and just plain amazing. There are really great women out there, trust me.

-Skjald

csus

Hello everyone. I haven't logged in for some time, but upon checking an email account realized I had a message awaiting here. Thank you to the gentleman who cared to check in on me.

For those who might remember, or those who are possibly (unfortunately) new here: I was quite bad off emotionally/psychologically the last time I posted here. My onset of this condition started approximately Oct of 2013. Six months later I had a pretty significant curvature, as well as all the other changes that come along with peyronies. My wife had been quite supportive and understanding, but things changed. After one particular blowout, we both vented openly. At that point things could have gone in any direction. But thankfully we remained strong. But, she was right.....I had to at least try

I had pretty much settled into the mindset that we...I...would never have sex again. I couldn't deal with the change, I didn't know if sex was even possible. What if I failed? What if it caused she or I pain? I hated my penis, it was not mine, an abomination. I couldn't even show her.

After about literally 7 months I finally masturbated, carefully. Slowly I reacquainted myself with my little friend. I finally was able to come to conclusion my little friend was still my little friend, just different. My confidence grew, my self acceptance grew. I started to think about sex and getting an erection at just the thought...the thought with no physical stimuli. This resulted in me starting to think about taking that leap.

I talked to my wife, she was overjoyed to say the least. We decided that we would first try oral sex....the unveiling, full exposure and inspection of the goods. Afterwards she stated, "I don't know, that seems like a perfectly healthy erection to me".

!!

After approximately a year without sex, as of mid December 2014, I am happy to say we are now having sex! We stuck it out. We both know that things will never be exactly like they were in the past. But, so what! Things change, life changes. In a way, if anything, this entire ordeal has made us appreciate our relationship more, both physically and emotionally. I don't mean to make light of this thing, this condition, it is still probably the worst thing that has every personally happened to me. But worse things can and could have happened. It doesn't have to be the end of the world, the end of the line.

So please, stay strong. Move at your own pace. Don't count yourself out. Like the song says, You got a lot of life to live, you got a lot of love to give, even if it's just some kind of new age junk<---(a song Goodbye Innocence by LEO I stumbled upon right after I acquired this condition which spoke to me and seemed to mirror what I was feeling). Stay strong!

I hope all of you old timers (and newbies) are doing as well as can be expected, or better.

 

csus

Wug,

First off, I didn't realize my thread was still so near the top or I would have not started a new thread. Sorry admin.

Apparently your injury is fresh, new. I was experiencing similar things at the beginning. I believe part of the problem was in my mind. I was panicking and really had no business trying to force the issue with masturbation, or forcing an erection. I had an injury! I was terrified I would start losing the ability to achieve an erection, which is an erection killer in itself. I actually masturbated to ejaculation once at that time with a flaccid, talk about devastated. That is an absolute no-no. That alone can cause peyronies....always, always have a full-on erection during sex or masturbation, always. I had the triangular thing as well, and still do at times. The shape can change from day to day.

I'm not an expert, I can only speak from personal experience. Give yourself time.  Your penis might need a rest to respond to the trauma. It will let you know when you're ready to move forward. You might see that triangular thing sometimes, don't panic. When you're ready to go, a good/full erection will even things out. Yeah, your dick is different now, but it's still your little buddy and don't count the guy out. It's tough, but it's best to get on the road to self acceptance. Don't cause further injury. Take it easy. Keep your head straight (as possible), take care of your health(mentally and physically), and you'll have a healthy relationship and sexual relations down the line. Don't count yourself out, man. By all means, vent if you feel the need. Send me a message if you ever need to talk. There are also a good bunch of guys around here always there to provide support. Stay strong.

LWillisjr

Csus,
Thanks for coming back and posting. It is a great example to show how emotionally devastating this can be. I hope many who pass through this website read this and understand that half the battle is accepting ourselves and the change that comes with it. I know many have this to the extent where sex really isn't possible. But this still shows that you can overcome the emotional part of this and fight the battle.
Developed peyronies 2007 - 70 degree dorsal curve
Traction/MEDs/Injections/Surgery 2008 16 years Peyronies free now
My History