reoccurece has destroyed me completely

[porterrobinson]

i thought j had this beaten. i was in no way happy with how things went back earlier this year but as the progression has stopped i thoight that i had beaten this and wqs looking at a path to recovery. physically and mentally i have seen improvements.

the three weeks ago, a new indentarion right below glans with left side hourglassing, quite prominent, dick completely destabalized, other areas with small indents all along the penis seem to slowly activate, feeling is absolutely horrible as if someone has cut out a piece of girth of my dick. i am so young and after talking to my Dr we both have to F^@$!ng clue how this can happen twice in such a short time on two different places of the penis.

i am destroyed. i was genuinely recovering psychologically from almost a decade of depression. but i am losing this fight. this crap will haunt me forever, i wish id geg the normal case, curvature, stable phase, assess, treat and done. thats what is mostly desceibed to be like. but months and years of changes, then nothing dor half a yeqd and a reoccurence in a completepy healthy spot.

i hate whining but at this point i would never have sex with this penis. not just that it is non functional, non stable with the loss of girth at these positions but it also looks totally emberassing. and it feels bad to. asif someone just cut a piece out. and the weird tube like structures inside above each indentarion.

i was so looking forward to a normal sexual life. now this prospect is destroyed

how is this in the future going to look like?y future has never been bleaker at least in terms of sexuality, romance etc something i have never experienced in my entire life anyway

why do i geg this? i am helathy, super athletic, no risk factors, no drugs, no smoking, nothing. no diabetis, no jelquing or other damaging practices. no injuries

my doctors cant help me, dknt even do proper diagnostics. they say i have severe depression which is obviously true. of course i do. but?

no ultra sound, a quifk palpation, no plqque. no questiosn properly answered, 6 month waited, 75 mimutes waited despite appointment, 3 mimute talk, 1 min palpation and see you in 6 months in january. i have no idea what is going on with the tissue in my penis. with this new indentation and significant loss of girth. and the extreme soreness in that area, bruising. i just dont know.

he suggested abstain frok masturbation for 2 weeks and then reduce. i am in my early twenties and cant even masturbate like a normal himan being for 2 years now, not even talling about sex.

my dick is shortx deformed, silly and funny looking with ridges everywhere and two areas of narrowing and loss of girth and sensation. when i see and feel my penis i get sick to the stomach. really sick, i get desperate.


i have made progress in therapy but this is something my brain cannot integrate. it just doesnt work when your genitals seem to be getting destroyed more and more. im trying hard to not let it completely take me over but its incredibly bothersome. nobody could ever underatand aside from the people on this forum..  

[nemo]

I know the feeling that your penis has turned against you and is slowly destroying itself.

But one thing I want you to remember is that indentations, especially, are strange (as opposed to the rest of this hideously incomprehensible disease). We've seen numerous times on this forum that guys talk about indentations coming and just as mysteriously, going. I personally saw two indentations get worse during a flare of Peyronies Disease, then, a couple hears later, so slowly I didn't even realize it, I just realized one was gone completely, and the other was barely there.

So, while the "classic" Peyronies Disease has its merits (I'm being sarcastic), with a single plaque, single bend, and stable period that lasts forever after, I think if I were to be given a choice of a bend or a dent, I might well opt for the dent, as I have seen them improve before.

Just offering my thoughts.

Nemo

[porterrobinson]

years? what depression outlook to live with this for years and expect it to come again. not only can modern medicine not treat peyronies effectively, it can also barely impact the progression and not even stop it from occuring, you cant even prevent it from happening when you know it eventually will. i personally think dents are the worst thing about peyronies. at least for bends there is xiaflex, traction, hourglass deformities are hardest to treat, lwndon trost shares this sentiment very much so as well

[PeyroniKirai]

Hi porterrobinson
I'm sorry to hear this is depressing you so much.  You're right that the people on this forum can really understand what you're going through.  But we're not the only people who can understand depression caused by a loss:  counselors and psychotherapists can understand too.  I want to encourage you to start talking with one who can help you improve your emotional state.  
 Right now, you are struggling with two problems:  one is in your penis, and the other is in your mind.  All of us have a penis that doesn't look or work exactly the way we want it to -- that's why we're here.  But in addition to your Peyronie's, you are also letting your own mental state cause you even more pain.  The Peyronie's Disease may improve over time, and treatments may be found that can help you.  And maybe not - but we still have to keep our heads up and live our lives.  
 So please, find a mental health professional you can work with.  You need to overcome your feelings of being "destroyed".  You are not destroyed.  You are depressed.  Depression is an illness and it can be treated.  You can control it and many people make great recoveries.  It it will take work, and you will need help and guidance.  Don't let the problem in your penis cause such a big problem in your head.  
 I say this as someone who has been there, like all of us on this forum.  Trust me, you can allow yourself to feel better.

[nemo]

Wise words, PeyronieKiraie.

Nemo

[Curvekiller94]

This might be a blessing in disguise. Maybe it will heal but If it doesn't you could get an implant like torto and be ridded of the worry of reoccurrence. I have decided that I am pretty much going to ignore my disease and if it gets worse I'll just get an implant. If it stays the same I'll stay the same. But I can't spend the last few years of my 20's worrying if my dick will cooperate or not. If you think things have gotten remarkably worse and sex isn't possible. I think it would save you a lot of grief just getting the implant. Plus hawk is right. What girl doesnt want to hear you can last forever literally.  

