In a dark and lonely place

[Ehiz]

I'm just here to vent, if that makes sense. Normally, I'm not one to open up about what's bothering me, but with no friends or anyone showing empathy, I have no where else to go. I finally told my family (elder sisters) about my condition yesterday and I didn't really get any emotional support from them. Although I'm not surprised, it just hit me really hard that I'm kinda alone in this struggle.

Like I've mentioned earlier, peyronies hit me when I was just about 14-15 years. This was before I had any chance to experience any sort of intimacy with a woman. At the time, I was at the peak of my teenage years, happy about the fact that I had a big penis and looking forward to all the sexual excitement that comes with puberty and early adulthood. Unfortunately, I found porn and developed a bad habit of rough masturbation, most times without lube. This is what I believe caused my peyronies.

Besides this, I've struggles and still struggle with a chronic case of crippling social anxiety that prevented me from attending college early. I'm finally in college and have decided to face my fears and improve my social skills. But the burden of peyronies has held me back from doing this. In a bid to secure a better financial future for myself so that I can singlehandedly treat peyronies and my other health conditions without relying on anyone, I am currently pursuing a tech certification in a high-paying field.

But as I sit here studying with my laptop, I wonder why I have to go through this. Why do I have to forgo my interests, passion, skills I'm good at, and time for social interaction for a high-paying field that would equip me with funds to treat this silly condition? I'm also wondering. Will I ever have time for a thriving social life again? I missed out on a lot while growing up due to social anxiety. And now I'm eager to build a social life in spite of my fears, but have no time all because I want to build a career that will help me treat peyronies.

I'm a very optimistic person and try to be positive when bad things happen to me. But what if positivity is not enough in this case?

[GaussRifle]

Ehiz, you are not alone and I empathize with every sentiment you have. I too experienced peyronies , before I could even lose virginity and haven't lost it since not from a lack of trying lol. I truly believe there are many men our age dealing with penis issues (due overflow of porn and naked images on the internet), not just peyronies like ED due to physical or mental state. What most of us dint realize is that penis is a very delicate organ and it comes with no user manual on how to use it.

You are doing the correct thing my building a good career. You can have a social life with it as well. A good career is very important though as it will equip you with money to seek whatever treatment you'd like.  

I too have my happy and depressed days like others but I know that in my shoes I am doing the best I can. That is all that matters. Don't compare your life to other people. You need to ensure that you made the most of your life given the circumstances you were dealt with. I am currently undergoing treatment and only time will tell how much I improve or if I need surgery or implant. But I am saving enough money for any circumstance. We are at the starting of our lives, we have no option but to do our best and make it !

[Ehiz]

Hi GaussRifle,

Thanks for the encouragement. Like you said, I guess building a high-paying career is the most logical step to take in my situation. It may not feel comfortable but I have to do what must be done. As for building a social life, I really hope you're right about that. But I believe teen and college years are the freest times of a person's life. After that, it's all about having a career, focusing on your wife and kids, and little socialising here and there. Either way, I shouldn't complain cause there are people who have it way worse than I do. The best I can do is focus on the present and do the best I can to treat this ailment.  

[Lostandsad]

You have a good mindset. Stronger than me emotionally. You'll probably do just fine in life. Keep venting here and talk to us, that's what we're here for. I hope you can get as close to cured as possible 🙏

[Mikel7]

Having a positive mindset and a goal at bettering your career is an excellent one!  You will make it through this and you will eventually have a social life.  I believe that our cell phones and technology has damaged
all of us socially. It is very awkward for people who are so used to texting to just actually talk one on one to another individual.  Cell phones have their place in life it is just we have made them our life.

[Ehiz]

Hi LostandSad,

Thanks for the encouragement and good wishes. I believe we all have the ability to be strong. It starts with a mindset, but it's easier said than done.

Hi Mikel,

Great insight! I agree. A lot of people have forgotten how to socialize thanks to smart phones. And COVID is not helping matters.