I'm finally having sex -- concerns and ways to avoid damaging penis

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love

I've been having consistent sex (a one night stand, then consistent sex with another girl every day after) for the past week and a half and it's been awesome. My solution to my problem is to take a full pill of 20 mg cialis (rather than just 5-10 mg) before sex, which made it possible to achieve strong-enough erections. However, my frequent sexual activity is beginning to take a toll on my penis's function. Gradually, I've noticed less strong erections. Yesterday I tried doggy style (wasn't very effective) and the vigorous activity and bending made my penis's function worse. Today, for the first time, I lost my erection and was unable to have sex with her.

My life has improved immeasurably, but this is intensely disturbing. I don't want her to know about my injury, and I'm so unbelievably horny right now I can't stand the wait. Should I reduce sexual activity? I don't want her to be offended. Luckily, I'll be going home for a week on Friday so I can give it some rest.

Also, what positions other than missionary with pillow underneath will be the least traumatic?


james1947

Love

Happy for your activity ;D Go on 8)
Regarding doggy stile, I am proposing you to get to the same level so your penis will not bend. It is working for me.
20mg Cialis daily may be too much, I think if you will adjust your activity for ones in every two or three days the effect will be better.

James
Age 71, Peyronies from Jan 2009 following penis fracture during sex. Severe Erectile Dysfunction.
Lost 2" length and a lot of girth. Late start, still VED, Cialis & Pentox helped. Prostate surgery 2014.
Got amazing support on the forum

GS

With or without Peyronies Disease, lubrication is key to enjoyable intercourse.  With Peyronies Disease, lubrication is critical.  If her vagina is not wet enough, use some kind if lubricate; saliva works well.

Regarding doggy style, if both partners are on their sides and you enter her from behind, there is a lot less pressure on everything, including your penis.  That's the way we have intercourse and it works well for me; no soreness afterwards.

As to the frequency of sex; when you have Peyronies Disease, take everything slow and easy.  Too much sex or rough sex can set you back and cause flareups in inflammation and pain.

Obviously, these are just my opinions, but I've been having successful intercourse with Peyronies Disease for over 4 years now and haven't had any major setbacks.  But, I am always very cautious and never engage in anything too rough.

GS

newguy

From a personal perspective I found that although the effect of Cialis lasts much longer, Viagra provides me with firmer erections. Maybe therefore instead of taking such high doses of Cialis you could take more modest doses of Viagra. It still has a pretty long half life, so it could be something worth thinking about.

As for your worries, I do think to an extent it's very important to listen to your body. At least with going home for a week soon, you'll have time to see how that break impacts your ability to gain a stronger erection, and how to pace yourself in future.
[url=http://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,893.0.html]My History[/url]

love

It's weird. When I was having sex doggy style it didn't feel good. My penis had gotten kinda soft too. I feel like numbness has definitely occurred as a result of this injury but when Dr. Lue gave me an official nerve check with a certain device it showed up as completely okay.

When we went back to missionary I was able to cum really fast (it always takes me only a few minutes for me to cum in missionary). For some reason missionary with a pillow really, really works. Although sex never really feels all that great physically for me until I orgasm (I still love having sex though). Blowjobs don't feel particularly good either unless she licks my balls or the underside/base of my penis, which feels extremely good. Her vigorous hand action during blowjobs, however, is an unpleasant and slightly painful sensation that ruins it for me.

She's expressed her desire to try more positions and she's very eager for sex (more than once a day) but after this doggy style incident, I feel more hesitant to explore new things. With my one night stand 2 weekends ago with another girl, I successfully had rear entry sex with her (with her lying down) but my penis was able to get harder at this time because I had given it about a week of complete rest. When I tried to have sex with my consistent partner right now using the same method it didn't really work out. Possibly because my penis didn't get as hard. Possibly because her legs were together. If she had her legs apart maybe that would make it easier?

I guess I really want to know what other positions reach the same angle and deepness of penetration as missionary with a pillow underneath her butt.

