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Author Topic: Is there life after a pandemic, Peyronie's, and Erectile Dysfunction?  (Read 265 times)

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Event_Horizon

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I'm less than a week out from my appointment with Dr. Levine. The Cialis is fully out of my system and getting an erection, maintaining an erection, and just feeling happy in general is a struggle. Every problem in life feels like the end of the world. I had my first intense panic attack today, complete with hyperventilating, crying so much my eyes hurt, shivering, and curling up into the fetal position just to make it stop.

If I think about the strong, happy, confident man I was before this pandemic, it gives me some degree of comfort. I can almost deflect the blame and convince myself "without a pandemic, this would have never happened." I'm not even wrong. The injury happened at my parents' house, in the summer, on the couch, late at night. I would have never been in that position at that time if not for the pandemic. Still, this has been too much to bear.

I feel my life has been shattered. I don't want to date. My friends still love me (although I almost can't understand why), my family still loves me even though all I do is call them to express how sad and frightened I am, I have lost significant muscle mass, gained some weight, and the only thing I see in the mirror is the sullen stare of a man who had everything and lost it all.

I might never have even had Peyronie's. What if it's just a wound? It's been almost 10 months with this wound though, and I feel that I may carry this scar with me for the rest of my life. I don't understand how healing could possibly continue this late into the game. I feel sunk.

Once the erectile dysfunction started, it was like my body and my mind officially went to war. My body hates my mind for giving it an injury to heal, and my mind hates my body for its dysfunction. This is an internal struggle that I can't see resolving. Neither side wants to give a millimeter. Every erection I attain is simply to check to see if anything has gotten better or worse. The pleasure is gone. It's all just a test, and I can't pass.

So that's it. I am officially broken. Everything from here is rebuilding from ashes. There's no foundation. There's no drive. Can a man rebuild a life from this? Can I become the happy man I once was? I'm 24 and I'm not ready for this to be my life. But I'm losing the strength to fight.

A prayer a liked growing up was the Prayer for Generosity: "God, teach me to be generous. Teach me to serve You as You deserve, to give and not to count the costs, to fight and not the heed the wounds, to toil and not to seek for rest, to labor and not to ask for reward, save that of knowing that I do Your will." I struggle with this prayer. I can't stop heeding my wounds, counting my costs, and just screaming for rest.

If anyone rebuilt their life from the ash heap, I would love to hear from you. I want nothing more than to be a story that can be told on this forum of "a man who overcame this wretched condition." If that can happen, I will never forget the lessons learned from this trauma, and I hope it will make me a kinder, more loving, and more compassionate man in life. Thank you for listening.
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24 yrs old
injury July, diagnosed October 2020: "Very minimal thickening on right side near base."
Curve 4 degrees left. Lump & indentation on right ~1-2 mm. Mild Erectile Dysfunction.
Ultrasound scheduled April 2021.
Tadalafil + L-Arginine + CoQ10. Starting VED

Mikel7

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You are going to make it !!  SLAP SLAP ACCROSS YOUR FACE!!  I'm trying to tell you that all of us guys in the onset of this terrible disease/plague have been right where you are!  Slow down - calm down. You will pull thorugh this. You have a protocol now work it. I read where you do enjoy exercising/weightlifting etc... Push your self to a regular weekly/daily schedule and stick to it. Get your mind off of your dilema and sorrow and despair.  This will take you down the wrong road brother. You are 24 and have a lot of living ahead of you and you will find a girl and get married etc...  Life does not stop.  Now if you feel that you need counseling then find a good counselor and/or possibly meds.

 I will tell you that I have been to hell and back several times in my 60 years on planet earth - but I didn't stay there.  The worst thing I have had to deal with was when I turned 43 and I started having no erections and no libido and lost a lot of my muscle mass.  Long story short and thousands of tests my testicles stopped making testosterone and no doctor could answer why?  I went through about 7 different physicians over the course of 2 1/2 years before I found a top notched hormone specialist who got me on the correct medication to at least make me feel normal again. Now normal for me is taking injections every day.   I know what suffering physically/mentally is.  Yet I am still alive and kicking. 

