Depression/Problems with Spouse

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Unbelievable

Quick history....it's been about a year since I was first diagnosed. I'm 39 years old and have been married for almost 16 years to a wonderful wife. My Peyronies is a probably a moderate/minor case and sex is still possible. Although I've been very open with my wife and she's been very supportive, this year has finally caught up with us both. In this year, we've made love probably a few times because of pain and these psychological issues. She is also going through a very tough time with sadness because of our lack of intimacy. I feel as I get more support and a better doctor (appointment in February), this will help us.

Have any of you dealt with this deep disconnect with your wife because of this disease. I've had thoughts of depression, anger, grief and have been even paranoid that she is going to cheat on me (irrational, but can't shake it). Any advice would be appreciated.  

LWillisjr

I know there are easy words to type, but you both need to stay focused on being intimate. And intimacy doesn't have to lead to intercourse. You can still be intimate, be close, and enjoy each other. You can touch and stimulate each other. This always makes my wife and I feel close, even during those times when we aren't able to have intercourse.

Les
Developed peyronies 2007 - 70 degree dorsal curve
Traction/MEDs/Injections/Surgery 2008 16 years Peyronies free now
My History

nemo

Unbelievable,

Sorry for what you're going through; I really am.  I have a suggestion though - and it may sound corny, but I honestly believe it's worth a try and there is absolutely nothing to lose.  

Take the stress out of it.  Make a deal with your wife that you're going to spend 15 or 30 minutes every single night (maybe right before bed, doing nothing but holding one another - turtledoving, Buddy Holly would have called it. On the couch, in a big chair, in bed, whatever.  Just being intimate, blocking out the world and problems and stressors.  You're not allowed to talk about Peyronie's, and you're not allowed to have sex (during this period), so that's off the table.  Instead, talk about how much you love one another, things that happened during the day, etc.  

Now, if that turtledoving leads to some kissing, petting, and ultimately to sex, that's fine.  But you're going to do this every night, so don't consider this a prelude to sex - the turtledoving IS the point.  

This will ensure that your sweet wife is not missing out on intimacy.  Generally, with women, it's the intimacy, not the penetrative sex that really fulfills them, so don't marry the two in your mind - you can provide one RELIABLY, even if you can't always provide as much sex as you or she might have been used to.  

Too often, with Peyronies Disease, men withdraw from the person they need the most, without realizing that they're still capable of providing what their partner actually really wants more than anything - simple intimacy.  

It's worth a shot, friend.  And I wish you and your wife the very best.

Regards,
Nemo
51 yrs. old, multiple auto-immune conditions. First episode of Peyronies Disease in 2002. Recurred a couple times since. Over the years I have tried Topical Verapamil, Iontophoresis, all the supps and Cialis + Pentoxifylline. Still functional, always worried.

Knight

Unbelievable,

I have, and continue to deal with all the same feelings and issues you listed below. Not wanting to be sexually active with my wife for fear of failure more than anything. I do not know what the right answer is. At this point I'm just taking it one day at a time and doing my best to combat the disease which includes learning how to deal with the emotional & physiological side of it. I do know if I dwell on the negatives of it all (and there are plenty) too much I get very depressed and even suicidal. But on the other side of it if I keep things in perspective and do everything I can do to get better while keeping myself busy and involved in the many other wonderful things about life it is easier. All of us have hope as long as we draw breath and there are surgical options if all other treatment methods fail. So the way I'm looking at it is there could still be another thing to try if my current plan of actions falls short. This gives me hope and the desire to keep going.

LWillisjr and Nemo offered up some wisdom in my opinion. If we are creative we can always find a way. And as far as knowing happiness while dealing with it all I think in many ways it ultimately comes down to us and the attitude we choose to have. Peyronies Disease can destroy us and our relationships or we can rise up and mentally beat it back into submission. It all starts in our heads. Good luck bro!

Unbelievable

Thank you for all of your input and advice. Here's the real issue...for the past 4-5 months I have kept myself busy with work and completely neglected her needs, whether it be intimacy or intercourse. This was my way of dealing with this disease....stay busy. Now that work has slowed, we are battling how to get reconnected. Once I finally woke up, although she still loves me and I truly love her, we feel so disconnected that even she is battling some depression. For the record, we were high school sweethearts and have been married for 15 years and have been together for almost 23. We have never struggled with these kinds of issues but of course I never had Peyronie's. Thanks again gentlemen for your support.