In regards to my Erectile Dysfunction, I got weak nocturnal erections tonight (this Erectile Dysfunction incident happened yesterday, the doggy style two days ago), I feel pretty inflamed right now, and I really want to give my penis some time to recuperate (about 2 days maybe). However, she always takes my erectile dysfunction personally (it's happened twice) and last night she texted me apologizing for it and told me she wants to make it up to me. I rejected her invitation to come over last night, but I've constantly reassured her and told her not to worry about it but I think the fact that I'm delaying sex after this occurred makes her think that she did something wrong. I don't want to tell her that I have a penis injury though. The fact that I've had successful sex with her for over a week would probably make her think it was her fault anyway. I'm wondering how I can turn down sex for another day or two without making her feel really bad about herself, or making her feel sexually unsatisfied by my absence as a partner.

We both have feelings for each other, she told me yesterday that she even told her parents about me. She's extremely beautiful and I like her personality, and I've had feelings for her for a very long time. I really, really don't want this relationship to fail because of this problem.

Hawk

Love,

Blood flow and erections are good.  Doing anything that causes the penis to buckle, or accordion with each thrust is doing nothing but causing you trauma and worse long term damage.  You must use lubrication, and positions, and get erections firm enough that the buckling is not happening.  This may take some patience and experimentation.

Love, what is your fear of sharing that you had an injury?  I do not recall the source of your injury but everyone has injuries.  If you care about this girl doesn't that include some basic honesty?  At what point in a relationship would you tell her?  At this stage you don't have to sign her up on the forum or give her your medical report.  A simple "I had an injury and I am still on the mend.  This is not your fault. in fact you are the best medicine I ever had."  Give her a wink and a smile.  It seems like an easy move to me.
Prostatectomy 2004, radiation 2009, currently 70 yrs old
After pills, injections, VED - Dr Eid, Titan 22cm implant 8/7/18
[url=http://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,872.0.html]Hawk - Updated 10/27/18 - Peyronies Society Forums[/url]

james1947

Love

I will second Hawk on every sentence.
If you really have feelins to her, you should talk to her that she will not feel guilty.
I am sure she will understand and if not, maybe she is not the girl for you.

James
Age 71, Peyronies from Jan 2009 following penis fracture during sex. Severe Erectile Dysfunction.
Lost 2" length and a lot of girth. Late start, still VED, Cialis & Pentox helped. Prostate surgery 2014.
Got amazing support on the forum

newguy

I echo to two comments below. Your relationship with this girl seems to have reached a point where concealing your condition is creating more problems than being honest about it.
[url=http://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,893.0.html]My History[/url]

LWillisjr

Quote from: love on September 11, 2012, 12:56:58 AM

Also, what positions other than missionary with pillow underneath will be the least traumatic?

Look up the scissors position  ;-)
Developed peyronies 2007 - 70 degree dorsal
Traction/MEDs/Injections/Surgery 2008
66y/o  14 years Peyronies free
[URL="[url="http://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,895.0.html"]http://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,895.0.html[/url]"]My History

love

The level of vulnerability I feel over this condition is very, very extreme. I would certainly want to downplay my injury if I told her. Like "A couple months ago I let a girl get on top and she came down on it wrong. Since then my penis has been acting a bit differently" or something like that. There's no way I could say "for over the past 2 years I've had significant sexual dysfunction caused by either scarring or something unknown and it's been scaring me to death and disrupting everything about my life that I consider important and there seems to be no cure and I have no idea what to do and no amount of therapy or antidepressants can make me come to the grips with the fact that I can't comfortably rely on my penis."

She's best friends with my housemate's sister. And she told her my friend's sister once when I didn't get it up... Not to humiliate me, she was more distressed about not being good enough to give me an erection. And through that it got back to my best friend. I wasn't humiliated because I had already told everyone that I gotten "whiskey d*ck" that night because of alcohol. But there's no way I'd want my housemates and friends to know that I have a seemingly permanent sexual injury.

And that whole spiel about "if she doesn't accept you with an injury, then maybe she's not for you" doesn't work for me.  If a young girl doesn't want someone because he has a sexual injury, then I don't blame her. She's very nice and would never want to humiliate me, but if she couldn't accept it, I wouldn't see that as a failing on her part. If she can't accept my sexual injury, then no one can.