  When my peyronies started I was devastated too. I experienced all of the emotions that you are experiencing.  I saw several Dr's and started treatment and then things got a hell of a lot worse.  I had sudden hearing loss in both of my ears with severe tinnitus and hyperacusis.  Which means I couldn't listen to normal sounds because it literally hurt my ears.  This was accompanied with the most terrible migraine symptoms and neck pain with a ringing sound louder than my voice.  ENT's were worthless and so I had to find a brain/ear surgeon to treat me.  I have been on a medical leave sice August of 2020 and don't ever know if I can ever live a normal life.  I am trying the best I know to live a somewhat normal life and not focusing on the future. I don't worry about tomorrow becaus I just take it one day ata time.

   Listen to me.  Get back to doing the thiings you used to enjoy and force yourself to do it! Don't obsess over medical journals. Educate yourself on your condition and tell yourself you are going to make it!!  Today is a new day  - fresh with no mistakes in it.   :)  Mike
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Lump April 2020, age 60 , Dr Levine 6-26-20,
Dorsal Curve 11-1-20 , Peyronies
Vit E400mg, COQ10, ALCAR, Heat Therapy, Penimaster, Pentox, Cialis
had SNHL 7-31-20 - Stopped all Meds because ototoxicity  Heat/traction/VED are working.

Pfract

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Hey Event. I don't remember hearing your story, but you say that you are a week out from your appointment with Dr. Levine. It is very good that you are working towards addressing your problem.

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Once the erectile dysfunction started, it was like my body and my mind officially went to war. My body hates my mind for giving it an injury to heal, and my mind hates my body for its dysfunction. This is an internal struggle that I can't see resolving. Neither side wants to give a millimeter. Every erection I attain is simply to check to see if anything has gotten better or worse. The pleasure is gone. It's all just a test, and I can't pass.
So that's it. I am officially broken. Everything from here is rebuilding from ashes. There's no foundation. There's no drive. Can a man rebuild a life from this? Can I become the happy man I once was? I'm 24 and I'm not ready for this to be my life. But I'm losing the strength to fight.

This was the part that made me think the most about your post.  I had some very similar feelings to you back when i fractured my penis in August 2014... I was for weeks lying in bed all dark in my room just crying.... only having energy to go to work and then repeating... i was self loathing so much i did not even wanted to shower.... but i slowly with the help of my family climbed out of the hole somewhat and decided to start taking steps to address my problem. It was very hard throughout the years with a lot of ups and downs but it is paying off. I understand your feelings. I really do. There's so many feelings and emotions that are shared when suffering with Erectile Dysfunction no matter the root cause...... This board has helped me immensely... i hope it can do the same for you too. There are solutions for Erectile Dysfunction that make it very manageable and most important thing is to not ignore it and pretend it's not affecting you deeply....



Recently somebody recommended this website to me: https://www.betterhelp.com/
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BetterHelp is the largest online counseling platform worldwide. We change the way people get help with facing life's challenges by providing convenient, discreet and affordable access to a licensed therapist. BetterHelp makes professional counseling available anytime, anywhere, through a computer, tablet or smartphone. 

I plan to try it out soon. I hope you find some help there.

20yo

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hey Event. I can totally relate to all you've said really.
the sense of being lost, the guilt, self esteem shattering.
the looking back at who i once was, someone i would consider strong, independent, thirsty for life and new experiences.
the hate for my body.
the "i will never date again".
the feeling of completely giving up, feeling like there will never be improvement and life is over.

With time, or better with work on myself, I AM doing progress! I now can enjoy spending time with my friends, while months ago Peyronies Disease would have been on the back of my mind always.
I am studying, while i used to be completely devastated and couldn't concentrate.
Ofc i still have very very dark moments. But don't we all? Of all my close friends, nobody can say they are "happy" and carefree. They are probably more serene than me, but they still have their darkness.
Truth is, the way I see it, life often is really hard. It's rare to have a life without struggles, a "good" life. Life is often more like a war.
Sometimes you have to struggle to do the simplest of things. That's probably when it's most important to fight and to do them.
But once you get into the right mindset and you start doing things, with the right stimuli, it gets more natural and your brain rewards you with good chemicals.