[porterrobinson]

this is beyond ridiculous. and its nowhere near as bad where an implant would ever be considered. no doctor in their right mind would do it. and i do not eat this at all, getting a penis penis pump installed is almost as not having a working penis at all. i havd a host of other issues with my body and getting a complwtely unnecesaary implant is certainly not going tk make anything better. everyone on this forum only considers their own personal experience and situation which is honesfly pretty sad. now go ahead and tell me that since its not bsd enough to rewuire and implant, there is NotHinG I ShoUld worry about? i find myaelf in a situation where i have to question eithef i am beyond help psychologically completely mentally ill or in fact, most people just do not get it and also do not try and just consider their own worn ojt talking points. an implant at my age is pathetic af, a semi working dick which narrowing even if theoretically i can carefully put my dicj in a vagina anatomicaly wise and havd mediocre and unsatisfying careful sex woth a penis that just does not feel right to me anymore is also depressing af. there is no proper choice  

[markdubby]

man you are clearly quite stressed but a 20 degree curve and intendation isn't as bad as you think. with some steady daily traction you can probably fix it in 6 months. i had a total of 3 plaques, each with a 25 degree curvature in various places and locations.

i'm on the third (hopefully last one) at the base which has been the worst one so far. i'd say my case is much worse than yours but its important to keep your spirits up and fight to cure this disease with the available treatments.

if they dont work there is the comfort in knowing there are further solutions (implant or surgery) but give it a year or so to see if other things (traction and VED) work for you.

[Curvekiller94]

I tried traction for months and didn't see any results. I have too busy of a schedule to worry about that. Plus with cialis I get too many erections and it's a huge inconvenience. I've just decided it works or I get an implant. At least then I will be able to resume my old sex life whether I am in pain or not. I will no longer think my dick my snap during sex and to me it is worth it. If sex seriously isn't an option or you can only be extremely careful and you don't even enjoy it I still think it's a good option. I'm not saying go do it now. I'm saying if it keeps bothering you and doesn't get better it's a good option. I was trying to give you light at the end of a very dark tunnel. I used to be a sex machine now not so much and I'm missing my old life. If this keeps up personally getting implanted might be my best option. Idc if I have to pump up woth my current one i can take cialis and have a girl sucking it and it's still not good enough for sex a lot of times.

[PeyroniKirai]

everyone on this forum only considers their own personal experience and situation which is honestly pretty sad. ... there is no proper choice

Hey porterrobinson,
I know you're in pain and you're venting a bit but I just want to call you out on one point.  You said "everyone in this forum only considers their own personal experience and situation", and that is exactly correct.  This is a forum, which means a place for discussion.  We are not urologists or psychologists.  We are all suffering from Peyronie's Disease and we have assembled here to have constructive and informative discussion with each other.  Everyone wants to help, and everyone wants to be helped.  That's the nature of this forum, so don't get down on people for considering their own experience.  That's all we know!
 As for your final sentence in the post, "there is no proper choice" - that's just not true.  There are many choices.  This forum exists to help people learn from others, so we can learn what choices there are and how good they seem to be.  Many of us remember when we had bigger stronger dicks, and many of us were able to blow chicks away with our prowess.  For most men, when they're 80 or 90 that will be nothing more than a memory anyway, but if you have Peyronie's it could happen much sooner.  It's not the end of your life.  It's a time to re-evaluate your own thinking, your emotional state, and your options.  
 Stay positive !!

[markdubby]

dude relax, i was just around 4 inch (pre-peyronies) and loosing a lot at the moment. the conception that you need a gigantic dick to "plow chicks" is completely idiotic. i have been in numerous serious and non serious relationships with hot girls and trust me none of them is looking for plowing with a gigantic dick. you dont need a massive dick to please a woman, you need a functional dick that you know how to use properly, as well as 2000 other things that a woman needs to orgasm (which rarely involve only your dick )

my dick is full of scars at the moment (both lateral sides are pretty much fully covered by old and new scars) and i have a 20 degree bend at the base and have lost quite a lot of length, girth and so on.

am i giving up? sometimes! but overall i am continuing with treatment and seeing where it leads. life is short but also very long and this is a challenge that sadly we have to face, your mindset will determine how you will come out of this. sitting on a forum and picking fights with people trying to help you (on your thread) is not really going to straighten your dick so you should drop this attitude and give yourself some more time with the treatments to see if you can get somewhere. sadly its a long battle to fight for all of us but you need to change your mindset to that of a winner.

even if you were to get implanted eventually remember taht knowing how to use it will always be more important than size.

just my 2 cents  

[Kobegianna]

I hope all of us get better. But it is literally the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. I sometimes laugh at the things I used to be stressed about. But this has also opened my mind to have more empathy. I also thought depression was something that you can just brush off. I always judged people who had depression and thought they were weaK. But having experienced this I completely understand what real depression is and what those people went through. Let's just be there for each other. Have a good day people