This is a very promising relationship in terms of my sexual partner: she's enamored with me (she's told me I'm the first person she's ever had feelings for since her first boyfriend, she tells me how she's nervous around me because she has a massive crush on me, and that she doesn't want to lose me, etc.), she's absurdly beautiful, I had an over weeklong stretch of having consistent sex with her without her knowing I have any problem, and she's the last person who would ever want to humiliate anyone.

However, this doesn't change the fact that I'm too damn vulnerable to come completely to terms with her. If anything, I'd rather present it as something that just started happening now -- while simultaneously making sure to let her know that it's in no way her fault (she's never gotten on top, so I could just say "You make me so excited that I got too enthusiastic, and now I've injured myself" or something). I gave her vaginal-area bruising through rough sex, and I have been having rough sex with her that's making it worse, so it wouldn't be a complete lie either. I would merely be withholding the traumatic events of the last 2 years that I'm not psychologically ready to tell her about yet. Then maybe having more careful sex could be something we work on together, rather than some liability that I introduced her to. I hope something like this is possible.

Please tell me if you think this is a good idea or is morally ethical, because I really do care about this girl and want to make her happy.

james1947

Love

No one knows her better than you, in any case on the forum. We can just tell you our opinion, but as my father was telling me when asking for advice:
"In your case, MAYBE I was doing like that. But is your case and you know the best what to do.

QuoteI'd rather present it as something that just started happening now -- while simultaneously making sure to let her know that it's in no way her fault....Please tell me if you think this is a good idea or is morally ethical, because I really do care about this girl and want to make her happy.
My opinion is that your approach is OK, wish you things will go on the way you want.

James
Age 71, Peyronies from Jan 2009 following penis fracture during sex. Severe Erectile Dysfunction.
Lost 2" length and a lot of girth. Late start, still VED, Cialis & Pentox helped. Prostate surgery 2014.
Got amazing support on the forum

Hawk

Love,

You have to choose.  One of the greatest things about finding someone you love, respect, and trust, is that you can be yourself.  You may offer a facade to the world, of let your friends through a couple protective layers, but you find one person to whom you can lay your vulnerable soul open .  Short of that you always think, "she likes me for who she thinks I am, who I pretend to be, she does not love me because she does not know me.  I think living like that cheats you and your partner.  Now if she is a hot lay you want to jump and leave then so be it.  What if she she was afraid to confide in you and feel safe in your embrace?  Wouldn't you fee cheated?

Again, I share what it important for me.  You have to decide for you and what you decide will become part of who you are.  I have found few things in life that are both; easy, and worth while.

If you decide to be less than truthful, why pick a story of another girl hurt you?  It is not much of a turn on to tell a woman; I really used to screw this other woman great.  You should have seen it.  You would have been impressed.

You will wrestle with this and reach some conclusion you can live with.  Good luck.

Oh, you might get something out of the last paragraph of this post.
Quote from: Hawk on September 13, 2012, 09:17:22 AM
This statement tells me you are doing a lot of negative self talk. 

Prostatectomy 2004, radiation 2009, currently 70 yrs old
After pills, injections, VED - Dr Eid, Titan 22cm implant 8/7/18
[url=http://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,872.0.html]Hawk - Updated 10/27/18 - Peyronies Society Forums[/url]

swolf

Quote from: love on September 12, 2012, 11:34:46 PMThe level of vulnerability I feel over this condition is very, very extreme. I would certainly want to downplay my injury if I told her. Like "A couple months ago I let a girl get on top and she came down on it wrong. Since then my penis has been acting a bit differently" or something like that. There's no way I could say "for over the past 2 years I've had significant sexual dysfunction caused by either scarring or something unknown and it's been scaring me to death and disrupting everything about my life that I consider important and there seems to be no cure and I have no idea what to do and no amount of therapy or antidepressants can make me come to the grips with the fact that I can't comfortably rely on my penis."

There's no reason you have to say the second statement. Say whatever you want as long as it doesn't belie the ability to give a more well-rounded explanation later if it comes to that and you will be all right. You don't have to go in with guns blazing but you do have to open up a little bit to her.

Quote from: love on September 12, 2012, 11:34:46 PMI had already told everyone that I gotten "whiskey d*ck" that night because of alcohol.

Alcohol might not be helping your condition. That's probably an ingredient that can't be removed from the social mix easily for you, but you should be aware it can and probably is affecting your health.