Aside from my personal consideration, which are subjective, i can tell you a fact.
A year ago i was big time devastated and could barely get out of house.
Now i am far from "happy" but i study, i hang out with my friends, i have some dreams and aspirations.
Hopefully this can show you that there is hope for improvement in mental health.
Logged
20 yo, Peyronies Disease 2020(55 degrees down) + congenital curve
loss of length, stable erection, sensation. hourglassing
antioxidants, hyaluronic acid injected & oral, maybe Yachia in future
Recently started VED 2x a week
Still wants sex and a relationship

Benraycamp0

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Hey man, you are almost to your appointment with Dr. Levine where you will get some hard answers. We will figure out whether your mild Erectile Dysfunction is true and whether you have Peyronies Disease.

So no, you are not “officially broken”. On top of all that, your deformity is not bad at all. I know that it might sound unsympathetic since we know how psychologically devastating Peyronies Disease is for every man no matter how bad it is, but we have to face the truth at some point - our penis will most likely never be exactly what it was before BUT we will 100% get it to a point where it’s functional and can satisfy ourselves and our partners.

That last part is more of a mental block than anything. But it’s sometimes the hardest to overcome. I’ve found nothing beats objective evidence from a doctor. I say this after pretty much wasting my last 5 months when looking at the goals I had for 2021. Looking back, the only regret I have was not accepting quick enough my condition and understanding that I am going to have to live it with it whether I like it or not. I'm still not 100% there, but I am getting much closer to accepting this and being confident with what I have. At the end of the day, all that matters is whether or not you are functional. Once that is achieved, we have to fight and move on because there's a whole world of awesome living out there if we just let go of our "happy life" that we had before Peyronies Disease.

So let’s wait to hear Dr. Levine’s diagnosis and opinion. I’m praying hard that he finds no signs of physical Erectile Dysfunction and Peyronie's Disease is not present.
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26 years old. 20 degree upward curve with slight clockwise twist. Symptoms onset Dec 20.
Dr. Levine says it's not Peyronie's Disease but a slow healing wound. Saw him Mar 21 and May 21.
Traction (PMP) and supplements per Dr. Levine's recommendation.

Wilson

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Benraycamp0, Did Dr. Levine say that we will never return our old members back? Maybe, is it possible to return our old members or at least similar? So, could you ask, please from Dr Levine - could we return something at least similar? These thoughts does not give me a rest, almost 24/7 in my head. Again, Apologize for too much curious questions as I don’t have access to famous peyronie specialists now, due to stupid Covid and my backward country. So, that’s why I give you a questions. Sincerely.
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Young and regularly thinking about this issue
Peyronie's without curvature since April 2012 due to injury
Almost constant discomfort and Loss of penile sensation
Still fighting - trying to find a top famous specialist

Old Man

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Note to all about getting your original size and shape AFTER Peyronies Disease:

Since each and every penis is not exactly the same size and does not confirm to a standard one size fits all, each person's case fits to its own, etc.

Some recovery everything as original, but every one configures to its own configuration AFTER ANY THERAPY OR TREATMENT. Also, any surgery also contribute to this procedure. So, try to take this into consideration to cope with your own case.

Old Man
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Age 91. Peyronies Disease at age 24, Peyronies Disease after radical prostatectomy in 1995, Heart surgery 2004 with three bypasses/three stents.
Three more stents in 2016. Hiatal hernia surgery 2017 with 1/3 stomach reduction.
Many other surgeries in the last 10 years.

Wilson

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Old Man, Many Thanks for your reply. All the Best. Sincerely.
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Young and regularly thinking about this issue
Peyronie's without curvature since April 2012 due to injury
Almost constant discomfort and Loss of penile sensation
Still fighting - trying to find a top famous specialist
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