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Angelhunter

January 2011 my fiance' was diagnosed with Peyronie's disease....needless to say our life and relationship has changed for the worst.  I found this website researching the disease and thank the good lord above you are here.  I have felt so helpless for so long and am at my wits end.  My once loving, caring and respectful fiance' has let this disease change him into a cruel, unloving and selfish person, that I don't hardly recognize anymore.  He refuses to discuss anything with me...I have told him about different treatment options and finally got him to try a VED....The problem is that he has no patience at all and refuses to accept that things have changed.  I have been very loving and supportive.  I have reassured him that this disease doesn't change how I feel about him or my love for him.  I have tried all kinds of ways to approach him, mostly from what I have read on this website. I have also been to counseling to try to help me cope with all the changes, but it only helps me short term.  I have tried unsuccessfully to gain access to the Ladies only forum.....if anyone can help me gain access, it would be GREATLY appreciated.  I love my man so much, but I am at a complete loss of what to do or how to help him, as everything I have tried has failed.  Our love and relationship is worth fighting for, but how do I get him to see any of this when he chooses not too?  ANY SUGGESTIONS WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED, PLEASE HELP  :'(    

0x5555

I only know from my experience but it is very traumatizing to have a problem with your equipment, so to speak.  It's not just a case of dealing with an injury - it's a blow to your self confidence and to an extent your zest for life.  Imagine if someone told you that you might never be able to have sex or even orgasm ever again.  I don't know how others feel but sex for me is a big part of what makes life fun.  We're just hardwired that way - it's the ultimate reward circuit in our brains.  In your case you always have the option to leave him and find someone new.  He doesn't have that option - no matter what he is stuck with this problem.  That can feel very scary and emotionally debilitating.  

I wouldn't pressure him to try different treatment options or things like that.  I would just reassure him that you care about him and love him.  Buy him presents, write him notes letting him know you love him, tell him you'll be there for him no matter what.  I think the more you try and 'solve' this for him the more it will send the message that you care about it working again vs. him as a person.  I know that's not how you feel but it's probably a message that's being sent.  Likewise VEDs and other treatments aren't a guaranteed cure - if he does these things (and is pressured into them) and they don't work he's just going to get more and more despondent and depressed.  He's basically going through an experience where the life he thought he was going to lead has been taken away from him.  There isn't much you can do to fix that and it's something he has to deal with.  You can really just be there to support him and show him that life still has meaning.

I also don't know what he's going through and how he's changed.  He may have a lot of anger about this and is taking it out on you.  Do you guys have children?  Are you able to have sex at all?  Is he able to get an erection still, and is there pain?  There is a lot to deal with here that go to some very deep and fundamental parts of what it means to be alive.  It's very tough.

I'd say spinal chord injury is about as close a parallel to how debilitating this disease can feel.  It's the loss of a very important bodily function and the frustrating thing is there isn't really much you can do about it.  Even when people get cancer there is that hope that you can beat it and go back to a normal life - it's something you can fight.  Other organ failure is terrible and affects your lifestyle but you can still get on with your day...you still have sex and intimacy to look forward to at the end of the day.

It's very very hard to give you any advice really because a lot of it is up to him.  I think the most you can do for him is just express to him how you'll be there for him no matter what.  I think you basically have to tackle the non-sexual side of this disease - you have to let him know you care about him and that there is more to life than just sex (though don't say that directly).  You also have to realize this is something he has to figure out on his own, you can't solve this problem for him.  He has to come to terms with his new body and his new way of living.  All you can really do is be there for him and try to make the day brighter in ways other than sex.  

I should also say - I'm so sorry you're going through this.  It must be just as tough for you as it is for him.  Wish you all the best!

Angelhunter

Thank you for your reply....sent you a message.

0x5555

You did?  I haven't gotten it.

james1947

Angelhunter
My deep appreciation to you. I hope it will not take too long for him to understand how special you are.
James
Age 71, Peyronies from Jan 2009 following penis fracture during sex. Severe ED.
Lost 2" length and a lot of girth. Late start, still VED, Cialis & Pentox helped. Prostate surgery 2014.
Got amazing support on the forum