Quote from: love on September 12, 2012, 11:34:46 PMAnd that whole spiel about "if she doesn't accept you with an injury, then maybe she's not for you" doesn't work for me.  If a young girl doesn't want someone because he has a sexual injury, then I don't blame her. She's very nice and would never want to humiliate me, but if she couldn't accept it, I wouldn't see that as a failing on her part.

Love, you seem like a very rational, put-together person, and being able to look at situations objectively is a very good thing, but it seems like you are letting your conscious rational mind take too much control over this situation. You can't always logically sort out how things are going to happen, it doesn't work like that. You have to surrender to the moment. Everyone here understands and commiserates on the fact that this is a horrible thing to deal with psychologically, but so is life, which is full of all sorts of messy, complex decisions.

You have had enjoyable sex with her while you have an injury, so yes, she should be able to accept the mere knowledge that you have that injury.

Quote from: love on September 12, 2012, 11:34:46 PMIf she can't accept my sexual injury, then no one can.

Not true.

Quote from: love on September 12, 2012, 11:34:46 PMI would merely be withholding the traumatic events of the last 2 years that I'm not psychologically ready to tell her about yet. Then maybe having more careful sex could be something we work on together, rather than some liability that I introduced her to. I hope something like this is possible.

You are absolutely under no requirement to divulge any amount of traumatic events you are not comfortable with. So yes, something like what you say is possible, but out of everyone here only you are actually living the dynamics of the situations, so only you can tell the careful balance of how to go about doing that. But you also just have to DO IT. Do you want to lose an absurdly beautiful girl because you can't talk to her? That part is entirely in your control.

swolf

Quote from: swolf on September 13, 2012, 10:13:45 AM
Quote from: love on September 12, 2012, 11:34:46 PMI would merely be withholding the traumatic events of the last 2 years that I'm not psychologically ready to tell her about yet. Then maybe having more careful sex could be something we work on together, rather than some liability that I introduced her to. I hope something like this is possible.

You are absolutely under no requirement to divulge any amount of traumatic events you are not comfortable with. So yes, something like what you say is possible

My point was more: if something is truly traumatic you really aren't under any obligation to tell anyone. But don't you want to? You could keep it to yourself forever, I guess, but then it won't get any less traumatic. I think you're still grappling with the "illusion of college life" you've mentioned and I don't know how to say it other than plainly: it is an illusion. When you tell her say you'd like to keep it between the two of you, but you also have to care less about what other people on the periphery think if they ever hear anything. This condition might force you to mature faster than them, but so be it. Life doesn't come with a guarantee that it's not going to spring itself on you before you're ready. March on.

It may seem like a complicated situation but it's also kind of simple. There's a line in front of you and it's your choice to cross it or not.

love

I've talked to counselors and they told me I shouldn't divulge the information unless I truly believe I can trust her to keep it among just ourselves, and that she's willing to accept it. One thing that's prevented me from divulging the information to her is that she seems oblivious or uncaring about it because of her infatuation with me. I had sex with her on a beach on Friday and my penis did not really get fully hard (it still felt really good for me) and she's been texting me constantly since I went out of town for a week.

During the poor doggy style incident, she told me I was the first person to 'make her cum during sex', which I'm almost sure was a lie (I'm not being pessimistic or hard on myself, I don't want to have to go into detail but I'm pretty sure it didn't happen). She reminded me of this after having sex with her again on Friday, which I think represents her strong desire to express that I'm pleasing her.

I'll never really understand female sexuality. I know that she's really physically and emotionally attracted to me, but I don't really know what turns on and turns off a girl completely when it comes to genitalia. A lot of my female friends talk about the importance of a large penis, while others seem to not care nearly as much. I know that brain-imaging studies have shown that men look at the crotch of photos of professional athletes, while women do not. Moreover, I don't know how my penis truly feels to girls because it often gets to be a decent size, and I think I might be doing allright with missionary, but it's always kinda numb to me so I don't really know what to make of it, and I hardly ever last more than a few minutes.

She has some things in her past that she's really nervous about expressing to me, I've reassured her and told her she can tell me whenever she's ready. I don't know if the things I talked about are the least bit equivalent.

