Hard flaccid: My recovery, partial relapse, and plan for the future

[TheWillToBeef]

I have the condition that Dr. Trost on this forum calls "false" Peyronie's, aka hard flaccid/ CPPS. I had various symptoms between late 2021 and early 2024. Some of my symptoms:

• The classic HF symptom of constantly retracted flaccid penis
• Loss of erogenous sensation in my penis (but not my scrotum, oddly)
• Hourglass deformity in the semi-erect (but not fully erect) state
• A Peyronie's-like curve to the left that would be present until my penis was almost 90% erect, at which point it would suddenly straighten out (close examination revealed this to be related to the hourglassing; for some reason, my right side filled up much faster than my left side)
• Slight pain when fully erect, as if I'm stretching something I shouldn't be stretching
• Fully numb nocturnal erections
• Sharp nerve shocks in my coccyx that would sometimes wake me up at night
• Aches and pains in my left inguinal area
• Nerve pains / tingles in my left foot that would sometimes occur at the same time as a corresponding feeling in my penis

I originally believed I had Peyronie's because I was hyperfixated on the left curve, so I visited a urologist. Due to my coccyx/inguinal/foot symptoms, the urologist suspected a pelvic floor etiology and referred me to a PF therapist. Throughout the second half 2023 I did a series of PF stretches and exercises. My routine:

• Cat/cow
• Figure 4
• Elevated split squats
• Curtsy lunge
• Leg bridge
• Side planks
• Bear pose
• Doorway stretch
• Squat
• Child pose
• Happy baby
• Rectal dilation with a kit from Intimate Rose (yes, it actually helps!)

By late 2023 I was already noticing some degree of improvement from this routine.

Then in early 2024 I came to the realization that my relationship with porn probably qualifies as a sexual addiction. I read some of the online material about sex addiction and became deeply ashamed. This shame kept me from masturbating for almost 2 months. I didn't even think about my dick during this time because I was so deeply ashamed of my own sexuality (an unhealthy extreme, I know).

When I finally orgasmed again after 2 months, I felt a harsh pain in my stomach, like someone punched me in the gut. But something about it felt almost cathartic, like my body was releasing tension.

After this, for most of 2024 I was almost entirely symptom-free. There were some weeks where I entirely forgot I ever had HF. Hence why I was almost entirely absent from this forum during 2024.

But as I started to forget about my PF exercises and fell back into unhealthy masturbation habits (porn, edging, kegeling to achieve an erection, orgasming while hunched over a toilet, rubbing through my underwear and causing friction on the skin, etc.) some of the symptoms gradually came back.

Where I'm at right now:

• Erogenous sensation is lost again
• Flaccid retraction sometimes comes back
• Sometimes get hourglass deformity
• I once again have a curve, but for some reason it's now to the RIGHT instead of the left!
• Other symptoms haven't returned, thankfully, but if I keep up my unwise habits they very well might

However, I know from past experience that these symptoms aren't permanent. So the course of action seems obvious to me. I need to hop back on my PF exercises, and once again abstain from porn and masturbation for a while.

Key takeaways:

• Anxiety and online research was responsible for a lot of my behavior, be it hyperfixating on my curve and assuming I have Peyronie's, or learning about sex addiction and falling into a cycle of shame and guilt.
• If you have semi-erect deformities that go away when fully erect, you probably don't have Peyronie's, a condition which is most apparent when fully erect.
• If your symptoms are anything like mine, it's entirely possible and even likely that you can recover with enough diligence.
• That being said, if you slip back into bad habits like I did, the symptoms can come back.
• Recovery is about forming good habits, not one-and-done solutions.

Hope all this is helpful!