I think I have a good support network but multiple issues have been adding up. I always loved to do sports, when I first had this penile pain and indentation it helped me a lot, now I seem to have acquired some muscle metabolic condition where I have very weak muscles and they fatigue very fast. I can barely work out anymore, climbing steps I feel tired but not like I used to when I was lazy or fat, its a different kind of tiredness, like, there is pain in the muscles especially in the upper limbs, googling around it sounds like some kind of myopathy or something. I dont even know, my doctor has not found anything major but I will be seeing him this week again. sometimes I wonder whether I have gone totally crazy but there is no way this can be all in my mind. the penile pain, the muscle pain, the
Erectile Dysfunction and the muscle weakness(I used to be very active and now I feel like an 80yo physical wise being mid 20 though)
its just the same problem, when its not something totally obvious, doctors are not really up to the challenge, whether it is knowledge or time. I realized how much working out actually helped my mental health when I couldn't do it anymore. this has been the case since July now and I have not found a solution yet. at some point I will order something mad like a muscle biopsy to understand what is wrong with me. I also want to do a penile ultrasound to check for
fibrosis because I have pain every time I get an erection, pain that is deeper than that of the constriction due to the indentation ring(the hard tissue band constricting expansion)
as far as counselors go, you just have to keep looking. there is indeed a lot that are just reading from a script, doing "lip service" as I say, they say things that are meant to shut you up, comfortable lies that are meant to suffocate your suffering. that is not necessary, suffering is real and needs to be dealt with, not ignored and denied out of existence. I have seen many who just said its not a big deal.
one therapist thought my issue with my dick was because I was fearful that I cannot bear children. I had to explain that a) I do not give a
[email protected]< about children, I cant even take care for myself and b) there is an awful lot of things worse about peyroneis than not being able to bear children(not that this is even a thing). but others can understand very well and while they indeed may not have had this exact problem, there is a multitude of issues that someone can be dealing with that are on par with this
I very much agree with hawk on that knowing things alone does not work at all and you do have to apply it and work through it. I am not very good at this but I have definitely realized, sometimes you think you could help someone else with your "wisdom" but you cant even help yourself because you cannot translate it into action.
but in the end I still very much hope for improvement in the actual causes, I am not sure how well I could live with not being able to work out like I used to and not being able to have get any sexual satisfaction. however I can say that I do not think about killing myself anymore at all, it sucks but it needs to be worked out somehow, too much time has already been lost forever