If I do tell her about what's happening, I'm going to downplay it to the furthest extent or at least pretend like I haven't hardly any care about what's going on down there. Just say something like "yeah, I injured myself but I'm young and I've no doubt it will get better." I'm not going to express my emotional history to her, because even if I know very little about girls, I know at least that a sob story about erectile difficulties is not a turn on. Without being a sexist, girls are definitely much more emotional than rational creatures, and I think my main goal should be to frame it in a way that gets the point across through an emotionally upbeat statement. Sort of what like Hawk advised.

It'll be really hard to figure out when to say it though. Seems awkward to talk about it almost any situation. One counselor I talked to told me that if I did tell her, I should do it when we weren't getting "hot and heavy", which I sort of agree with. I'm wondering when the ideal time to bring it up would be.

Anyway, I have about a week off to plan, and I'm following up with my urologist soon. Hopefully I can figure something out.

swolf

Yes, it's a sticky situation, so find some way of addressing it that works for you. But you have to make her aware of it in some way, just for safety's sake. You really don't want her getting overly enthusiastic and injuring you further, or something like that. So downplay the scope of it but I wouldn't really downplay the potential dangers. Also, there are plenty of other ways of satisfying a woman, and that's not a cop-out. Get good at oral sex.

Quote from: love on September 16, 2012, 04:15:10 PMI've talked to counselors and they told me I shouldn't divulge the information unless I truly believe I can trust her to keep it among just ourselves, and that she's willing to accept it.

That's good advice, but again, it does seem like a safety issue as well. If this relationship is going to continue, even if just continued sex (or especially that), it seems like you have to tell her.

Quote from: love on September 16, 2012, 04:15:10 PMShe has some things in her past that she's really nervous about expressing to me, I've reassured her and told her she can tell me whenever she's ready. I don't know if the things I talked about are the least bit equivalent.

That may be the venue of openness you need to feel comfortable telling your own story. Try to arrange a nice evening at some point in the future where the emphasis isn't on sex, somewhere outdoors maybe far from your roommates, and have a heart-to-heart. Say you're a little nervous about telling her something too. "I don't know why i'm nervous, it's not really a big deal," etc.

Quote from: love on September 16, 2012, 04:15:10 PMJust say something like "yeah, I injured myself but I'm young and I've no doubt it will get better."

That's actually the complete truth.

Quote from: love on September 16, 2012, 04:15:10 PMI'm not going to express my emotional history to her, because even if I know very little about girls, I know at least that a sob story about erectile difficulties is not a turn on.

Maybe this is me just being coldly realistic, but not everything needs to be a turn on. It is your personal reality, a terribly unfair and vicious reality, but it is reality. So obscuring it and continuing forward will only make it more difficult to address later. I think it will be a relief.

Quote from: love on September 16, 2012, 04:15:10 PMWithout being a sexist, girls are definitely much more emotional than rational creatures

You should meet some of the humans I know. I don't know which way is up, left from right, whether something is a porcupine or a watermelon anymore. Maybe she's emotional, I wouldn't know, just sayin'. Some girls put my puny little logical monkey mind to shame, others are so emotionally smart they can see through any rationalization, some guys are so detached from their emotions they don't know how to process any of them, some guys are swimming in them. Most people are a muddled mix of the two.

james1947

Love

I would like to ask just one question:
Who are the counselors?
Maybe other counselors will have other ideas!
The best thing is try to assess the situation yourself because you know better than the counselors (including on this forum) everything regarding your girl.

James
Age 71, Peyronies from Jan 2009 following penis fracture during sex. Severe Erectile Dysfunction.
Lost 2" length and a lot of girth. Late start, still VED, Cialis & Pentox helped. Prostate surgery 2014.
Got amazing support on the forum

Hawk

Apart from this specific case, James is correct.  You can find a counselor that I'll tell you anything.  The bottom line is that counselors are good for bouncing some ideas off of and getting feedback.  But you still have to decide.
Prostatectomy 2004, radiation 2009, currently 70 yrs old
After pills, injections, VED - Dr Eid, Titan 22cm implant 8/7/18
[url=http://www.peyroniesforum.net/index.php/topic,872.0.html]Hawk - Updated 10/27/18 - Peyronies Society Forums[/url]